currently whoring it up in god's little petri dish
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Love Begins
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
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occasionally subtle

izzy's playlists!

Kiana Khansmith
we're not kids anymore.


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One Nice Bug Per Day

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@acresofpersonalspace
currently whoring it up in god's little petri dish

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websites often misjudge how far I will go to avoid ads. "you can't use this site until you turn off the adblock sowwy" I Am Leaving Your Website
much like everyone simultaneously going "ilya rozanov wears lightning mcqueen crocs" a bunch of us keep independently saying "ilya would be incredibly horny for shane in scrooge pajamas" and that's honestly so fucking funny
because both are objectively true
they’re trying to do a cnc home invasion scenario but shane comes out of the bedroom looking like this and says ‘who goes there’ and ilya comes instantly
I know we joke about it all the time but hotel room walls are...GENUINELY very thin. The bit in the HR novel where Shane and Ilya fuck in the shower so that the water drowns out the sounds actually rang as extremely accurate to me. Like, the lack of boundaries that must exist not just for the Centaurs but for ANYBODY who spends a significant amount of time sharing hotel room walls with their teammates is just unbelievable.
Like, on any given roadie the people sharing walls with the Hollanovs can expect to overhear:
- One side of phone calls between Shane and his mother where every third word is FUCK and Shane's voice gets higher the more he works himself up about whatever league drama is pissing him off that week
- Ilya yelling in Russian (Non sex reasons) (He and Svetlana are talking about Matheson in Colorado. Again.)
- Ilya gets hay fever real bad in Seattle and spends an entire night sneezing at EAR SPLITTING volume, each sneeze followed by a, "AHH!" from Shane as he is startled awake. Again.
- The Christmas wish lists of every Pike child and how they're going to be divvy'd up for the year. This conversation takes place in September.
- "I'm telling you, the penalty kill could be a work of fucking art if Haas--oh fuck, right there, don't stop--"
- As stated before, an objectively obnoxious amount of showering is happening. At one point LaPointe turns to Bood and says something to the effect of, "Crazy that Hollander takes TWO showers after every game, I guess he really is superstitious," and Bood just. Chooses not to engage.
- A thunderous and almighty BANG. This is the sound of Ilya's suitcase hitting the floor after it inevitably slides off the bed.
- "Shaaaaane, look at the livestream from the dog hotel--look at how cute! She is so sleepy, she's holding her banana like a baaaaby--"
- Vin Diesel's voice, unimaginably loud, at one AM
- Russian Yelling (Non sex reasons) (Sasha did something stupid)
- "Unh unh unh UNH UNH UNH--" (Squeak. Squeak.)
- Celtics game. Twenty minutes beforehand: "Fuck, Shane, how do I get ESPN on the stupid--Roku stick thing--"
- "Okay, look, your dad played the word veer--is not real word, right? Like, deer with a V? It's real? Shane, we can't let your dad win--no, it's not cheating, he gets Yuna's help--"
- Stuff about Rose Landry's upcoming film that they should probably all sign NDAs for even thinking about.
- Russian Yelling (Sex reasons. Probably. It sounds...ardent.)
- One time, for an entire night, silence. The day immediately preceeding this night and the morning immediately after are best left unspoken about.
- The sound of Shane's fuckass electric toothbrush for WAY too long. Seriously man it cannot be healthy to brush your teeth for that lo--oh. Got it. Okay. Where are my earbuds.
- "I mean, it's not like I'm sixteen anymore, right? It's just that sometimes I think she looks at me and sees a fucking kid still, and I get it, I get it--and fuck, babe, I know it's not fair to feel this way, she's the only mom I'll ever have, and you don't even--ugh--"
- "I'm so terribly sorry the hotel misplaced your bags, Mister Rozanov. If there's any way that we can...make it up to you..." [Giggle. Kissing sound. Kissing sound. Moan.]
- Banging on the wall and, "KEEP IT DOWN, ROOK," the one. Singular. Time. That Holmberg manages to pull on their West Coast roadie. Which may or may not be the beginning of his villain origin story.
Another closely guarded take of mine is that I think Hollanov actually did do the whole lovemaking thing before the cottage.
Not often. Maybe only a couple of times. Maybe only once.
Some brutal fucking game where Shane cracked his fucking head on the ice hard enough that Ilya swore he felt it through the ice. The visor on his fucking helmet snapped off. His ears rang and his head swam but he didn't lose consciousness, his eyes were dilating fine. The trainers kept him back for half a period but eventually had to let him back out on the ice because someone complaining that much and talking that lucidly was probably alright. And he is, he is actually alright, but by the time the adrenalin of the game is gone and by the time he's done self-flagellating for the fact that, after all of that shit, Boston won by one point--by the time that's done, he's tired. His head aches. And this is the last time he gets to see Ilya, maybe, before playoffs ramp up and they don't speak for awhile. So of course he still goes to Ilya's place and of course he lets Ilya kiss him hard in the doorway, though he can't help the slight Ah, ah that comes out of his mouth when Ilya does his normal thing and fists a hand in his hair.
"Oh, oh, your head." Ilya says this far too gently and far too sweetly, like one might to an animal or child. Because Ilya is a little like the Big Bad Wolf and at times speaks with a voice not his own. Sometimes he opens his mouth but what comes out isn't his normal voice, deep and sexy and sometimes crude. At times he speaks with a different voice enirely--soft, higher. Call it loving, if it wasn't Ilya fucking Rozanov.
(This is because Ilya Rozanov is a loverboy at heart, always has been. Shane doesn't know this yet.)
"It's fine," Shane mutters, already searching for Ilya's mouth again. "Come on. Come on."
And Ilya obliges him, slots their mouths back together and slots his hands behind Shane's thighs to lift, and Shane loves that. He always does. He would never ever tell Rozanov, but he fucking loves submitting to him in that way--giving over his entire body as something to be picked up, moved around. This instrument of his that he keeps so finely tuned, and when he's with Ilya it doesn't belong to him anymore. It feels so fucking good, every time.
It feels especially good tonight, when all he's heard for hours is Fuck Hollander that one was bad. Careful with that head man we're gonna need it. That one was nasty, you sure you're good. Gotta be careful man.
Ilya says absolutely none of this. Ilya hauls him to the bedroom and tilts onto the bed, landing on it widthwise with Shane under him. He kisses Shane's stomach and hips as he takes off his pants for him and then he rests his chin in Shane's bush as he smiles and says, "You have headache, hm? I see you squint."
"A little. It's fine."
"You know what's good for headache?" Ilya kisses him twice, once in the hip, once on the stomach, low enough that Shane feels the suction of the kiss at the base of his dick.
"What?" Shane whispers, arms over his head and knees dropped onto the bedspread.
"Orgasm," Ilya says simply. "Releases chemicals, makes you feel good. I'll make you feel good, okay? See if that headache goes away."
And Ilya, as always, makes him feel good. But only after he puts a pillow behind Shane's head and a pillow under his hips and asks him if he's comfortable. And Shane would roll his eyes and accuse him of patronizing him, making fun of him for taking the hit, if there wasn't something different in Rozanov's eyes tonight. He kneels between Shane's legs and looks down at him, hands massaging Shane's thighs, and he looks unbearably handsome. Shane tells him so.
"Are you gonna fuck me?" Shane murmurs, when the staring and the touching has gone on for a very long time.
"Mm-hm. Yes." Ilya kisses his belly again, presses his forehead there. Says something that might be So beautiful or Pretty boy or even My baby. Shane decides it's not for his ears and doesn't listen, and then makes himself forget he ever heard it.
Ilya fucks him for absolute ages and says things like Feel good? Nice for you? Nice full feeling in your tummy? How is your head, baby, feel better? And Shane doesn't know why it doesn't feel condescending, why it feels so fucking good to let Ilya handle him this way when they normally snarl and bite at each other after games like the one tonight and like it that way. He doesn't know why this version of Ilya's control over him feels so right and fucking special.
Shane comes twice. Once with Ilya's hand around his cock, hand fisted in Ilya's perfect hair, Ilya grunting into his neck, the beautiful sensation of Ilya's thick cock twitching inside him, ideal in almost every way. Once a little later, in Ilya's mouth after he'd come and tied off the condom and got back in bed and kissed his way slowly down Shane's body from his shoulder to his hip. A gentle, soundless orgasm that Ilya swallowed down without comment before he rested his cheek on Shane's hip and dozed for a little while.
Shane taps his chin because it's getting late and he's going to miss curfew.
"I will pay your fine," Ilya mutters next to Shane's balls.
"Bad idea," Shane mumbles. There's a beat of silence, and then he says, "We probably shouldn't...do it like that again."
Ilya, after a moment, only nods.
It's the closest they come to talking about it. The way that it gets just a bit too real sometimes. The way that they let it keep happening, each of them making eye contact with it and then plucking their own eyes out just to forget its shape.
At the door, Ilya says, "Your head feels better, yes?"
And Shane says, "Yeah, you took good care of me."
And Ilya puffs up, proud of himself, then kisses the side of Shane's head while Shane resists the urge to say Fuck, Rozanov, what did I just say, because he wants it. Goddamn it, he fucking wants it and he's tired of denying himself.
So he lets himself be held for just another minute, because someday he won't have this choice anymore.

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Cant you get pathetic for me? - a dom ilya thesis
I love when desire leads to disappointment. It’s a classic
"do it scared" "do it alone" "do it bored" what about MY strategy. do it later
When your bro is also your bunny it can be something so special.

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MyShane was DEVASTATED when "Ilya Rozanov Best Hits Compilation" by Hockey_Guy435423 disappeared due to copyright claims. It only had like 200 views and 100 of them were Shane watching with his dick in his hand.
There are others from SportsNet and ESPN but that one just had a certain je n'ais ce quoi that got Shane going. Shane DMs Hockey_Guy435423 but doesn't hear back and goes on a deep dive trying to figure out if there's a way to recover deleted youtube videos and he never does but it's okay because in the process he finds like 5 more Ilya Rozanov fight compilation videos from small creators. He meticulously downloads these to a special folder just in case and adds them to the regular rotation.
"Rooting for a team doesn't always mean that you need them to win. Sometimes you just wanna see them fight, do their best, or even just keep showing up. Sometimes you want to look at a guy and say: well, he's fucked! but he's trying!"
You Should Be So Lucky - Cat Sebastian
Yeah this guy’s got some skeletons in the closet

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Unknown, Green Bathroom - Line Holtegaard , 2024.
Danish , b, 1980 -
Oil on canvas , 150 x 100 cm.
Sick as hell, so I drew him to feel better