I Stan a traumatized king

mayhem is one of my ALL time favourite criminal minds episodes and dare i say my number 1 aaron character arc (foyet is too painful for me). like him closing a close friend, him literally LOSING his hearing (i can't believe they just up and ditched this at some point like. give me my hard of hearing MAN.)

god like for the longest time ever i was like wondering if they NEVER going to talk about kate joyner???????? like she was CLEARLY important to aaron. i love when fics explore their relationship history more and trying to address aaron's grief over losing a close friend... this deleted scene means sooooo much to me

HIM NOT RESPONDING TO HOTCH??? ONLY WHEN DAVE CALLED HIM AARON??? the way he ANSWERED "what is it?" IN SUCHH A QUIET TONE SOOO GENTLY IM GNAAA KILL MYSELFFF GUYSSS HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT I'M EUEUEUEEEGGWHWHEHEEGH this is MY man. my man who is actually soooo quiet like a mouse when he's not put in a position. his voice is only loud and stern when he has to :-(-(/(/(:$:&:@2@:

"i can handle it" - famous last words of a man who is absolutely losing his shit on the inside

him asking dave to help him interview 😭😭😭😭💔💔💔 his big pretty brown begging eyes "would you.. uh.." and his :| face UGHHHXHSHSJSKSHW he knows no one can say no when he uses those eyes ....

always soooo fucking thankful for dave's friendship with him. he's the only one who DARES to call aaron out for his "i can handle it" bullshit and ask how he's doing.... and the way aaron takes it all the time. he obviously pushes back but gently. because he knows dave worries for him but he doesn't want to be a burden. UGH. the way he doesn't like taking up space in general. he's a large man but he tries to make himself appear smaller to make people trust him more (ofc unless people are trying to challenge authority)

“Open your mouth,” Rossi instructs quietly, tapping Hotch’s chin when he doesn’t immediately do so. “Nice and wide, there’s a good boy.”

Hotch’s mouth drops open at that, even that small amount of gentle praise instantly turning him into putty into Rossi’s hands. He had been expecting fingers in his mouth perhaps, but he’s slightly surprised when a large silicone ball is placed there instead. Hotch lifts his eyes up as his friend fastens the buckle at the back of his head- his question must have been implicit, because once Rossi has finished tightening the straps, he places a hand on Hotch’s cheek.

“We can’t have you waking up the rest of the team, can we?”

Hotch nods, his face burning as he thinks about what his team would think if they heard him, if they knew what he did in hotel rooms across the country. Again, his thoughts may as well be out loud, as Rossi tuts at him, stroking Hotch’s cheekbone soothingly with his thumb.

“Stop worrying, Aaron. That’s the whole point of this, you need to let go.”

Not only is the older man a profiler, he’s a goddamn mind reader, as well. He knows Hotch far too well- quite intimately, one could say, although they’d never actually fucked. It seemed silly to say that their relationship was platonic, considering all of this, but it really was; built on the mutual understanding between two old friends. Neither of them needed to confirm what it was to each other, they just knew. Hotch liked it that way, never having to explain himself or working out where he stood. It made a change from the stress of everything else.

Hotch is brought back to the present when he feels a light slap on his ass, making him groan into the gag. He can feel his cock twitching slightly, hardening further at the promise of more- Rossi always gave him more, and Hotch welcomed it. It was exactly what he needed to start shutting his brain off.

3:00pm thursday 2nd september

Hotch is in his office when he hears a soft knock on his door.

He looks up and sees Derek, and says, "Come in."

Derek shuts the door behind him and walks over to the side of Hotch's desk.

"Hey," Derek closes the door behind him "you..still coming to mine tonight" he bounces on his toes a little wondering if they are even going to talk about the argument they had the night before.

"yes." hotch said, looking down at his computer. he really didn't want to look at derek as he was still upset about the argument

Derek nods and sits opposite Hotch and bites his lip, he sighs and shakes his head.

"what" hotch asked, annoyed that derek wasn't leaving.

"nothing" Derek snaps back, hotch just glares at him.

"look derek, i have work to do, go sit with reid or something, he seems to be your new favourite person"

"what? Are you still mad about last night??"

"no"

"you are!" derek said standing up leaving and going home early hurt and upset

6:30pm Thursday 2nd september

Derek is sat curled up in bed hiding under his duvet holding one of hotch's shirts close as he hears his front door unlock he knows it's most likely hotch since only him and reid have keys but reid always calls before coming around.

Derek is too upset to move from the position he's in. He can hear hotch moving around downstairs, he can hear the fridge opening and closing and hotch is probably getting a drink.

Derek closes his eyes and just pretends to sleep in bed shuffling around as Hotch comes in and sits by derek.

"i know you're awake" hotch whispers and derek opens his eyes

"hi" Derek mumbles softly, not looking at the hotch and sniffing a little.

"you were right," hotch said, laying down next to derek "and i'm sorry"

"m sorry too i shouldnt of got upset and left" derek mumbles turning to face hotch

"it's ok, you're allowed to be upset" hotch replies kissing derek's head

"I love you" Derek mumbles, snaking his hands around hotch.

"I don't care if you're in your suit, still I want a cuddle" Derek mumbles nuzzling into hotch.

"i need to take my shoes and blazer off first" hotch replies

"no" derek grumbles pulling hitch into his arms

"babe" hotch chuckled

"nope" derek mumbles looking up at him "you know...i want pancakes right now i'm hungry i haven't ate because i was so upset"

"I brought food with me," Hotch says, getting up and taking off his blazer and shoes and crawling back into bed and handing Derek a takeout bag.

"chinese" Derek mumbles, smiling a little.

"yep, your favourite" hotch said, opening the container.

"Mmm noodles," Derek smiles while sitting up.

"Here," Hotch handed him the box and a fork.

"Thank you" Derek mumbles, smiling as he starts to eat.

Hotch kisses his cheek and smiles and he starts to eat his own food.

Once they are finished eating, Derek leans his head against Hotch's chest.

"you know.. the only reason i talk to reid so much is because he's lonely... he's never been the same since maeve died" derek admits softly

"i know" hotch replied

"so you need to stop getting jealous when i'm talking to him..he's my best friend" derek smiles

"I know, I'm sorry," Hotch mumbled.

"It's ok, I forgive you" Derek smiles and pulls hotch in for a kiss.