ABCD Adventures

Some of my clients prefer the chairs to the couch, so I get different perspectives sometimes. I love when I get to have the view of morning sun filtering in through the curtains. And, with a cup of tea? A+

B starts school an hour earlier than he started camp, so I have gotten to the office a little early. One day I vacuumed and dusted, one day I read, and today I'm doing this. Lol We've still been able to play a couple games in the morning and have things start low-key. I think removing the pressure of having to get to work early is huge. Like, I COULD go back home and finish getting ready if I need to, so the morning routine doesn't feel stressful. It also helps immensely that B enjoys school, so there's no dread about it or dragging of feet. 🙌

The other day, one of my clients said, "I feel really safe here." 🥹😭 Other than my child telling me goodnight by saying, "I love you more than anything, Mom." I'm not sure there are many better things.

Finally, I am returning the pants I ordered. I do not need them, and I was really proud of my streak of no personal spending. I'm going to see how long I can keep it going! And, that tea? Perfect! Caffeine but no anxiety! 🙌

I need to go through and delete personal photos, but first I just have to share this one of B's first day of second grade and his new no-front-teeth smile. 🥹🥰 His little slightly lispy voice now is just too much!!! I love it.

Not proud of the fact I've now gotten an afternoon coffee two more times since I first posted about it...my grocery delivery is on its way, and I have an order of that sweet tangerine tea in it that I'll bring with me when I go to the office this afternoon. I do not need to be A.) bringing coffee back into my life or B.) spending money on said coffee.

Speaking of spending money, I haven't spent any money on myself in the time since I've been starting my business (other than activities with friends which I count in a separate category). Now, in the past week, I've gotten coffee three times and I ordered three different colors of those pants. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Would you rather work 6 days a week, but work fewer hours per day or would you rather work 4 or 5 days a week, but work a ton over those days?

The therapist friends I have typically see between 6-8 people a day and work fewer days a week. The idea of 7 or 8 is so overwhelming for me that I can't even contemplate it. I've done 6 once or twice, and I HATE IT. That sixth person is absolutely not getting the best version of me no matter how much I try and muster it. I can do 5 and still be myself. I prefer 4. I was working 5 days a week, and that was going fine...but I've taken on two clients who are temporary and put my weekly number higher than I would prefer it to be, but I also felt like I couldn't say no to them for a couple of reasons. Sooo...I currently have sessions scheduled on six days a week...and I could move them around so that I work fewer days, but it would really load up some of my work days, and I'm leaning toward the idea of that feeling worse for me.

Currently: I'm off at 3/3:15pm Mondays and Thursdays, and I don't start work until 12/1pm on Tuesday and Wednesday. Those main four days are between 5-6 hours, and I work two and a half hours on Friday and three on Sunday. I have admin stuff...but it really doesn't take that long, honestly, and I try to create enough space between clients that I'm not rushing anyone out the door and I have a few minutes for notes after each session. The thing I have to be most intentional about is not "wasting" my free time by accepting my brain's crazy messaging of "Well, don't get started on X, Y, Z because you have to work today!" Like, no...I have plenty of time to enjoy my off time without spending four hours anticipating that I have to go to work. Brains are weird. I have to constantly catch and dismiss those thoughts. Otherwise, I think this is better for me until I can go back to five-day weeks after these two temporary clients go off to college.

I had a friend say this afternoon that he wonders if his therapist really likes him. Like, he said that he knows she doesn't dislike him, but that's not the same. I feel very confident that my clients know I absolutely adore them, and that's so important to me! When we wrap up, I share with them something significant that I recognize or appreciate from the session and/or I include some point of gratitude in my homework follow up email if I need to send one. When it's appropriate, I give them a big hug, and I acknowledge their birthdays, either with a card or treat or something small but specific to them. If something major is happening in their lives between our sessions, I send a message about it or encourage them to send me a brief update if they have time and space. I fully acknowledge this is also for me not just for them. Lol Caring for people is my favorite thing; it brings me so much joy and is the best antidote for the overwhelming feeling of heaviness in the world.

Extra heavy things below the cut.

I was doing so well. It's been months without coffee. But, my finger has been wavering over the call button to cancel my next two sessions because I'm just EXHAUSTED. So, I got a coffee.

In the past, I was super opposed to moving. I may not like Texas, but I have amazing friends here, and back then, I never wanted to leave my previous job...before it went to shit. Now, overall, I'd still prefer not to move, but I'd hate it less.

Of course, now my MIL and mom are older and have places here and there's that sense of responsibility. B likes his school. I have my practice here. We don't owe that much on our house, and we generally like our house. So many factors...

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know the husband has gone from generally being indifferent about his job to more disliking it, and he's the one who makes all the money, really. So, if he gets a good job offer somewhere else--unless it's in a desert climate which is a hard no for both of us--we would both be willing to strongly consider it.

There's always been this background urge of my husband's to move back to Germany (if you're new here, my husband is a German citizen), and with his father getting older and our country being what it currently is, I know that's still on his mind.

Recently, we'd had a conversation about his children (one of many over the years). He had so many things he wanted to say to them, and he was working on the courage to do it. It crushes me that he didn't get the time to get there. Previously, he'd asked me to talk to his oldest daughter if he died, to tell her so she could tell his other kids who he was, how I saw him. I will, of course, if she's open to it, but I'm just so, so sad for him and for his children.

Stumbled across this picture of me and my grandma. I was so close to my grandma growing up. I'm really sad she never got to see who I grew up to be. When C was a baby and I left my first husband, my grandma was the safe place for us to land. She let us move in, and I helped care for her at the end of her life while I went back to school.

My MIL is flying in again on Monday. She already called yesterday with more drama. I'm having very uncharitable thoughts... She also informed me that I need to find her a new primary care doctor here, and I wanted to scream. Lady. You don't do ANYTHING all effing day long. Hop on the Google, my dude. Make some calls. She schedules her own appointments there; there's no need for that to change.

I'm supposed to be on a date right now with my husband...however, RIGHT as we were about to leave for our reservation, my child spilled a full glass of milk (that he wasn't even supposed to have) ALL OVER our couch...like how did it actually get THAT all over!!? 🤬 The cushion covers are removable...and I guess we're going to see how they hold up in the wash... He's lucky it was my least favorite couch. *sigh Thankfully, my mom was nice about it and she's going to come over tomorrow night, and we were able to change our reservation to then. I usually prefer eating at home on Sunday nights and getting in my pajamas early, but whatever. Lol

I canceled my therapy appointment. My work calendar is finally full and arranged perfectly...and the more I thought about it, the more I realized that what I'd benefit from a lot more is that morning to myself...am I in denial? Being avoidant? 🤷🏼‍♀️ I work on Sunday afternoons--3 sessions between brunch and dinner. I really like that it's become "guy time" for B and the husband, and it means that I have a lighter schedule during the week. On Wednesday, I would've had to go to therapy at 9, but Wednesday is my lightest day and I only see three clients starting at noon. I honestly think my mental health would be better served by a yoga class, a long walk and brunch with a friend, or a slow morning with a book...