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everything and everyone is a lil too temporary for me

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I just think it’s funny that today, the first day of pride month I randomly thought about the play I wrote my freshman year of high school based on my ambiguous relationship w my childhood best friend

#to make matters worse I did a live reading of it in english class.#16 years later and I have literally no idea what possessed any of this #I wish I could find the copy and reread it #all I remember is the class actually gasping at some part and thinking I had done my big one #why did the teacher let it happen omg 💀

it ai t the clothes it’s ME

#serve or

not to be super fucking annoying but like I get kafka

#I too don’t want anyone to ever see my art & I wanna #d!e

if I think for more than .5 seconds tho I become a hater fr

#bc wym u thought this this and that and yet…#tuh. ok

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things always kinda feel like I gotta go kiss some sand.

and how could I expect anything less this weekend.

b uut. I also do feel gratitude.

maybe it’s politeness. maybe it’s more. I wouldn’t be able to tell u. and still it feels like something to acknowledge.

#the person’s confessions tonight were #not a stranger #but not me #and I wish them well #they’re gonna need it !

almost felt my knee pop outta place on the dance floor rip

cant stop thinking bout the things u say

#im trapped #but this cage door is wide open

last chance !!

i’ve decided this is it.

#i’m not gonna keep dragging this out

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dk what I was feeling earlier in the week, but frm that ambivalence I gathered that a lot of what i’m looking for is a bandaid

#I guess I knew that tho?#like the draw to a lot of this is freedom frm responsibilities and life and expectations #it’s evident in the language we use #but I always just thought it was play #until idk this week when I was discussing this out loud and I just didn’t want to self regulate #I was feeling raw and physically tired #and was feeling restless that I had to care for myself

oh no

#i’m going #insane #why is nothing ever enough #I always need more #I need it now #and there’s nothing I can do

would love to die but I can’t bc I haven’t cleaned my room

maybe

#I should b like 100% sober #my brain is kicking my ass

not me tryna talk bout a 15+ y old article in da club 🧎‍♀️

#it’s relevant I swear #and there’s a recent article that relates pls listen

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escapism but i’m a loser so it’s always into other ppl

#let’s crawl into eachother and begin anew

I guess growing up means that there’s no point in crying and screaming. it doesn’t matter if I run away to the desert. I have to go back home at some point. because the sand won’t bury me.

i’ll wake up tomorrow and just have to

.do this again.

and again.

#and so many ppl would be so happy to have a bed to go home to #and all I can think about #is how there’s not much more than #this

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