オフファック.

That's why it was easier to not believe. To not allow herself to believe. To think that she'd already lost everything. That nobody did care, or that they were no longer able to because of her past. Because of her job. Because of what she'd done to Rufioh. Because of who she had become. Because of who she was.

Damara had found herself retreating into herself. A self that was actively working on breaking herself down so that nothing else, nobody else, would be able to do it to her. This was her way of minimizing the hurt. The hurt that she would be inflicting on everyone she cared about, the hurt she was already causing, the hurt that she had caused. Numbing herself to everything once more, just as she had done sweeps ago when she took up the rifle. When she took the name Penumbra. A name and a life she'd been trying to forget.

This was what she ultimately deserved, wasn't it? She had it good for too long, and it was time to face--

The music.

She has open blisters in her palms. Hands shaking despite trying not to. Despite the sharp whacks to her lower back telling her not to. The violin is heavy in her hands. Like burning irons placed on bare skin when someone isn't listening. When someone isn't paying attention. When someone isn't obeying. It's white, this room, like all the rest. There's other trolls to her left and right, all wearing the same outfit. All with the same haunted look in their eyes. All trying not to cry out in pain when they are corrected, trying not to flinch away from their teachers, trying not to believe that they are worthless if they can't do this right.

There's tears in her eyes, and she isn't able to tell if it's happening in her memories or if it's happening right now. It must be now, because there's nobody already reprimanding her for it. It must be now, because there's a soft dog whimpering at her side, trying to nudge his face between her knee and arm. To break up the curled up position she's in. Her silent tears no longer silent as she chokes on a sob, fingers curling in soft fur as she buries her face in him. She's trying to fight the oncoming tidal wave of those white memories with new ones. With the faces and words from the people she loves, but the flood gates had been opened, and all she can hear is the Mariposa's words. Louder and louder, until it feels like they are being spoken right into her ear.

I'm helping you help yourself.

Nobody {oul} ever love you.

Not without my gui}ean{e.

You }on't know what's goo} for you.

Be grateful for this. 

KARKAT: *Look, it's hard being brought back to life and she needs to understand that. But also please kick his ass, he needs this and has been spending a lot of time with Sirius and Breakfast (as expected). Even though Breakfast is a security dog and he's not security right now. Still this was his buddy, his pal. He opens the door, all finned in the face* ................

KARKAT: HEY.

KARKAT: *NICE*

DAMARA: *There's not a lot to understand when all that she can comprehend right now is that she understands nothing. Only the whitenosie that seems to fill everything else than Karkat's face. His face, right there. Awake and alive and breathing. She chokes as her throat and eyes well with tears, but then he speaks. He speaks and it's the stupidest fucking thing she's heard. It's sheepish and dumb and she can't stand it. She makes a sound that somehow contains relief, joy, anger and sorrow all at once, her FIST soon following after the sound aimed right at his stupid cheek.*

KARKAT: *SOCK'D. Her fist connects and he goes anime sailing back into the room. Or at least he falls back on his ass*

DAMARA: 愚か！[[ Stupid!]] *She's yelling, hot maroon tears forcing their way down her cheeks. Her fist stings, but so does the rest of her.* 愚かな愚かな愚かな！[[ Stupid, stupid, stupid! ]] *Steps forwards to grab him by the collar and hoist him up onto his feet again.* あなたは戻る！何事もなかったようにそこに立って！ このバカ！[[ You are back! Standing there as if nothing happened! You IDIOT! ]] *She screams and cries at his face, fists in his shirt and shaking. However the final insult barely leaves her lips before they're crushed onto his.*

KARKAT: *Honestly he deserved that, he really wished that she would continue. He also wished that he was all cried out but nope. And being the weak piece of shit he was he held onto her even as she hauled him up. Earfins drooped slightly, she was mad and had every right to be but honestly he does think seeing him now was better than seeing him earlier.*

DAMARA: *She doesn't want to yell more right now, nor punch him. All she wants is to kiss him, to cry and hold onto him while fighting the fear that it might not be real at all. But it had to be. Just like how Aradia came back from the dead, so did he. Her chest aches, angry with him for not saying anything, relief that he's here, and grief for everything that they all went through. But most of all she's happy. Happy and crying and trying to get this kiss to last, arms so tightly wrapped around him that he might never be able to disappear again.*

KARKAT: *She's crushing him in this hug that he's returning just as tightly as he can. Arms wrapped around her waist. Being dead was strange from what he remembers but also not... very bad. The feeling of that place it wasn't so bad... but he feels like shit for thinking that. Instead he only holds her, hot tears streaming down his cheeks*

DAMARA: *It's a mess of a kiss, full of tears and sobs. Still she manages to pry herself away from his lips, if only for a moment. Her hands coming to his face to hold, thumbs stroking across his tears. Her voice is low and raw with emotion.* ( 愚かな少年。) [[ A foolish boy. ]] *Stares deep into his eyes, the wetness reflected in her own.* それはあなたが何であるかだが、幸運に恵まれています1。[[ That's what you are, but one that is blessed with good fortune. ]]

DAMARA: I.午前ように戻って私、馬鹿、すべてであなたを持っています。[[ As am I. To have you back with me, idiot and all. ]] *Leans forwards to let their foreheads touch, so that she might finally let it sink in that he is here, and real.*

KARKAT: =It's more than he deserves so he does have good fortune. Her touch and kiss and instant forgiveness after all this shit, all this emotion in her eyes and expression and her voice breaks his pusher. His own tears stain his cheeks in pink, the trails disrupted by her thumbs. Is it bad to think that this isn't lucky, for her. If one person has good fortune then what makes it automatic for the other person? Karkat  inhaled hard, he doesn't need to be crying like this. He tilts his head down against her forehead. His hands coming to her wrists, wrapping around them gently. He couldn't apologize, she would react the same way everyone else did. = ARE YOU... HAVE YOU BEEN? =His voice wavers with liquid until he clears his throat= HOW DUMB IS IT TO ASK HOW YOU'VE BEEN?

DAMARA: =She will keep her hands on his face. She would have done so even without his hands around her wrists, but they urge her to stroke them more. To gently press her forehead more against his in a small nuzzle. The question makes her let out a small little laugh, a single sound that is soon replaced with a small sigh.= 信じられないほど。[[ Incredibly.]] DAMARA: 非常に。[[Very. ]] DAMARA:  だから、非常にダム。[[So very dumb.]] DAMARA: =Strokes his cheeks and moves her head to kiss his forehead.= しかし、私はこの愚かさのために、あなたにこの時間を許すだろう。[[ However I will forgive you this time, for this stupidity. ]]

KARKAT: YEAH, I FIGURED AS MUCH... =Closes his eyes against her and lets her kiss his forehead, what can he even do?=

KARKAT: IT CAN GET BETTER AT LEAST.

DAMARA: =Goes back to resting her forehead on his again, still holding his cheek and just taking him in. His breath on her and his scent and his skin under her fingers.= 

 DAMARA: できる。[[ It can. ]] 

DAMARA: そうなる。[[ It will. ]] 

DAMARA: あなたは再びここにいるので。[[Because you're here again. ]]

KARKAT: =That made him feel better to hear, she wasn't so. This was easier, maybe because she got the anger out right out of the gate. But something also told him it wouldn't be that easy. Still he felt a little bit better.= 

KARKAT: I'M HERE... YEAH. 

KARKAT: I'M HAPPY TO SEE YOU... FUCK.

DAMARA: =There's a lot of feelings at work still, but for right now they are stilling. Perhaps before a storm, perhaps not. She only has eyes for him right now, not caring how they are doing all of this literally in a doorway. She smiles, a small one that reaches her still teary eyes.= 

DAMARA: 私はあまりにも幸せです。[[ I am happy too. ]] 

DAMARA: 私は長い間にされているよりももっと幸せ。 [[More happy than I have been in a long time. ]] 

DAMARA: 強力であること、そして戻ってくるために、ありがとうございます。[[Thank you, for being strong, and coming back.]]

KARKAT: =Snorts, soft and a little dryly. If he were strong he wouldn't have died in the first place, she's just glad that he's here and come back and that he didn't end up fading away but he could've never left in the first place. Karkat looks into her eyes, red on maroon reflecting the joy and pain and sadness= APPARENTLY. YOU GUYS CAN'T GET RID OF ME. 

 KARKAT: YOU ALREADY KNEW I WAS STUBBORN.

DAMARA: =She snorts a little, smiling crookedly.= 常にではないが、このレベルに、あなたが頑固な知っていました。[[ Always knew you were stubborn, but not to this level. ]] =She strokes across his cheek, and kisses him again, pressing close and stepping forwards to get into the room.=

KARKAT: =He didn't either, but for now he does want to forget about that. About all of it, the block behind them is incredibly clean and tidy to say that Terezi and a wriggler lives here with him. The door closes behind them and Karkat holds onto her tightly, his arms around the middle of her back. She's warm and solid and so forgiving he doesn't know how to react other than inhaling again and trying to not cry=

DAMARA: =The only thing that needed any kind of forgiveness was him not telling her about it himself, but she had already punched him for that. She just wants to hold him now, to kiss him, regardless if Terezi or Sirius was in this room right now or not. Her lips are against his with urgency, arms looping around his neck to hold, and she is fighting the tears she feels are so close to coming again. This fucking idiot. He's such a fool, but she loves to hate him all the same:=

KARKAT: =It was a good punch, his cheek is sore. But that doesn't matter, he's holding her close regardless. His hands pressed hard into her back, fingers digging in with no indication of letting go or letting up soon. There are so many thoughts in his head, all these new things to process like how the room felt different with her in it. He could sense her, smell her maybe? The fins at either side of his head perking from their drooped state a little.=

DAMARA: =She does give good punches, it's true, but there's only kisses to give right now. Kisses and breathing him in and feeling how much she had missed having him against her. To feel his heartbeat and breath against hers. A brush of something against her arms makes her open her eyes, finally spotting something that had never been there before. The kiss pauses, lips apart while she stares. A hand moving to gently caress one webbed ear.= フィン...？[[Fins..? ]]

KARKAT: =When the kiss pauses Karkat's eyes open and he looks at her. Her eyes looking to the side and then she talks. The fins droop without his better judgement, he's still trying to not do that but he didn't want to think about that or the, the whatever it is that lets him feel her hands. They sense, tasting things, the air, the things around him, it's faint but he's never felt it so it's not easy to ignore. He frowns still= YEAH. FINS.

DAMARA: =Silently touching the fins, gentle and trying to get used to this concept of him having these things. It's strange. She assumes it to be a side effect of the cooning. Other people had gotten wings. A quick glance sideways, then back. He had no wings. So perhaps he simply got these instead. She smiles crookedly, wrapping her arms back against him again.= 可愛い。[[Cute.]]

KARKAT: =Scoffs and remains silent for a moment before speaking= FIGURES YOU'D THINK SO. =It wasn't a long and uncomfortable inspection. That he was so different now, that there was something else to process. Karkat's fingers curl against her back and he leans forward to pull her close again. Resting his chin on her shoulder and wrapping his arms tighter around her frame=

DAMARA: =All this scoffing and frowning. She's missed that too, though she's unsure as to why he's doing it. Maybe he didn't like the tease and that was it? She smiles genuinely for him, small and warm even if her tone is teasing. She can't be fake now, her raw and bare feelings won't allow it.= お似合いです。お使いのソフトの自己のためのかわいい耳。[[ It fits you well. Cute ears for your soft self. ]] 

 DAMARA: =Ah, but he pulls her in, and she's glad for it. Her own arms tight around him with her head resting against his. She's quiet for a time, then her grip tightens, head turning halfway and pressing against him. She exhales, chest tightening with emotion.= (私はあなたをとても逃しました...) [[ I missed you so much... ]]

KARKAT: =Her smile is small, small but still full of meaning. Then, he appreciates it. That at least someone appreciates them because he hasn't been. Her words that he learned for her, warm against his face as she speaks, weighing heavy with her emotion.= (I'M GLAD TO BE BACK... TO, THAT IT'S NOT BAD.)

DAMARA: =Lets out a very small and brief laugh, closing her eyes against him.= (あなたと私が一緒に決して悪いです。) [[ You and me together is never bad. ]]

KARKAT: =That makes him smile, it's true. It's never bad, still he turns to her a little.= (KEEP THAT UP AND I'LL START TO THINK YOU ACTUALLY LIKE ME.)

DAMARA: =Snorts and moves one arm to pinch his cheek.= (それを押さないでください。) [[ Don't push it. ]] 

DAMARA: ( でも、私が行うことは事実である場合。) [[ Even if it is true that I do. ]] =He's getting less tsundere now. People coming back from the dead earns that temporary privilege.=

KARKAT: =Grins a little and gives her a squeeze, not even biting her for pinching his cheek= (I FUCKING KNEW IT.) =Alright, maybe he'll give her hand a playful nip=

DAMARA: =The playful nip is welcome, and it makes her chuckle a little.= (生意気を取得しないでください。) [[ Don't get cocky. ]]

DAMARA: ( それはかなり明白です。 ) [[ It is fairly obvious. ]]

KARKAT: (YOU'RE RIGHT, IT IS A LITTLE OBVIOUS.)

DAMARA: =Okay, now she is the one that is going to nip him. Nip him right on the cheek with her flat teeth.=

KARKAT: =Fin perk, but he snickers shortly= (LITTLE SHIT.)

DAMARA: =Nip nip nip, then smiles against his skin.= (羽の鳥が群れ。) [[ Birds of a feather flock together. ]]

KARKAT: (YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT PAYING ATTENTION, I'M NOT A GODDAMN BIRD I'M A FUCKING FISH.) =pokes her nose=

DAMARA: =Scrunches her nose and snorts, still smiling all the while.= 私にいいえ、あなたはまだカニです。いつものようにレッドホット沸騰と生意気。[[ No. To me, you are still a crab. Red hot boiling and sassy as always. ]] =Just like she remembers.=

KARKAT: =Hums and nuzzles her a little= (AT LEAST THAT STAYS CONSISTENT.)

DAMARA: =Nuzzles back.= 常に。[[ Always. ]] 

DAMARA: =Soft sigh and kisses the side of his face.= それが座ってしても大丈夫ですか？私はあなたより良いそのようにキスすることができます。[[ Is it ok to sit? I can kiss you better that way. ]]

KARKAT: =Untangles from her a little= YEAH, OF COURSE. =Pulls her towards the sofa though, because he wants all of those kisses=

DAMARA: =Smiles a little wider as she is pulled.= だから、熱心。[[ So eager. ]] =Snickers, ready to plop down into the sofa.=

KARKAT: =He was a little eager, just to be close with her and for things to be simple but still he wants to know and pulls her close, up into his lap if she lets him= SHUT UP.

DAMARA: =She will absolutely let him pull her up in his lap. She's just glad to be close to him again. She looks at him with a little smirk, placing a hand on his cheek.= あなたは明白な事実を述べることができるだけではありませんよ。[[ You're not the only one that can state obvious facts. ]] =Leans in to smooch.=

KARKAT: =Leans against her hand, his arms around her and turning to kiss it, then kisses her. Two kisses, three and then puts their foreheads together= (REALLY THOUGH... ARE YOU OKAY? OKAY WITH EVERYTHING I MEAN.)

DAMARA: =Quite a lot of kisses happening here, ones that she will both gladly take and give. His question catches her a little off guard, but it was more unexpected to happen during kisses than it was in itself. She smiles faintly, leaning in to kiss him again.= はい。[[ Yes. ]] 

DAMARA:  あなたは再びここにいます。[[You're here again.]] 

DAMARA: =Cups his face gently.= だから、すべてが大丈夫です。大丈夫だろう。これは私の両方が知っていると信じていることです。[[ So everything is okay. Will be okay. This is what I both know and believe. ]]

KARKAT: =Listens to her words and tries to take them in and she does seem fine, she seems like it. Karkat closes his eyes and nods.= (I'M HERE. HERE FOR YOU.) =Things will be okay and that's really relieving.=

DAMARA: =Leans forward to kiss him again, his lips and his nose and his forehead.=  ( そして、私あなたのために。 ) [[ And I for you. ]] =Things will be okay. She knows it will, and if not, then at least it was okay right now, just resting in his arms.=

DAMARA: =As she walks past rooms she casts them a brief glance inside before continuing on, but at one she found herself stopping. There's a puff in one of the beds. Her puff. What is he doing in here? The cookie was dropped to the floor without her even noting it, already making her way into the room without ever a thought of asking permission.= 

DAMARA: MITUNA?

MITUNA: -He was laying there, really just staring up at the ceiling. The events, and injuries, of the day still fresh. He was going to be fine, some rupturing of his kidney but part of him hoped it would be worse. Those were thoughts for another time, because he's hearing a familiar voice. Oh no. He turns to the voice.-

MITUNA: UH H3Y D4MZ

DAMARA: =Quick shuffling of feet coming right for him. She stops next to his bed, eyes wide and confused with worry churning at her insides.= MITUNA! =Looks him over, trying to assess the damage. Her eyes go back to his face= WHAT HAPPEN? WHY HERE? IS OKAY?

MITUNA: 1 UM 1LL 83 F1N3

MITUNA: 1 JU57 D1D 50M37H1NG 57UP1D W17H J4K3

DAMARA: =Her brows are still in worried position, but his reassurance helps a little bit at least.= BETTER BE FINE! OR WILL BE VERY ANGRY. HE MUST RECOVER QUICK SO I CAN BE ON HIM. =Literally and figuratively. She reaches to brush hair out of his face, hand stopping mid motion.= 

 DAMARA: WITH JAKE? WHY? IS HE INFIRMARY ALSO?

MITUNA: M4Y83 83C4U53 1 817 H1M

DAMARA: =????= 

DAMARA: WHAT? =Stares at him, even more confused. She finishes her motion now though, gently brushing hair from his face.=

MITUNA: -He winces slightly as she does, feeling her fingers brush over psionic scarring from his incident, and it's all too great a reminder of things he tries to push down-

MITUNA: W3 K1ND 0F G07 1N70 4 F1GH7

DAMARA: =The wince doesn't make her pull her hand back, but instead trying to be more gentle, carefully tracing her fingers down the side of his face until it's on his cheek. She strokes it carefully as she watches him. At least there hadn't been an outside source causing this, none of the clowns did this to him, but even if she's relieved that not another quad was...= 

DAMARA: =She didn't get why he'd fight Jake. She furrows her brows some.= FIGHT? WHY? WITH OTHERS? WERE JUST HE AND JAKE DOING FIGHT?

MITUNA: Y34H

MITUNA: H3 R4N 1N70 M3 4ND W0ULDN7 5HU7 UP 4ND 7H3N 1 H17 H1M  4ND 7H3N H3 K1CK3D MY 455 4ND RUP7UR3D 4 K1DN3Y 50 7H3R35 7H47

DAMARA: =Keeps her hand on his cheek, her confused expression changing into one of shock. She couldn't even begin to see any of them doing something like that, and it makes her brows crease. Her other hand goes to his free cheek. Hold the puff face.= 

DAMARA: YOU IS OK? THIS IS FOR CERTAIN? KIDNEY WILL BE GOOD? =She will kick Jake's ass, no matter how sweet he has been to her. Nobody messes with her quads.=

 DAMARA: WHY FIGHT? DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MITUNA: H3 W45 831NG 4N 4NN0Y1NG F4R7 KN0CK3R 4ND WOULDN7 CL053 H15 57UP1D M4W

DAMARA: =Stares....= 

DAMARA: YOU ARE... 

DAMARA: =It's the only explanation she can think of???= 

DAMARA: HAVING PITCH? FOR HIM?

MITUNA: -He looks equal parts mortified, offended and disgusted-

MITUNA: WH47 7H3 FR35H 8ULG3Y H3LL N0

DAMARA: =Oh. Well then. She's not sure if he is genuine or not, since a lot of those emotions on his face can go into the whole... Pitch feelings thing.= 

DAMARA: =But she wouldn't pry, just stroking his cheeks some.= THEN ONLY FISTS? I UNDERSTAND. 

DAMARA: BUT WISH HE WOULD NOT FIGHT, YES? FOR SAKE OF FACES AND KIDNEYS.

MITUNA: Y0U 54Y 7H47 L1K3 1 F1GH7 4 L07

DAMARA: SAYING IT LIKE NOT LIKING FIGHTS.

DAMARA: EVEN IF OPTION IS BEST SEEMING. MANY TIMES.

MITUNA: H3 W0ULDN7 5HU7 UP

DAMARA: =Slow nod...= PEOPLE LKE HIM... ENTHUSIASTIC, NO? 

DAMARA: BUT. SHOULD NOT BE PUNCHING. IS NO GOOD. 

DAMARA: AND YOU IS GOOD. 

 DAMARA: DOES NOT ADD UP. =Smiles crookedly, trying to cheer him up.=

MITUNA: -HE HATES HIM! Platonically-

MITUNA: 1 H4V3N7 833N G00D 1N 4 L0NG 71M3

MITUNA: 1M JU57 K1ND 0F H3R3

DAMARA: =Stroke the Tuna cheeks.= YOU ARE GOOD. GOOD AND KIND AND SILLY AND WONDERFUL. 

DAMARA: BUT HE IS NOT..? FEELING THIS WAY? =Her worried expression returns as she watches him.=

MITUNA: -He can't really bring himself to look at her anymore, instead choosing to look down and shake his head. Because he didn't. Maybe he never did, but he definitely didn't after his incident. It was a miracle he could even form coherent sentences...And he hated that. The fact that normalcy and the mundane was the best he could muster on a GOOD day.-

DAMARA: =She keeps his face cupped still, despite him looking down. It hurt seeing him like this, and knowing that he hurt. He'd been this way ever since the incident hadn't he? Less energetic and keeping to himself. It hurt, and it hurt not knowing to make him feel better.= 

 DAMARA: MITUNA. =She begins, gentle but insistent.= 

 DAMARA: I AM SORRY. THAT THIS IS. HOW HIS FEELINGS IS. IT IS HARD. HARD FEELING NOT GOOD. NOT SEEING THAT YOU ARE GOOD. OR IMPORTANT. 

 DAMARA: BUT PLEASE BE KNOWING THAT. IF HE CANNOT BE SEEING THESE THINGS. THAT I WILL ALWAYS BE SEEING THEM. PORRIM ALSO. THAT HE IS GOOD. THAT HE DOES GOOD FOR US. 

 DAMARA: THAT HE MATTERS. FOR ALL PAST. FUTURE. PRESENT. YOU WILL MATTER ALWAYS. 

 DAMARA: AM HAPPY THAT HE WAS HATCHED. THAT I MET HIM. THAT HE IS HERE.

MITUNA: -He stays quiet, sniffling a bit. It's hard not to lean into her hand, so he doesn't fight the urge.- 7H4NK5

MITUNA: 175 JU57 R43LLY 5H177Y 1 C4N7 D0 4NY7H1GN 4NYM0R3 4ND 1 C4N7 D0 4NY7H1NG 480U7 17

MITUNA: 1 F33L L1K3 1M JU57 H0LD1NG Y0U 4ND P0RR1M 4ND 7UL4 84CK

DAMARA: =She smiles faintly at him, stroking his cheeks more as he leans into it.= 

 DAMARA: ALWAYS. ALWAYS IS WHEN I WILL BE SAYING THESE THINGS. 

DAMARA: =It hurt hearing him say these things, but this wasn't about her, and she would do her best trying to make him feel better. She shakes her head.= NEVER. HE IS NOT HOLDING BACK. HE IS HOLDING UP. ME UP TO FEEL LIKE ALSO BEING GOOD. GIVING ME SMILES WHEN ALL IS HARD. 

DAMARA: WOULD NOT BE IN ANY PLACE WHERE HE IS NOT. HAPPY WITH HIM. SAD HE IS FEELING LIKE THIS. THIS WHY I WANT HIM TO KNOW. WHY I AM SAYING THIS. 

DAMARA: THAT HE MATTERS. THAT I LOVE YOU. HE CAN ALWAYS DO THINGS. HARDER NOW. UNDERSTAND. BUT WITH TIME. DETERMINATION. HE CAN DO ANYTHING. I KNOW THIS. 

DAMARA: BECAUSE. HE IS GOOD.

MITUNA: -Damara no why. He's tearing up now and leaning into her more. Wrapping his arms around her because she did make him feel better, had a way of making him feel like he was still whole and it was comforting to know someone didn't give up on you even when you gave up on yourself-

MITUNA: WHY 4R3 Y0U 50 G00D

DAMARA: =The smile grows as he wraps her arms around her, her own slipping from his face to wrap back around him. She rests her head against his, a faint chuckle on her lips.= 

DAMARA: SILLY. 

DAMARA: I SAID ALREADY. 

 DAMARA: I AM GOOD. BECAUSE YOU ARE.

MITUNA: 1 KN0W Y0U 43R 8U7 WH47 4M 1

MITUNA: W417

MITUNA: FUCK

DAMARA: =Giggles and nuzzles her cheek against his, smiling.= 

 DAMARA: A GOOF. 

DAMARA: BUT GOOD. 

TEREZI: -she'd already lost Karkat, and if Damara followed without her so much as knowing, Terezi knew she wouldn't be able to forgive herself.-

DAMARA: =During her week of clown hunting she'd overexerted herself something fierce. She'd not gotten much food or liquid, and when she was too tired to walk she'd used her kinetics instead. It had put a huge toll on her body, and though her furious way of fighting had kept her from getting too many physical injuries she was still in rough shape.= 

DAMARA: =She might physically feel like the same level of garbage as when she got back, but she still feels like she is. She had worried her quads, been a selfish moron lashing out without thinking and now she could only hope forgiveness from everyone she knew.= 

DAMARA: =The time in the infirmary has been slow, as she'd not felt like doing anything but sleep. So she has. Slept, slept and slept some more. Her waking hours spent in anger with herself and thinking of more sleep. No matter how much she drank her throat always felt raw, and her eyes dry.= 

DAMARA: =She's in one of her waking moments now, staring dully ahead at nothing at all when there's a furious knocking at the door. She frowns, not knowing who it might be and not feeling up for visitation. Shifting in the bed as much as she's able, she turns so she can have her back to the door stubbornly.= COME.

TEREZI: -that single word brings Terezi so much relief - she's well enough to talk, at least - that Terezi had to lean against the door briefly to sigh with said relief before carefully walking into the room, still using her cane for balance. Damara smelled....tired, exhausted, drained... But alive? Yes! She smelled alive and relatively uninjured and without mortal wounds! Terezi's heart ached that she she had been too busy caught up in her own mental block to see that Karkat had been Damara's quadrant too, and his murder would have affected her just as deeply.- 

TEREZI: -this was definitely guilt she was feeling. Guilt and anger towards herself. From the looks of the charts outside, Damara had been admitted when Terezi was gone. Doing what? Exacting justice? Please. She would rather have been here for her friend over that. There was no justice in this world. Not a bit of it. And she'd been a fucking fool to think she would be the one to balance out that scale. Funny how her priorities shifted in less than a sweep. 

TEREZI: -As for her appearance, Terezi looked hella better than she did the first day she came back to the UU, but despite her eating regularly now, she still had traces of sunken cheeks. Her hair was shorter than she'd ever worn it, and she still bore a limp from stepping on a rock wrong. That injury wasn't even from fighting but by her own damn self. She had bruises from her griefs with the clowns, but they were mostly hidden under a black t-shirt. Only a couple on her upper arms showed.- 

TEREZI: -Once she had a clear path, she broke for Damara's bedside, limping on over as fast as she was able. She reached forward, her hand reaching for her friend's cheek as her face broke in varied emotions of joy at seeing her relatively ok and heartbreak at seeing her in the infirmary at all.-

DAMARA: =Keeps herself facing away from the door, but the fact that it opened in silence after all that banging makes her uneasy. She turns halfway to look, then goes wide eyed at the sight. Not a word leaving her before Terezi's hand is upon her cheek, and even then it sounds dumb in her ears.= TEREZI? =Reaches up to put her own hand on hers.= 

 DAMARA: WHAT HAPPEN? =Looks her up and down frantically, going back to the sunken cheeks and her cane in particular.=

TEREZI: -Alive. Warm. She had to feel it for herself and gave a soft smile at her own actions. Moving her hand from Damara's face to hold her hand, Terezi shook her head and tilted her chin forward in motions that said, 'this is nothing, what happened to you ms infirmary queen?'-

DAMARA: =Unlike Terezi she has no reason to smile, only looking wide eyed and worried. That worry turning into a frown with furrowed brows at the head shake and tilt towards her. This wasn't about her! She gives Terezi's hand a squeeze.= NO! 

DAMARA: WHAT HAPPEN? =Gestures to the cane with her free hand.= WHY IS THIS? THIS ALL! WHY?

TEREZI: -she looked away and rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed, still expecting to feel her hair there. But it's loss was nothing compared to hole of absence their quadrant left behind. Despite her wanting to know what had happened to Damara, she didn't feel like arguing over who should tell who first. She hadn't felt like fighting anyone at all once she'd returned, actually. If she wanted to know, she knew she had to answer Damara first.- 

TEREZI: -Terezi hesitantly took out her whiteboard and drew a crude drawing of herself with angry eyebrows followed by an arrow pointing to a clown face. A hunting trip.-

DAMARA: =She only looks more confused and worried when Terezi gets out the whiteboard. Her eyes go to it, but she's getting too worked up to think much about any surrounding it.= WHAT? NO! CAN'T SPEAK? 

DAMARA: STUPID! USE VOICE! =Stares at her instead of the whiteboard, feeling a rush of fear through her. Had the clowns cut out her tongue? Could she no longer speak? What was going on? She glances briefly back to the whiteboard. Yes, it was clowns. Had they hurt her? Had she not gotten all of them? Why would Terezi go after them? She wasn't stupid like her.=

TEREZI: -oH YES SHE WAS EXTREMELY STUPID SORRY TO BUST YOUR BUBBLE DAMARA.- 

TEREZI: -she shook her head, erased the board, and wrote something down before flipping it around to face her:  "dont want to talk. not a good idea." Damara should also notice that she's not writing in her usual capitals or numbers. Or using any words that refer back to herself, such as 'I'-

DAMARA: =She looks at the whiteboard, then back at Terezi, her shoulders tensing and setting just as her jaw does.= WHY. =Demand, not a question.=

TEREZI: ... -her gaze falls to her hands. her hands, her actions that hurt the both of them and that led to Karkat's death.- 

TEREZI: -she drew Hohepa. A rather accuracte portrayal before Redglare punched him repeatedly in the face then promptly slit his throat.- 

TEREZI: -"let him live" she wrote. Then underneath "on lopan"-

DAMARA: =She stares intensely at the whiteboard, feeling her hands clench into fists and gripping the sheets upon seeing Hohepa. Then the words. She doesn't understand. There's anger at first, but she doesn't understand any of it.= 

DAMARA: AND?

 DAMARA: SO? 

DAMARA: WHY IS SHE NO SPEAK? 

DAMARA: SHE IS JUSTICE. THIS WHAT DOES!

TEREZI: -her face breaks into a grimace and the whiteboard plops in her lap as she buried her face into her hands, her nails digging into her skin. She promptly picked it up again and continued drawing. Chucklevoodooed Meulin. Hohepa releasing the prisoners. Psycho Mantis.. She furiously wiped at my own tears. How dare she cry when she brought this upon herself. She flipped it around so Damara could see then patted her own chest, her fingers curling into her shirt.-

DAMARA: =While she watches Terezi draw she only finds herself growing more angry, at everything that had happened and Terezi herself, but likely not for the reason she believed. Damara wants to reach for the tears, but she's too busy holding onto these sheets.= 

DAMARA: =What does happen is her very nearly slapping the whiteboard out of Terezi's hands.= STUPID! 

DAMARA: THINKING IS FAULT OF HER? NO! HOW CAN KNOW? THIS HAPPEN? WHAT DOES IS GOOD! NOT KILL WITHOUT KNOWING ALL. 

DAMARA: GIVING MERCY. IS HER! WHAT DID WAS HIM!

TEREZI: -jesus, dam. The whiteboard very nearly slips out of her hands, but she caught it before it fell. erasing all her drawings with her forearm, she wrote, "unsafe situation, should have known better"- 

TEREZI: -when damara said that it was her to give mercy, Terezi shut her eyes tightly, feeling the urge to cry again. Stupid. So fucking stupid.-

 TEREZI: -"mercy=mistake"-

TEREZI: -"no justice here"-

DAMARA: =She's so puffy, color in her face out of frustration. Why was she being like this? Terezi should know better than acting like... Like her! Like somehow everything going bad was her fault! Her frustrations only grow with her own failure of making her realize how foolish she is behaving.= 

 DAMARA: NO! CAN NEVER KNOW! IS POINT. CAN NEVER KNOW WHAT IS RIGHT. 

DAMARA: BUT SHE! =Points at Terezi.= TRIES BEING GOOD! NO ANGER BEFORE IT JUST! WAS NOT HER. HER THAT. =Swallows sharply, hand falling back onto the bed.= NOT YOU. RELEASING PRISONERS. MAKING ALL HAPPEN. HOHEPA. WAS CAUSE. NOT FAULT OF YOU.

 DAMARA: DID NOT PLACE OPPORTUNITIES IN HIS HANDS. WAS HIM. ONLY ACTED IN GOOD. GIVE CHANCE. WASTED ON HIM. NOT FAULT OF YOU. STUPID!

TEREZI: -She erased the board with her arm again and wrote in response, "doesnt matter" 

TEREZI: -"should have taken crew position seriously" The crew of this ship couldnt afford to be good or kind or generous anymore. They'd only be stabbed in the back- 

TEREZI: -"gave him chance"- 

TEREZI: -"used chance to free others"- 

TEREZI: -"others hurt us"-

TEREZI: -She flipped it, waited for a moment, then erased, continuing to write.- 

TEREZI: -"others killed him"-

 TEREZI: -"yes"- 

TEREZI: -"my fault"-

DAMARA: =She's getting increasingly angry, maroon in the face and brows knitted together.= 

 DAMARA: SHOULD HAVE. WOULD HAVE. SHE COULD NOT BE KNOWING. YET NOW BEING LIKE THIS.

 DAMARA: ALL OVER HINDSIGHT! 

DAMARA: NOW SHE NOT SPEAK. LIKE FUCKING WRIGGLER! CHASTISE SELF. THINKING DOING THIS WILL MAKE THING DIFFERENT? NO! 

DAMARA: WHY DOING THIS? MAKING HERSELF GONE TOO. VOICE GONE AS IF DON'T MATTER. SHE DOES! =Her throat feels raw, but she keeps yelling.= 

 DAMARA: THEN IF PAST. IF WAS HER FAULT. THEN WHY NOT TRYING MAKING BETTER? INSTEAD SHE IS! WEAK! USE VOICE TWICE AS MUCH. WHEN FEELING IT WAS WRONG. TO MAKE BETTER. THIS IS NOT HER. 

DAMARA: BEING STUPID? NOT TEREZI.

TEREZI: -She didn't flinch once as Damara yelled at her. She was almost happy that Damara nearly had it. The closest anyone has gotten. It wasn't that she stopped speaking because her voice didn't matter, but because her voice was too dangerous. Because people listened. Because she had crowed that mercy would prove the universe of their innocence. She'd screeched it night and day and to anyone who would listen. And now she saw, too late, that speaking up had been wrong and like Tyrena implied, she now had to live with her choice.- 

TEREZI: -she wrote "yes" because that word pretty much covered everything, from her acting like a wriggler to being stupid as hell. But...that also included an effort trying to make things better. She was so sad and so angry. Angry at the world, angry at herself. But one thing she could never do was give up. She'd been knocked down into the dirt (physically and emotionally) so many times she'd lost count, but she'd always find herself digging in her claws, trying to stand.- 

TEREZI: -she offered Damara a small, sad smile and shrugged as though to say "maybe."-

DAMARA: =This time the whiteboard is going to go flying, as Damara's kinetics grabs it to hurl it across the room. The smile did nothing. She was being so utterly stupid.= 

 DAMARA: やめる！ちょうど停止! [[ Stop! Just stop! ]] =She's baring teeth, glaring at Terezi.= 

DAMARA: あなたはとても愚かな演技しています。私はそれを我慢できません！[[ You're acting so stupid! I can't stand it! ]] 

DAMARA: WHAT GOOD? THIS DOING!? 何もありません！[[Nothing!]] 

DAMARA: EVERYTHING 崩れます[[crumbles]]!

DAMARA: 彼は行ってしまった！[[He's gone!]] AND ALSO? NOW LOSING HER? HER VOICE? TO 愚かなクソ理由! [[stupid fucking reason!]] 

DAMARA: THEN LEAVE! IF BEING SO STUPID! =Tears are flowing hotly, angrily, her hands balled into tight fists that makes her knuckles whiten.=

TEREZI: -she expected that to happen at one point, so it wasn't entirely surprising. What was surprising is how much her silence affected Damara and she quickly went to pull her into a tight hug. If she were to try pushing her away, she would only hold on tighter. Damara wasn't going to lose her. She's right here. A little changed, a little sadder, but still here.- 

TEREZI: -she doesn't want Damara to cry over this and she wants to tell her that, but she's done directing people. Being a leader never really worked out for her, even before she joined TUMUT.-

DAMARA: =She wants to fight the hug at first. Shoving at Terezi for all that's she's good for. Which isn't much right now. She chokes on a sob, her face still twisted with anger, but she lets the hug happen. This was all so stupid. Terezi is acting like a fool, and yet she can understand why she'd break like this, she just never wanted her to fall so far. She cries on her, angry and upset, arms limp against her.=

TEREZI: -she holds onto Damara, tightening her hug and trying not to cry herself. And failing. The only sounds she made were occasional soft, sharp inhales as her crying deprived her of air.- 

TEREZI: -But she needed to show her something. Damara needed to know, only if it was the tiniest strand of possibility. It was what allowed her smile despite her sadness. And even though common sense in the back of her mind urged not to get her hopes up, she had to believe in something. In one good thing that would happen.- 

TEREZI: -reluctantly pulling away, she made a beckoning motion and gestured toward a wheelchair-

DAMARA: =It's hopeless, everything is. It's hopeless and infuriating and she's not able to do anything right. Not for Karkat, not for Porrim or Mituna and not for Terezi. All she does seems to only make things worse, even when she tries to make things better. She inhales through her teeth in a hiss, hand going up to wipe away her own tears when the hug stops.= 

DAMARA: UGH..! 

DAMARA: =Rubs and wipes, sniffling when she looks up. There's anger in her eyes still, but she's just tired now. Exhausted from the energy spent.= WHAT?

TEREZI: -she really should have thought this not-speaking thing through, but instead of asking Damara if she was all right to move, she goes to get the wheelchair herself, roll it over, and point at the seat.-

TEREZI: -she figures it'll be okay since they're technically not leaving the infirmary- 

TEREZI: -hopefully she wont run into John or the carapacians-

DAMARA: =Watches her roll the wheelchair over, frowning.=

 DAMARA: WHY. 

DAMARA: WHAT PURPOSE IS THERE?

 DAMARA: NO.

TEREZI: -points at the chair again-

DAMARA: WHY? =Stubborn, voice tired with faltering anger.=

TEREZI: -goes to get the whiteboard and draws...a....banana-looking thing-

TEREZI: -it's hard, okay!-

DAMARA: =Squints, nose scrunching.= 

DAMARA: NOT HUNGRY.

TEREZI: -makes an L shape against the banana so it looks like the banana is leaning on it-

DAMARA: =HUFFS. This is stupid and she's tired and drained and UGH.= 

DAMARA: =Just flops back in bed, pulling the sheet over her head.=

TEREZI: -FACEPALMS and pulls out her device, trying to tug at the sheet while showing her what she meant to draw because she sucks at pictionary anyway-

DAMARA: =Grumpy sounds as it just winds a tugging contest, Damara using her kinetics rather than her arms as they don't have much force behind them right now.=

TEREZI: -whining sounds!-

DAMARA: =Stubbornly keeps using her kinetics on the blanket. Part exhausted and part, perhaps, being a jackass trying to get Terezi to talk rather than all of this tugging and guessing games.=

TEREZI: -if damara will just look at the phone--!! but instead of saying anything, she sets the phone back down the beside table and is now using both hands, trying to work against the kinetics.-

DAMARA: =Denied.= 

DAMARA: =Denied despite her growing headache from using her kinetics. She is not going to leave this bed. Not ever. She is too fucking tired. Too grumpy and miserable.=

TEREZI:  -she still doesn't know why you’re in the infirmary at all, u butt, so she stops after a while since she's still CONCERNED. If Damara isn't moving, she isn't leaving and she plops down in the wheelchair instead, leaning her head against the rail of the bed.-

DAMARA: =Well. Now that the tugging stops she is CONCERNED too. Or maybe mostly annoyed that Terezi didn't leave. She just wants to be angry and tired. She peeks out at her from the sheets.= 

DAMARA: ... 

DAMARA: =BIG TIRED SIGH... Removes sheets.= 

DAMARA: IF COME. 

DAMARA: CONSIDER SPEAKS?

TEREZI: -SHRUGS. if she flat out said yes that would be a lie and she didn't want to lie to her friend.-

DAMARA: ASKING CONSIDER. GIVE THINK. 

DAMARA: NOT TO DO IT. THE SPEAKING. 

DAMARA: WILL DO THIS? USE MIND.

TEREZI: -Didn't Damara understand how dangerous a voice could be? But...she nods. Okay, she'll consider it, but for right now...talking isn't a good idea.-

DAMARA: =Nods slowly.= THANK YOU. 

DAMARA: FOR CONSIDERING.

 DAMARA: =Exhales, scooting to the edge of the bed.= I WILL GO. WITH.

TEREZI: -Nods and reaches forward to give her a small hug. Thank you.-

 TEREZI: -She got out of the wheelchair and went to help her lower the rail, standing by to give a hand of support if she needed it.-

DAMARA: =Leans against the hug, then shakes her head at the hand. She's got this.= 

DAMARA: =Edges more then just drops herself into the chair, turning in it to sit the right way. Head tilted forwards when she exhales tiredly.= THEN. GO TO BANANA PLACE.

TEREZI: -Going around her to steer, she patted her on the shoulder before making a 'vrrrrrm' noise. See? Terezi's still in there.- 

TEREZI: -pressing the button to open the door, she poked her head out to make sure the coast was clear. Rolling Damara into the hallway, she took a right, further into the infirmary rather than a left which would have led them to the cafeteria and atrium and possibly real bananas-

DAMARA: =The silly 'vrrrm' noise makes her snort at least, if not bring a small smile to her face. She doesn't really pay attention to where they are going, trucking her face down and fiddling with her jammies a little bit. Why, she might even be nodding off.=

TEREZI: -the snort brings that small smile back to her face, but there was more contentment to it this time around. The trip was a short one: down another hall and to the left and soon she's opening the door. It sounds with a small swish and she urged the wheelchair forward into the dark room before removing her hand to flip a switch.- 

TEREZI: -and there it was, the huge red banana hanging from silk in the corner of the room.-

DAMARA: =She snaps out of her doze once the lights go on, blinking against the harsh light that hurt her tired eyes. They adjust slowly, her squint slowly replaced with that of wide eyes.= 

DAMARA: =Stares at this huge red banana, not... Sure how to feel, or even think about it.=

 DAMARA: WHAT... =The only thing she can even think... Or say.=

TEREZI: -she let out a quick breath through her nose, feeling her chest clench up as she squeezed Damara's shoulder. She doesn't know what to say either, really, and if she had elected to talk, "Yeah..." would have been her response.-

TEREZI: -she inched Damara closer to it - to him.-

DAMARA: =Her shoulders tense, not really wanting to get closer to it. She's still processing all of this. Eyes wide and staring up at it.=

 DAMARA: ... 

DAMARA: =Her voice shakes, a whisper.= IS HIM..?

TEREZI: -she nodded, but in the event Damara didn't see that, she also said, "mmhmm." Leaving her place behind Damara, she joined her at her side, placing her hand on hers and gently squeezing her fingers.-

DAMARA: =She stares still, unable to comprehend this. She's relieved, maybe, but also doubtful. This was different than the rest, wasn't it? Her throat feels dry again, and her eyes hot.= 

 DAMARA: =She turns her hand over, so that she can grab Terezi's hand, squeezing it back. There are no words right now, and maybe she won't find them at all as she watches this weird banana pod that filled her with such a mournful hope.=

TEREZI: -It was a different situation, even different than Aradia's and even with her doubt, Terezi clung onto what little she could. While parts of her screamed it was a bad idea to lead others into something that may or may not be, she knew also that giving up on him would be the worst thing she could do.  She and Karkat had been separated once before, and the crew brought him back. And again long before that. Long before either of them knew of TUMUT and faced futures uncertain. If they found each other twice, then third time was the fucking charm.- 

PORRIM: *this entire week had been nothing but anxiety riddled for porrim. she had no idea if or when eridan will wake up, nor did she have any idea where damara was. she had assumed she was terezi, until she found out they were both missing. still, life had to go on, and she resumed her work as usual. tonight when she returned to the room, she expected it to be empty, but freezes in the doorway when she sees damara's form on the bed* ...

PORRIM: Damara?

DAMARA: *There's only silence to greet her, and the steady rise and fall of Damara's back as she breathes.*

PORRIM: *she remains stock still, unsure of what to do. does she leave her like that? wake her up? she isn't even sure how she feels, let alone know what to do. but she does eventually manage to pry herself from the doorway to sit on the bed next to her, just to watch her.*

DAMARA: *When Porrim sits down there's a slight dip in the matress, and that makes Damara's eyes fly open, one hand reaching for the one bloodstained needle in her hair. Though her motion halts halfway when it hits her just who it is, and her hand falls back onto the bed. She's too exhausted to be fully hit with the guilt that is sure to come.* SAFE. *Her voice is dry, raspy.* NOW.

PORRIM: *flinches at damara's immediate reaction, much too on edge not to retract a little, but she tries to collect herself once the other relaxes.* ... Damara. Where were yo+u? What happened?

DAMARA: *Porrim's reaction might've hurt if she wasn't so damn tired, everything was sore and aching and she had not realized this until just now. She takes a deep inhale, gaze downcast behind half lidded eyes.* KARKAT. *Saying his name makes her clench her jaw.* AVENGE. NOW. GOOD. *Shuts eyes.* SAFE. YOU. MITUNA.

PORRIM: *hearing this makes her throat tighten. she didn't even realize tears were beginning to sting at her eyes.* But yo+u didn't even-- Tell us... Where yo+u were...

PORRIM: I didn't kno+w if /yo+u/ were safe.

DAMARA: YES. *It takes what strength she has to lift her hand in search of Porrim, her fingers coming to a stop near her.* AM FOOLISH. NO. *Coughs, her throat dry.* NO DENYING. FOR THIS. BUT SAFE. ALL IS.

PORRIM: *she looks away, wanting to hold her hand, but the hurt and frustration makes it difficult. she decides to express her affection in another way-- by fussing on her. she rises up off the bed to walk over to the mini fridge, pulling out a bottle of water before she returns to damara's side.* Yo+u sho+uld drink this.

DAMARA: *She exhales when Porrim leaves, her fingers curling and eyes shutting. Didn't take a genius to realize she'd hurt the people she cared about doing this more than helping them, but at the time it seemed like the only good thing to do. What other alternative did she have? There were none. It was what she did, what she had always come to do. She's too tired to face the consequences for her actions,to beg forgiveness. She looks back up when she hears Porrim's voice, another deep inhale to lift herself up on the bed. Her arms shaking with strain, but she gets up into a sitting position. Her eyes downcast as she reaches for the bottle.* THANK YOU.

PORRIM: *looks her over while she takes the bottle, inspecting her for any injuries.* Yo+u're no+t hurt, are yo+u...? Yo+u're a mess...

DAMARA: *It's a bit hard to tell if she is injured underneath all of the grime and blood, honestly she's not sure herself. Everything seems to ache just as much. She unscrews the water bottle and empties the whole thing in just a few moments, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. She shakes her head no.* IS FINE. GOOD. HERE.

PORRIM: ... Are yo+u sure? I think we sho+uld take yo+u to+ the infirmary just in case. *hovers hands over her, looking her over with concern, afraid to touch for so many reasons.*

DAMARA: *She wants to say it's fine, but she sees her concern, and realizes that more selfish insistance upon her own gut instinct being right wouldn't be good in this case. She shakes her head.* NO. YES. INFIRMARY. GOOD. *Small pause.* I AM. SORRY. THIS. WRONG. WANTED RIGHT.

PORRIM: *she let's out a long sigh, fixing her brow knitted expression on her face.* ... I kno+w what yo+u were trying to+ do+... And I kno+w we can't take any o+f it back no+w. But... please, Damara, do+n't-- *wipes away her own tears as they start to spill more liberally*

PORRIM: We'll always need yo+u mo+re here then anywhere else.

DAMARA: *The tears make her throat feel dryer than it already was, tension strong in her shoulders with head and heart both heavy. What can she even do now? Now that she has messed this up so badly. It had, for all sense and purposes, gone completely pear shaped. The grip on the empty water bottle tightens, but it takes too much strength out of her to do so more than a moment.* PORRIM. SORRY. I AM. SO SORRY. CANNOT. *Swallows dryly.* WHEN KARKAT. DEAD. CANNOT THINK. WANTED SAFE. THE REST. I AM SORRY. THIS IS WRONG. WAS WRONG. TO LEAVE. *Looks down again, swallowing more. She's too dehydrated to cry.* THE FOOL. IS ME. ALWAYS.

PORRIM: No+-- Damara, I do+n't think that abo+ut yo+u... Yo+u sho+uldn't either-- *she finally leans in, wrapping her arms around her carefully.*

PORRIM: I just want yo+u to+ remember... We're in this to+gether.

DAMARA: *When the arms close around her it feels like her eyes are set on fire, as they will to spill tears that aren't there. She leans heavy against her.* THIS IS WHY. STUPID. THINK CAN BE. TOGETHER. BY DOING. ON OWN. NOT HOW IS. TO BE. YET I DO. AGAIN. AND OVER. AND SHE? *Strangles a cough by clearing her throat hard, feeling it go raw.* HERE. STILL. SOMEHOW. DESPITE ALL. SHE IS GOOD. TOO MUCH SO. TO ME.

PORRIM: I can't be to+o+ go+o+d to+ yo+u... *swallows* I wish I co+uld do+ mo+re fo+r yo+u, in fact. I co+uld've... I co+uld've go+ne lo+o+king fo+r you. I sho+uld have-- *holds onto her tighter*

DAMARA: *She can't raise her arms all the way, for they are too heavy, but she manages to get them loosely around her waist.* NO. WHERE I GO. STUPID. DANGER. NOT DO THIS. *Leans her head against hers.* SHE IS GOOD. ROCK. BUT TOO MANY WAVES. CRASHING. NO FAIR.

PORRIM: *she quiets at that, burying her face against damara's shoulder. the back and forth of regret and reassurance was just too exhausting after everything else they had been through. she just wanted to be happy she was safe, but her head is still swimming with her hurt and worry and regret. hugging damara tightly again, she then pulls away to brush at her hair.* We need to+... take yo+u to+ the infirmary...

DAMARA: *Her throat feels raw again, but from emotion and dehydration. She's not sure if there's enough words she knows that would make things alright again anyway. Not for her. Not for Mituna. Her eyes feel heavy, and she keeps them averted.* ... SORRY. *It's a quiet one, followed by a nod.*

PORRIM: *her hands drift to take damara's into them, rising up to her feet afterwards.* It's... *glances away* Yo+u do+n't have to+ apo+lo+gize. Let's just... make sure yo+u're alright.

DAMARA: =She's been absent from the shared block for a time after the news hit, bad behavior for a quad perhaps but it was too much. She'd wandered the deeper parts of the ship aimlessly, trying to get a grip on the situation and herself, but no such luck. Eventually she found herself on the way back, rubbing at her eyes and trying to find set her walls up once more.=

PORRIM: -she hadn't expected to see much of mituna or damara after they received the news, but there was still a hollowness that resonated deeper than an empty room in wake of their absence. porrim wasn't hatched on beforus, but she had spent so many sweeps there. living there helped define the kind of person she wanted to be. she had old friends there. and worse yet was the dread of knowing how much worse things could get from here, for all of them.- 

PORRIM: -still, she found herself wishing to be the rock for her matesprits, unsure which was more selfish. to mourn her own losses, or desire to be the shoulder they could lean on. it twisted her up inside, wringing out tears that came in waves, and one had unfortunately stricken her about the time damara would return.-

DAMARA: =The door of their block opens, and as Damara stands in the open doorway watching Porrim cry, she is stricken with guilt. She should have been here instead of walking around feeling sorry for herself, shouldn't she? Regardless of what she might be thinking, or not thinking, it only takes a few seconds between Damara standing in the door and her making a beeline for Porrim. There are no words as her arms wrap around her, a shaking intake of air and she hugs her like she never intends to let go.=

PORRIM: -the sudden appearance of damara startles her, striking her with a similar guilt, but as soon as arms coil around her, those feelings are cast aside. nothing else really mattered so long as they were together, and there for each other. she clings tightly back to her, burying her face against damara's shoulder where she leaves little jade tear stains behind.-

DAMARA: =With her face safely tucked away against Porrim she lets her tears come again, this time without shame. She had no reason to be when her quads were involved, she's come to understand that more and more. She cries, holding Porrim tighter to herself while she does. Though after a time her voice is found again, and though she feels numb her voice is full of the anger she had expected.= 

DAMARA: 彼らのことが嫌いです！ 彼ら全員！誰がこれを行うのでしょうか？クソごみ！ 泥！私はそれらのすべてを殺します！ [[ I hate them! All of them! Who would do this? Fucking garbage! Dirt! I will kill all of them!]]

PORRIM: -she only knows bits and pieces of damara's language, though she's been trying to learn more. she doesn't need to understand the words to know what she's saying, however, and she offers her comforting back rubs.- 

PORRIM: I kno+w... I kno+w, it's so+... so+ wro+ng.

DAMARA: =The back rubs appear to soothe her anger, because her repeated words come out weaker. She sniffles, moving her head back from Porrim to wipe at her eyes. Then scoffing and wiping away smeared makeup from Porrim's top.= WHAT IS POINT? 

 DAMARA: IT IS WAR, YES. SEEING THIS. WHAT HAPPENS. BUT NOT THIS. IT IS FOOLISH. TOO MUCH CRUEL.

PORRIM: It do+esn't seem real... I do+n't understand ho+w so+mething like this can... even be po+ssible? 

PORRIM: Yo+u're right... It is to+o+ cruel. -squeezes her a little tighter, tears flowing again just when she was starting to think she might calm- No+thing like this sho+uld ever happen.

DAMARA: =There are many tears from both parties, though Damara feels less heavy while on her task of wiping Porrim. The makeup seems determined to stay, so she reaches up to cup Porrim's face in her hands instead. Gently wiping tears from her face while her own stain her cheeks.= 

 DAMARA: NO MERCY FOR WORMS LIKE SUCH. LESS THAN WORM. DISGRACE ON WORMS TO COMPARE. 

 DAMARA: =She sounds determined.= THEY WILL GO DOWN. MORE CRUEL THAN THIS.

PORRIM: -she never really considered herself a violent person, but porrim was absolutely vengeful. she swallows, listening to damara with her blurred vision locked on her gaze, and though her hands tremble when she places them over the other's, she holds them steady there.- 

PORRIM: Yes they will.

DAMARA: =She smiles crooked as tears run down her face when Porrim places her hands atop hers. She continues to speak, as much of a reminder to herself as it is to Porrim.= 

 DAMARA: WILL NOT. CHANGE. WHAT HAPPEN. 

DAMARA: BUT JUSTICE. FOR EVERYONE. I BELIEVE THIS. IT MUST HAPPEN. BELIEVE WE CAN DO THIS. 

DAMARA: BEEN THROUGH ALL THINGS. HORRIBLE AWFUL. 

 DAMARA: BUT STILL HERE. 

DAMARA: ALWAYS? THIS BELIEF I HAVE.

PORRIM: -clutches her hands a little tighter, offering a smile in return- Yo+u're right. 

PORRIM: So+ lo+ng as we're here, we can fight back... to+gether.

DAMARA: =Smiles less crookedly, though it remains small.= THIS WHAT WE HAVE HERE. 

DAMARA: STRONG. =Nods.= TOGETHER.

 DAMARA: =Takes a shaky inhale of air, her eyes closing.= THIS PLACE. I WILL PROTECT. MORE HOME THAN. 

 DAMARA: =She can't bring herself to say Beforus out loud, simply opening her eyes again and giving Porrim a look full of grief, hoping she will understand.=

PORRIM: -with one more squeeze to damara's hands, she lets go to wipe away her tears as well. she nods just slightly to signify her understanding, punctuating it by tilting damara's head down to press a kiss to her forehead.-

DAMARA: =She is so grateful to have her there, to have all of these people in her life. Her grief would be greater had she not had them, or perhaps she'd still be neglecting her feelings to this day and failed to care at all.= 

KURLOZ: -one of the few members of the UU crew that seems unaffected by the recent disaster just so happens to be wandering the very same halls, currently walking in the opposite direction of Damara-

DAMARA: =She is pretty out of it, however the sound of approaching footsteps reach her ears eventually. She ducks her face for a moment, both hands furiously wiping at her eyes to hide any display of weakness before looking back up again. She recognized the troll, though she couldn't say she'd talked much with him sans for perhaps introductions. What strikes her is his strange air of calm, which she finds both strange and facinating all at once. She winds up staring at his face, no longer walking herself.=

KURLOZ: -he doesn't even seem to be paying her any mind as he continues to walk, and it would probably appear as if he were completely ignoring her if not for the slight head turn towards her as he gets close-

DAMARA: =Maybe she is looking for a distraction, any distraction. Because against her better judgement she keeps staring, even as he is about to pass.= ... 

DAMARA: YOU. HELLO. =It sounds stiff and unnatural, much like the rest of her.= KURLOZ IS THIS?

KURLOZ: :o)  -pauses at her greeting, and gives her a nod in reply-

DAMARA: =Well, it wasn't like she had thought ahead this far in time. The smile feels unnatural given the circumstances, but she is no stranger to unnatural smiles. Why, she is giving one in return.= DAMARA. IS ME.

 DAMARA: =Fuck. Conversational topic, come on.= IS SECURITY. NOT LOST? HALLS STRANGE.

KURLOZ: :o) -continues staring and smiling at her-

DAMARA: =Tilts her head.= NOT LOST? IS SO? 

DAMARA: THEN IS GOOD. FOR DOCTOR, YES? MUST NOT BE FINDING THEMSELVES LOST LIKE SO. 

DAMARA: OTHER THE WISE TOO MANY BODIES. NONE TOO CARE FOR THEM.

KURLOZ: -nods at her- :o)

DAMARA: THIS IS WHAT HE IS ON WAY OF DOING? 

 DAMARA: GIVE CARESS TO THOSE IN NEED OF SUCH?

KURLOZ: ;o) -more nodding-

DAMARA: =Smiling away at him. She might just be spouting whatever immediate words that come to her, but at least it is keeping her from thinking about what happened. Her posture is less stiff now.= 

 DAMARA: THIS SO? THEN MOST DILIGENT OF HIM. VERY IMPRESSIVE THAT HIS HANDS CANNOT BE HELD BACK. ON SUCH TASK.

KURLOZ: :o) *puffs his chest out some proudly.  Yes, he is impressive.  These yaoi hands cannot be helpd back-

DAMARA: =Sees the chest puffing and rolls with it.= IT IS TRUE! NOT MANY SO EAGER ON GETTING HANDS ON SUCH THINGS. 

 DAMARA: TO BE KNOWING OF SUCH DILIGENCE. IT IS OF COMFORTING.

KURLOZ:  -flexes, YES, such diligence.-  - he points at her and tilts his head curiously-

DAMARA: =Points at herself.= ME? 

DAMARA: SECURITY GUARD. IT IS ME. DOIN ROUNDS NOW. PATROLLING HALLWAYS, YES? LOOKING FOR PEOPLE IN  NEED OF ASSIST. =Stellar excuse Damara.=

KURLOZ: -strokes his chin as he nods thoughtfully as she tells him all these things-

DAMARA: BUT HE IS NOT IN THE NEED OF THIS? NOTHING TO BE HAVING NEED OF THE HELPING?

KURLOZ: -scratches his chin before giving a shrug, because sure, lets see what this short ram troll thinks she can help him with-

DAMARA: =Smiles back at him.= UNSURE? THERE ARE MANY THING THAT CAN BE DONE WITH HELP FROM ME. IS CAPABLE OF MUCH. 

DAMARA: LIKE GIVING HAND WITH PATIENTS, YES? RESTRICT IF FEELING THE SPAZZINESS AND FRIGHT OF DOCTOR.

KURLOZ: :oO

KURLOZ: :o) 

KURLOZ: :o)))))) -HMMMMM-

DAMARA: =Tilts head.= HE IS LIKING SOUND OF THIS?

KURLOZ: :o)  -NODS, genuinely enthusiastic at the thought of having someone help him hold people down so he can do whatever the fuck he wants with them-

DAMARA: =She claps her hands together.= THEN WILL BE HELPING HIM IN THIS. DECIDED, NO? =She has no idea what kind of meaning he got out of that.=

KURLOZ: -NODS AGAIN before patting her shoulder-

DAMARA: =This was great. Now she could bury these bad feels in more work. What a fortunate turn of events. Grins when her shoulder is pat.= JUST BE GIVING SIGN WHEN THE HELP IS NEEDED. THEN WILL ARRIVE WITH MOST SWIFT TO BE GIVING ASSISTING.

KURLOZ: -NODS AGAIN, then begins to walk again, giving damara the cheesiest thumbs up as he does so-