Time Machine

Thank you everyone who are still following me and reading my inner most thoughts and perhaps supported me for the last 4 years.

I think I started with reblogging every interesting thing I see that is on here as a pass time while I was on the computer in planning class to like impulsively reblogging wonderful pictures of the anime series that I like to recommending playlists or song of the days to simply coming on here to talk about how displeased I am with people in real life or real life events. Now, while it may appear to be a cool thing to do so and it does in fact relieve a lot of stress because I can finally find a place to speak my mind, it kinda backfires because you are leaving traces of negativity behind and you know that somewhere in the back of your mind, that it’s on here. Not that I ever look back on whatever the heck I wrote here for the last couples of years, but it’s just there. And most of the time, I feel the need to either draft or delete the post altogether. 

Anyways, what I’m getting at is, I feel like I should leave this blog behind and start anew. I guess it wouldn’t make TOO much of a difference, but I can at least know that my SUPPOSEDLY NEW followers wouldn’t know what’s going on beyond the start date which is like today maybe. 

Another reason is so that people who drifted away over the years isnt constantly getting updates on what I am doing in life and not talk to me at all.

I feel like by leaving this one behind, I will be more focused on the positives, and I will be able to more freely like and reblog things ranging from like the everyday cat pictures to like super hot models without feeling restricted and controlled by people I know in real life.

That being said tho, I am not deleting this blog because that will mean that I will erase all the wonderful (if not horrible) memories that I have left for myself and yeahhh, this is farewell.

Um, well.. things DON’T have to end. If you can somehow get a hold of me I’ll give you my new url maybe :p. But if you don’t, then this is my opportunity to escape!!!

If interested, you can fire me a message thru any social medium and I will give it to u :p. If that’s not possible, then um......... send me a mail on here, and I will respond...... accordingly heh.

This will be the censored and refined version because I somehow managed to rid myself of all the darkness and is not ready to get back on track to work.

1) Returning to play League when I really really didnt want to.

So, my ex ranked team said they wanted a sub and wanted me to play, and being the dumb bitch that I am, I happily agreed. 

Why is this a bad thing?

A) I quit. B) By playing again, I broke my own rules.. in which I will then relentlessly put my own self down o-o which then .. does not result in good things. C) It was an extremely horrible experience overall, because o.o I was never compatible with these people to begin with. (Reason why I quit in the first place) And 2, there’s also the fact that o.o I REALLY HATE ppl who talk shit when they don’t know what they’re doing >_>.. UGHHHH. 

TO FUEL ANGER EVEN MORE, THAT IS JUST NOT THE WAY IT’S SUPPOSE TO END.... // FUCKKKKKK. I FEEL SO BAD FOR ABANDONING MY DUTIES AND PLAYING.. KILL ME NOW.

THAT IDEA PROB HAUNTED ME FOR THE PAST 17HOURS SO BE IT.

I PROMISE NOT TO ??? DO IT AGAIN? WHAT BULLSHIT RIGHT. BUT I KNOW, I WILL NOT.

TRUST.. ?

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2) Problems with that “friend”.

Still constantly pumping out negativity and talking shit. Only contributes to the shitty week

-- 

3) Anime con trip went wrong.

So like, they were all complaining about spending $60 for 2 nights  .. and since 2-3weeks has passed since then, it’s not become $120 for 2 nights. And that again, triggered me to react.

THIS IS JUST VANCOUVER. I GO TO VANCOUVER ALL THE FUCKING TIME. IS IT REALLY WORTH DOUBLING THE PRICE?!?! LET ALONE, ADDING ALL THE UNNECESSARY THINGS LIKE BRINGING A CAR OVER AND PAYING FOR GAS.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO WITH A BUNCH GODDAMN NOOBS.

DOUBLE THE PRICE? OH NO PROBLEM. .. WHAT SHEEP.

WELP, SINCE I REALLY TOOK MATTER INTO MY OWN HANDS AND SAID THAT I’M GOING TO LEAVE THE GROUP ;D, THEY KINDA RECONSIDERED AND SO IT’S LIKE $90 / NIGHT >_>...

AND IT’S LIKE SNEAKING PPL IN AND SUCH.

oh whatever.

This is stupid to begin with.

They should all thank me for fighting over the terrible idea and saving them all $30 per person. BUt at the same time, that basically just ruined my rep and perhaps the entire trip, lol.

*sigh*

This is a money problem. I just want to save. o-o . And saving money is not easy. And this confirms that money does buy happiness.. in a way. like it saves you from troubles/frustrations when you’re on a small budget.

Anyways, i’ll let that go and finally catch up on my math.

If i knew i’d be shortening my life in addition to all the second hand smoking i’d do, id’ be so down to fucking whip out another $100.

I dont even care anymore.

You can use $ to buy you a place to stay but you cannot use $$$ to buy you grades. 

School is much more important.

fuck this shit.

Hopefully I disregarded enough crap so I can focus.

and I’ve just become a fail.

Back in the day, this shit doesn’t even get to me.

o_O I just let things go.

But now, in order to be more vocal, decisive, and such.. I have to change.

This sucks.

lol.. my head already hurts.. ggggg

So before I begin, I should say that I’ve been hanging out in the living room too much and the smoke is fucking killing me and I’m having a massive headache right now. Or maybe I’ve always had a minor one but disregarded it...

Staying in my room is bad too....

and if i open the window for fresh air the fucking restaurant like 10m away from me will like have the smell of grease flying in and if i open my door i die from cancer fast.

>_>

FAN AND AIR PURIFIER DOESN’T DO SHIT IF YOU CAN’T TERMINATE SOURCE.

THE FACT THAT I’VE BEEN FORGETTING ABOUT IT AND THEN REALIZING NOW IS MAKING ME VERY ANGRY.

MY NOSE HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY CLOGGED FOR LIKE THE LAST 10YEARS.

BELIEVE IT OR NOT.

AND IF I TRY TO LIKE CLEAR IT OUT, THEN I’LL FOREVER HAVE A RUNNY NOSE, WHICH I ALWAYS HAD IN GRADE SCHOOL.

PEOPLE SIMPLY DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I ALWAYS HAVE TO USE TISSUES AND SUCH SO I MADE A JOKE OUT OF THAT AND IT WAS VIEWED AS AN OBSESSION. COOL , WHY NOT.

YAY FAME.

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[Key to post: I just want a place to write shit where people can read but at the same time, I don’t embarrass myself in front of a bunch out of 800 something ppl who may stumble onto it on fb. // There used to be like a 200word cap too, but that’s removed, but why the fuck would I want to vent via fb. BIG MISTAKE!]

God my head hurts too much, i’ll make this swift.

There is no order to this or is there any flow, i’m going to write exactly as my brain is thinking in this very second.

Summary of the week:

Math everyday for 2.5hrs is pretty hardcore. I sorta followed up with a couple hours of study to keep up.

Exception - There wasn’t class on friday ----- so I took the 3 day weekend and didnt do shit -- as always.

I spend my entire weekend watching MSI.

The results -- esp. group stages was a big disappointment LOL.

But on the brightside, the team I am rooting for actually won (this is the 3rd day / finals) so yay?

---

I also received a lot of negative feedback this week.

o_o Like some people being a bitch. (awk if you read this post cuz you remember my URL, but I don’t care. Fuck you.)

I now fully understand why almost everyone i know hates you (AND I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE I FUCKING TELL YA) >_> exceptions to that one group. 

Like I can’t even talk to this person anymore. Everything is blown out of proportion for no apparent reason and I don’t want to argue with ignorant people. So I just like walk away. Or.. close the tab, since this is the online world.

Now don’t get me wrong o.o. I can take a joke. I can take a beating. o_o. In fact, I’ve endured physical and verbal abuse from my peers for over a decade. And if it was a work setting, I would act professionally and take constructive criticism, but this is not o.o. This is like personal attacks. Like the thing where if you hate this person (me), everything the person (I) say will be wrong and should be challenged.

But this sucks doesn’t it? This is suppose to be a friend in a group chat, but instead >_> it’s like a thorn that needs to be removed. So fuck it. fuck you, i’m gone again. LOL

LEAVING GROUPS SINCE 201X. 

----

Oh another really depressing fact.

So, one of my favourite people in the world is in my class this term :D.

But unfortunately, it’s one of those classes where it’s really dull, boring, and unnecessary to give it your full attention so I kinda started acting out of character and started texting in class. >_>...

and ilke it’s really ironic because in the morning class for 2.5hrs, I don’t even touch my phone i like pay attention the entire time..... 

so like them, who often hear about my academic failure stories kinda see it for themselves of “MAYBE THAT’S WHY” and that’s not true >_>....

ANYWAYS ANOTHER SAD POINT IS THAT ...

that person doesn’t even seem very happy to see me there. Like >_>.. IT’S ONE SIDED. OUCH. </3 . No goodbyes either, GG. 

RIP FRIENDSHIP.

Or maybe I’m just a tad bit socially awkward due to anxiety >_>.. but I DO KNOW HOW ACT IN PUBLIC if I don’t have panic attacks , LOL.

Anyways .......

i’ll end it here.

I feel better now.

I should probably get back to work because I’ve been doing nothing but watching league all weekend.

Oh another thing about league.

So like, the only thing that kept me playing was me actively following the pro scene and get motivated to play that toxic game.

However, o-o TSM at MSi was so disappointing, I don’t even know if I can watch/support them anymore (esp. if there will be roster changes) -- or NA in general

BUT THAT’S NONE OF MY CONCERN. I’M BRONZE C:.. MY OPINION IS NOT WANTED. 

Point is ~ maybe I am finally done, just as how I”m done with many things in my life lol.

Like the people who I hold on to even though they are HORRIBLE. 

But what can I do :C.

Actually, it doesn’t matter really. o_o.

I can be the most boring person on the planet.I should just finish school get a job make $$$ and do my own shit with the $$$ i have, doing what I enjoy. 

C: C: C: C: C: C:

LIFEGOALSSSSS, LOL.

YAYYYY

EVEN IF MONEY CAN’T BUY HAPPINESS, I DONT CARE.

I DONT HAVE MONEY RIGHT NOW AND I’M NOT HAPPY SO THAT’S A LOSE LOSE.

Okay o_o.. I thought of something even more depressing.

Say I did become a god :D and make tons of $$$$.

o_o.. WHOS GOING TO INHERIT THE $$$ WHEN I DIE.

I’M FOREVER ALONEEEE LOL. GGGGGG.

Oh, right. I can donate 100% of my $ to a cat organization.

PERFECT.

I am really enjoying my math class so far despite having it at 8:30 in the morning everyday for 2 and a half hours for the next 6 weeks.

Or maybe I just really like the prof LOL.

Anyways, I better get back to work >_>...

(Okay, it’s not quite the first day yet, it’s like the day before school right now)

So for some reason, I decided it was a great idea to reinstall Windows 7 before the start of school because I knew that once school starts, I’ll put it off for another season. Unfortunately, it went horribly wrong. I think I accidentally deleted something crucial when formatting the drives and the disk that I had found from the original laptop box was a bait!!!!! It only includes the most basic Windows 7 and no drivers or anything for my laptop so like all of the buttons and even WIFI doesnt work!!!!!!!

My orginal goal to reinstall was to increase performance without having to Defrag or use CCleaner and a bunch of things because I thought it will be faster in the long run ~~~ but it turned out to be an absolute nightmare >_>..

So after like half a day and finding the drives and installing one by one, I now have a fully functional laptop but it is no better than it was yesterday, performance wise!! Actually, I think it got worse... LOL.

>.> That is a little saddening because I got baited by the Samsung manufacturer >_>... 

Last time, I couldn’t find the disk so I forged an installation and it worked perfectly fine!!!!!

Anyways, >_>... I’ve been doing this reinstallation stuff since like grade 4 so ..... ~~~ I’m kinda sad to see how I failed yesterday.

------------------------------------

Now, what else should I write about? :D. I was so entertained by myself writing the above that I forgot what I really came here for, lol.

OH right! Back to school.

So, I used to always get the feeling where it’s like OMGOMGOMG, it’s a new school year!!!! Who is going to be in my class? I hope the teacher is good!! Etcetc and I get all anxious and stuff, but I don’t even feel that anymore, lol.

I know that for my math class at the college, I sit somewhere close to the front and have them call me by my full Chinese name, which I dislike to go by it. Then the person who is sitting beside me will think I’m some smartass Asian but too fob to talk to so they ignore me :’(. LOL. 

Then for Uvic, I’m going to also sit in the 3rd row from the front of the class or something, but since it’s a computer class.. I think my neighbours will simply surf on their laptops so nothing too much will happen, LEL.

I hope I don’t get distracted >_>...

Oh right, I should prob clean my laptop a little bit. Should I take off my TSM sticker? Nah. :D I’ll be repping, LOL. HEH

Oh, fun fact.. umm.. I had this math prof for math 100 in fall 2013 and she was so intense I decided I had to drop the class :o.. but she was actually a really really good prof so I emailed her and said I will be back. I wonder if she recognizes me tmr, LOL

And ..... I also looked up my csc prof >_> and apparently she was good 10 years ago and her current ratings are bad. So I better remind myself that no matter what happens >_> it’s my own responsibility to survive so if I do bad only I am to blame.

PM if you wish to read 2.5k words.

But for now, listen to this!

--- > so I had a feeling that if I checked my final grade, i would procrastinate more and make everything else collapse :o. 

Did it anyways =P.

So it appears I was 0.8% from potentially having a better chance of getting in the safe zone but i failed.

I will have to have a miracle tomorrow and get 80% on the final in order to get anywhere. That’s not fun in anyway.

Hidden thoughts:

I think it’s high time I just say what I’ve prob been hiding subconsciously.

I liked school esp. first year because it was possible and somewhat fun if I tried.

Now I fucking hate school esp. science and I want absolutely nothing to do with it. (Like the material is fine, but grading is shit.)

Going to do whatever I can and quit after that ~.

Hopefully my departure gift is like a miracle where I actually do well ~

But .. we all know how IT WILL GO.

FUCKTHISSHITPOSTNUMBER1000?!?!

LOL.