baby, why don't you just meet me in the middle?

Deziree: Okay 🙄 Then can't I make you super HOT for your boyfriend?? 🔥🔥

Deziree: Which, did I ever say congrats for FINALLY getting to the calling each other "boyfriend and girlfriend" stage 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Abby: You're kind of a bitch, you know that? I'm more than hot enough, stop trying to change me.

Margaery: Chad? No, no, no, no, you don't know him at all. He never passes up an opportunity to pay for something and show off that we're among the wealthiest family. I'd be interested in the rest of the list.

Margaery: I just assumed Ava was a fellow student, not your teacher! And that's what exercise classes are for, silly.

Margaery: Literally none of what you said just now makes any sense. How would I secretly hate a car if it's the fanciest? That's enough to make geniune love. And I've survived this long without orgasms and I'm happy all the time so? Your experiences can't dictate mine, sorry!

Abby: Uh huh, and what about all those rumors about him breaking into people's rooms and using their 3D printers without permission?

Abby: She was, but I was just counting the people I was stuck in class with. My family's kind of annoying sometimes :-p Uhhhh boring. If I never step on a treadmill again it'll be too soon.

Kendall: WHAT ABOUT MORAL LAWS?! IT FEELS WRONG WHEN IT COMES TO THOSE. If he's not YOUR teacher then they don't have power over you so that's fine. I still don't know why someone would date someone so much older than them, mainly because what would they have to talk about, but that's a personal choice. I don't think Junior isn't interesting, I just think he's a little intimidating to tell you the truth. UHHH IF YOU MANAGE THAT I WON'T STOP YOU BUT LOL I'M NOT HELPING ON A PORN MISSION, SORRY. Aw, that's so nice of you! Dizzy is awesome and totally someone who'd be amazing to date but idk how I feel about setups? That just feels like a lot of pressure on both ends lol.

Evie: It was just this last one, and it was a special occasion hangover lol. The sort that happens when you aren't expecting it and so you forget water and bread.

Evie: So needlessly antagonistic! Gosh, you remind me of home lol. Thank you, I needed that. To remember how far I've come and how glad I am to be where I am.

Abby: Go drink out of a sink, it's not like there's not water eveeeerywhere!

Junior: Oh. I totally forgot that was an option lol whoops. Thank you, Auradon! Because if we were still stuck on the Isle, having the baby might be the safer option and that would've sucked lol.

Junior: A backup plan as in a new guy for Dizzy? Because there aren't that many worthy dudes around, even as starter guys.

Abby: Yeaaaaah, hard pass on the whole like, coathanger thing. King Beast was a real asshole for not even giving us like, proper medical shit. You'd think he wouldn't have WANTED anyone having babies yet here we are.

Seems like kind of a trivial thing to put effort into if you ask me but I guess it’s your thing so good luck?

Kendall: YOU SPECIFICALLY SAID WHO WAS MOST LIKELY TO BANG A TEACHER IN HIGH SCHOOL WHEN YOU BROUGHT UP LEXI! Even in college, the power dynamic between a teacher and a student is very taking-advantagey. Oh, I didn't even imagine getting punched in the face. I just meant he doesn't seem as uh easy to converse with? But I don't know him, that's an unfair judgement to make. I HOPE no one has ever watched porn on a jumbotron - like, why? You judge people on their perceived kissing skills? That's kind of funny lol. But yeah no I'd never be able to do that. I like giving them their moments.

Evie: The last time I remember doing anything like that the only pain I really had was a domineering hangover so I can't relate but it makes sense.

Evie: Its not soft or gross to tell someone how much they mean to you! And it doesn't make you like her or anything either. You should have heard Maleficent cooing over Diablo, and it didn't make her less scary.

Abby: Wow, someone's a noob. Haven't you figured out how to avoid hangovers by now?? You're old!

Junior: I know, superstitions are dumb and jinxed are fake but hearing it so much makes a dude paranoid! I probably have super strong sperm because the rest of me is super strong, it could punch through latex!

Junior: So is Dizzy, we'll shorten her skirts, and the knee sock fetish exists and draws guys in whether you understand it or not. I'm telling you, this is a solid plan.

Abby: No, I mean, nothing can MAKE us have a baby. Even if you break a condom and birth control fails and spermicidal foam doesn't knock that shit out like... we could always get rid of it, if we're not ready for it.

Margaery: I know, right? And I don't know, I remember hearing the robbery rate before we let people from the Isle come over and most of you don't but I know for a fact that Harry Hook has tried so it's for sure not zero anymore lol.

Margaery: Well, manners class from your parents and with your sisters is never as much fun! When you're there with other kids around a big table pretending to be fancy and trying not to laugh together it's so fun. Recess class isn't a class, Abby!

Margaery: I wouldn't test drive a car before I bought it, I would just buy the finest, newest model. The best car is going to be the best at getting me where I need to go. Besides, I don't care how big a guy's dick is. Dicks are ugly anyway and love-making should be about more than his meat stick. They call it soul mates and not sex mates for a reason, cousin. If I love him and he's rich and hot, what else do I really need?

Abby: I bet I could make a list of kids in Auradon that I think stole shit while everyone turned a blind eye to it, too. Including your brother :-p

Abby: No, Ava's actually better than Fairy Godmother, although whether or not Granny is is debatable. Recess class SHOULD be a class. Running around is better than learning!

Kiara: don't take this like in a weird way but i kinda love the idgaf attitude you got going on. like lowkey jealous of it and wish i could give less fucks sometimes.

Kiara: and that totally sounded better in my head i should have just kept that to myself omg how lame am i?

Abby: Lol it's fine, my idgaf attitude extends to giving no fucks whether you botched a compliment or not :-p

Dizzy: You know. If you wore your hair curly sometimes, it would be super cute. Not that you aren't super cute already, but you know.

Deziree: Okay fine I'm SORRY I ambushed you this morning but don't you want to look supes cute for Junior?

Celia: You think Freddie will notice if I borrowed one of her shirts?

No it wouldn’t, probably some of it would have even gone bad! Either way something fishy is going down and everybody’s ignoring it for some reason. Why would Noa take it back, though? I’m sure you understand the fun in being a shit to somebody, if they come asking you to take it back, that’s no fun at all!

I don’t know, because it’s not true and also I’m definitely smarter than him, I could find some pretty epic ways to retaliate if I feel like really investing the effort.

I’m not a doctor but I assume sometimes the shit blinding you flushes out eventually? I’ve seen it on shows or whatever, but I know they aren’t accurate, so who knows. I wasn’t calling you a snitch, I just needed to say it. And I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that if her dad does find out, I don’t want her to get in trouble because she knew and didn’t stop it. Last thing I need is to get him mad at me for “making his daughter keep secrets from him” or whatever.

Oh I will.