As more and more time goes by I’m realizing just how badly he treated me and how much he actually manipulated me. It’s actually repulsive looking back at the things he would do and say to me. I feel like I was always making excuses for him and trying to shrink myself so that I fit within his rules for me and so that I never hurt him and yet he would go out of his way to hurt me and any boundary I tried to set he would bulldoze down and then convince me I was a bad person for trying to set it. There was just so much manipulation and gaslighting and he genuinely made me feel like everything was my fault. He would do the most hurtful things to me and then turn around and make himself the victim and it was just so detrimental to my mental health. Even now, when I’m talking to someone I’m scared that they’ll think I’m crazy for setting the slightest boundaries because he convinced me that I shouldn’t have any and that if I did I was a bad or annoying person. It’s fucking disgusting how much it all still weighs on me and how much I’m still realizing was part of the abuse. I’m honestly exhausted by trying to navigate the damage he caused.