mind tricks.

"I dunno, Matsuda-kun," Junko says as she inches over to him, "They could’ve found her grave and defiled it. But really, I must have just said it just because. After all, that entire moment was so despairing."

Matsuda ignored the kiss, studying his nails with no small amount of irritation as she continued talking. "Anyone who likes the sight of blood and guts is at least half as mad as you are."

Junko stays quiet for a moment, trying to recall what Matsuda was even talking about. After she stabbed him, did she really mention his mother? She probably just said it to leave him in despair on his last breath. But when she tried to think back on it… The worst that could’ve happened to her was death at the hands of SHSL Despairs.

It was so easy to forget things when talking with her, but he could hardly let go what had been the most horrifying thing he had ever heard from her. Part of her final taunt. Somehow, it had nearly slipped his mind until just a few moments ago.

At her calm reply, Matsuda narrowed his eyes and stared at her. He searched her face, her steady gaze, but it hit him all at once that she was being absolutely serious. He knelt down by the bed, beside her, his back against the frame. His head went into his hands and he sighed, relieved, the tension leaving.

Matsuda approaches her once more and moves her forehead to his. He was warm… Could he be a little embarrassed for showing this much affection towards her?

Matsuda paused, and then stroked a strand of her hair before stepping back a pace, because he was already predicting trouble after what he wanted to say. He stood beside the bed and looked at her.

"Junko. I need you to tell me something." He tried to keep his tone as calm as possible, hands in his pockets to hide the trembling of his fingers. In the rush of it all, he had forgotten something murmured to him during what should have been his final moments on this terrible earth.

It was far too important to simply let go.

At those words, however, any trace of a smile vanished and Matsuda's expression became uncomfortable.

His last embrace was much more gentle than the last. There wasn’t any hate or lust that tainted it. No, it was actually loving. Still, Junko could sense how uncertain Matsuda was. He thought she was fooling him. Was she? She didn’t know herself, really.

"...I swear, Junko, if you're lying to me right now..."

One moment, she was talking down on Matsuda, insulting him. She ripped him to shreds with every single word and she could see it. He was hurting. What kind of friend was she? To see someone close to her despair was the greatest thing, but it was also the worst thing a human could ever experience. She was heartless. Numb to everything that dared to hurt her. She was invincible and nothing could break down the walls she took so long to build. A ruler can’t be sympathetic and take pity on anybody. Everyone was in her way and she could only use them as pawns, only to rid of them in the end.

She had gotten rid of Matsuda. When he fulfilled his role, she disposed of him. Why did she do that again? Was it because he would stand in her way? What’s this feeling…?

Is this regret? Is this how it feels like to feel guilty?

Mm… I don’t like it.

Her fingers were pushing through his hair gently now, instead of provocative and mocking like before. The smile on her face that he could see looked so painfully, wonderfully, astonishingly normal that he thought for a wild moment he was going to cry just at the sight.

If there was a part of her intact enough to...to smile, and thank him, then he could still save her. Right?

Was it a joke? She was going to snap back at any moment, and cackle about how he wished she'd say that. It was far too good to be true. Matsuda could hardly find his voice.

"...You're worth it. Like hell I'm giving up on you, Junko."

And it was different, so different than before because he had never seen a sliver of actual normality in her until now.

He pulled her into an embrace with great gentleness compared to his shoving before, releasing a shuddering sigh. She shouldn't thank him, he thought. Not until he had kept good on his word.

It hit Junko so suddenly. This Debbie Downer fest was so boring. Sure, it was despairing, but it was definitely lacking in something. Madness. Insanity. All that sweet stuff. That’s what it is. Besides, she had a terrible need to switch personalities. And so, she decided to do. 

"You're right about one thing." He stared up at her as she shoved him backwards, his tone deathly quiet. "I'm not going to be able to help you like this."

Matsuda suddenly surged all at once, slamming Junko against the wall the bed rested beside, bracing his hands against her shoulders. He struggled to contain his breathing.

"Shut up. Shut the hell up. I don't care if I bore you and I don't care if you're tired of me because I'm going to tell you a fact. If you're going to keep reviving over and over, then I'm not going to give up on you."

He hit her against the wall once more, harder than last time, hissing every syllable. "It makes no sense and no one knows it better than me--but I love you. I hate the fact that you're so far gone I can't even reach you with words alone but if we have a goddamn eternity here, then I'm not going to just give in."

Matsuda took in a slow breath, closing his eyes briefly before leaning near her ear. "If I'm yours, you're mine. Even if I have to pick through every corner of that horrid little mind of yours, I will purge any traces of Despair from you. You won't even remember the word when I'm through."

"Matsuda," Junko breaks the kiss for a moment, placing her hand on his cheek. "Look at me… Please." Please? Did she really say that? What a terrible slip up. The two were so vulnerable at this point, showing their weakness like it was nothing. They were in their own cruel world now.

It took a while but he did eventually lift his eyes to regard her, a sarcastic remark about that single word, please, nearly rising in his throat. It died before it really formed.

He shifted his eyes to some spot over her shoulder, his voice almost a croak, a shadow of its usual sharp bite. "...Is that what you want? I figured you'd want my absolute obedience, preferably in silence. After all, I'm such a bore, aren't I? Tiring?" More and more of a sardonic tinge was creeping in. "Or would you rather I change moods to suit yours?"

Help? Did he really say that? What help has he even been? Sure, he served as a great asset in the beginning but even so, how was he even trying to help her? He never truly understood and no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t succeed. So why now does he decide to show this moment of weakness? Was he finally broken?

She didn’t understand at all.

"Matsuda…." Junko bit her lip in confusion. Her feelings were starting to get the best of her. How stupid. She felt pitiful for Matsuda. If it was to come to this, why didn’t he just give up in the first place? She hates this. Everything is falling into place, like she wanted. There should be no regrets.

His words wounded her deeply. Matsuda hates her, that much is for sure. She accepted that and yet, it was strange when he said it right now. Why? Why, why, why, why, why?!

This feeling… This isn’t despair… This is…!

Junko pulls Matsuda close once more, hugging him. “Shut up. I hate you too.” She mutters, sighing. “Your despair… It’s thrilling. I want to see you sink into more anguish and madness and only I can help you on that path. But for now…” She leans in, her lips barely touching his.

He told himself it was just a trick of hers, but what for? She had already won. Again. He couldn't beat her again because he had been in love with her for years and the hooks she had in him were deeper than anything else he had ever suffered.

An unusually delayed reaction later, and she finally let go of his hands, freeing his forced grasp on her throat. His arms ended up around her waist, settling there, but his head was lowered in an attempt to avoid her gaze. Frustration and a deep sadness was weighing his entire body down, making him feel like frozen spikes were running along every nerve.

And he shouldn't, because he knows he knows better and will despise himself when he finally gets a grip, but he ended up pulling her against him and and kissing her, a shiver wracking through him, his grip on her strong enough to burn.

The fashionista then grabs both of his hands and places them right on her neck. She, too, tightened her grip so her wouldn’t go chickening out. “Do you like that? My neck feels just the same as before, doesn’t it? I’m sure you’re just dying to tighten your grip and just end it right here, right now. So, why don’t you? I’ll come back anyways and you’ll be killed for your crime, only to come back to your dull, suffering life.”

Matsuda felt the coldest spot of ice rise within the depths of his heart when he realized that she was right. This forced grip around her neck, he found it coldly familiar, and--He was trapped no matter what. If he did kill her, it would mean nothing here, and if he didn't...he'd prove her point. Her fingernails were biting into his wrists.

A shadow settled onto his countenance, and he felt his eyes widen slightly with that revelation. He could always just leave, but it wouldn't matter...it'd be an exposure of weakness and she'd prey on it.

"Can't you see I'm just trying to help you?" Years. He had for years. 

Again. She had bested him again. This wasn't the first time she had manipulated, pushed and pulled and he thought it'd be different but--it wasn't, it really wasn't, and all he can do is hiss out a simple declaration.

Junko wraps her arms over Matsuda, pulling him close. “And you should know when to shut your trap. If I’m losing my touch, then why are you still here? Why do you allow me to touch you and talk to you as you listen to my every word? Face it, Yausuke. No matter how much you wish to fight it, you are already the loser and you’re mine forever. I could’ve just thrown you away and left you to fend for yourself. You would’ve been at my mercy and if you decided to get allies to protect yourself they would go down one by one.”

As she rambled on, she plays with his hair and goes through all the tangles and knots. His hair was surprisingly soft which amused Junko even more.

"Mat-su-da." She enunciates every syllable in his name, licking her lips afterwards. "This is all a game. A game that I aim to win. Come on." She provokes, now tracing his lips with her finger ever so softly. "Give me all your hatred, your love. Tell me how much you hate me, how much you wish for me to die. Growl my name in that lovingly manner. And in return, I’ll give you the despair of my never ending, distorted love. I’ll make it all go away for just a brief moment, but I’m sure that would suffice for you until you start to crave more."

Her touch made his skin crawl and he stood very still, not shoving her back but certainly not welcoming her presence. Matsuda certainly couldn't deny the truth in her words, and that made him sick. He hated that weakness in himself, his inability to tell her no when it actually mattered.

"Tch..." 

His hand came up suddenly to grab her hand, strong enough to hurt, tightening his grasp in a pointless reminder that she was already aware of--he was strong enough to strangle someone.

His eyes narrowed in a bid to resist her alluring stare, ignoring the painful twisting in his chest, his entire being, because she was so, so dangerous to him.

"You really think you’re such hot shit, huh? Because you can come up with any kind of insult and talk down on me so easily. You issue a challenge every single time. Do you like fighting that much?” She huffs, “Please. You are amusing, I’ll give you that, but like I said, that nature of yours gets tiresome after a while. It totally isn’t attractive.”

Junko places a finger on Matsuda’s head, tapping it slightly. “Hey, Matsuda-kun. I wanna know what goes on in your head. I bet you’re just as twisted as I am. You just don’t want to admit it.”

"Oh my dearest apologies," he sneered. "I don't want to waste more time with you than needed, so I'd rather we cut straight to the heart of things."

That silenced him for a moment. Then: "I have no doubt there's something wrong with me, because against all logic I keep staying by your side."

Matsuda knocked her hand away and sat up straighter, fixing his cold gaze on her.

"M-Matsuda-kun… Do you really mean that?"

Whoa, wait, he’s smiling. That’s… Shocking. And he’s willing to do something for her too?

Oh well. It wasn't as if he had never kissed her before.

Placing a hand on her shoulder, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers in a surprisingly warm gesture.