breathe me

Feeling Adrian’s hands lightly cupping her face, the blonde tried to stop her face from flushing. Sure, she could blame it on the alcohol, maybe, but that would be a weak excuse. She just hated knowing that he knew how flustered she could get around him. Being pulled out of her thoughts, Rae pursed her lips and frowned at his comment. “For the record, I don’t get to choose if I care or not,” she bit back. “And it’s not fair for you to act like somehow we are going to end up like some terrible, Greek tragedy. We haven’t even been on a real date yet.” 

It was almost liked Rae’s words were altogether ignored. Adrain was going on again about how he had a deep need to push people away. Sure, that wasn’t what he was admitting, but why else would he continue to treat her like she was some fragile piece of glass he could shatter at any moment. That wasn’t who she was. “You know…” she mumbled. “You can get pretty close to a flame without getting burnt. You just have to know when to walk away.”  

Looking towards Adrian, Rae shrugged at his question. Well, no, it was definitely more of a statement. “Whoever said I was a good girl?” she countered. Sure, they both knew that she definitely wasn’t a “bad girl” by textbook definition, but that didn’t mean she didn’t have her moments.

Unlocking her door and shuffling inside quietly, Rae made sure to pull Adrian in as quickly as possible before shutting the door behind them both. Her room was lacking any sort of decoration on the wall, but she had tried to bring in bright colors with flowers, lamps, pillows, and more. So, her room was cozy. “Welcome to my room,” she teased. “Probably not what you were expecting, huh?”

It was a curse, what Raina said: not being able to choose who to and not to care about. Adrian of all people knew that, being a victim of it, himself. He wasn’t going to admit it, however. He preferred to come off as a carefree fuckboy because it meant less talking and more distracting. To be honest, he would rather bleed out than sit and talk about his feelings for ten minutes. Adrian let out a long, dramatic sigh. “I know it’s not fair of me but that’s just the way I’m designed, Rae.” It was true. He had a habit of expecting the worst so were it to happen, it wouldn’t be a surprise. Adrian felt like he was going to regret his next words after saying them so naturally, they slipped out of his lips before he could convince himself otherwise. “I don’t really do dates sooo... I mean, we could do something along the lines of a date but...” he shrugged. “It probably wouldn’t count.”

He looked down into her icy, yet welcoming gaze, his lips pursed in momentary thought. “There’s no way you can get close safely. Either way, someone gets burned. And in some unfortunate cases, people don’t know when to stop getting closer.” He ran his thumb over his lower lip, thinking of how to specifically express what he meant. “It’s like a bad habit; they know it’s no good but just can’t help themselves.”

“I say you’re a good girl,” he countered. “And you can’t stand there and tell me you aren’t.” Adrian had sources and had asked around prior to having fully approached the blonde before him. She was most definitely a good girl in his books, and like a monster, he was attracted to her and her goodness.

“Scared someone will see me accompanying you into your room?” he questioned with his lips twitching into a smirk, eyes roaming her inside of her room. It was actually quite nice to look at, making Adrian chuckle lightly. “Definitely did not expect this but damn, I like it. I can see myself coming here more often in future.” He had a habit of inviting himself. “One problem, though. What do I have to do to guarantee having a shrine here one day?”

Rae pursed her lips at his response to her compliment. She had meant it. Adrian was more than just his looks and as much as she tried to feign the perfect playboy in front of her, she knew that wasn’t who he was. Sure, it was a part of him, and she didn’t mind that. She just wished people would recognize him for more like she did. “I care,” she replied with a smile. “I always have and for the record…I always will,” she confessed. 

“Naked flame? Really? How in the world is that any better?” she inquired with a laugh. As he slipped his hand around her waist, she took a second to look up at him. The way he smiled made her heart race and she hadn’t realized how much the loss of his companionship had hurt her. Seeing him and spending time with him was helping heal her, she could feel it. 

Pouring out her shot, the blonde looked at it and grimaced. Truth be told she still hated the way alcohol smelled, but fuck it if she didn’t love the way it made her feel. As soon as the tequila was in her, Rae could feel herself warming up. She could feel her cheeks flush slightly and she sighed. “Thank god, I needed that,” she admitted. Grabbing his hand to pull him towards her room, she laughed at his comment about all he had seen. “Oh, I have to hear about all the terrible decor choices of the other girls,” she teased. “I hope someone had a shrine of you at some point.”

He didn’t like the feeling he got when Raina said she cared. It made him feel.. almost vulnerable. And for those who knew Adrian, they were aware of how he preferred to joke around and sleep around and pretty much do anything if it meant avoiding reality. Hell, it was almost as if the male was allergic to such thing. Her words borderline made him feel nauseous. “You should do yourself a favour,” he started off softly, cupping Rae;s face with both of his hands. “Save yourself the heartache and don’t care. You’ll only regret it later.” His voice hinted of seriousness, even if his tone was light.

“It’s much better because I like to personally think of myself as a naked flame; a nice thing to set one’s eyes on but hurtful if one gets close.” He didn’t like the accuracy that lurked in his words. Adrian wouldn’t admit it but looking into Raina’s eyes made him feel-- he didn’t know how he felt. It was like she was a beautiful, frosty snow flake that could - at any given moment - turn into a snowstorm and being the ‘naked flame’ he was, he’d walk through that snowstorm without a care in the world. For a lack of better words, his selfishness would still ruin Raina if it meant keeping her from getting too close to him. 

Adrian watched Raina take the shot, his mouth practically watering at the sight. “Wow. Who’d’ve known that good girls could drink such bad things,” he purred, his tongue running over his lips. Damn, he’d craved alcohol so much lately but knew it wouldn’t be worth it in the morning with the headache and dry mouth. The girl before him was absolutely not making it any easier, tempting Adrian into thinking that maybe the hangover would be worth it all. He let her tow him away towards her room, chuckling softly to himself. “No shrines-- not yet, anyway. Was low key hoping you’d be the first.”

Raising an eyebrow at her companion, Raina found herself blushing at his question. She had been impressed with him for quite a while, but she didn’t really want to admit that to him. “Oh, come on, knowledge of history is great! You get to impress the ladies with not only your good lucks, but your brains too. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me,” she teased. “Plus, I’m hard to impress. You found that out that first day you tried to flirt with me. I’m not easily won over, Cipriani.” Calling Adrian by his last name wasn’t something that she did often, but when she did it was out of affection. It felt even more personal than calling him Adrian at times. 

“So, what you’re saying is that you’re basically a space heater and you can brave this cold? Okay, okay, I’ll say it once more. I’m impressed. Still, though, that doesn’t mean that I necessarily want to be out here any longer than I have to be,” she confessed. At the mention of her own room, the blonde pursed her lips but agreed with a shrug. “I appreciate the fact that you are trying to be respectful of your roommate’s space, so sure, we can go to my room. No judgment for my choice of decor though, got it?”

He raised his head before slowly letting it lean slightly to the side. He would never admit to anyone, maybe except for Keegan, that he loved being somewhat knowledgeable and that apart from sporting countless girls, he actually had an interest in academically excelling himself. Adrian didn’t want to just be a pretty face or just a good time or just an athlete; he wanted to be the entire package. “Yeah, but lets be honest here, Raina. None of these girls care if I’m smart or not. They just want to know if their friends were right about me or not,” he shrugged carelessly. It was true, though. Girls used him just as he used them. He didn’t mind, though. It was technically a win-win.

“Oh goodness. Don’t call me a space heater,” the male huffed, suppressing a laugh. He had ruefully read the Twilight series and hearing Jacob Black being referred to as a space heater made him cringe. I prefer to be a naked flame of some sort-- anything but a space heater.” Adrian slipped a hand around her waist. “Come on, then, Snow White. Take your shot and then we’ll retreat back to your room. I mean, I could keep you warm out here but if you’d prefer your room, then so be it,” he teased. “Don’t worry. I’ve seen so much that I’m sure your choice of decor won’t phase me. Unless you have a shrine of me... then we might have a problem.”

Keeping her arms around Adrian felt so natural and comfortable to Rae that she almost forgot how cold she was. Sure, he was right about the fact the drinking alcohol made you feel warmer. She knew that much was true, but she also knew that feeling warm and being warm were two completely different things. With a soft chuckle, the blonde looked up at Adrian and shook her head. “First of all, I’m impressed at your history knowledge,” she complimented. “Second thought, drinking can only make us feel warm for a finite amount of time. If we, I don’t know, say we go to your room, then we’ll be warm the entire time we drink. So, that means we’ll be able to drink longer and even maybe fall asleep on your amazingly comfortable bed.” 

Honestly, Rae was surprised at her own new found confidence. It had been weeks since she’d even talked with Adrian and here she was, being flirtatious and allowing herself to enjoy the time spent with him.  “I’ll take the first shot, but under two conditions. One, we go to your room. Two, you let me tell you about why I haven’t been around. Sound fair?” She had been wanting to tell someone, anyone, about her dad, and Adrian seemed like the perfect person to tell. She trusted him. 

With her arms around him, Adrian waited for their lips to clash. Only thing is... they didn’t. And he didn’t want to make the first move, only because he wanted to see how many girls would kiss him without him initiating the gesture. “Impressed? Really? Of all things that impress you, it’s my knowledge of history?” He shook his head. “I think I’m offended that nothing else has impressed you thus far,” he joked, raising both brows. “I prefer to feel warm than to be warm, to be quite frank,” the male started, cocking his head to the side. “I heat up faster than a normal person due to having a rather heated core so I tend to like cool environments that keep me at a somewhat neutral temperature,” Adrian explained, shrugging weakly. “Weird, but it’s true.” He had made it a rule not to bring girls back to his dorm, let alone allow them to sleep in his bed. It was the only place that was #fuckboy free. “Or we could go back to your room,” he counter suggested.

He couldn’t help but feel awkward when Raina mentioned his room again. As much as he wanted to tell her why it was off-limits, he didn’t entirely want to explain why so like a typical asshole, he chose to lie. “My roomie, Keegan, is going through a bit of a tough time right now so I don’t think extra company would be any good for him.” It was a surprise his nose didn’t elongate. “But you can most definitely tell me about why you haven’t been around.”

While Keegan was no street artist, he was fairly absorbed with what he was doing, not exactly listening for someone to come on by and see him or watch him. When a familiar snort sounded, he turned to look over his shoulder, a grin appearing on his lips as his eyes met those of his best friend. “Its rude to not let them work for a beard? I suppose I am doing them a favor here.. but come on, those suckers will never reach the appropriate level on their own.” He half argued, laughter in his voice. “Ahh yes I do know. Now that is a very fine art. The art of making a girl come violently is definitely one to stick to. Can’t imagine you’re out of practice Ace.” Keegan said with a teasing tone and absolutely no humility. He hadn’t been brought up to speak politely about sex, and he didn’t care to. If he was crude then so be it. Besides, Adrian knew him well enough to know. “As for having shit under control.. nah, not at all.” He said, shaking his head a bit. 

Adrian couldn’t help but laugh at Keegan’s reply; he had a point about their victims of the imaginary beards and the fact that they’d never achieve such level, but damn he didn’t have to be so savage about it. Not that the blonde was complaining. “Trust you to remind them of what they’ll never get, Mr. Hotshot,” he chuckled, shaking his head at what the other said next. He was used to how Keegan spoke of the female race and although Adrian didn’t do so at first, he couldn’t help but pick up the naughty habit. “You got that right, mate. Most definitely not out of practice, but my uh - clients? are becoming somewhat limited. I mean, it’s nice and all having beds all over the campus but it would be even better to actually sleep in them and not worry about returning to my actual bed before the sun rises.” The reason why he refused to wake up in the morning next to a girl who had fallen victim to his charm was because such gesture would mean romance and that was something Adrian didn’t do. He was only in for the ride and ditched before feelings could set in. “Wow. You definitely had me fooled. What’s up? Any way I can help you out?”

Feeling Adrian pull her closer, Rae was reminded of just how much she missed him. Being able to feel his body heat and smell something that reminded her of a true sense of safety made her realize just how important he really was in her life. She knew that she had been putting off texting him due to becoming secret friends with Paige, but not only because of that. In a way she felt like she wasn’t good enough to be his friend anymore. After shooting someone and not even texting him to see if he was okay after Halloween she knew that there was a chance he was never going to contact her again. She was glad she was wrong.

Noticing the tears begging to fall down her face, the blonde hid her face in Adrian’s chest. She wrapped her arms as tightly around him as she could. When he whispered back to her, Rae felt a great sense of relief. He was still the same friend to her now as he had been before. She knew he would still do anything to let her know that she was more than just another random girl to him. He wouldn’t admit it to her probably, but that didn’t mean she didn’t know. 

“Oh, I choose getting wasted, please,” she replied with a smile.”Although, maybe the gazebo wasn’t the best choice of venue for this. I’ll open the tequila, we take a shot, then we go find a warmer place to be. Sound good?”

It felt good to finally be in the presence of someone else as opposed to the dead people in the books he found himself reading in the late night hours. Studying could only do so much when it came to being a distraction. Yeah, it helped him out with study and all that and it would help out in the long run with his education but that didn’t mean he didn’t need any form of actual human contact. Against his will, he practically felt himself melt into Raina, his heart deciding to play with his head. Underneath it all, the male was just a lonely heart who craved to be wanted but feared to be trapped, hence why he only settled for temporary fixes in the beds of girls who’s names he couldn’t remember-- if they’d ever told him their names.

“Getting wasted,” he repeated with a sly grin, bringing his face closer to hers. “We don’t need to find a colder place.” A low chuckle rumbled in his chest. “You really are a good girl, aren’t you, Raina? Drinking in a cold place with hot bottles is the best thing and is very much recommended,” Adrian explained, running a thumb along rosiness growing in Rae’s cheeks. “The alcohol will keep us warm; its what the army troops did to keep themselves warm in the cold nights.” Maybe the late night reading was a bit too much, seeing as irrelevant crap slipped from his mouth. “How about we take a shot and continue to do so until we’re both warm?”