look what you've done to me

mirabelle could hear noah’s voice and she wondered if he found the spots on her side on the bed. that was when she felt a knot form, he would leave, this was probably all he needed to finally leave her. and she knew it was coming, she knew he was unhappy with her. clearing her throat, her body lifted off the cold tiled floor and she was faced with her image in the mirror. swallowing, she turned the faucet and washed her face before drying it. “just a minute,” she told him before opening the bathroom and pulling her sleeves of her shirt down. “yeah? you okay?” she asked, of course he wasn’t, he was unhappy with her and she was unhappy that she made him that way. the girl found her way to the bed, sitting down next to him and twisting her body towards him. she inhaled as she watched him, he knew that she still harmed herself, she knew it by the look on his face. it was odd for her to try to comfort someone, she was usually the one who needed comforting, but here she was, comforting noah and asking him questions — he should’ve been asking her. “i-i want us to be happy again,” she croaked quietly, “i miss the old us, noah.. we barely kiss, we don’t laugh like we use to.. what happened to us?”

noah wasn’t sure why his stomach seemed to be in his throat, whether it was due to the fact mirabelle had hidden the fact she was still hurting, or because he had failed to notice that she so obviously still was. as the mattress adjusted to the weight of her body, he finally raised his head up and out of his palms, his eyes searching for answers in her own. “s’like, why didn’t you tell me..?” he whispered. outstretching his hands to hold hers, his head dropped again whilst he listened to her words, fingers managing to entwine with hers. noah opened his mouth to speak, but the impending silence that followed seemed to suffocate the room. settling for a shrug and a sigh, he looked back up at her. “i.. um, life happened, i guess.. things changed and we never really addressed them and i guess we just presumed things would carry on as normal. i liked old us better, though”.

i’m the type of person that if we’re roleplay partners and i really enjoy your writing i’ll follow you anywhere. seriously. you mention you’re starting a new blog? gimme that url. you have this new OC you want to try out? come at me bro. i may not know who the hell your character is, or a damn thing about the fandom, but i’ll still follow. i don’t care what character you play, i just want to write with you.

miabelle gave up on sleeping, it was pointless, she wouldn’t sleep and the pain in her arm grew. she didn’t know that her nails would cause her more pain than any of the razors she use in the past. a small whimper left her lips, but thankfully it was quiet and she hoped noah didn’t hear. It. slipping out of bed quietly, the girl’s feet padded across the floor and into the bathroom, she turned on the water, and placed her arm under it, washing the blood while sniffling quietly. “its all my fault, he’s like this. it’s all my fucking fault our relationship is ruined.” the girl swallowed hard and sat on the floor, rubbing the marked skin. “everything gets ruined because of me, everything….”

noah wasn't expecting the next thing that he remembered was to be him waking up. thumbs rubbing at his eyes, he stifled a yawn before fully coming to. he couldn’t have slept for very long however rolling onto his side to greet mirabelle, he noticed the bed was empty and the sheets that usually encompassed her were cold. “..belle”? his voice sounded groggy and after clearing his throat several times he repeated her name. propping himself up onto his elbows, noah clicked the lamp on beside him before looking back over to her side of the bed. tiny crimson dots were scattered around the white sheet where her body would usually positioned. that was when he realised that nothing really had changed whatsoever. soon enough, noah’s head found his hands and his fingers began tugging at the odd strands of hair that fell over his eyes. “how could i have been so fucking stupid”, he cursed under his breath, clenching his jaw on the exhale. 

mirabelle could hear the footsteps padding down the hallway into the bedroom. she knew it was noah — but she didn’t wanna look up. she didn’t know what was wrong with him, or maybe it was her fault that he was acting this way. the girl stayed quiet, getting back under the covers and laying on her side to face the plain wall. a lump formed in her throat, but she just swallowed it. mirabelle didn’t want tears flowing, she didn’t want to be hurt — hurt was something she felt most of her life. now that she found the one thing that didn’t hurt her, it found a way to. the fingers on her left hand found themselves making their way to her skin on her right arm, she had been growing her nails to look more ‘feminine’ but now it had much more use to it. the nails dug themselves into her skin, keeping her arm hidden from him, she dug and dug - keeping her eyes closed and breathing intact. this was her release.

her eyes watched every movement the boy made. it had become a routine of hers, that way she figured out how he felt — by his body language. mirabelle relaxed in his arms, looking up at the slightly taller boy. the girl didn’t feel like sleeping, she wanted to lay with noah and talk to him; but they haven’t been talking much. small talks, nods, a few kisses here and there, but it wasn’t like they had deep conversations about how any of them felt about india, or the relationship. lips parted to say a few words, but nothing came out but a sigh. “okay,” her voice quiet and slightly tired. mirabelle found herself out of his arms, walking back to the bedroom they shared. sitting on the edge of the bed, with her head in her hands. her mind was soon flooded with thoughts, and where that’s changed between the two of them. and then that was when she remembered noah’s twin told her about his addictions, his fix. the girl swallowed, worried that he was doing it behind her back, and that was why he was acting so strange.

noah sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, not so cautiously gnawing at the pink skin. drawing blood, he winced, his eyes momentarily shutting as he let the iron-tasting substance hit his tongue. emitting a deep sigh, his eyes gravitated towards mirabelle’s puzzling face. noah was well aware that he had been absent recently - nights spent with kisses where their teeth would collide and mornings in bed where their sides would hurt from laughing were replaced with periods of silence and sighs. with his eyes fixated on the girl before him, noah nodded as she left the room, leaving him in the moonlit kitchen again. he probably should’ve followed straight after her, profusely apologising and telling her that things were going to change soon, but he didn’t know if they were. the nights were feeling longer and every passing second had noah thinking about using alternative methods to fix everything once more. so leaving the boiled kettle untouched, his mug empty on the side and the jar of coffee out on the worktop, he returned to the bedroom.

the sound of a body leaving the bedroom was enough to awaken her. she lay in bed, her eyes staring at the ceiling, breathing softly. every now and then she would think about her, and wonder how she was doing. it had been six months since the couple parted with their daughter. the pain of it had gotten better — she didn’t have to dig her nails into her skin anymore, as she promised noah she wouldn’t harm her skin anymore. and she wasn’t it was just harmless. her nails weren’t long enough to cause blood to flow or marks to be left behind. she was fine. the brunette lifted herself off the bed, feet making contact with the warm wooden floor. the bed creaked gently as she got up from the bed, stretching her arms behind her. her eyes drifted to the clock, frowning at the time. she always awoke around this time, and it was due to noah constantly leaving the bed. mirabelle found herself, walking to the kitchen doorway, leaning against it and watching him. it was like this most of the time. her eyes drifted to his face, looking for something, a reason why he kept awakening — she found nothing. “s'okay. don’t worry.” she spoke quietly, her feet making their way over to him. “are you okay?”

the corners of his mouth lingered somewhere between a smile at the sight of the girl in the doorway. every time he looked at the girl, his thoughts immediately became focused on the one other individual who shared the same eyes, the one that kept him up at night. noah knew giving up india was the best thing for both of them, but his mind was constantly flooded with “what if’s”. raising a hand to rub at his eye, a curved eyelash attached to his finger. eyes locked on the singular hair, noah made a wish and blew on it. hearing her gentle voice, the boy nodded gently. “’m just thinking”, his groggy, sleep deprived voice whispered as his arms made their way around her waist. it had become almost a ritual that she would catch him out of bed in the early hours of the morning. “don’t worry about me, babe, go back to sleep”.