Little clues

Effortlessly beautiful ✨️🖤

Check it out here:

https://vogue.ph/lifestyle/people/felip-is-not-competing-with-anyone-but-himself/

I try my best na maging gentle sa mga anak ko kase alam ko kahit ano naman gawin ko may masasabi at masasabi sila pag laki nila. That's the way it is.

Life is so hard kahit anong libro or link pa yan sa internet di mo maiintindihan yan as long as you experienced it as your own. I learned it the hard way.

Paano naman ang mental health ko? Mahirap buoin ang sarili para sa mga anak. Pero kaylangan.

50 likes!

It's been months now since I bacame a fan girl to this PPOP boy band named SB19. I can't believe myself that I'm going to like this band at this age. I'm in denial at first because I wasn't sure If I really like this band. I find myself rewatching their old videos and songs that I can't sleep knowing that I will missed one of their videos or updates about themeselves and their concerts and tours. I watch them grow. I will never forget the first time I saw them on youtube, they sing MAPA at the stage but this one guy caught my attention because he was crying while singing his lines that was KEN, that song is all about their parents (MA,PA) that this time they will pay back all the sacrifices their parents made. Their songs are the best taglish song I ever heard in my entire life. The wordplay, ironic, symbolization, desriptive, figure of speech, metaphor and many more that I can't describe. I noticed everyone who like SB19 they are all humble and the desire to protect the boys from anything that can harm them especially all the bashers and haters. And I think I'm one of them now. I'm wishing and hoping that I was with them since day 1. I am so proud to be a filipino because of them. I hope one day people will recognize that kind of talent and pure hardwork. These individuals are self made. Look at them. they're my inspiration. They saved me and give me hope to this cruel world. Thank you #SB19 you guys are the best boy band in the whole world.

AND BECAUSE OF THAT

I have my own people created by SB19 and that fandom called A'TIN.

We are the people behind them. We create group chats, pages, accounts to support the SB19. These people of mine are not just about being a fan girl but we support each other especially our daily lives and even our private lives. I will never trade this kind of friendship even though we just met online and we have so much plans and dreams for each other. We admit that we have our own kind of being a fan girl we're rude but we're so witty and smart at the same time but It's all began in that moment where we support and voted SB19 for a billboard fan army 2023. That very day our lives changed.

We all have so much in common. I haven’t personally met them but it was so fun to have conversation with them. We wish everyone nothing but happiness in life that someday we will look forward to be together in a concert and get drunk and make our lives worth living. As I think of them I'm in awe. I wont last a day without chatting them as if we're in an intimate relationship. I love every second with them fantasizing, delusional or what we call delulu! Hahahaha. I love this feeling. I will never forget.

I think that's all.

I will get back to this post and tell more about our lives and how we will meet personally someday.

Thank you!

M A H A L I M A x M A H A L I N A

Disclaimer:

or unavailable is an umbrella term used to describe parents who are uncaring, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic or generally display self-centred and cruel behaviours which can – and often do – tip into verbal and physical abuse.

Absentee Mother

a person who is supposed to be your mother but isn't either physically or emotionally present or both. The impact of this varies in consideration of the bond created with the child.

• Unfolding •

When I was a child I have a simple and meaningful life, I'm the one who made it happen. I remember how my family treats me, always in survival mode but there's good and bad in every situation. My absent parents have no idea the impact their absence and inconsistency has on the child. It's hard to communicate and you don't have the confidence to face people because I know it all starts at home, well everything starts from home.

"Home stands for comfort; it should be a refuge, where you and your family can feel secure; it's where you can share the important things in life: your happiness and sadness, your achievements and failures; it's where you can help each other as a family."

The truth is I don't have achievements in life, I don't know who I am all I know is I can't give my all to people who I think deserve it, I can't choose, I can't eat, I can't be the best. I'm always the second child and again I never had a chance to choose what I really want, even in my life. Until I go to college and had a job It doesn't matter what I'm thinking or my opinion is not really important to them. It's just me the black sheep of the family. Trying to fit in, to sit in, to give in. Now that I try to give my best to my family, my child I don't want to feel them the same way again. Not in this life. I will give my all to protect them, to be present in times of need. I just want to be heard. That's all I want. I'm always present to them even now. I'm one call away, you can tell me everything I won't judge I always here to understand and see both sides. I'm not yet healed. I don't know when or where. Soon, someday eventually. I missed everyone very much along the way. Life is full of different types of experiences. Everyday passing in our life is not the same it is not possible for us to remember every day of our life but there are days or moments of life that are memorable. It is not easy for us to forget that day or the event. We cannot go back to the past and live any moment that we want. The memories of these days help us in remembering the same and making that moment alive for us but one thing I always remember "No one is there for me" the day that I really need you, the day that I lost my favorite wallet, That gloomy day I went home alone, The day that you're absent in my life. You weren't there to protect me, to guide me. I was lost. But it's all gone long time ago. I'm fine in better way.

Disclaimer:

Again this is all based on my experience I have no hard feelings or resentment It's all gone, long long gone.

(author's perspective)

when one reaches the age of forty, life becomes better, maybe because one has the skills, experiences, and means necessary for an enjoyable life.

I value my privacy and personal life until one effing night realizations hit me. The hardest night of my life, one hella night I can say. Feels like there's a chain on my foot. I have so many words left unsaid and so many dreams scattered in peaces. It's all in my mind. Life takes more than it gives. It is so hard to get up. These dreams like a nightmare, my trauma, my insecurities. Every night over and over again.

Let's unfold the story ...

1. Timeline:

When you're in your late twenties you can't act like a teenager, you are suppose to have your own family or else you will end up being a burden to your family. You can't dream a big dream on your own. People will say you are selfish for not helping your parents and other family even though you know in yourself that you are the one who's really in need not just other things but the moral, emotional and spiritual support.

Turning thirty! For me that's the real legal age when you can do anything on your own free will no one againts you especially your parents, It's the distressed year of all time. You need to take care of your own family, your children, go send them to school and cook dishes for your husband, wash clothes every three days, clean up your house, clean every mess every second of your life. Repeat. You can't get to sleep or rest even for a second. Eyes are watching. Repeat.

When you are about to step to the arbitrary age which is the middle age "the 40 years of your life" What does really mean? You need to go somewhere far away from your comfort zone. Go to reunions, find your long lost soulmate, try to recover from the past, If you are single you can leave the people behind and start your own life all the things unfinished business. This is the year you can do anything, you can fall inlove again, you can dream and take charge but one thing is for sure you are not strong enough and young enough to conquer the world. You can't and you won't! You will wait for the moment if it's will of God or yours to step in. You wish upon the star to give you strength to carry on whatever life takes you. Go travel alone, find yourself, go to places you can't even pronounce, drink, smoke, watch sunset and sunrise, watch the sky at night, sit on the beach while drinking your favorite wine. Do it alone. Just do it. Life takes you to unexpected places.

Till undescerning age, The "60" sexagenarian. When you can enjoy all the free stuff in the world and the saddest part of your life. No one wants you. No one needs you. No one can help you. You are tired enough to do things that make you feel alive. You are waiting for your turn. Your hair turns gray, your teeth starting to fall out, you can't hear a word, you can't see and watch television, you just want to wear your 20's inspired top and skirt. There is so many things you want to do and you want to see but only the air and nature are there for you. Just blank stare at the window you can't control now what's going on. That's life takes it's toll.

Once again life takes you...

Oh shut up! Just Run.

9:32pm

I Miss my bisaya friend sm!! Hays! Never been this hurt before over this friendship. U r always in my heart. If I could just turn back the time. I will choose righteousness and clarity over some short term friendship that just happened. I will never forget the day that you said that the most important thing in life is Integrity. It was so hard every year your birthday passed you know that It's our routine. How I wish I can just go with you and hug you. My forever Monoe. :(

9:38pm

I will never forget these things with you.

Our concert dates,

Your concern and advices,

Simple things such as commuting, eating out and surviving our daily lives in MNL.

Our singing sessions when we're about to end our shift. We rap, we sing, we dance.

Our late night talks during our same night shift schedule.

You are one of my bridesmaids.

You never forget my birthday greetings every year even tho we're not workmates anymore.

You are my compass when Idk my direction in MNL and in Solaire literally.

My I.D. when I can't pass bec I forgot my I.D. at home.

My Manager, my financial manager iykyk!

Ngl. You're my favorite person. :)

I miss you.

9:42pm

You thought me to handle under pressure situation elegantly and professionally. It's so hard that I lose one of my people in life. I can't cry anymore I want to challenge myself that I will learn and accept the things that I can't change and ofcourse to be a better person and you're one of my main reason why I need to be.

Every day of my life I can say now that I changed myself for myself, to be clean, my concience and all. I am more than enough.

9:49pm

I will heal in time.

I know not this time but soon or someday eventually.

So long my friend.

Amping.