We'll be alright

You were still seething as the Peacekeepers guided you off the stage. The Capitol escort's overly cheerful voice grated against your nerves, and every step felt like a death march. Finnick walked beside you, his presence a constant reminder of the impending nightmare. You wanted to scream, to lash out, but you held it together, determined not to give Snow or anyone else the satisfaction of seeing you break.

There was no one for you to say goodbye to, everyone you loved was gone. Snow made sure of that. You were waiting in a small room until the peacekeepers came to put you on the train. From the shuffling and crying in the corridor, you could hear that Finnick did have company. You could recognise Annie's sobbing through the door. Finnick had her wrapped around his finger, she did everything he asked her to do. He once had you wrapped around his finger too, until he didn’t want you anymore and Annie came into the picture. He never gave you a proper explanation, he gave you the ‘it isn’t you but me’ bullshit that you saw on tv. You rolled your eyes in annoyance when you remembered the conversation. The crying stopped as you heard a knock on the door before it opened. ‘Bring him home y/n, promise me you’ll make sure he survives these games.’ She was truly crazy. ‘Do you hear yourself?’ Tears started running down her cheeks. ‘I can’t live without him y/n.’ It took all your effort not to roll your eyes when she said that. ‘Well though luck love, ‘cause if it comes down to me or him I’ll try my best to be the one that gets out of there.’ All the colour left her face when she heard your words. ‘It isn’t fair to ask me that Annie, we’ve both been through hell and back and I’m not dying in that arena so you can play happy house with him. No, I won’t do it.’ She turned around without saying another word and that was the last time you saw Annie Cresta in a long time.

You were pushed onto the train, no big exit, everything was quick and hush-hush. ‘They want us at the compound by this evening,’ was the only explanation you got. The transport to the Capitol was a blur of sterile corridors and whispered conversations as you made your way through the train. Finnick tried to engage you several times, but you shut him out, focusing instead on the pounding of your heart and the tightening of your throat. The thought of returning to the arena was almost too much to bear. You had barely survived the first time, and now you were being thrown back into that hell.

The silence gave you some time to think, this time everything was different. You had been a mentor, you had coached other tributes so you didn’t need the support of Mags right now. You could do this on your own. You were going into the arena with other victors, ones who were way more skilled than you were, slimming your chances of winning the whole ordeal. Unconsciously you crack your knuckles, a thing you did when you were stressed. Killing the others, fine you could live with that. But killing your friends? Physically you could. You were as good as they were in hand-to-hand combat no one would doubt that. But emotionally was something else, you could never bring yourself to kill them. They had made you a murderer  once and now they were forcing you to do it again. A shiver ran down your spine as you thought back to the blood of the first tribute on your hands. It had been a you girl, she must have been not older then thirteen. 

‘Earth to y/n?’ You were startled from your thoughts, he leaned casually against the doorframe. ‘You ok?’ His brows raised and he gave you a confused look. ‘Just thinking about how I’m going to kill you.’ You shrugged your shoulders. A smirk formed around his lips, mischief in his eyes as he looked you up and down. ‘What had you in mind?’ You chuckled. ‘Waiting as long as possible until you get tired and then hunt you down. You’ll be tired, less focussed and let’s be honest you could never hurt me.’ The sparkle in his eyes dropped a couple of seconds when he heard your last words but he bounced back. ‘Only if you ask nicely.’ He gave you a cheeky wink which made you roll your eyes. If you weren't careful, he could wrap you around his finger again in no time.

‘How are we going to kill them? At least half of them will be our friends, I can’t hunt them down and kill them with no mercy. They are our allies, they went through the same things as us. They are family.’ You dropped your head in your hands, just thinking about killing Joanna made you shiver. You could hunt down those you didn’t care about but most of the victors were your friends, the careers were the only ones you didn’t care about. He shuffled to the spot next to you and took a seat on the sofa. ‘We will figure this out, it won’t be for another two weeks before we’ll go into the arena. We still have some time left.’ A sarcastic laugh left your lips, time. ‘Two whole weeks, wow.’ You shook your head. Who were you trying to fool. You were going to die, and soon.

‘Why did you volunteer? It would be way easier if it was me and Thomas, they are going to pit us against each other we both know that.’ He didn’t answer immediately so you continued. ‘Did you know that Annie came begging me for your safe return?’ He took a deep breath when he heard Annie’s part. ‘You know that she doesn’t mean a thing to me. Yeah sure, she’s totally swooned by me and it’s fun but it’s no feelings. At least not for me.’ ‘You are such an asshole, that girl would die for you. She would do everything you asked her.’ ‘Oh I know she would but I never promised her anything. She can go wherever she wants, I don’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.’ He shrugged. ‘Such an asshole.’ It was a mumble. ‘Why did you even come home? Aren’t you a celebrity in the capitol?’ Pain flashed through his eyes, he wasn’t able to hide it. ‘I needed a break.’ He tried his best to act nonchalantly but you could see right through him, ‘They loved you too.’ You rolled your eyes. ‘They loved the persona I portrayed, I couldn’t keep doing that not after they took away everything.’ The Capitol adored you at one point, you could have flourished if you wanted to but you went home. You weren’t made for the glitter and glamour and fakeness. Especially after he broke your heart. He brought nothing against it. He slumped down in the sofa and closed his eyes, you still had a long trip ahead of you. When Finnick closed his eyes, he saw Snow in front of him. He had threatened to kill his loved ones if he did not do as he asked. Little did you know that he had done that before, back then he had to leave you behind for your own safety but you did not know that. You hated him for it, you thought he was leaving you for another but he could never.