āļøāļøBack to basicsāļøāļø
My search for a Dom is on the back burner. My heart hurts from the Alpha ābreaking upā with me, BUTā¦I read a long time ago some wise words from Andy Warhol. Paraphrased, he said as soon as you stop looking for something or wanting something so hard it will fall into your lap.
My plan moving forward is to just be a good faggot maintaining a sort of stasis. I have a semi-structured plan that I have been working on, privately named after one of my mutuals.
This is what I am thinking:
1. Be a good submissive husband. Passive & sweet like he likes. Sometimes he will feel horny & want me to service him. Sometimes he will just ignore me. Thatās ok. Thatās my marriage & it is what it is. The very things that make him such a stereotypical top & attract me to him are the very things that sometimes make me feel bad but that is nobodyās problem but mine. I do love him.
2. I will stay caged. Self-enforcement. I did learn from one of the Doms who vanished on me (the Master Key dude) that it DOES feel good to stay caged & to only cum from being fucked. I am very lucky that I can cum this way so I will focus on that. Cum via toy or when my husband fucks me.
3. I will re-read all of Eli Boundās books, looking for ideas & inspiration.
4. I will commit to working out & eating better, with the focus on doing it rather than any results. No ālose ten poundsā or anything like that. Mostly justā¦I need to eat better & commit to hitting the gym a handful of times per week.
Someday a dom will come along who sees me & thinks āthatās exactly what Iāve been looking for, an older tattooed guy who wants to please meā and we will have the right vibe. Not too clinical, not too insanely dark. They will allow me the privilege of being an online slave & being their fag. Willing to do almost whatever to please them. But in return, I want the type of Dom who is going to let me know that Iāve pleased them.
I am okay with an unequal dynamic in terms of messaging & images. It is natural that the sub should be on camera naked & vulnerable a lot, and perhaps will be the more verbose one in texts, telling the Dom what a privilege it is to serve them. But as I have mentioned before, what I am not okay with is a Dom who refuses to show themselves EVER. And the reason is not because I think I deserve it or anything, the reason is that my brain links that with insecurity & I simply choose not to serve someone like thatā¦.although I have made an exception to this in the past. I am also not okay with being left for days with no messages at all. I am okay with being āput on the shelfā when youāre not horny & have no need for me. But could you at least tell me thatās what is going on? Can you not say āI am busy today boy, I will text you tomorrowā AND as a bonus it would be nice to have a Dom who has the foresight to give you other things to occupy your time in their absence. (āWrite me an erotic storyā, āClean your home nakedā, ābe sure to practice xyz while I am awayā)
I will find you. I know you are out there. Maybe youāre having the same problem on your side, you keep having subs that arenāt quite right.
And in the meantime, I will keep myself busy working on being a better submissive faggot in my own way, until someone comes along to tell me what they want.
