Acoustic Syrup @acousticsyrup - Tumblr Blog

My awkward silences on the aircraft are just warm up for my awkward conversations for my customers.

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Our bulkhead is see-through so we can see emergencies and manage safety of customers while being seated in a jumpseat. I generally have better rapport with customers within the first row because they're within earshot of me greeting customers aboard the aircraft and it allows for idle conversation — usually about how they could never do my job, if I've ever literally dragged people off of the aircraft, or if I've ever had sex in a lavatory... the usual rhetoric. Upon take off, the woman in 1B perks up. Passenger: "Look! It's like you're my son and I'm talking to you on the other side of the glass. Pick up the phone!" Me: "Mom? They're treating me real swell here. Someone told me to never drop the soap." Passenger: "Ah. That's my boy." Me: "Wow. This brings back memories of my own incarceration in Wade County." Passenger: "Serously?" Me: "Nah. I'm only foolin'." Good times.

So I was cruising to Chicago the other day and I had a nonrev crewmember on my flight with her two kids and her husband. She orders a Bloody Mary and I give it to her early because we take care of family unless you're an asshat... then I'll just charge you for your drinks and you'll get it when I get around to it. On my way towards the back after my drink service, she gives me a gentle poke to get my attention for another Bloody Mary and caught herself doing the act and started apologizing profusely. The conversation went something like this -

Nonrev: "Ah! I'm so sorry. I hate it when people do that to me and I totally did it."

Me: "It's cool. You look like you take care of yourself so you can poke me. We know each other now so it isn't awkward."

Nonrev: "Would you mind if I got another Bloody Mary? The vodka makes my kids more tolerable."

Me: "I completely empathize. And I don't even have kids."

Nonrev: "There was this one time when I was coming through the aisle with snacks and I had some extra cookies in my apron, you know... the old ones we used to have with the pocket in the front? Well, a customer wanted a bag of cookies and I reached down from the snack basket to give it to him; upon asking his neighbor what he wanted for a snack, he wanted another bag of cookies, so he reached into my apron and did so. Upon knowing this, I crouched down next to him and said, 'Sir, you need to have permission next time you reach into my cookie jar'."

Me: "HA HA HA HA HA HA *cough* HA HA HA HA HA!"

Nonrev: "... and he's all, like, 'No. I didn't touch you. I swear.' And I'm like, 'Sir... you skimmed my vulva.'"

Me: "HA HA HA HA HA! Did he know what a vulva was? HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh man. That's good. That's rich. The story. Not your vulva."

Nonrev: "HA HA HA HA HA!"

Nonrev's Husband: "What are you two laughing at?"

Nonrev: "Oh, honey. You just wouldn't understand."

So I was cruising to Chicago the other day and I have a non revenue crewmember on my flight with her two kids and her husband. She orders a Bloody Mary and I give it to her early because we take care of family unless you're an asshat... then I'll just charge you for your drinks and you'll get it when I get around to it. On my way towards the back after my drink service, she gives me a gentle poke to get my attention for another Bloody Mary and caught herself doing the act and started apologizing profusely. The conversation went something like this -

Nonrev: "Ah! I'm so sorry. I hate it when people do that to me and I totally did it."

Me: "It's cool. You look like you take care of yourself so you can poke me. We know each other now so it isn't awkward."

Nonrev: "Would you mind if I got another Bloody Mary? The vodka makes my kids more tolerable."

Me: "I completely empathize. And I don't even have kids."

Nonrev: "There was this one time when I was coming through the aisle with snacks and I had some extra cookies in my apron, you know... the old ones we used to have with the pocket in the front? Well, a customer wanted a bag of cookies and I reached down from the snack basket to give it to him; upon asking his neighbor what he wanted for a snack, he wanted another bag of cookies, so he reached into my apron and did so. Upon knowing this, I crouched down next to him and said, 'Sir, you need to have permission next time you reach into my cookie jar'."

Me: "HA HA HA HA HA HA *cough* HA HA HA HA HA!"

Nonrev: "... and he's all, like, 'No. I didn't touch you. I swear.' And I'm like, 'Sir... you skimmed my vulva.'"

Me: "HA HA HA HA HA! Did he know what a vulva was? HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh man. That's good. That's rich. The story. Not your vulva."

Nonrev: "HA HA HA HA HA!"

Nonrev's Husband: "What are you two laughing at?"

Nonrev: "Oh, honey. You just wouldn't understand."

"When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”

Henry Ford

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A 96 year-old lady was in the second row as I was working a flight from Austin TX to Fort Liquordale, FL. You'd think that I'd tone down my sarcasm for these seniors of life but truth be told that they're the one's who pick up on it better than everyone else and they enjoy it. While the rest of society is twittering, Facebooking and taking self righteous selfies, they're busy playing Bunco, attending plyometric swimming classes, outliving their children and living off of their wealth instead of squandering it on crap they don't need so their wit and reading of people are as sharp as a tac. Her hearing was exceptional, she didn't need a wheel chair and despite having a set of completely yellowing teeth... they were all still accounted for. She buckled her seatbelt when I told her, stayed seated until the seatbelt sign was turned off, and kept herself busy by sleeping... because that's what you do for practice when you attend AARP meetings and when you're creeping up (albeit slowly) on becoming a centurion. I sat down next to her and she took her hand in mine: Passenger: "You've been wonderful." Me: "Tell me about it. So tell me. What's your secret? Kettle bell workouts? Crossfit? How much do you bench?" Passenger: "What's a 'kettle bell'? Me: "... never mind that. You look phenomenal and a little blue bird told me you're approaching your ninety seventh birthday. You pimpstress!" Passenger: *giggles* [Yes, ninety six year-old chicks giggle] "You really want to know?" Me: "Yesh." Passenger: "Family." Me: "Wha? C'mon. That's cliché! Tell me you used to date Chuck Norris." Passenger: "Who?" Me: "Rock Hudson? Wait... THAT'D be cliché." Passenger: "How do you know who Rock Hudson is?" Me: "I'm older than I look." Passenger: "Clearly. I wish there were more nice young men like you on my flights." Me: "You're too sweet, but it's not what it used to be. You'll never see me in booty shorts wiggling past you saying 'Coffee, tea or me'." We both had a good laugh with that one because we all know I'd look f'ing incredible in a pair of booty shorts.

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Music from the upcoming game FEZ of which I most likely will never purchase. The soundtrack is another story. Brings me back to my childhood.

#FEZ #Disasterpeace #Adventure #8 Bit #Videogame #Videogame OST #Videogame Soundtrack #Nintento #Nintendo Generation #Music #Electronic Music #Moog #Medi #Midi

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#Limbo #Videogame #Soundtrack #Videogame Soundtrack #Game Soundtrack #Martin Stig Andersen #Ambient #Music #Electronic Music

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#Ta-Ku #Mei Swan #Ugh feat. Mei Swan #Scraps Vol. 2 #Hip Hop #Music #R&B #Rap

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#Dday One #Heiwa #Japan #Hip Hop #Hip Hop Instrumentals #Music #Journal EP

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#chris△re #yeah #Music #Hip Hop #Hip Hop Instrumental #Percussion #Beats #A Brief History of the Future

Having over 20,000 tracks of music on a 160GB iPod, one would think that this is enough for a soundtrack to life. Not mine.

#Music #iPod #iTunes #Audiophile

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Bonobo - Recurring (Mice Parade Remix) (2012) //

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