a daughter of Yahweh

Today is the day I planned on traveling from Zimbabwe, to Uganda. The morning came streaming in with mystery for the day. Starting to unfold, my team and I spent the morning at a Safari where we ate delicious food, read in our King's word, and drove across rocky terrain in search of Jerry and Maria (the two park giraffes). Time passed and we found ourselves haggling down prices for Zimbabwe souvenirs. Sooner than later, time hit us in the face. Gretchen and I were running around giving hugs to everyone and choking back tears as we gasped for just a "few more minutes".

It is funny how the Lord listens to your prayers, and loves to give you blessings and gifts. After fighting some fierce traffic we arrived at the airport. Our only delay at that point was a lady behind the counter who was telling us, "Your flight was canceled"... Needless to say, we were blessed with "a few more minutes". Gretchen and I were able to send our team off for home, and see another orphanage!

This situation was God's way of wrapping things up for me in Zimbabwe (at least for this trip). In these few hours, He gave me the opportunity to see weaknesses in myself, work through bumps in my relationship with Gretchen, and show me how much fun this trip has been. Not only with the people here, but with people from my very own Portland, OR home. When we left our team at the airport today I had such mixed emotions. How easily could I get on that flight with them? How easily could they get on the flight with me? The Lord knew what He was doing when He picked the December 2012 Zimbabwe Team. We have shared so many laughs, words of wisdom, testimonies, and dreams. Mind you not all of it was easy, but that just makes us a normal family. 

December 21 was the day I got on my first flight to Africa. After 30 hours of air time, funky jet lag, unwilling-to-be-friendly airport securities, and awkward nausea I arrived in Harare (Ha-Rawr-aye), Zimbabwe. The team of seven, including myself, were greeted with smiles and hugs from our family in Christ. The next few days was filled with seeing the city, visiting an orphanage, and throwing a christmas party for 70 kids. The first time I walked into the orphanage I was basically tackled to the ground with tikes running to hug my legs. I wiggled my way through the crowd shaking hands, asking names, and hugging everyone. It was immediately apparent that though most of us (myself included) have called these children "orphans", they are not really orphans at all. They have been adopted by our Father, and they bask in His glory every moment of their day. 

So far I have only spent two days with these babes. I know a few of their stories, but I love each of them with a heart from the Lord. I would give them all De Keesie Padama (Not spelled right, but means a kiss on the cheek in Shona). 

My favorite part of the journey so far has been learning how to work in their day to day lives. The other night I jumped in to help 6 girls wash over 100 dishes. They drew their own water from the well, and washed the dishes outside in buckets on the ground. If there was food stuck to a pan, we used the sandy dirt to scrub it off. This may sound like, "Oh, so sad", but in reality these women are just incredibly resourceful! More often than not, power will go out and they must resort to they outdoor cooking and cleaning. It is absolutely outstanding how strong and brilliant these girls are. They honestly put the best of us to shame!

Before you is the extravagant woman I call my sister. Through our years of sibling-ship and friendship we have had many dreams and aspirations- most of which have never become reality (who really wants to be a princess anyways?). After living in one small town for 18 years and never leaving the country, our most recent fantasy was to travel together. 

I am so blessed and thrilled to share with you that this dream is coming true. Through our church Solid Rock, we are journeying to Zimbabwe and Uganda on December 21! In the matter of 31 days we will play, teach and nurture in two different foster homes. The decision to embark on this journey way made clear when the Lord spoke to me. 

Here is the story:

Currently I am working 30 hours a week at Symposium Coffeehouse (I love it there). I am taking one small class at PCC Sylvania, and I am leading Laurel Ridge Middle School Wyldlife in Sherwood. I have never lived outside of this small town (still in my parents home), and I have never traveled for more than two weeks at a time. 

I am complacent. 

There is nothing in my life that makes me cringe up and fall into the Lords arms. I live comfortably, and I am sadly content doing it. A couple months ago when I was presented with the opportunity to travel, the Lord gave me His guidance to say "yes". In the past couple of weeks it has become clear why I need this. Already, the Lord is using kids in Africa to reveal laziness in my life. How much more will I learn when I am actually with them! I am sure the Lord will use me to help love and serve Africa, but I am overwhelmed with assurance that I need them more than anything. 

In reality, there are orphanages in the U.S. that need people to help love and nurture kids. Do I need to travel across the globe to do the Lords work? Absolutely not. Portland is filled with kids crying out for help. The real issue is my heart is blind to the Lords hands and words right now. I am not saying I have to go to Africa to hear the Lord. He is speaking to me hear and now, even while I write to you all. So now the question posed is: Why, then, are you going there? 

For the same reason astronauts went to the moon. My entire being yearns to see the Lords work. I am crying out to hug and hold children in Portland, and across the world. He has made a majestic earth. How could I possibly live a life content seeing such a small part of it?

Now, just like the astronauts, this trip is expensive (I need to raise $11,000 in 22 days). But you should all know, I am going on this trip. To the Lord, the challenge in front of me is like picking a penny off the ground. So I humbly and lovingly ask you... Has He called you to help us? Please faithfully listen to His spirit, and support us by going to https://www.ajesuschurch.org/give/. Whether it is $5, or $50 you will all make a difference. I also ask that you use discretion in your listening to the Lord. He may be calling you to support us, but it may be in prayer rather than money. 

This last week was filled with cramps, coughs and confusion. I took two sick days, missed two days of working out, and developed several rashes on my body. Not to mention last week I had pink eye. By the end of it all, profanity was swinging from my lips left and right. My feelings were tied up in balls of bitterness and anger. 

If you look closer at my heart, you can see why my reaction to these illnesses were so irrational. My value is in my beauty. My face had gone from smooth silk to rocky terrain in a matter of hours. My hair was developing a permanent position on top of my head, and I certainly wasn't doing much to help my figure by sitting in bed all day. 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139.14 NIV has given me hope. Many times I have read it in promise to a body that was purposefully made.

                                                                        I am beautiful.

There is a time when we get caught in the chaos of life. We are chewed up then left tired, grumpy and simply done with life. A time of life that everyone can relate, where walls of security and structure fall down like a set of dominos. It hits like a slap on the face, coming from the unknown and leaving a sting across your cheeks. Numbness begins to set in, so that the darkness doesn't seem so dark anymore. Your soul begins to take a fetal position wishing you back into the warm womb of your mother, protected from the danger in this world. 

However, here is the truth: you aren't going to make it back into the cozy solitude of your mama's womb. Instead, there is something better to hope for. Listen to this:

Today you worked nine hours, and didn't even get a break. You were up at 5:00am, and from that moment on you haven't been distracted from your falling dominos. After work you get in your car with a new burst of hope that your cozy couch will soak your sorrow for a couple hours. When you finally get home, your last domino topples over. A message from your mom informs you of your grandma's passing. Life has finally got the best of you, and you slide to the floor in desperation. As if there wasn't enough going on, you hear a soft tap on your front door. Deciding not to answer you sit in silence thinking they have gone on their way. Your mind is spinning when all thoughts are interrupted by another knock, only slightly louder. The process of not answering, hearing knocking continues a couple more times before you finally whip open the door in anguish. The Man at the door is not smirking as you had expected, nor is He even smiling. Instead, He simply opens His arms to offer an embrace. Although you are slightly skeptical of this unexpected situation, you reason with yourself that a hug is probably something you actually really need right now- from a stranger or not. You step outside and embrace the man with all you have, and His return is much bigger and warmer than you expected. You can't hold things together anymore, and you break out in tears. Who cares anyways, right? You don't even know this guy. Yet there is something utterly filing in His embrace.