Just Some Thoughts...

I miss J, I haven't gotten to see him much lately but we have talked on the phone a few times.

I might be getting a job at a different college soon and he is really excited for me but also sad that I wont be teaching with him anymore.

Also, he had a health scare that he didn't tell me about and I had to find out through one of my old colleagues and when I called him to talk about it he said he didn't want to distract me from my final interview for the position at the other college.

This man... I told him that it didn't matter about if it would distract me or not he should have told me. He agreed and I told him next time I don't have to be his first call but that I should be told sooner, he laughed and said he was sorry for not telling me.

Anyways... I miss him a lot and I just have come to the realization that I will always have feelings for him, and that he will definitely always be the person where if I think or am asked if there was ever anyone I have met during my life that the thought of "if we would've met at a different time or sooner would you think it would've worked or been something?" I will always think of him.

Anyways that's my little rant and me just feeling lately that I am screwed by falling in love with someone who I will never be able to have, and will never be able to express my feelings to.