May 2020 (exactly a month ago), my life was changed forever. My mom passed away unexpectedly from an undetected acute abdomen probably ruptured PUD. I still avoid the questions on what happened that morning. The trauma I got on that dawn was extremely painful for me to recall that may burst my emotions back on that morning. I felt completely shattered and didnβt know how to process what happened still today. It felt like a bad dream from which I desperately wanted to wake up from. How could someone so lively, so vibrant, so meaningful to be unresponsive. I have harbored a strong guilt ever since momβs passing. I constantly wonder, was she in pain all this years but never said so? Were there signs that I missed? If I had woken up sooner that morning would there have been a better chance of saving her? Why did this happen? So many questions swirl inside of me. A mixture of emotions have built up within meβ confusion, anger, sadness. The magnitude of the loss of my mom feels greater and greater, because the numbness has worn off. The harsh reality of life without her is not yet sinking in, yet I donβt think I will ever be able to completely adjust to it. My mom was my EVERYTHING and I always imagine her by my side. She was such a core part of my life that a huge void grew inside me after she passed away. With time I have started viewing this internal void differently, though; maybe it is not a void but a footprint my mom left on my heart. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of mom. There is not a day that I did not shed tears. I hope she knew how much I love her and how much I still do. I terribly miss her physical presence, her hugs, voice, touch. I wish I could embrace her one more time and Iβll never let her go. I will forever carry the weight of her love with me. I find comfort in knowing that I have my dad and brother with me. We are each otherβs greatest support system and I am grateful for their unconditional love. I aspire to memorialize my mom through my writing and continue my life in honor of her. She may be gone here physically but sheβs breathing inside me ever in my heart. I love you mommyβ€οΈ https://www.instagram.com/p/CB5OCoKJgXG/?igshid=1kdc245ts8k06
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