This is a safe space for BLACK WOMEN to share their experiences and to heal safely. I have zero tolerance for the abuse of trans women and femmes and non binary people. Do not bring it into this space, you will be blocked. Tw for the whole blog. 90% of posts contain rape/sexual abuse. if you're easily triggered I'd advised not to follow. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.
After the double-homicide of Tarekka Jones and Jalisa Walls-Harris, Kevin Reynolds turned the gun on himself.
Earlier this week, half-sisters, Tarekka Jones, 26, and Jalisa Walls-Harris, 22, were both shot and killed in Cheverly, Maryland, by Jonesâ ex, Kevin Tyrice Reynolds, Fox 5 DC reported. Reynolds was later found dead in his Virginia home due to a self-inflicted gunshot, police confirmed.Â
Last month after dropping their daughter off at her apartment, Reynolds threw Jones to the ground, dragged her around the parking lot and later came back with a gun. He was arrested in early March for that incident, but was recently released when Jones âposted bond for Reynolds after it was reduced by a judge,â Fox notes.
A week later, she and her sister were dead.
According to neighbors, one of Jonesâ three children, a 5-year-old girl, witnessed the murders and knew the gunman by name, which helped the police realize that Reynolds was the shooter.
A relative of the victims, who didnât want to use her name told the NBC that her family was distraught over the deaths. âItâs sad. Itâs really sad. That you would just take an innocent life. People donât value life anymore.â
Walls-Harris wanted to pursue a career as a vocalist, while Jones was studying to become a dental hygenist, NBC wrote.
Family members told NBC that Jones had broken up with Reynolds and he was âhaving a hard time moving on.â While they knew he was abusive towards Jones, they never thought âher life and Jalisaâs would end the way it did.â
For some, it may be hard for some to understand why Jones bailed her ex out of jail, but itâs important that she isnât blamed for her or her sisterâs deathâthatâs strictly on Reynolds. Protecting an abuser or not wanting to cooperate with police is not uncommon among victims and can happen for a range of reasons including fear, shame, economic reasons, hope that the abuse will stop, not wanting to put another Black man in jail, etc. And when you add in children, co-parenting and the need for child support, leaving and/or not having to see your abuser becomes harder and more complicated.
Remember, walking away is a process and in Jonesâ case, it can be a deadly one.
Itâs also important to point out that intimate partner violence, also called domestic abuse, is not new or rare to Black women. We are almost three times more likely to experience death as a result of this violence compared to white women. And while Black women only make up 8 percent of the U.S. population, we account for 22 percent of these homicides and 29 percent of all victimized women in the U.S, âmaking it one of the leading causes of death for Black women ages 15 to 35,â Time wrote. And yet, despite this racial disparity, we are less likely to report or seek help.
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Iâm not wishing death on anyone but I really canât fathom how heâs still alive? That man really knew who to choose cause had aaannnyyyy member of my family ever experienced that shish all the cousins, uncles, dad, stepdad, andddd the women too would be ON IT.
and thatâs one of the most sad parts, that man is monstrous trash, BUT SO ARE THESE GIRLS FAMILIES!! where tf were they?
like⌠his ex-wifeâs brother who worked for him, saw the girls around, saw some of the videos, AND U STILL LET HIM DATE/MARRY UR SISTER? and then u see her eerily change after the marriage, still continue to see him cheating, sexing all over the place with young girls, AND YOU STILL WORK WITH HIM?
there was a part that said he had a sexual relationship with his bass playerâs daughterâŚhow could u still be his bass player?
the tape girlâs uncle seems to me to be the person that helped tank the case by saying it wasnât herâŚhow do u see ur niece in that position and choose money over justice?
aaliyahâs family seems fake and in denial afâŚliterally everything about their relationship including the music he made for her was clleeeaarrrllyyy something wrong. like, no matter how much my daughter wants to do music what im not gonna allow, is for her to sing a song about going all the way with a grown man as a 13-15 yr old. we can find another writer period. like he couldve wrote songs about ANYTHING. having a crush, hanging out with friends, a first kiss, heartbreakâŚi mean her target audience was teensâŚand thhiisssss is what he chooses? and u still think itâs all good?
itâs unfathomable
i been off him since high school when i found out about the pee tape so im not new to knowing heâs trash but i could never understand how he wasnât in jail. there was aaliyah, and the pee tape, and the other tapes, and rumors and on and on and on
but seeing this documentary u just see the effin drovvesss of adults that not only remained silent and complicit, but luurreddd girls for him, introduced him to young girls, covered up situations and did all they could to perpetuate the crimes for the sake of money
and tbh the black communityâs response to this is highly disappointing, it was always weird/annoying/disappointing to me pple still supported him after clear evidenceâŚbut if u can watch this and ssssttttttiiiiiilllllllllllllll say âwell maybeâŚâ
black women who support other black womenâs abusers are so nasty. we pretty much only have each other in this world and your dusty ass is sat in a courtroom crying over tory lanez or r kelly or whoever it may be? those men DGAF about you and they would hurt you too given the opportunity. stand the fuck up
megan thee stallion deserves closure and justice and its so scary how people are still trying to frame her as the villain when thereâs so much proof and he was found GUILTY. if a celebrity with this amount of proof gets victim-blamed how are other women (and specifically black women) who do not have these resources or enough proof supposed to feel safe or feel comfortable to report it? megan deserves all the love and peace in the world, i love her sm and i hope sheâs doing okayđ i will always believe the victim.
For example Frederick Douglasâ wife did so much for his ungrateful ass. She helped him get on his feet, gave him her last name, and supported him financially and took care of house and home. And in return was does this nigga do? He lets white abolitionists tear her down and treat her like a slave in HER HOUSE. Moved two bitches into HER HOUSE over a span of 20 years. Belittles her for being illiterate while using HER MONEY. Not even in death does she get the respect she deserves. His last wife is more recognized as being apart of his life than she was. Just trash. And y'all still normalize that shit as if itâs a black womanâs job to struggle. Fuck that.
That negro was a massive hypocrite. How the fuck you wanna abolish slavery and support womenâs rights, then treat your own wife like shit?????????????????
I donât know about Malcolm X, but I know that Martin Luther King was in love with a white caferteria lady name Betty that he was seeing while he was attending college. The only reason why he married Coretta and not the cafeteria worker is because his dad frowned upon it. Not only that but his best friend Ralph Abernathy and Jackie Onassis exposed him for being a sex craved phony that loved cheating on Coretta. I guarantee that if black women from the civil rights era could talk now, our heads would explode.Â
Our community has always treated us like shit no matter what. Not to mention Miss Claudette Colvin who was the actually pioneer of the Civil Rights Movement. She was arrested for not giving up her seat on the bus 9 months before Rosa but she was a dark skinned single mother so she wasnât good enough.Â
Letâs not forget Black Pantherâs leader Eldridge Cleaver and his famous book âSoul On Iceâ where he recounts how he practiced raping black women because he knew no one would care and when he âmastered his craftâ he starting raping white women. Also letâs never forget that he said that there is no more love left between black women and men and that everytime he embraces a black woman, he embraces slavery. Yâall gonâ get this history lesson today!
I knew all of that. Martin was constantly cheating with white prostitutes even a German exchange student while protesting civil right. Cleaver was the worst. Preying on and raping young black girls in the hood as practice for raping white women. Claudette is still referenced as âthe other rosa parksâ when the light bright brigade âNAACPâ werenât gonna let her share her story to begin with.
[reasons why I think most Black dudes r performative when it comes to being *proBlack* n only know how to mirror yt ally theater/chase yt validation. n nonBlack ppl better back the fuck off this post and start combatting the antiBlackness before they even think of comment.]
Just a reminder that Claudette Colvin didnât get pregnant until 3 months after refusing her seat on the bus. She was a poor dark skinned girl. In her words âthey wanted someone PEOPLE would sympathize with and I didnât look like that.â Colorism AND Classism waaaay before Instagram đ
Bruh I learned all of this and more in my civil rights history class last semester. My professor actually got her doctorate in black women in the black power movement. Even though two black men from California started the radical group as we know it, black women did most of the work and kept the group afloat. By the 80s it was largely female led. Also, elderidge cleaver wrote an essay after getting out of prison where he recanted everything he said in soul on ice and this was largely due to the fact that women were running the bpp and told him he couldnât join if he was to co tibie to perpetuate this rape nonsense.
Also also claudette Colvin wasnât the only one who was forgotten during the Montgomery bus boycott. Do y'all know who Jo Ann Robinson is? Home girl was the backbone to the whole movement tbh. Yeah rosa (a trained activist btw) was the igniting flame and yes in her documents and Jo Annâs Claudette was credited as the inspiration, but jo Ann really kept the movement running. She organized car pools for all the black folks in Montgomery. Y'all the Montgomery bus boycott lasted for a year! People still had to get to work and shit. Jo Ann was on it! Plus she had a whole committee that was pushing for regulation changes and the end of segregation in busing. And hell, Montgomery buses were damn near reliant on black commuters so they eventually had to give.
Plus my all time fave is the homie Ella baker. Home girl ensured the founding of sncc when fuckboy Mlk tried to make them the youth chapter of the sclc. SNCC is the group that made sit ins a popular form of protest during the early civil rights movement. They founding students had their first sit in in 1960. Ella baker was like these students need their own separate movement and the sclc ainât it. Plus she was a true proponent of self determination which was clear in everything that sncc did.
Basically what Iâm trying to say is black women been the backbone of society and they still are.
Letâs also talk about how Huey P Newton, the founder of the BPP ordered the severe beating of Regina Davis. Regina Davis was an administrator at a BP school and was literally jumped for reprimanding a male BP member. She was beaten so bad that she was in the hospital for a broken jaw and had to flee to LA for her own safety. Her attack was a deliberate message to all female BP because the men were getting  upset with the increasing power black women had in the party and wanted to put them in their place.
In 1974 Huey P Newton also shot and killed a 17 year old sex worker in Oakland named Kathleen Smith in the face for calling him âbabyâ and because she didnât give him the ârespectâ he wanted (x)Â
and who could forget good olâ Harry Belafonte and how he treated Ertha Kitt way back whenÂ
Ellen Holly was a super light skin soap opera actress who claimed to have a similar experience with Harry Belafonte before he married a white woman and called him out in her autobiography about his behavior towards black women
That was a much needed thread. Reminds me of the first time I discovered Tumblr and learned so much about feminism and womenâs history. To add my 2 cents to this, I put the pictures of most of the ladies mentioned above (I couldnât find a picture of Regina Davis, if you have one thatâd be great), so that anyone discovering these wonderful women can put a face to their name.Â
Keep this thread going and share the stories of how Black women have been degraded by black mens sexismÂ
Just to add some more, letâs not forget the importance of Shirley Chisholm. She was an unapologetic black feminist who fought for the rights of women and the poor in her community. Â She was a founding member of both the Congressional Black Caucus and the Congressional Womenâs Caucus.Â
She was the first black women ever elected to the US congress and was the first woman and black american to ever run for the president of the US. Her campaign to be the democratic nominee was treated like a joke, and although she had the support of her loyal husband she received NO SUPPORT Â from black male leaders. Her campaign went underfunded and the men of the black caucus rallied around white male candidates instead because they were pissed off that she was getting attention and wanted a black male candidate instead.
âThey think I am trying to take power from them. The black man must step forward, but that doesnât mean the black woman must step back.â(x)
what type of sorcery is this threadâŚ.not claiming none of this is a perspective worth understanding but Black womenâŚwhen you openly shame your men like this, it will be used to not only justify harming our men and boys as we constantly see, but YOU are also a target because youâre claiming to your enemy that you donât make efficient men in your womb which means YOUâRE ALSO WORTHLESS!!!Â
God the hotepery in that second to last comment!! đ¤Śđžââď¸đ¤Śđžââď¸ I knew about half of these. Iâve never heard anything about Malcolm (post NoI) but I did know about King and Belafonte. And then I learned something new! Whew. And my parents get mad when I say âthe movement has to be intersectionalâ in response to âwomen are the reason black people canât move forwardââŚ..as if we donât make up half the movement -_-
they love the âblack women stop us from moving forwardâ nonsense. they believe were the reason for not being able to move forward because theyâre definition of progress is being white men with all the benefits and privilege.
black women have always done the work to sustain movements while black men end up being the face of the movement, reaping benefits and scrape up whatever amount of power they can just to abuse it. then when you bring up the bullshit that theyâve been able to do because theyâre men, theyâll try manipulating you by telling you your being divisive and that its not about gender but about black people⌠as if we donât live in a patriarchal society that would rather suffer than listen to the voices of women⌠its the same shit they did a few months ago during the BLM protests, silencing black women when we brought up the fact that were not only being killed by police but by them too, reassuring us that fighting for the black men that died is a fight for all of us then called us divisive for making it about genderâŚ
if black women would take even an ounce of the blood, sweat and tears they put into protecting black men and put it into themselves for once, just imagine the shift⌠we have the voice, the reach, the intelligence to fight for ourselves and the people who fight and stand for us⌠so why donât we normalise that??
all this post shows me is a history of manipulation and pain against black women while normalising the expectation that black women are only useful when birthing children and putting in work to protect everyone before themselves because âblack men have it roughâ. iâm tired of us being expected to protect and standby the same black men who would, if given the chance, completely disregarded me as a human being just for the opportunity to lick a white mans balls⌠its disgracefulâŚ
this reminds of that posts going around telling non-blacks to center black men in BLM converations. Black men have always been the center of those conversations, I donât know why that post even had to be made.Â
And letâs not forget the creator of Kwanzaa who had a history of torturing, maiming, raping, and inflicting unspeakable violence upon Black women.Â
So gross. We need to hold Black men accountable for silencing us in the movement and all the shit they inflict on us. We spend so much time sacrificing for them and defending them, and yet they will NEVER move on and reach racial equality without us. There is NO racial equality without gender equality. If you want Black men to be free, then you have to want Black women to be free. No questions asked.Â
@witches-ofcolor Whoever said that is a major bullshit talker. If anyone needs to be centered in BLM discussions, itâs fucking Black women, not Black men. Black men are ALWAYS treated as the default when talking about anti-Blackness, especially as a hypothetical. Itâs as if they either donât think Black women exist or that they think we donât face racism at all and that our gender somehow shields us from it. Which couldnât have been further from the truth.Â
White women and Black men both would rather have us be invisible than acknowledge our struggle and help us so that we all can achieve racial and gender equality. Itâs time we start looking out for ourselves as well. And Black men(and white women) itâs about time you start supporting and defending us instead of trying to fucking silence us all the time. And if you dare misread all of this as âhating Black menâ as if anyone even said that shit, then congratulations on your victim mentality, and maybe work on why you think anyone calling out male audacity is automatically doing it from a place of hatred.Â
Please, if we want our community to be better, then we have to DO better. Black women are so often left out of the movement, and darkskin Black women the most. They are who need to be set free in order for all of us to be free. Get that through yâall heads already!Â
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BETWEEN 71% and 95%
OF INCARCERATED WOMEN
HAVE EXPERIENCED
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE FROM
AN INTIMATE PARTNER.
MANY HAVE EXPERIENCED
MULTIPLE FORMS OF
PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL
ABUSE IN CHILDHOOD AND
AS ADULTS.
âThe rhetoric surrounding lynching allowed the black male body to signify the very victimization black women were excluded from, and black men became the victims black women were not allowed to be.â
â from The Repeating Body by Kimberly Juanita Brown
The Brain Under (Sexual) Attack Why people donât fight, why memories are fragmentary â and some big implications
Why people donât fight, why memories are fragmentary, and some big implications.
Jim Hopper, Ph.D. Sexual Assault and the Brain
Why don't many people fight or yell during sexually assaults, even rapes?  Why are their memories so often fragmentary and confusing?
Is the brainâs response to being attacked basically the same â whether itâs sexual assault, physical assault, or enemy fire in military combat?  Can sexual harassment also be stressful enough to significantly impact brain functioning?
The answers to these questions have huge implications for people who've been attacked sexually, for those who investigate, prosecute and adjudicate such crimes, for policy makers, and for everyone who knows or works with someone who's been sexually assaulted or harassed.
But do we really need to focus on the brain? Canât we just believe survivors, or at least conduct really good investigations, without knowing about the neurobiology of stress and trauma?  In theory, maybe, but often the ways people report reacting to assaults can be baffling, even totally opposite of what weâd expect, and their memories can sound confused or unbelievable. Once we understand how the brain works when itâs under attack, those behaviors and memories make much more sense.
Thatâs why many sexual assault survivors, police officers, and prosecutors are finding that understanding whatâs happening in the brain during an assault is extremely clarifying and helpful. For many, itâs a revelation that completely transforms how they understand, investigate, and prosecute sexual assaults.
Still, some fear that focusing on the brain can obscure important social and power dynamics. Of course, neurobiology doesnât explain everything about survivorsâ behaviors and memories. Yet understanding how human brains respond when attacked sheds light on accounts of sexual assault that â because of social, cultural, and political ignorance, oppression, and polarization â have been misunderstood and dismissed for far too long.
I find that by focusing on the brain, and staying grounded in the science, Iâm able to point out practical implications and new practices that can truly change lives, institutions, and ultimately cultures. At least thatâs the feedback Iâve been getting for years now, and not only from feminist activists but also from police officers, military commanders, and many others.
Letâs return to those key questions about why many people donât fight or yell, why memories can be fragmentary and incomplete, and whether those are totally normal brainâbased responses. The answers, Jim Hopper, PhD â December 14, 2017 it turns out, are the same in every culture. Around the world, the most common responses of people being sexual assaulted are basically the same.
Why? Because evolution sculpted them into our genes and brains â long before we were sophisticated enough to create cultures, long before we began to misunderstand and misjudge people with our culturally embedded beliefs about how women and men âshouldâ respond during sexual assaults and remember them later.
For many South African women, home is hell - The Mail & Guardian
Gender-based violence often takes place at home or in intimate relationships, taking a traumatic toll on victims, their families and friends
Early on the morning of 25 June, Vuyokazi Yvonne Mathebula, 39, and her neighbour were reflecting on a funeral taking place a few streets away in Block V in Soshanguve, which lies about 30km north of Pretoria. The dead woman had been brutally killed by her son.
A few minutes later, around 9am, Mathebula received several calls from different numbers. She ignored them. But when her husband phoned she answered, only to be told that her younger sister, Nonhle Gloria Aphane, 30, had been strangled, allegedly by a close relative.Â
The news left Mathebula disoriented and feeling numb. When she got to her sisterâs house in Ga-Rankuwa Zone 8, Aphane was lying face up and naked on a bed. She had blood in her mouth and nose and her stomach was distended, as if âshe was nine months pregnantâ.
It seems the mother of three children, aged three, five and 11, had been dead for days. âThe room was stinking. I canât even describe the smell,â says Mathebula. âIt smelled horrible.âÂ
Her body was discovered by the police, says Mathebula, after they had received a tip-off.Â
The tip-off came from a relative of the alleged suspect, who had âconfessedâ to the murder and requested that the relative call Aphaneâs family to ask for forgiveness, says Mathebula. Instead, the relative phoned the local police, who liaised with the Ga-Rankuwa police station. The murder was confirmed and the suspect arrested. However, he was released from jail on 28 June.Â
Aphaneâs mother, Eunice Ntombi Mtsishe, 72, says she cannot reconcile herself to the suspectâs release. âThereâs no way that someone could murder a woman like this and be released from jail just like that. I have lost hope in the police because I really donât see what it is that theyâre doing,â says Mtsishe, who often pauses, weeping bitterly, during the interview.
According to Gauteng police spokesperson Lieutenant Colonel Mavela Masondo, the case âwas not enrolled by the court pending further investigationâ, including waiting for the postmortem results.Â
Mathebula says when she asked why the suspect had been released, the investigating officer told her that a statement had not been taken from the relative who heard the alleged confession. Asked about this and any progress in the case, Masondo said: âUnfortunately we cannot divulge more information as that might compromise the investigation.â
Unsafe at home
Aphaneâs murder took place against a backdrop of rampant violence against women in South Africa. Most women are killed by their partners or ex-partners and many of them suffer months or years of domestic abuse before their deaths.Â
This is confirmed by data from Statistics South Africa, which released an in-depth report on the extent of gender-based violence, titled Crimes Against Women in South Africa, in 2020. It found that in the period 2018 to 2019, almost 50% of the assaults against women came at the hands of someone close to the victims â 22% were committed by a friend or an acquaintance, 15.2% by a spouse or intimate partner, and 12.6% by a relative or household member.
The survey suggested that those who were divorced or separated from their partners were the most likely to have experienced physical abuse (40%) or sexual violence (16%). Then followed those who were living with their partners (31% and 10%); widows (24% and 8%); women who had never married (18% and 5%); and married women (14% and 4%).
At Aphaneâs funeral, close friends shed light on the extent of the violence that Aphane had endured. âI hate men,â one of her friends said. âI had to witness my best friend Nonhle being abused.â
The friend, who asked to remain anonymous, had known Aphane since 2007. She says she first noticed Aphane being abused in 2011. Having gone to a party together one night, Aphane confided in her the next day that she had been assaulted when she got home.
Routinely beaten and hospitalised
The abuse didnât stop. Aphane would be beaten up âto the point that sheâd be hospitalisedâ, says the friend. âWhen I went to check up on her, I could not even recognise her face the way she was injured.â
Last year, the friend says, things became worse and Aphane would frequently be in and out of hospital because of her injuries. The unceasing violence led Aphane to smoke and drink excessively. âSheâd finish at least 20 cigarettes in an hour,â explains the friend. âThatâs how stressed she was. She was drinking alcohol every day. She couldnât sleep without alcohol.â
Dora Huma, 30, Aphaneâs friend since the age of seven, says the assaults began even earlier, leading to a miscarriage before Aphaneâs first child was born.Â
Rozanne Ashworth, a trauma counsellor, says women stay in abusive relationships for many reasons, including âfear of the abuser and what he might do if they leave, fear of being alone, fear of losing a roof over their heads, particularly if there are children involved, fear of being judgedâ.
âThe fact that they love the abuser ⌠might seem like a completely foreign concept to us, but there is often deep love for and emotional attachment to the abuser,â adds Ashworth. She says abused women might also be held back by a feeling of worthlessness, which is âoften instilled by the abuser and concurrent with an already low self-esteem. The abuser repeatedly tells the abused that they are useless, no one else would want them, they are ugly, stupid, pathetic, etc. A woman will do what she needs to survive for her life, in her relationship with her abuser, for her kidsâ sake, for acceptance in society. What we see as weakness by staying in an abusive relationship is often strength that we could not even begin to understand or comprehend.â
Cost to society
What has been less well documented about gender-based violence against women is its economic cost to society. A 2014 report released by KPMG, titled Too Costly to Ignore the Economic Impact of Gender-based Violence in South Africa, attempted to address this.
The report pointed out that the whole of society pays for the costs attached to violence against women, including healthcare, justice, lost earnings, lost revenue and lost taxes. Then there are second-generation costs, which include increased juvenile crime committed by children witnessing and living with violence, as well as crimes they commit later in life as adults.
For the period 2012 to 2013, the report estimated that the economic impact of gender-based violence was between R28.4Â billion and R42.4Â billion, representing 0.9% and 1.3% of gross domestic product respectively.Â
Nuclear and extended families and close friends also suffer psychologically when gender-based violence takes place. Like Huma says, a part of her is dead, too, and she cannot stop thinking of the times she shared with her friend. âWeâd come to Nonhleâs home together, and now that sheâs gone, the kids when they see me, they also think their mother will show up.âÂ
Huma works as a security guard at the power station close to the graveyard where Aphane is buried. âEvery day I go to her grave. I talk to her every day,â says Huma. âShe was more than a friend to me, she was a sister. I miss walking together to the mall. I miss sitting together to look after her kids.âÂ
Mathebula says the way in which her sister was murdered has left her with deep scars. She had to be admitted for trauma treatment at the Centurion-based psychiatric Vista Clinic, where she stayed for 21 days. Currently, sheâs on special leave until early next year. âIf I stop taking the medication that I received from the hospital I have visions of how my sister died,â says Mathebula.
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Age compression routinely makes Black girls
vulnerable to sexual/physical violence-and
to the erasure of their trauma. Folks been
sacrificing our girls to protect the toxic
masculinity that destroys, exploits and goes
WAY beyond a "preference."
There are significant links
between GBV and a range of
other sexual and reproductive
health problems, including
sexually transmitted disease,
forced and unwanted
pregnancy, unsafe abortions,
traumatic fistula, maternal
morbidity and mortality,
adverse [pregnancy outcomes
and even death.
Ernest Terrell Blakney: Child abuser allegedly kills ex and sets home ablaze 10 DAYS after judge lets him out on bond
The autopsy revealed Nikia Rogers died from bullet wounds to her back and head and hence her death was ruled a homicide
Wisconsin fugitive allegedly murdered his ex-girlfriend and set her body and house on fire one week after being released while awaiting sentencing for raping a child.
Milwaukee County Circuit Court Judge David Borowski ruled against immediately jailing Ernest Terrell Blakney after he pleaded guilty on Aug. 15 to sexually assaulting a 13-year-old girl, despite objections of the victimâs family, WISN 12 News reported. Ten days later, a criminal complaint accused him of shooting his ex-girlfriend, then setting her body and her house on fire.
JUST IN from @NickBohrWISN â the transcript detailing a judges decision to not jail a man after he pleaded guilty to raping a 13-year-old. 10 days after the decision, the man, Ernest Terrell Blakney, is accused of killing his ex. Here is the judges reasoning @WISN12News pic.twitter.com/1IUEklfuuu
â Derrick Rose (@DRoseTV)Â August 31, 2022
Blakney also allegedly ordered a man at a construction site into a trailer at gunpoint and stole his truck, the criminal complaint added.
He is still on the loose, according to WISN 12 News.
Borowski originally set Blakney free from prison for nearly a year after posting a $5,000 bond he set during an initial hearing in October 2021, WISN 12 News reported.Â
At the Aug. 15 hearing, prosecutor Sam Tufford told Borowski the state would request six to eight years in prison at his sentencing and asked Blakney to be remanded into custody immediately, according to WISN News. But defense attorney Jonathan Smith asked for time to let Blakney get his business and home âwrapped up.â
âYou have to understand the charge for which he was convicted is unrelated to the new charges,â Smith said in an interview with the Daily Caller News Foundation.
âHe was in the community without any bail while the original allegations were out there, prior to charges being issued. And he was in the community without any bail for an extended period of time. He then remained out on bail without any problems for however long it was without any issue. He was allowed to remain his status on bail pending sentencing. That is not entirely unusual,â he told the DCNF.
âAs the defense points out, there have not been any violations or any issues while the defendant has been out of custody. Heâs been out of custody for a very long period of time,â Borowski said during the hearing, according to a court transcript. âThe defendant will stay out of custody. He does not need to be remanded under these circumstances.â
Milwaukee police is asking that anyone with information about Blakneyâs whereabouts contact them at 414-935-7360, Crime Stoppers at 414-224-Tips or the P3 Tips app to remain anonymous.
Marked by the removal of a condom or other barrier mid-sex without the consent of the other person or people involved, stealthing is serious
The sex and dating lexicon is ever-evolving, with phrases like breadcrumbing, ghosting, and shelving continuously being added to the cultural conversation.
Another term that has been added to the list is âstealthing.â But catchy as the term may be, stealthing isnât a silly-sounding word for a sex act.
Marked by the removal of a condom or other barrier mid-sex without the consent of the other person or people involved, stealthing is serious.
Ahead, everything you need to know about stealthing, including what to do if itâs happened to you.
PROCEED WITH CAUTION
Stealthing is a form of sexual assault. As such, this article explores topics of non-consent, rape, sexual assault, and their emotional and physical aftermath.
Stealthing, defined
Stealthing refers to the non-consensual act of removing a condom during sexual activity without the awareness or consent of the other person or people involved.
The term can also be used to refer to a person damaging a condom before or during application without their sexual partner(s) knowledge or consent so that it becomes less effective at preventing pregnancy or STI transmission.
While the term was first coined to name the phenomenon of cisgender men removing a condom in the middle of penetrative anal or vaginal sex, stealthing can be used to refer to the non-consensual removal of any barrier in the middle of any sexual activity.
For example, a woman shifting a dental dam so that sheâs tonguing her partner directly, without the consent of her partner, could be referred to as stealthing.
At first, stealthing may seem somewhat innocuous â after all, the word itself doesnât typically deliver the gut punch that terms like ârapeâ and âsexual assaultâ often do. But donât be deceived: Stealthing is a form of sexual assault.
To understand exactly why stealthing is assault, you need to understand consent. Consent is an informed, specific, and ongoing negotiation of enthusiastic desire.
So, while Person A may have consented to have sex with Person B with the use of a condom or other barrier method, they didnât consent to sex with Person B without the use of a condom or barrier.
Stealthing is often rooted in misogyny
Bluntly, trying to explain why someone might sexually assault someone else is tricky territory. After all, this kind of reasoning runs the risk of victim blaming or shirking responsibility off of the assaulter.
But experts do offer several hypotheses around why stealthing is so common. (One study found that 12 percentTrusted Source of women have experienced a partner stealthing during sexual activity).
First, the lack of sex education we receive â specifically, the lack of education around consent â has created multiple generations of people who do not understand the nuances of sexual consent.
Second, thereâs a widespread cultural belief that condoms make sex worse, particularly for a person who has a penis.
This brings us to the final and main reason stealthing happens: Many people are taught from an early age that cis menâs pleasure and happiness are more important than, well, anything.
Given those teachings, if a cis man thinks their pleasure is being thwarted by a rubber, it makes sense that theyâd think itâs A-OK for them to remove the condom.
In other words, deeply rooted cultural narratives and beliefs have led to the normalization of stealthing.
FYI, it isnât true that condoms or other barrier methods make sex worse. There are several reasons why they make sex better, actually. Really!
Stealthing can happen in any sexual relationship
When news that stealthing became illegal in California broke in 2021, many outlets used gendered terms to explain the phenomenon.
But stealthing isnât just something done by a cis man to a cis woman. And it isnât limited to penis-in-vagina sex between people of any gender, either.
Stealthing can happen a-n-y-t-i-m-e a barrier is being used during any kind of sex.
It can happen in the middle of vaginal sex, anal sex, oral sex, scissoring, and more.
Stealthing is a form of abuse
At the end of the day, why someone chooses to remove or damage the barrier theyâre using doesnât really matter. Because ultimately, the underlying reason doesnât influence the impact stealthing has on the victim(s).
Still, itâs essential to understand that stealthing can be done as a form of emotional or physical abuse.
Some assaulters remove a barrier in order to intentionally transmit an STI to their partner or to try to impregnate them.
Why? Because in theory, this would âtrapâ the victim, making them feel like they canât leave the relationship. Or, like nobody else would love them because theyâre âwith childâ or STI-positive â neither of which are true!
Stealthing is also a violation of trust and bodily autonomy, which can have long lasting effects.
Someone stealthing you also suggests that they donât respect you, which comes with its own set of emotional consequences.
What to do if stealthing happened to you
If youâve been stealthed or otherwise assaulted, it can be hard to know where to turn or what steps to take next.
Please, try to remember that youâre not alone and that what happened isnât your fault.
How do you know if stealthing happened?
Sometimes stealthing becomes immediately apparent when all is said and done and thereâs no condom or other barrier in sight. But a barrier thatâs broken or punctured isnât always discernible to the eye.
Scarily, that means that you may not know.
You are more than within your right to ask if anything happened to the barrier. For example:
âDid you take the condom off mid-way through?â
âDid the dental dam shift at all during play?â
âI like to make sure that the condom doesnât have a hole before throwing it out. Can you squeeze the sides?â
Regardless of what this person says, if something doesnât feel right, trust your instincts and proceed as if you have been stealthed.
Before reading on, take a breath. There are steps you can take to prevent the risks that come with a broken or MIA barrier.
Use emergency contraception
If you can become pregnant and had P-in-V sex where an internal or external condom was broken or removed, pregnancy may be a risk.
You can use emergency contraception to help reduce the risk of pregnancy. But time is of the essence â most EC methods need to be used within 72â120 hours, or 3â5 days, of sex to be effective.
The EC pill Plan B, for example, is most effective when taken within 72 hours (3 days) of the incident. The EC pill ella and the copper IUD have a slightly longer lead time and can be taken or inserted up to 120 hours (5 days) following sex.
Remember: Stealthing can affect everyone, regardless of their anatomy, gender identity, or sexual orientation.
If youâre a person who can impregnate a sexual partner and had P-in-V sex with a person who has a vagina, pregnancy may be a risk if the other person removes an internal condom mid-way through.
To get clarity on what happened, you might ask:
âCan you talk to me about what other birth control youâre on, if any? I see that the condom was removed mid-way through and I want to understand what our pregnancy risk is.â
âWould you be open to taking an emergency contraceptive if I bought it? I see that the internal condom went missing while we were having sex and Iâd like to be on the safe side.â
Take the antiretroviral PEP
If you havenât already talked with a partner about sexually transmitted infection (STI) status, now is a good time to do so.
Hereâs what that might look like:
âWhen was the last time you were tested for STIs?â
âI see that the barrier was removed midway through. Do you mind if I ask when the last time you got STI screened was?â
âI see that the condom went missing. So I want to affirm that I was last tested for STIs last month and was negative for all. Do you know your current STI status?â
If the person has HIV, you were likely exposed to the virus when the barrier was removed. In this instance, you should talk with a clinician ASAP about postexposure prophylaxis (PEP).
PEP can help reduce the likelihood of transmission if you were exposed to the virus.
If the person doesnât know their current STI status, you donât completely trust their answer, or you donât feel comfortable asking about their STI status, you could still be a good candidate for PEP.
PEP must be taken within 72 hours (3 days) of potential HIV exposure to be effective.
Consider whether you want to file a report or press charges
If you want to file a report â or think you might at some point in the future â there are steps you should take.
First, think about whether you want to talk with a healthcare professional about a ârape kit.â Youâll need to see a clinician ASAP so that they can collect âbiological proofâ of the incident.
Getting a kit done doesnât mean that you have to press charges. You can decide against pressing charges or decide at a later time (within the statute of limitations) to press charges.
If you do decide to press charges, call or visit your local police station and ask to file a report.
If you want someone to talk you through how to do this, consider calling The National Sexual Assault Hotline or National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Take a pregnancy test
You cannot take a pregnancy test immediately after being stealthed. Doing so will result in a false negative, which could lead to false hope and give you a false sense of security.
You need to wait.
If you track your period and itâs regular, wait until your period is late before taking a pregnancy test.
If you donât know when your period is supposed to be, wait at least 9 to 12 days after the incident. If the test result is negative, plan to take another test one week later.
Remember: If the test comes back positive and you arenât ready to become a parent, you have options.
Test for STIs
Unless you know the person who stealthed you was STI-negative, you should plan to get tested for STIs.
All STIs have a different incubation period (aka the amount of time they need to be in your body before they can be detected by an STI test).
But as a general rule, you should plan to get tested 2 weeks after the incident, and then again after 2 to 3 months.
Get support
Having someone trash or tamper with a barrier mid-sex can feel dehumanizing. Not to mention disorienting, angering, and trust-ruining.
For many, itâs downright traumatizing.
You might find it helpful to seek out a combination of professional guidance and care from trusted loved ones. This includes, but isnât limited to:
Family members
Friends
Partners
Mental health care professionals
Guidance counselors
Sex therapists
The only way to prevent stealthing is to not do it
Repeat after us: In this house, we do not victim-blame⌠EVER.
The only person to blame for stealthing is the person who made the active choice to damage or remove a condom or other barrier unbeknownst to their partner(s).
Similarly, the only way to prevent stealthing is to⌠not remove a barrier mid-sex.
If you donât want to use a barrier method during sex, thatâs your prerogative! But it needs to be pre-negotiated and enthusiastically agreed upon by all involved before play begins.
Whatâs more, everyone involved needs to freely agree to forgo barriers with a *full and complete* understanding of the potential risks of fluid bonding.
If you would prefer not to use a barrier, here are some ways you might choose to bring it up:
âWould you be open to forgoing barriers during sex if we got STI tested together?â
âBefore we have sex, Iâd love to talk about what safer practices we want to use if any.â
âLetâs get tested before we have sex. Iâd love to have the option to have sex without condoms.â
To be clear, there is nothing you can do to protect yourself from stealthing. Saying there is suggests that the victim is to blame, and the victim is never to blame.
The bottom line
No matter what you call it, damaging or removing a barrier method without the informed consent of all people involved is sexual assault.
If youâve ever stealthed, know that you committed an act of non-consent. Course correct by honoring your partnerâs barrier preferences in the future.
And if youâve ever been stealthed, know that whether itâs been one day, one week, one month, or longer, you have options for mitigating risks and regaining trust in other people.
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Data indicates that more than
half of the women murdered in
South Africa die at the hands
of their intimate partners. Of
these homicides, a staggering
82.7% are killed by firearm
injury - and in three-quarters
of those cases, the firearm is
legally owned and licenced by
the perpetrator.
