Yeehaw

puts my uncomfortably wet hand on your shoulder. see here, gay boy- can i call you gay boy?

basketball players fight over the basketball because they are hypnotized before each game to believe it is their egg

sometimes when my mom gets drunk she goes into Liberated Women Mode, and one time she was real tipsy and while talking about her friend’s divorce, she very earnestly told me and my sister (both adults) that regardless of preference or relationship, she hoped we would both reach a point in our lives where we were having really good sex with really good people. and my sister said, “i do that now except the good people part” and i said, “sex is real?” and my mom didn’t love either of those answers

ur mom sounds hot is she single

my mom is in fact single, and if you are so determined then it’s not my fault when you find out why

Morgan & Morgan. For the people.

Fieger Law: All We Do Is Win

I don't have a picture, but our area is flooded with a dude holding a comedically large hammer and looking to sue the shit out of any truckers that have injured you.

This is just how lawyers are.

no more "comedic" novels written by popular tumblr users you're all bad at it

turns out things that are funny for a sub-1000 word post are not so funny when you stretch them for 400 page books. follow for more stunning revelations

have been informed that this is from a 1974 sean connery movie called zardoz and all i can say is if i saw this in 1974 my third eye would have snapped the fuck open

Isn’t that a thwomp

The Gun is Good

THE GUN IS GOOD, THE MUSHROOM IS EVIL.  THE MUSHROOM PUFFS SPORES AND CREATES NEW LIFE, THAT BRINGS UPON THE EARTH THE PLAGUE OF FUNGUS, AS ONCE IT WAS.

somebuggy

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

“imagine there’s no countries” fuck off john lennon how are we supposed to play the world cup without countries you ultimate scum

awesome. we have a beetle problem

*sigh* fine, fine, i'll be the new doctor who showrunner. bring me two twinks, britain's tallest woman, and 1000 pounds worth of alumininamian foil

anyways (I say this as someone who is deeply critical of the united states government, military, unchecked capitalism, police, etc) I am SICK of people treating america as if it has no cultural value or positives so….. I love u 85 million acres (bigger than italy) of national parks. I love u harlem renaissance. I love u groundhogs day. I love u sweet tea and fried chicken and jambalaya. I love u apple cider donuts and maizes on crisp autumn days. I love u 95k miles of coastlines and new england fisherman and hand knitted sweaters. I love u halloween where millions of people dress up and give candy to strangers and carve jack o’lanterns. I love u small talk and small towns and potlucks and bringing over casseroles to your struggling neighbors. I love u cowboys and ranch hands and arizonian cactus. I love u appalachian trail and dirtbikes and divebars. I love u sparklers and fireflies. I love u mark twain and toni morrison and emily dickinson and henry david thoreau. I love u rock n roll i love u bluegrass and hippies i love u jimi hendrix and nirvana and CCR and janis joplin. I love u victorian houses and jonny appleseed and john henry and mothman and bigfoot. I love u foggy days in the pacific northwest and neon signs and roadside attractions. I love u baseball and 1950s diners and soft serve. I love u native american art and pop art and poptarts. I love u blue jeans and barbecues and jazz musicians