MARS!

[ENTER CONFESSIONAL…]

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// Terminally diagnosed with Anne Rice Vampire syndrome. AKA I'm not listing why I am this way, you can figure it out through my disjointed narrative just like I had to.//

// Mostly a collection of visuals I like. Goth + Industrial bands, generally whatever music expresses the weird shit I'm on at the moment. Lot of IWTV + Hannibal. Expect blood, violent and erotic themes, but nothing too explicit! //

// 18+, Not extremely nsfw but I don't want any minors engaging considering my blog content and things I sometimes discuss/reblog!! //

// Call me Mars! 21, He/Him ('It' or 'That thing' also work honestly.) GOTH!!! //

// Please feel free to send asks or DM!! I love talking about my interests and I'm always down to make new mutuals!! //

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[YOU HAVE NOT BEEN ABSOLVED…]

Oh God. I think I've just realised something huge. When looking at the people closest to me... How much of the "care" is just straight up projection? I mean. They can have me appease their breakdown because they got drunk and randomly remembered all the shitty things that happened to me. They sure as hell perform strength and safety when convenient. Momentarily, when they desperately want to feel some emotional catharsis through me. But it's never really about me, is it?

It's almost as if they subconsciously revel in imagining me as equally weak and held back. As if it might justify their own inaction and wallowing. This is why they seem to take anything they even perceive as admittance of stress as a huge deal, but only when they can centre their emotions. Anything else is written off. Also why they seem to freak the fuck out about some bullshit when I notice I've levelled up my life a bit. It's like they unknowingly want me to be who I was at my worst, in some strange sense. But that was never me at all, and it certainly never will be again.