Meiko had far too much on her mind. It was one thing to merely be the Warrior of Light's sister, and an entirely different thing to be the 'prophesized' Warrior of Darkness. A title she disliked for more than responsibility-related reasons.
Maybe this was divine punishment for cringing at Fray's monologues when they first spoke them to her.
Still, she had managed to absorb two Lightwardens so far. That was progress. But knowing that her brother and the other Scions' bodies grew weaker in the Source by the minute -- perhaps faster -- was an ever-present worry in her mind. She couldn't just be successful, she had to be successful and quick. Even now, as exhausted as she had been after talking late into the night with Ardbert, she felt restless enough to rise. Fortunately, if Ardbert was still watching her, he didn't interrupt her decision to slip out for a walk.
Even at this late hour -- it must have been well past midnight -- the Crystarium hummed quietly with activity. Crafters carrying on with their tasks, a few folks milling by the market boards. It felt like the people of the Crystarium were so thankful to have night returned to them, that they'd sacrifice sleep just to experience it a bit longer. It was sweet and she was happy to help those in need.
Yet still, there was an emptiness in her chest that she couldn't quite shake. Something known and yet unspoken -- at least for now.
If the Exarch had successfully summoned A'kihiko as a whole being, rather than the shade of solid aether as he and the others were now, Meiko would not be here. There would have been no need for her, just like there would have been no need for her in that fight against Elidibus on the frontline.
Convenience was the phrase that resonated in her mind. Her brother was taken out of play by chance -- little more than a miscalculated spell -- and she was the only viable substitution. A last ditch effort. And even when she performed adequately (or better), it was difficult not to feel like an impostor.
Of course, if she said these words out loud she would receive platitudes and reassurances and encouragement... appreciated, but not what she needed. Hell, she didn't even know what she needed or wanted to hear.
"Pah," she scoffed, shaking her head. Her voice was low, speaking only to herself. "Stop it, Mei. Thinkin's no yer strong suit for a reason."
Her feet had carried her out onto the bridges that extended out from the Rotunda, giving her a measure of privacy as she stopped by a railing to stare out at Lakeland.
There was so much on her mind -- her brother, the Scions, the Lightwardens, Ardbert, everything happening back home and that damned Ascian showing up earlier -- but when she tried to focus on a single subject, her mind felt everything was on fire.
Hopefully, a few minutes of peace would help her at least grow tired enough to get back into bed.
