Uncanny Teratoid

stop thinking for a second and enjoy what life is offering to you

Leave quiet people alone. Stop forcing them to talk if they don’t want to.

I guess that’s why they have so many plates.

I want to know whose fault this is.

Sometimes I just don’t wanna talk.. it’s not that deep fam

I got a tattoo of Casper the friendly ghost on my thigh. When I would slap it, he’d whisper the answers to my math test to me. If anyone else tried to slap it, Casper would say “not so friendly now, huh?” and then proceed to choke them.

man, paying attention to who’s posting these makes a huge difference

to the prankster who put “the moon” as the address on their online pizza delivery order: thanks a whole dang lot. i was up there for like ten minutes just aimlesly waiting, ringing the doorbell, kicking moon rocks around

if your husband keeps eating your kids just replace one of them with a rock and he’ll choke on it. then when that kid grows up he’ll force your husband to throw up all his brothers and sisters and use his new divine army to overthrow him and all his bullshit friends

isn’t this like a greek myth

it’s just common sense

(งツ)ว on my way to fuck things up

How do you politely tell someone that you want them naked on top of you