Juxtaposition.
My family has paid xx,xxx for me to learn about the poor. I learn about Blackness within an institution of Whiteness. We acknowledge Native people on land that was stolen. It literally took me coming to one of the most Elite Elitist Universities in the world To really understand Power, Racism, Oppression and Privilege.
All my life I’ve been like a garbage collector. Collecting up the garbage that’s been put out: A woman who is liberated is a slut. A Black man is a thug. A trans woman is a man in a dress. Jesus was White. Terrorists are Brown. Beauty is blue-eyed and blonde haired. Beauty is thin. Capitalism is good. Mental illness is bad. People with disabilities are less than. A human can be an alien. A human can be illegal. Guns don’t kill people. (People do!) The United States is the *best* country in the world. We are a shining beacon of freedom and democracy. One nation, under God. Indivisible. In liberty and justice for all. (Like I said, garbage.)
I feel sick from the accumulation of this garbage in my system. I want to purge myself of the toxicity but it’s seeped into my bones. I want to hear the voices of the silenced, but the messages of the White Patriarchy keep playing on repeat in my head. Starting on this journey has truly been like learning to walk again. A shaky step forward. A stumble, a few steps backwards. And on it goes. Reflect, rinse, repeat.
The juxtaposition of it all tears me up inside. Some days there is sunshine and hope and other days, Storm clouds of despair.
Between wanting to jump at the call to action To being paralyzed with hot rage.
There are days I feel woke as hell, then days I feel like I know nothing.
There are days I feel like we as a country are rising up, And then there are days I feel like it’s all burning down.
Shit, Indivisible my ass. This country is so deeply divided I want to tear my hair out with enigma of it.
I hate this country. I hate everything it stands for. But I also love this country. I love everything it stands for. This country gave me the life I have today. What it gave to us, it took from others.
My parents profited while lightly stepping around the dead bodies of -- Black men. Murdered trans people. Gunned down school children. Drowned migrants on the border. The sick and uninsured. Native women killed by suicide. Wives killed by their husbands. (Insert additional example) (Insert additional example) (Insert additional example) (And so on, and so forth)
...And I reaped the benefits.
It took me paying a lot of money To learn about The true cost of my privilege.
