abstraction

do i really blend in

all the way into the background 

camouflaging into the walls of life?

or

am i too loud

sounding my trumpet of a laugh

a little too much?

somehow i’m both. 

a drag

a punch in your stomach that stings for days and days in end

wondering will it ever end?

a sickness.

that seems like forever

until something fixes the pain.

the only question is, where’s the fix?

it’s like there’s no connection

inward outward. anywhere

blank. clueless. lost.

living in a zombie routine

every fucking day

from the sunrise

to your last blink.

when will it end.

you hold onto the idea of hope.

squeezing it tightly to keep your sanity

hoping change is coming

something will happen

but no. the same same same.

it’s a bland taste.

something you’d never reorder on the menu

because it was just horrible to endure.

never pleasurable . but a depressing nightmare

pressing you from the heavily pressures of

your own inner demons

wanting to eat you alive slowly.

does it surprise you?

to think about others

mentally constructed hues

that have since been severed ?

rooted in desires

outside initial intentions

to feed your selfish fire

without giving them any pension?

is it really too much?

or just ignorant

from the inconsiderate such

to feel this consideration shouldn’t be warranted ?

what does this mean?

is it a negative?

this doesn’t add up as caring for others is something to strive for , not judge for.

can “caring too much” become annoying? or is it clingy.

how about this. rather than saying i “care too much” say “you have a heart”

is being considerate too hard? is that too much?

well, in this selfishly driven world it might as well be. hell, there are just a few people who are fully genuine. so why bash?

here’s your jacket n everything else

https://docs.google.com/document/d/13f97pgyLtoWV-J8mWyK-lnu9m4a4HujWpMzGunHEMsY/edit?usp=sharing

https://open.spotify.com/user/jazzz16_/playlist/4nBNiJs6FyhRIcSYIZjYlu?si=xaJpOv3jRgqWWj_g3epZDg

a weird sneeze

but the good ones where the yucky comes out 

and your nose becomes clear to embrace the new scents of 

why is it that one must look for another

filling the void of what God can only fill?

He gives you a blessing and yet you want more

in many different people

why can’t it be one? 

the one. 

who’s been there to help you, support you, and cherish you. 

it comes in different forms 

or mediums if you will 

that make you feel the upmost strength to persevere

but...

then you can trap yourself 

in your thoughts making you spiral into

it goes up and down

back and forth

this way that way

pulls you pushes you

in directions that you never thought you could go and yet

i dont crave crazy 

but is it wrong to simply assume?

not clarify or mention what I’ve

heard and what’s been said?

I cut off so easily 

like you’ve never really known me,

maybe...

it is my fault. 

yo I've been thinking... and I think it’s best that we break up.. this 3 months we’ve had together has been fun, but i jus think its time that we split. woohoo no more jazmon yay! jk I’ve never said this to you but I love you....a lot, and it hurts me to type this message knowing i have so much love that i wanted to give to you forever... and to our possible future kids. just know that i really want the best for you so if that’s the military then i fully support that decision and i know you’ll do great. Remember that i will forever believe in you and be your biggest cheerleader... you have so much potential to be a successful man in the future (if u believe it or not) w your black Cadillac and dogs lol. i gave my v to you so you’ll forever hold a special place in my heart..💔 ugh literally everything around me is wet rn because i’ve been crying for a while debating whether or not to send this but wtv im sorry.. whoever you’ll marry will be a lucky person. 

verse: am, em

chorus: f, am, g, em

it all started when i saw you

you caught my eye

but i was new

and wasn’t all that wild so....

who would’ve thought that 

you’d choose me

and who would’ve thought

that we’d be together

and who would’ve thought that you’d

show me to your family

all to end abruptly. 

f g c g f g c 

next i saw your brown eyes 

everywhere i went

you were such a mystery

that i didn’t know what to expect so...

you’ve had a bad past

and im still here

you have so much potential

that you could never see

everyone told me things that

weren’t so kind to you, but

I still held on to believe in you

because I loved you....so...

who would’ve thought that

you’d choose me

and who would’ve thought

that we’d be together

and who would’ve thought that you’d

show me to your family

all for it to end abruptly. x2

gm c f em

you were my first

and you had my heart

who would’ve thought that

you’d choose me

and who would’ve thought

that we’d be together

and who would’ve thought that you’d

show me to your family

all for it to end abruptly. x2

at first you’re lifted... 

soaring into the clouds... the plump fluffy ones, 

but oh look out! ahead there’s a...

bird. SMACK!

and right then and there you start to twist from the impact instantly feeling the 

air whip you in the face in all directions

whilst falling... falling... falling...

until the winds suddenly lift you up like paper drifting left and right through the sky