eli

always vaguely feeling like im in trouble for something but idk what

learning lately that a lot of confidence is about owning up. like "yeah i'm a little addicted to my phone right now" or "yeah i'm not really over this person yet" or "yeah i still get pretty anxious in crowds" just saying anything at all but then following it up w "but i'm trying to get better" and being super nonchalant and unaffected. so powerful. you would literally be undefeatable in the face of even the most judgmental person. no one can judge you for things you already know about yourself and are trying to improve on. the trick is to know yourself from the inside out, to hold yourself accountable, and to actively improve every day. like that is literally the secret to never feeling like you're at the mercy of somebody else's judgment

You have options. I promise you, you have options. Even if you blow up your whole life, change your name and train hop half way across the country- you still have options. So long as you are alive you have choices and chances. If you can’t see them, ask someone else. Ask a stranger or someone who loves you. Anyone not in your situation will have different a perspective. Stay safe and stay alive.

life is so quietly devastating

love is real. i hope it will happen to me

yes i'm over it. yes i think about it 20 times a day

"let people be wrong about you" is such good advice that i am unfortunately physically incapable of following. if i am incorrectly perceived by anyone i will simply start ripping things with my teeth

sometimes i feel lucky i can experience time. i can see there was something before, and there will be a forward. it wont be this way forever

bitches will have the scared disorder and be like why am i so scared

trying my best to be less pathetic

when sylvia plath said “being born a woman is my awful tragedy. from the moment i was conceived i was doomed to sprout breasts and ovaries rather than penis and scrotum; to have my whole circle of action, thought and feeling rigidly circumscribed by my inescapable feminity. yes, my consuming desire to mingle with road crews, sailors and soldiers, bar room regulars - to be a part of scene, anonomous, listening, recording - all is spoiled by the fact that i am a girl, a female always in danger of assault and battery. my consuming interest in men and their lives is often misconstrued as a desire to seduce them, or as an invitation to intimacy. yet, god, i want to talk to everybody i can as deeply as i can. i want to be able to sleep in an open field, to travel west, to walk freely at night“

hi. will it ever end

know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better know It’s for the better