just a papercut.

         “Oh! It looks like…this bear I tried hunting!” Is she falling for it? Most likely.

   “mmmmarrrc, marc, marc  -----”   fingers comb through the young boy’s hair, ruffling it affectionately  ( almost obnoxiously )  before patting at his head to the tune of how he says the name that spills from his tongue with ease. it’s hard not to bother someone sitting alone, and ether is a professional at being a nuisance. whether or not that was welcomed or not, depended on the person.   “what are you doing sitting here alone, hm? care to share?”

          He didn’t understand. Morgan didn’t let her pain define her actions. If anything, she could stand to be a bit more serious around others. They were always commenting about how carefree she was, how she always had a smile on her face even in the midst of her craziest ideas. How she was so friendly, how much she cared. Did that look like the actions of someone who was letting their pain dictate their actions? Everything else was based on pure instinct. What the back of her mind told her she should do. She never gave any real thought to it, she just did it.

          What did any of this have to do with pain?

          With another breathless exhale, she finally looks over at her father. He was a lot closer than what she had anticipated…she must have let her guard down. But did this mean she was becoming slightly comfortable with him? Even subconsciously?

         “How can I come to terms with something I still don’t believe in? I look at my nightmares…and you’re nothing like him. You’re a bit…strange. But strange isn’t bad. At least, not to me it isn’t. And nothing I can think of can explain the possible change, or if it even is possible at this point.”

          There’s just the smallest tilt of her head to the side as she tries to once again, figure out something she knows nothing about. After a moment though, she gives up and simply leans back. Letting herself fall into her father’s lap to at least try and momentarily rest. Glancing up at his face, she gives a shake of her head before mumbling gently.

         “…You’re not afraid of anything though…what could you possibly be running from?”

   “i seem nothing like him because the ‘me’ from that time does not exist here. he has yet to exist, and hopefully never will. even if he did, by the time he came to be, you would surely be long gone doing your own things and having your own adventures.”   ether laughs dryly,   “not that i intend on letting myself become a man who would treat his children the same way that... other one has. maybe meeting you and marc and learning of what i become is the change itself?”   he wonders, perhaps, if the case would be different if he hadn’t become an amnesiac as he had. while naturally he doesn’t know the reason, it doesn’t take a genius to know that he definitely hadn’t been an amnesiac his entire life. some time in the past, he had a life and a place to call home, maybe even a mother and father...

   he wonders if they think of him now, if they exist at all. do they worry? or, did they not care at all whether he was present or not? maybe it’s best if they don’t look for him, or only learn of what became of him once he’s dead from this foul curse to save them the heartache and never-ending fear that would inevitably lead to coddling.

   ( that’s exactly why he aims to die with this secret of his. )

   a pause. ether stares down at his daughter’s face, the curiosity in her eyes, but no matter how much she wishes to know of what he truly means... he can’t tell her. the apologetic way he smiles says as much, eyes closing with a small, noncommittal hum.

so when he gets exposed by validar as validar’s son and grima’s vessel and people (his kids, the biggest ones) put the pieces together why he gets injured so much and realize it’s much more than just being clumsy, he doesn’t know what to do. ether is all cool and collected but when it comes out he has no idea what to do with himself because he can feel how concerned everyone is and so he just holes himself up.

         Her brother was all she had for so long. And they got along and agreed on almost everything. The very idea of their twin synergy is what made Morgan assume that she and he were the same. Who did Ether think he was to just show up and try to dissuade those notions from her? Why wouldn’t he let her cling to the one thing that she could still cling to as truth? 

          She no longer knew her father. He was a kind man, someone who obviously cared a great deal about she and Marc. But he was not someone she knew. Not someone she could read or understand either. How was she supposed to make sense of this? Anxious. It made her extremely anxious to the point she wanted to just hide and do nothing. But that wasn’t allowed. If Marc wouldn’t do it, she wouldn’t either. He was someone who kept fighting, and she would too. Because they’re the same. Besides, fighting was safer than hiding, after all. At least in her mind that’s how it went.

          All she wanted to do…was continue to live by her brother’s side.

          All she wanted was the loving father that she felt she and Marc had earned.

         “…Why can’t I ignore it?! If you want me to move on from it, wouldn’t it be better to ignore it? To not acknowledge it? What do you do, Father, when someone is bothering you and you’re not allowed to hex them? You ignore them. You ignore them until they leave you be and then you go on with your day. Why won’t you allow Marc and I to do the same? Why can’t–” She stops short of her little tirade before just exhaling. No inhale, just an exhale. Letting all the air out of her lungs and practically deflating herself. “…I’m sorry. There’s no use in arguing with you because you’ll just press your point once more. But if it’s not present in our lives anymore…why does it plague us so?”

   ether’s eyes close in the same moment morgan speaks, as if he had already anticipated the raising of her voice. her anger is understandable, and he won’t refute it. he deserves to be given such a response, as his actions towards her and marc are nothing that should go ignored  --  even if that’s exactly what he does, but this is merely because their sense of morality differs. where he believes that no criticism is necessary so long as no one is physically injured, morgan and others will argue otherwise.

   and their point is made, he files it away for later, but he still believes that he must maintain the lives of others over their mentality in the long run. if they’re not alive to even recover from any damage of the psyche in the first place, there’s really no point to begin with. ether is no stranger to the concept of a damaged psyche himself, but he wanted to believe at some point he would overcome it so long as he lived...

   if he lived, given his predicament.

   now’s not the time to think about that, though. it can wait until nightfall when he retires for the night, as it always does.

   “just because it’s in the past doesn’t mean how it affected you goes away. surely, the pain  --  the aftereffects of all you’ve been through  --  may remain, but your pain is not who you are, nor does it have to define you or your actions. if you don’t come to terms with it, you will never be your complete self. even i have things about myself i wish i could run away from, that i’ve had to come to terms with so i can keep going and not let that hinder me.”

   “hmm? gaius, huh? now, why would you want to bring him up?”

   gaius  --  the interesting, strange candy thief they had met during validar’s attack and attempt on emmeryn’s life. ether remembers their first meeting well, as the man-for-hire stood out among the same-faced soldiers of plegia that had come to attack them. the fact he abandoned those he hired so easily in favor of sweets was hilarious, but it was the first thing ether ever found endearing about the man as well.

   gaius, the clever man with clever hands, capable of breaking into anything. the unobtainable could be his, it was just a lock-pick away.

   ( maybe that’s a clever euphemism to explain how he wormed his way into ether’s life, his heart, had become so important that it was hard to ignore how fatherly he acted towards ether’s children from the future, as if the relationship they could have  should have  was already set in stone  ----- )

   “well, he’s a very reliable man! he’s saved me more times than i can count, always brings me back to camp when i get wasted in taverns, patches me up when lissa or maribelle is busy  --  oh, and he catches me first thing in the morning so i don’t trip out of my tent like usual. very reliable indeed! i don’t know where i’d  --  i mean, the shepards, would be without someone so smart with such a unique skill-set.”

   “yes, yes, there are so many positive things to say about him! but i think what i just listed is enough to suffice, right?”

HMMMMMMMMMM

“What can one expect when he just so happens to be mine and Validar’s child?”