âi stayed because it wasnât that bad
when you thought about it, really thought about it
a boyfriend getting concerned over what guys his girlfriend hangs out with? totally normal
i would be concerned, too,
if i knew he had to work on a project after school with another girl.
i stayed because i knew where he was coming from
in fact,
i thought it was sweet that he got so upset when he saw a guyâs name pop up on my phone screen
even if it was just, âhey, did we have homework?â
the way his jaw clenched and his breathing got heavy
i kind of liked making him jealous.
when i would ask him why he got so upset
he would break down and say, âiâm sorry. i know iâm crazy, itâs just
i love you so much, and i never wanna lose you.â
he would bury his face in my hair and hold me close
telling me i made him so happy.
to me, his only crime was loving me too much
i stayed because he loved me deeply
i stayed because he treated me like gold
taking me out to fancy dinners, holding doors open for me, buying me anything he saw that he thought iâd like (and i always did),
he wrote songs for me and held me close,
wiped my tears and listened to my rants,
calmed me down when i got nervous and kissed my forehead murmuring that i was the most amazing person ever, and i was gonna be just fine, everythingâs gonna be fine
i stayed because he got mad at me for all the right reasons
calling myself ugly and puking up dinner
skipping meals and shoplifting
tattooing myself with a rusty needle
heâd clench his teeth and his nostrils would flair
âwhat did i say about talking like that?â heâd scold
iâd smile like a five year old because thatâs how old he made me feel
like a devious child who had just stolen out of the cookie jar
and canât help but smile when asked if they did it.
i stayed because he knew me better than anyone else
heâd scold me for doing bad things because he knew that wasnât who i was
i stayed because he just wanted the best for me
i stayed because i always initiated it
and i didnât want to be a hypocrite. i used to not care who he talked to on facebook or what girls he followed on instagram
but he did it to me so much i felt i had a right to, too.
if he was possessive, so was i -
i knew his passwords and checked up all the time.
i stayed because thatâs what normal couples do
my mom would snoop through my dadâs drawers when she thought he cheated, my best friendâs boyfriend made her delete ex-boyfriendsâ numbers off her phone,
itâs not a big deal.
i stayed because it wasnât like he HIT me or anything
he wasnât a monster. he just cared a lot
is that so bad? most girls dream of having guys obsess over them
and i was lucky enough to have it in real life.
i stayed because i didnât remember life without him
i stayed because i was better safe than sorry
if i left him, iâd regret it more than anything
every day i would wake up and miss his face
and his kisses
and hearing how much he loved me
and how beautiful i was
and how i was his favorite person in the world.
iâd want to stab myself when i see him with another girl draped around his arm,
knowing i let him go and now heâs moved on to someone better.
iâd be a ticking time bomb, just waiting to self destruct
because iâd hate myself so much.
iâd start throwing up again
iâd become depressed again
iâd hate myself again.
i stayed because i was confused
was it really rape if i had kind of consented to it?
as in, telling him ânoooâ when his hand slid down my pants,
but doing it in kind of a flirty way?
i guess cause i said it kind of flirty, thatâs why he kept going.
he knew i was just teasing.
was i?
was it really rape if he had accepted my answer?
if i told him i didnât want to, and he said okay,
but then pouted and asked if the reason i didnât want to was because i didnât love him anymore?
of course i loved him, so we had sex anyway, and that wasnât his way of getting me to have sex with him,
that was his way of being cute and concerned.
right?
i stayed because he never pinned me down and forced himself on me.
i stayed because i couldnât leave
every time i tried to suggest a break, even a short one to just see what itâd be like,
his eyes would water and his fists would clench
âi donât know what iâm gonna do without you, you are my everythingâ he bawled, kissing my cheeks and holding my hair
i hated seeing people cry. i hated seeing him so broken
and knowing i was the cause.
i stayed because i was scared
when i finally mentioned breaking up for good he didnât cry
his eyes darkened and face muscles tightened
it was a shift that made me genuinely scared,
a motion that made my skin crawl and my hand reach for my phone
âi just
i donât think iâm gonna survive without youâ
what i once wouldâve considered an adorable sign of love was now a very frightening threat.
i casually reached for my phone on the table as if to check the time
but his thick fingers clenched around my wrist
and thatâs when he hit me.
i left because he abused me
but i stayed because i didnât know what abuse wasâ
This poem is so sad because there are so many teens that are in controlling relationships and get brain washed to think it is okay. But itâs not okay. In my personal opinion in think that New Zealand needs more community resources that concentrates on teen dating violence, anything from emotional abuse to physical abuse. Adolescent dating is only a positive thing when it is healthy. (via krugernicole)