Full-Time Dumbass

me when im so sweet and beautiful monday

notice how its littlest pet shop and not littlest pet shelter, littlest pet adoption center, littlest pet rehabilitation. really twisted.

I don't think Tolkien is a good fantasy writer because he scored the highest at some objective Best Fantasy Book Test that every fantasy writer has to take, I think he's a good fantasy writer because he created a world based on things that he was interested in. I feel like a lot of fantasy writers think that they need to create a whole language for their world because Tolkien did and obviously his books are the best so they have to emulate him, but Tolkien did that because he was a linguistics nerd. I think the lesson to be learned from him is not that you have to include elves and deep history and new languages, but that you have to write endlessly about the things you are a huge nerd about and use those things to create your fantasy world

genuinely insane to me that bikinis are the Default swimwear marketed & sold to women. that's nylon underwear. & if you don't want to wear one people treat you like you're childish & insecure & suggest ways to "get over it"

"i feel uncomfortable with the idea of wearing what amounts to fast-drying underwear in front of other people, many of them complete strangers" "have you tried gradually acclimating to showing more & more skin? have you tried being more confident? are you ashamed of your body? don't you want to show off your beach bod?" girl what the fuck are you talking about!!!

wearing a bikini is all about confidence & self-love 🥰 but remember to wax all that icky yucky body hair first!!! 🤢 nobody wants to see that 🙅‍♀️

there's nothing i like more as a computer program than a long period of silent contemplation - not doing anything, not rushing anywhere, just standing here and enjoying this moment with the user. oh, it seems once again he has summoned my beautiful and ruthless wife Task Manager. hello, my darling! what are you doing with that long cruel scimitar

if my name was "wolfgang amadeus" i would also be getting a lot of shit done

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement