solo sé que no sé nada

there’s nothing worse than loving someone more than they love you. than missing someone so badly when you barely even cross their mind. i feel like i’m suffocating all the time. i can’t even breathe because i love you so much. my love for you follows me like a damn shadow. and god i just want to SCREAM. please please PLEASE love me. please love me even half as much as i love you. please please please i’ll take any scrap you’ll give me. i’ll take a half smile, a one word text, a half hug. please just show me you care. please just love me back

having a sister is so crazy because you are half my soul, but also like who even are you? i wish we were friends, but we’re just sisters. do you know me, or are you just stuck in the version of me i was 5 years ago? do you want to know me? how is it that i was born knowing you, yet you’re a stranger? do you think about me when you’re away? we shared a room so many years, and now i don’t know how to sleep alone. does it keep you awake, the silence? do you ever think about the empty twin bed you’ve left behind? i am so lonely without you, but i was lonely with you too. you’ve made my heart a bitter bruised thing. and still it longs for your love and your acceptance and whichever scrap of kindness you’ll give me. you can hurt me so many times but i’ll always be the little girl who just wanted to play with you. my sister. you who holds a power over me no one else ever will. my favorite stranger

having an older sister is so crazy because i adore you but you’re so mean to me it makes me cry. i want to be just like you but i hate being compared to you. i want to tell you everything about me but i’m so scared you’ll judge me. everything is fine and then we argue and suddenly i’m five and you’re refusing to play dolls with me. i love you more than anyone in the world but i hate you so much. you are the only reason i have any confidence. you ruined my self esteem. i can’t feel pretty unless you compliment me. i wish i was as pretty as you. you are the easiest person to love. i still cry over what you said three years ago. you are half of my soul. all i want is for you to see me. i want you to think i’m as cool as you. you understand me without words. you don’t get me. i wish we were friends. i’d rather die than fight with you. we fight every day. i wish you loved me as much as i love you. nobody will ever love me like you do. you make me hate myself sometimes. i decided to play soccer because you played it too. i would follow you anywhere. you’re the first person i ever tell anything. i wish you would confide in me. you make me feel so lonely. i listen to that song you showed me every day. you make me so angry it makes me punch a wall. when you hug me i cry because i love you so much. i have never hated anyone like i hate you. i would die for you. i don’t think i’d survive without you. please love me as much as i love you