V i n 🐾

DO NOT read after the triggers if you do not wanna read about the mentions. this is a vent.

TRIGGER WARNINGS

mentions of ed, dying, sh, extreme mental health issues.

hi this is awkward! but recently ive been struggling with my mental health, its to the point i stay up late into a bad psychosis, then sleep my day away and repeat. ive struggled with an ed, and sh, and more mental health related issues.

recently with this bad mental issues ive been having they appear to be showing back through once more. things that has happened while ive been in a bad mental state is, of course, sh, an ed showing back up, obsession, psychosis, heavy emotions and frankly not wanting to, stay solid on this earth to put it. and as I was saying they have been showing through again, I have recently stopped eating as much due to possibly the lack of sleep and bedrotting I do, ive had thoughts to sh once more, as it has been a coping mechanism for some time. and ive become freakishly obsessing over the little things, example, not being someone's main person.

I do have bpd (bipolar personality disorder) and that affects everything to into making my mental health worse. as it affects my emotions as it switches so often, I do split often, and it intensifies my anger which affects people around me, my support system. and frankly I think thats why my mental health has been so bad, my support system has been affected due to it.

but, alot has been going on recently, family wise, relationship wise, the past being brought back into my head. it has affected my mental state to the point i do stop eating, not to mention my doctor calling me overweight last time I was there (early june). my urges to sh have came back aswell as again, it was a coping mechanism, and it just seems as thats my only solution to everything, and the urge to be a ghost has been getting stronger because it does feel like I am holding everyone back in some way.

i am taking meds to help these things, but I think I just need something new, something stronger. because whatever is going on isnt helping me and what my goal is in life. to obviously stay alive and start a family. but its been really hard and just, everything going on.

but yeah, this was my vent, im sorry if you read all the way through this, I just needed somewhere to put these gruesome thoughts.