:o3

The Annoying Spider-Man

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

I've got to find myself more macrophage

Now Hiring: macrophages

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

@theshitpostcalligrapher “death of the author requires you to kill me” goes pretty damn hard right?

tbh i love hear me outs but i also love the opposite of hear me outs where it’s like nearly everyone thinks they’re fuckable except you

he's done this a few times now. the ball pit actively soothes him when he gets mad over puzzles. i could learn something from this

Naming my firstborn Jqzx so there are always enough of the right alphabet beads left for them to spell their name on a bracelet at summer camp

Hate when I'm trying to find my luggage at the baggage claim but they all look the same. Many such cases.

Is the avian equivalent of a furry a downy or a feathery?

Saw a tweet about mamdani solving the astrophage crisis and now im just imagining them sending mamdani to space