mom was being an asshole all day yesterday. family got way too drunk at the party. was fun until mom started directing her jokes at me and making fun of me? usually her drunk antics aren’t directed at me so i was confused. at some point she threatened to punch me in front of everyone - kids included - because i asked her about the music playing. cue me going home and having a bpd rage and breaking the lamps and lights in my room. now it’s dark in here and i’m daydrinking. at least i didn’t eat yesterday. this is so stupid.

heart is heavy and so is my body

you ever just get assaulted and can’t report it bc ur health insurance is trash and u can’t afford the counseling :) hahahahahahaha i was already suicidal and here we are !!!!!!!

what’s it like to not be sick and psychotic? what’s it like to not be the scary insane person in real life? why is chaos and mental illness so romanticized? i’m daydreaming of death please unfollow me

i’m splitting so hard ! mentally ill irrational feelings ! i’m aware reality is false but i’m so sick ! and ! tired ! of everyone and everything and all the emotions ! i always cave into myself bc the rare times i reach out, i see how uncomfortable ppl get and i always get a “hm.... sorry /: don’t really know what to say... maybe relax?” THANKS FOR ENCOURAGING ME TO OPEN UP AND BE HONEST JUST TO TELL ME THIS BRILLIANT ADVICE !! “not everyone can help u all the time” but i reach out once every few months????? maybe ???????? i scream here but never say shit in real life like my “”””support system””””” cant handle me ever im sick sick sick want to die hahahahhaha