Sakusa was just as handsome and stoic and as…Sakusa as ever. His ability to stay stone-faced under pressure impressed you ages ago, but now it was just annoying. That unflinching gaze was all too familiar. It had been on you through countless arguments and disagreements. And now, those eyes followed you from the court. For once, you didn’t want his attention, but he seemed more than willing to continue his unnerving antics.

You had hoped to just congratulate the team and make up an excuse to leave immediately but you should have guessed Bokuto and Hinata would be talking at you for 30 minutes more than necessary. To be honest, they were talking to each other more than they were talking to you. Atsumu had left for the bathroom. Sakusa was just there, standing tall in his gray sweats and MSBY jacket – the one you had been wearing to sleep just a couple months ago.

“Hey,” he greeted.

“Hi.” That should’ve been the end of it, but Sakusa wasn’t finished being petty. Your eyes darted around his figure in an attempt to avoid looking into the two dark holes he called his eyes. 

“How’re you?”

“I’m fine.”

More painful than the terribly awkward conversation was the guilt that crept in. Sure, you initiated the break up, but it was in hopes that he would come to his senses and change. Unfortunately, the paparazzi snapped a photo of him on a date the very next day, smiling and laughing with the person sitting in front of him at the cafe you used to frequent. You knew it was just part of his game of chicken, waiting to see who would cave first.

He rolled his eyes. “I’m doing great. Thanks for asking.”

“Oh, I’m sure you’re doing amazing,” you scoffed.

Hinata, sensing the taut tension, chirped in. “You wanna come celebrate with us? We’re having dinner at the restaurant a couple blocks down!”

You shook your head. “Thanks, but I gotta head home. I’m meeting up with a friend later.” You were not, but Sakusa didn’t even flinch.

“That’s too bad. Next time, then!” You nodded, said your goodbyes, and bolted home.

You spent the rest of the night binging trashy reality shows to take your mind off the events of the day, but soon found yourself scrolling on Instagram when Atsumu’s new post popped up. It was the team at their celebratory dinner, grinning at the camera. Even Sakusa, who rarely participated in group photos, sported an amused smile. You couldn’t help but feel jealous. He was having a great time with friends and winning games while you spent the last few months boarded up at home, hoping the heartache would pass quickly but no such luck.

If he could move on, so could you. Right? Sure, you’ll never find a 189 centimeter tall volleyball player with a great body and sassiness to match, but…nothing. You’ll never find anyone like him again, but he could always find someone like you. He probably didn’t miss you – probably hadn’t even thought of you until today and that hurt.

You couldn’t look away from his face and the small glimpse of his slightly crooked teeth, nor the way his curls hung over the two moles on his forehead. You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t but hearing his voice again, seeing him play on the court, you just wanted to see him one last time. So, you prayed to every deity out there and punched in his number. 

Just as you were regretting it and telling yourself it wasn’t too late to hang up, a voice answered, “I knew you’d call first.” All you could do was laugh. He didn’t block your number.

Miya Atsumu - Sugar Talking

< [hey]

It was honestly incredible how one word could make your blood boil. It was even more ridiculous this wasn’t the first time. If you had to make a wild guess, this was probably the seventh. But just like the six previous times, you couldn’t help but reach for your phone.

you: [what do you want miya]

astumu: [don’t say that]

atsumu: [i’m still ur tsumu]

astumu: [i miss u]

Before you could even blink, your phone rang, lighting up with his contact photo. It was an old photo from your first date, and his bright, wide smile and cheery eyes flashed through your mind, reminding you of the better times. As cliche as it was, the good times were good, but the lows were absolute hell, hence why you were on your couch with a pounding headache. Though you wanted to blame it on your cold, you knew better. Ignoring the familiar pit in your stomach, you accepted the call.

“What?” you answered coldly. If he noticed your sniffling, he didn’t show it.

Silence. Then, “Hey.” You didn’t speak. You weren’t going to let him off that easily. “I miss ya,” he hesitantly stuttered. He should have that tattooed onto him with the way it was his favorite phrase. Still, you fell for it every single time. But not this time, you hoped. “Did ya get the flowers I sent ya?”

You sighed. “Yes, Atsumu. I did.” Your gaze flitted over to the small vase filled with beautiful roses and lilies. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, he had good taste. Or maybe the flower lady recommended it to him, you thought bitterly. After all, Miya Atsumu never put much thought into anything outside of volleyball. He always said what came to mind, regardless of how other people would receive it. This little trait of his was endearing when he would call you gorgeous while you looked like a mess throwing out the trash but not so much when he called you annoying for asking him to listen to what you were saying.

“Did you like ‘em?” No response. You did like them, but you didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Call it petty, but he’d survive a little spitefulness. He sighed on the other end, and your heart ached involuntarily. Atsumu was thoughtless most of the time, but you still loved him and you knew he loved you, too. If you were a better person with more self-respect, this would have ended the first time he flirted with a waitress. 

“Flowers won’t fix anything, Atsumu. You haven’t even apologized.”

“I’m sorry for callin’ you annoyin’. I swear I’ll never do it again. Sometimes my mouth moves before I can think and it always gets me in trouble. I promise I didn’t mean it,” he mumbled.

“You say that every time, but nothing has changed! I’m sick of it!” The universe must’ve been mocking you when you sneezed loudly into your phone. You knew what was coming next, like clockwork.

“Are ya sick? Do ya need me to come over?” He almost sounded excited that you were suffering.

“Yes, but that has nothing to do with–”

“I’ll stop by the pharmacy and come over. Wait for me!” And then he hung up. You clenched your fist and groaned, resisting the urge to throw your phone at the wall. You did forget to restock your medicine cabinet, so you did need someone to buy cold medicine but it was just your luck that someone had to be Atsumu. You shook your head. He can’t keep getting away with this!

But while your mind reminded you of the times your friends told you to stand your ground, your heart beat a little faster at the thought of seeing him and his smile again.

Miya Osamu - Never Getting Laid

Osamu was a nice guy – not one of the creepy ones who pretend to be nice to get into your pants but a genuine gentleman. Despite already waking up at the crack of dawn, he would start his day a little earlier to make you lunch. Whenever you had a bad day at work, he’d bring you out on an impromptu date no matter how tired he was. He’d wrap his big arms around you and squeeze as hard as he could to make sure you could feel his love from his rapid heartbeat.

But now, those memories only felt bittersweet. Your palm and fingers stung from holding the cold beer can, but you couldn’t bring yourself to put it down. The “friends” who brought you to the nightclub had long forgotten about you shortly after arrival. You had drifted to the edge of the bar to wallow in your misery and the thick scent of cheap body mist plus the occasional cold blast of air from the door behind your seat. You glanced at your phone, hoping a reasonable enough amount of time had passed for you to fake sleepiness and go home. Saturday, 8 PM. Darn.

The couples on the dancefloor swayed to the rhythm of some 2010s pop song while the singles grinded and flirted with each other. If it were a normal Saturday – that is, if you were still with Osamu – you’d be at his apartment or on a late night date with him recounting gossip from the office ladies, but it wasn’t a normal Saturday. No, from last Saturday and on, you were single and so was he. What would he be doing at this hour? Closing up shop? Making dinner? Or on a date? Ouch. You didn’t want to think about that one. You didn’t want to think about him going on a first date with a girl he met online or giving her a kiss after walking her home. You didn’t want to think about him doing all the things he did for you for another woman.

You could feel the lump in your throat growing and rising. Whether it was from the beer or the heartbreak, you didn’t know but you did know you needed to head to the bathroom. You hurled the entirety of your stomach out, groaning at your misfortune. First you got broken up with by the love of your life, then you almost got fired for making a mistake while crying about said breakup, and now you were crouching in front of a disgusting toilet with no toilet paper. If Osamu were here...No. You had to stop thinking about him or else you’d be crying all the way home. 

Needless to say, getting tipsy after a break up is never a good idea. Like you had done every night before, you pulled out your phone and found your way to the hidden folder. You couldn’t bring yourself to delete all the memories, but getting bombarded with them when you were just looking for a reaction picture also hurt too much. 

One photo in particular caught your eye. The date was two months ago, right after Onigiri Miya opened its fourth location. Osamu had taken you to a high end restaurant even when you insisted you were fine with a cozier one. He had asked someone to take a photo of the two of you on the gorgeous balcony with a few visible stars decorating the sky. Honestly, you thought he would propose that night. After all, it had been three years and finances were stable enough, but to your disappointment, it didn’t happen. Still, the night ended with a different kind of celebration in private. 

A sharp knock on the stall door shook you out of your reminiscing. The smile you didn’t even notice was there vanished. You groaned and cursed your way out of the bathroom, but when you stepped out, you wished you had boarded yourself up in that bathroom. Where your seat was sat the reason for the ache in your chest. How you wished you could forget the profile of his back and his stupid Onigiri Miya hat. If he was still wearing it, that meant he had just finished his shift but he rarely ever went to nightclubs or bars so what was he doing here? Maybe he was grieving like you? Hope grew with every step you took but your original suspicions were confirmed when you saw another hand in his. 

God, he did initiate the break up but he was already onto the next person? Rage burned in your stomach. Anguish flooded your brain. You felt a shoulder bump into yours and heard a disembodied voice telling you to move, but all you could focus on was the pulsing in your ears.

Even so, you walked. You walked with your head held high, refusing to shrink in shame. You walked through the sweltering crowd of strangers. You walked past him and out the door. Though you would never admit it, you hoped that he recognized you by your shoes, your hair, or anything at all, but you knew better. He didn’t spare you a single glance.

Oikawa Tooru - Lie To Girls

“God, you’re so fucking obssessed with yourself you can’t even begin to think about loving anyone else!”

That’s what you said to him three nights ago yet here you were, crying in his arms about how much you loved him. And he loved you. He really did. 

He kissed your face, the taste of salt tingeing his lips. He hated to see you cry, but lately it seemed like he was the cause every time. He took a deep breath, recognizing the familiar scent of your body wash. “I’m sorry. I just – I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how I keep fucking this up.”

A ragged breath hitched in your chest. You wanted to believe him; maybe he was oblivious to what he was doing. Maybe this time, he would find it in him to change for the better. Maybe he did love you, but he simply didn’t know how to show it.

“I understand if you find it unfair,” he continued. “Whatever you choose to do, I’ll accept it.”

“No,” you blurted out. “I want to be with you. I don’t want to give up on us.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you. I want you to be happy.”

You shifted your head onto his chest, away from the tear streaked fabric of his shirt. If anything, it all made you feel worse. You should be satisfied knowing that he only wished for your happiness, but a doubtful voice said deep down, he couldn’t care less. 

You quickly brushed the thought away in fear of falling into a rabbit hole you’d never get out of. You should trust his words. He said he cared about you and you should believe him. You felt a gentle hand rub up and down your back but you felt little comfort.

“Promise me,” you sniffled. “Promise you’ll never leave me.”

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

Wakes you up for work and then drives to the gymnasium for practice

His team goes out for lunch (paid for by the good sponsor money) and he always sends a picture of his lunch to you

You send back your boring rice and strangely shaped mini hot dogs

When he comes home, he likes to take a “shower” which is really just a water wash sine he doesn’t like the way sweat makes him feel sticky

If he doesn’t stay late for extra practice, he cooks dinner with you

It’s always fun to figure out new recipes with him

Actually, you’re the only one figuring them out while he’s cleaning everything after you use it

“Where’d you put the whisk?”

“I already washed it and put it away.”

“Hon, we need that whisk for the rest of the recipe.”

After dinner is relaxing time with tea

He always refills your cup when it’s only half empty for some reason

“I don’t want it to get cold,” he says

Sometimes he reviews practice/match recordings while you’re off doing whatever new hobby you’re interested in

Sundays are his cleaning days

He always tells you how satisfying it is to see a clean house after his hard work

You tend to sleep in but you try to make an effort to help him (if you can wake up in time)

Most of the time though, he wakes you up after he’s finished and expects you to praise him for how well he’s cleaned

He likes to take an actual shower right before sleeping

After he’s done with his night routine, he prepares for bed while you do your night routine

When you first started sleeping together, he liked to have his own blanket and so you’d have yours too

However his blanket started encroaching into your territory and vice versa so you exchanged it for one blanket instead

Kuroo Testuro

Corporate life is pretty stable

He has the same schedule as you so if you work near him, he’d drive you to and from work

Thursday is date night and he always tries to find new places to visit

When he’s out of options though, he always takes you to the place you had your first date at

Let’s go golfing!!!

He was born as an old man and he looooves golfing

Sometimes he’ll go with his coworkers or he’ll take you with him

Spends as much time talking to the fellow old men at the golfing course as actually golfing

On Saturdays, the old Nekoma team eats dinner at your house

Lev, nosy and having intense fomo, calls Kuroo at least four times until he picks up only for Lev to ask to facetime

And then Kuroo brings out…..board games

Kenma immediately chains himself to the single sofa with his switch

Kai always entertains him

Yaku (whenever he’s back in town) keeps a scoreboard in his notes app

Either Fukunaga or Inuoka win, it’s never Kuroo or Yaku

After everyone’s gone home, Kuroo’s usually at least tipsy from sharing beers with the others

He gets extremely cheesy and tries to dance with you but there’s no music

He runs hot in his sleep after drinks so you always have to peel him off you in the middle of the night

In the morning, he’s stuck right back onto you

11:06 PM

Your phone is warm from gripping it like it owes you money and watching too many YouTube videos and. You sigh, plug in your phone, and lay your head down on your pillow. The disappointment hasn’t gotten any lighter. In the darkness of your room, you close your eyes and hope you can sleep the pain away.

11:36 PM

You can’t sleep. Your heart is beating too fast for your mind to shut down properly. You take a peek at the digital clock on your night stand. 24 minutes. Though you know it’s not happening, you still foolishly hope that Atsumu will pull through and surprise you.

11:42 PM

You’ve given up on rest. At this point, you just hope that your body will let go of hope when midnight strikes so you can finally fall asleep. However, your mind races with insecure thoughts. Why hasn’t he posted anything? More importantly, why hasn’t he said anything at all? It would be better if he didn’t know, to be honest. At least you would be able to give him the benefit of the doubt but you know you’ve reached your limit. You had given him enough chances.

August 2

12:00 AM

Your tears fall from the corners of your eyes, tracing their way around your ears. The waiting is over, yet you don’t feel any bit of relief. Rather, now the heaviness of what you’ve decided comes next sits on your chest. You grab your phone, check it one last time, and smile bitterly when his profile stays empty of the pink circle.

10:23 AM

You find it a bit ridiculous. Your phone shouldn’t have the power to send your adrenaline into overdrive but while your finger hovers over send, your mind tries to drag up any last excuse you can make for him. Maybe he was tired, and he completely passed out when he got home. Maybe his phone ran out of battery halfway through the day. He did have a habit of forgetting to charge it. But you know better. You hit send and watch the text bubble rise.

“we need to talk”

You want to burst into tears when he replies a few minutes later with “wanna call?”

Your fingers shake while you type out your response.

“I’ll come to your apartment”

He sends a thumbs up.

10:54 AM

Every muscle in your body is straining to stop you from screaming and yelling. “No, ‘Tsumu, it’s not just about the post! It’s everything that’s been happening!”

He matches your tone and pulls at his blond hair. “I don’t get it! Do you want me to post it or not?” His eyes are fixated on your painful grimace.

“It’s too late! The day’s already over,” you cry. “There’s no point of you doing it anymore.”

“Then what do you want me to do? Why are we even having this argument?” Atsumu groans. Yesterday, he passed out immediately after practice and woke up after receiving your text, confused and admittedly quite nervous. You were always patient with him, and he knows he’s been walking on a tightrope.

He knows that the scarce dates, the silence between texts, and the forgotten birthdays had been piling up on you. Hell, he barely had time to celebrate his own birthday. Instead, he opted to have a quick drink with his teammates during a game abroad despite the happy birthday text you sent at midnight. He told himself every time that he would get back to you when his hands weren’t full, but he was always either too tired or simply forgot. He really didn’t mean to put you through all this but as an athlete, he didn’t have the luxury of stopping.

You truly thought you’d be able to handle it. As long as the love was there, nothing would be able to get between you and him. You knew a relationship with Atsumu would be different from a typical one, but somewhere along the way, he had pulled too far ahead. When you adapted to his schedule, it would change. There were more practice sessions or physical therapy sessions. And when you adapted to that schedule, it would change again. Every time he apologized for his late reply, you cried less. Before long, “sorry” lost its meaning.

He avoids your teary eyes and averts his gaze to the pillow beside you. You do the same.

“You’re always so busy. You don’t even have time to think about me.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry,” he says but he knows how futile it is. He should’ve done something about it weeks, even months, ago.

“Sometimes I wonder if you even want me here anymore, if you still love me.” Your tears fall faster, racing down to your chin. All the hurt that had been growing and tangling finally allows itself to unravel.

“Of course I do,” he sighs. He can feel his head getting heavier and the sound of his heartbeat getting louder. “It’s just been hard.”

“You give your all into your training and work, and when you get home there’s nothing left for me. All I get are the scraps, if there are any at all.”

“I can’t give up either of those. You know that.”

“Then what am I still doing here?”

He doesn’t answer. His sniffles grow louder, and you realize. Atsumu is trying to stop himself from crying. In front of you sits the man you have loved for years, yet it’s difficult to reconcile the fact that you’re the reason he’s crying with all the care he’s shown you before cracks started to show. You remember the third date when he asked if he could hold your hand and when you jokingly rejected, he was visibly disappointed for the rest of it. You remember the first fight. He had slept in, forgetting he was supposed to pick you up for a date at the aquarium. You were annoyed, sure, but it dissipated when he showed up at your door with treats from a bakery and a nervous smile. Still, you pretended to be upset so he would pamper you with affection.

You hate being angry at him. Of course you do. You love him and you don’t want to be upset with him but you can’t handle the loneliness anymore. You have to stop the suffocation of neglect from turning into resentment.

“I understand if you’re done. I know it’s unfair to you.” He finally looks at you, eyes full to the brim with adoration and anguish. How can a person love you so much yet break you beyond repair? “I’m sorry I couldn’t give you more. I just wanted you to be happy and I lost track of things. I know it hasn’t been easy for you. You’ve been nothing but patient with me and—"

You stand, make your way to the couch he sits on, and wrap your arms around him. He instinctively fits his head into the crook of your neck and sobs. “I’m sorry it has to be this way. I know you love me very much,” you whisper into his hair. You can feel him sharply breathing in and out. For once Atsumu is quiet, barring his cries, and allows himself to lean on you. The great Miya Atsumu has been brought down to his knees by the second greatest love in his life.

Hinata Shoyo

Modern day:

Your underclassman that got into the college on a sports scholarship

You met him as a tutor, surprised that he needed tutoring in three subjects instead of the usual one

You very quickly learned that he wasn’t stupid, per se, but he doesn’t pay particular attention to what he needs to know for exams

However, he always brings you snacks for each session to make up for your troubles

He’d always wave to you in the hallways and hand you a kitkat (it was strawberry flavored on valentine’s day)

During study sessions, you would always be the one to tap out first

You were no match for his boundless energy even though most of that energy was dedicated to asking questions about you instead of the material

Past life:

He was a kid in your neighborhood and he would always answer the door whenever you knocked and asked for donations

The first time he answered the door, he was nervous and jumpy, but you figured he was just anxious with strangers

Eventually, you thought he would be an excellent clergyman with his enthusiasm and charisma

When you asked, he said he wanted to be a soldier at the castle

You felt bad for laughing

He was a small boy, smaller than the other kids so the image of him with a full suit of armor didn’t exactly sit right

As the years went on, you built a friendship with him

During the summers, you would help him pick the strawberries from his parents’ farm

During the winters, you huddle together around the fireplace with wooden cups of hot coco

However one day on your usual routes, his parents answered the door instead

You thought nothing of it, assuming that he was just busy but every subsequent time, either his parents or sister opened the door

Curiosity got the best of you, despite being taught to not pry into others’ affairs

His mother said he had joined a few boys from another town over for a “training trip”

You were miffed that he didn’t tell you beforehand but you figured it probably wouldn’t be long until he returned anyway

Days, months, and years would go by with no sight of your childhood friend

As you grew older, you started to unwillingly forget the details about him

All you remembered was a jubilant teenager named Hinata that laughed with you in the town market

As a novice nun, your responsibility was to wake up early and prepare meals for everyone in the church

Before you left your house that morning, you heard a knock on the door

The guest was kind and exuberant but there was just something about him that felt familiarly warm

After a pleasant but awkward talk, you stood up to walk him to the door when he knelt down on one knee and you finally realized he was the boy you hadn’t seen in eternity

“I’m sorry I left you for so long but I wanted to become strong enough to protect you. Let’s make up for the years we lost.”

Kuroo Testuro

Modern day:

A fellow tutor at the peer program

Initially, you thought nothing of him

After all, the students in the program tended to be some of the top in their respective subjects

That is, until you overhear him trash talk liberal art majors

You could figure out chemistry problems with your eyes closed but could he recite all the Buddhist chants? Yeah, you didn’t think so

You unconsciously started a competition with him in your head, determined to get the most tutoring hours or tutor in the most amount of subjects

He didn’t know of this rivalry and he still managed to beat you in everything you could make a contest out of

Your only explanation was that he wasn’t human

No one would be able to do all that and still have time for quantum chemistry

Unfortunately, a required general chemistry class got the best of you

Why your teacher expected you to know how to do reaction mechanisms was beyond you and your religious studies friends didn’t even know chemistry involved mechanisms

Begrudgingly, you finally caved and sent him a dm through his contact in the tutoring group chat

It turns out that he was just as playful as he looked

You soon learned he was incredibly cheeky, almost to an annoying extent

But with the amount of time spent with him, something was bound to blossom

You cracked under his charm and smooth talk, finally admitting that he was just a little smarter than you

Past life:

He was a traveling priest from another religion

Although the church was friendly to him, they certainly did not go out of their way to accommodate him

Your loyalty to the church, and more importantly your father, veered you to stay away from him

You were sure he’d pass through the town like any other traveler that stopped by until he developed a following

A few members joining his teachings? Sure, people can be swayed when their faith is weak

But when he had a crowd gathering around him every week to listen to his sermons, you started to grow suspicious

Even some of the most devout followers took interest in him

You started asking around, trying to gather information about the mysterious priest

But all anyone would say was to listen to him yourself

Hiding in the mass of people, you felt it was a massive betrayal to your God but you reassured yourself treason if you didn’t believe in his deity

You approached him at the end of the sermon, putting on a mask of cordiality until he recognized you as a member of the church

When you bluntly asked if he was coercing people, either with money or promise of salvation, he said “As a fellow servant of a god, you should know better than anyone that true faith can not be swayed. It can not be bought or stolen.”

But after a particularly nasty encounter with a calico cat, he rid himself of the scars right in front of your eyes as you spied from a bush

Perhaps he knew more about the divine than he let on

Miya Atsumu and Osamu

Modern Day:

The twins were well known across campus although for terrible reasons

Miya Atsumu stood in the center of all the nasty rumors and Miya Osamu had unfortunately been dragged into his brother’s antics

They crashed frat parties, ruined school events, and were a general threat to the students

You shouldn’t have been surprised, then, when you found yourself splashing and scrambling in the school pool after Miya Atsumu slammed into you while trying to catch a frisbee

Your bag now served as a bucket of water and you laid in a puddle on the cold concrete slabs

Through your clogged ears, you could hear Osamu telling Atsumu to apologize while Atsumu stubbornly stated that you shouldn’t have been walking so close to the pool in the first place

It wasn’t until you realized it was almost time for class that you shot up and ran in the direction of your apartment for a quick change of clothes

Thankfully, you arrived to class in time and you brushed off the unlucky encounter, hoping that was your only unfortunate run in with the twins

But when you found them at the door of the tutoring office, you prayed to all the gods you studied about that they weren’t here for you

No god answered your call

You suspected that black haired rooster had something to do with this

Osamu handed you a box of cookies for your troubles while his twin avoided your gaze and apologized

Osamu offered to pay for your ruined books and as a college student in debt, you couldn’t refuse

When you handed them a list of your books, they instantly realized you were a religious studies major and pestered you with questions with wide curious eyes

You couldn’t help but revel in the interest and attention and before you knew it, you had spent hours lecturing them about the structures and separations of church

To your annoyance, they took it as a sign that you were their new friend and kept popping up somewhere near you whether it be after class or right before lunch

You swore they had mind controlling abilities with the way you got roped into their bizarre activities

Past life:

After moving to the inner town closer to the palace to assist with medical attention, you often found yourself in the nearby forest in the middle of the night

No, not willingly

You were sure you fell asleep in your bed and locked all the doors

But when you woke in the middle of the forest during the early hours of the morning, you started to become paranoid

You prayed to your God every night, that you would at least stay unharmed through the night

With each passing night, you awoke deeper into the forest, shrouded with a cool mist and you began having dreams of dark, grey fog

You could hear haunting whispered melody, not like anything you’ve heard before

There were two voices, both deep and smooth, and they intertwined beautifully like the twine on a rope

 You don’t know what it was about that particular night, but your body felt more restless than usual and you lied awake

Your thoughts drifted to the mysterious forest but you knew nothing more than three things

You always heard singing, you had not even a scratch despite the long walks, and when you investigated in the daylight, the forest was empty of any sign of life

Before long, you drifted off even after fighting your eyes to stay open but as you floated through the hushed tune once more, you were roused by a soft brush against your leg

You were outside again but darkness still painted the sky and you concluded that whatever was dragging you out here had not planned for you to wake up so soon

As your eyes tried to focus in the haze, you could see two shapes scampering past the trees

You mouthed a prayer of protection and took a step forward, determined to get to the bottom of it

The fog grew thicker and thicker until you could feel the dew condense on your legs and feet, but the singing grew closer and closer

You looked from side to side, feeling eyes on you but you were only greeted with bark and leaves

However this time, the whispers were promises of eternal life and salvation, everything you could ever hope for

Your mind tried to stay focused, resisting the cooing and purring until you stood in front of a strange, transparent film

On the other side, the forest continued but it was warped and hazy, as if it were an entrance to another dimension

Behind you, a voice whispered, “Go through and all your desires will come true.”

You turned around, greeted by two men but they were visibly not human, or at least not entirely

One bore a smirk while the other had a small frown but both had ears and a tail

“No,” you asserted. “When I die, my God will give me everything I need in my final resting place.”

The smirking one did not falter, his voice still soft as silk. “Why not get what you deserve now?” His companion added, “Why wait until death? We can give you everything you would ever want.”

“God does not give blessings to those who have not worked for them. There is no easy way to an eternal heaven. No one is more powerful than God.”

They tilted their heads, amused before smiling connivingly

“Tell us more about this “God” of yours.”

Never one to turn away willing students, you returned to the forest every following night out of your own will to inform these…creatures about the teachings of your religion

They always nodded and smiled like they knew something you didn’t but you held steady

When you asked why they targeted you specifically, they answered, “People always cave no matter what faith they believe, no matter how high on the totem pole they sit. In the end, humans are all selfish and self-serving. What makes you so special?”

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Modern Day:

The mysterious student you ran into at the local convenience store glared at you when you reached for the same bottle of disinfectant wipes

You backed off, wondering why he had his panties in a twist (couldn’t he have just grabbed the bottle behind it?)

While you juggled your wallet and your bag to pay for your products, your student ID fell out of your pocket and onto the floor

Behind you, he picked it up and handed it back to you with the same scowl you saw just 20 minutes earlier

“You should probably wipe that.”

“Uh, right thanks.”

You started working part time at an ice cream shop and your new friend Motoya always walked with you to the bus station since he his apartment was in the same direction

To your surprise, pissy pants was at the bus station as well and Motoya introduced him as his cousin, Sakusa Kiyoomi

Sakusa attended a nearby college, much to your relief as his frown would’ve definitely dampened your days

As long as you were working with Motoya, however, Sakusa would be there

He claimed that Sakusa didn’t like to stray from his routines and you replied, “Yeah, I can tell.”

With Motoya’s friendly facilitation, you grew closer to him, or maybe learned more about him was the better phrase to use

He was a year older than you and snorted when you told him you were a religious studies major

You knew it would be difficult for you to find work once you graduated but at least you enjoyed what you studied

Somehow, that shut him up and you suspected it was because he didn’t particularly like the idea of working a corporate job in the future

Other than that interaction, you didn’t think Sakusa was capable of opening up any more until you took interest in the philosophy book he had been reading while you were chatting with Motoya

He suggested you take a look at hermeneutics without any other explanation and you brushed it off, thinking it was irrelevant

But later that night when you were looking through a pirated textbook on hermeneutics, you were pleasantly surprised Sakusa actually paid attention to your excited ramblings

“Hermeneutics: the branch of knowledge that deals with interpretation, especially of the Bible or literary texts.”

Past life:

A soldier you met in the infirmary when making your midnight rounds

While all the others rested, he whispered sharply to you through the open door and asked you to change his bandages

You told him there was a shortage of medical supplies and you were only allowed to change each person’s bandages twice a day

When he says there will be no bandages to change if soldiers die of sepsis, you relent

He doesn’t attempt to make conversation and you just want to finish cleaning him up so you can finally return to your quarters

The next day, he’s gone back to the front lines and as an extra precaution, you pray for him or at least pray that you won’t see him back in the infirmary anytime soon

Unluckily for him, he ends up right back in the thin, wiry beds

Though he wasn’t on your list of patients, the other medics relayed that he kept asking for you and would refuse others to tend to him

This time, he was more damaged, cuts and bruises lining his body

Not a single inch had been spared

When he saw your grimace while you disinfected his wounds, he reassured you that this was far better than what others had to endure

You weren’t sure he was trying to comfort you but you tried to give your best encouraging smile

It seemed this time he was more willing to speak, and he indulged you on why he asked for you specifically

His parents were both physicians and so he knew the other medics’ work weren’t up to standard

He tried to do it himself but most of the wounds were out of reach and you just so happened to walk by that moment

He was impressed with your handiwork and attention so he kept demanding to be treated by you

Through him, you were told stories of the war and how devastating it was

His cousin had been stationed in another area and thus he could only pray that no news was good news

To your surprise (or perhaps not since he seemed a strict man) he was quite religious, wearing a cross at all times

When you had time to spare, you read him some passages as he claimed it helped him relax

He never smiled much, never cracked jokes, though he was capable of ridiculing you when he was in a better mood

You supposed it was difficult to stay positive when his friends were disappearing one by one

A couple weeks after discharging him for the fourth time, another medic approached you with a grim expression

You rushed to Sakusa’s side and looked in horror at his injuries

He was covered head to toe in blood and worst of all, his left arm had been torn off at the elbow

You held back your tears as you tried your best to stop the bleeding but you were starting to assume the worst from his grey complexion

You refused to leave his side after that, afraid that the minute you turned away, he would slip into an eternal sleep

On one of the colder nights, he opened up more about his life before the war

He was an acquaintance of the prince and he admired him for his skill in combat

Though distant from his parents, he found company in his cousin when they would spar as young boys

From under the blankets he held his hand out and you took it, surprised he was so cold

On the bedside table lay his cross necklace, unmoved and cold after being separated from its owner

His inky eyes bore into yours, steady despite the pain he must’ve been enduring

With a soft determination he sighed, “I hope to meet you again soon.”

Oikawa Tooru

Modern day:

Unlike in high school, the student body was relatively unknown

The only reason people knew Oikawa existed was because of his handsomely good looks

Despite only being a secretary, his face was plastered on banners and promotional posts to encourage student to participate in whatever phony event the school had planned

Aside from his good looks, Oikawa was known for his rivalry with the president

Stories of their absurd competitions had been spread since your freshman year and it seemed like Oikawa hadn’t won once

Your first interaction with Oikawa was in your sophomore year when you volunteered to count ballots for the school election

Oikawa would occasionally walk by and jokingly ask if he was winning to which you and the others retorted that it was a secret

On the last day of voting, you were assigned to close down the tent and return the remaining ballots to the student body office

Oikawa, always eager to help, assisted with taking the tent apart while engaging you in small talk

Finally, out of curiosity you asked “Why do you want to win so much anyway? It’s not like you’d actually get to do anything as president.”

He burst out laughing

“The position would look great on my resume when I run for the actual government.”

You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not but you admitted that he would look sharp in a formal suit

“I’ve been going up against that bastard ever since high school and just when I thought I had a chance to become president, it turned out we were going to the same college.”

You raised an eyebrow. “So, what? The world is so much bigger than our campus. Surely there are better things you could be spending your time on.”

He laughed once again, dodging your comment

When the votes were counted a month later, Oikawa had lost once again

You turned to him, half expecting him to get frustrated but he only huffed

 “Maybe it’s time I find another goal,” he sighed. “But you’ll help me win next year, right? I’m holding you to it!”

Past life:

As a medic, you had regular contact with the workers in the castle, specifically the servants that were trained to be messengers for the war

Oikawa was just one of many, but the way he carried himself and quickly analyzed the information brought to him drew many to his intelligence

When you delivered the latest report on the number of injured and dead, he noticed the cross necklace you had wrapped around your wrist

“A woman of faith?” he smiled.

You told him of your upbringing in the seaside town quite a ways North

“Do you think those that pray to a higher power have an easier time passing on? They have the comfort of an imagined heaven, after all.”

You thought for a while, not quite agreeing with him and replied, “Even non-believers have abstract concepts that bring them peace. Quite frequently they ask if they’ve lived a fruitful life or if they’re happy with the way things are ending. Peace after death isn’t strictly tied to religion. Are you a believer, Oikawa?”

“No,” he answered. “If a god exists, then surely everyone will get what’s coming to them. God hasn’t proven themselves to me, yet.”

The brutal war waged on and you worked yourself to bone to keep the soldiers alive

Day by day, fewer soldiers were brought back from the battlefield until the infirmary had a number of empty beds for the first time

The next time you delivered a report to Oikawa, he noticed your haggard disposition

He asked if everything was alright and you opened up to him about your fears

“So many people are dying in this war. I’ve closed too many eyelids. Is this something we deserve?” you questioned, referring to the conversation from a while back

He sat in silence with you, not offering any comfort or consolation

Eventually, he spoke and revealed that he wasn’t from your country

Rather, he was from a smaller country overseas that had been conquered by yours

He told you of how he hid under the bed while his family was slaughtered in the living room

He told you how he had to live off of leftover food thrown into the trash by the wealthier restaurants and join a band of homeless children to be able to see adulthood, grasping onto the rage he held for the royal family

“Terrible things happen to people who don’t deserve it all the time. But because we are human, we have the choice to take things into our own hands. Would it be presumptions to think of ourselves as the true gods?”

You instinctively disagreed, arguing that humans were just animals with the ability to speak and when people meet their creator, they will all be judged on the same scale

He didn’t try to convince you otherwise

It was on a rainy night that you saw Oikawa for the first time

You had just finished taking your laundry inside when you heard a knock on the door

It was hesitant, an inconsistent silence between each knock

You opened the door to see him drenched and shivering but when your eyes landed on the dagger in his hand he went still

“Tell me not to do it. Tell me to stop and I will.”

You didn’t, couldn’t, say anything

Your shallow breaths come out in small puffs. The dirt ground is warm, bringing you some semblance of peace. The sun is high in the sky, bathing you in light. The grass beneath you feels like an expansive rug, but all you could really feel was the pain at your waist. Your dark blood bled into the soil, darkening the brown to a burgundy. If only you would have realized the person that had been stalking you on your way home from the pharmacy was dangerous, you’d be safe in the inner walls of the city. What a shame, you think. It would’ve been a good day for the war to end. But the tips of your fingers start to grow numb and you fight against the weight of your own body just to get a breath in. You use all the strength that remained in your arm and feel the cross on your other wrist. It was warm. You couldn’t help but cry. Even with all your years praying and believing, you were scared to die. The church promised a happy, painless afterlife but as your vision grew darker and darker, you began to doubt a heaven even existed at all. You stop fighting the heavy weight of exhaustion, close your eyes, and say one last prayer. You prayed to your God, or whoever would listen, that you and all the people you formed bonds with would get a second chance at life, one that was empty of suffering and full of freedom.

a/n: take a wild guess who the prince is. i liked sakusa's the best even though originally i was going to make him a siren or a merman but i couldn't really find a way to make it fit well. i would looooove to make this into a full fic or a series but unfortunately i don't have enough neurons for that.

Iwaizumi Hajime: secure leaning avoidant

Did not have a traumatic childhood

He’s mentally resilient and can take criticism especially from the people he loves and cares about

If you express frustration with something in the relationship, he will listen and try to fix it as best as he can

But sometimes, he’ll take it too far

He’s quite independent and he’s able to handle everything on his own

For him, this translates badly into a relationship because sometimes he doesn’t realize he’s trying to fix all the problems without taking your thoughts and opinions into consideration

However, he would have a hard time bringing up his issues with the relationship

He just loves you so much that he doesn’t want you to be unhappy with him =(

But overall he’s sweet and is a good listener

Kuroo Tetsuro: secure

As kids, he never tried to convince Kenma into doing things he didn’t want to do (other than volleyball)

The same would apply to you and the relationship

He’s effective with the way he words his emotions and is hypervigilant of how he communicates because he doesn’t want you to get the wrong idea or unintentionally cause a miscommunication

Also good at hiding his emotions or brushing them off

You would think this would mean he’d lean avoidant but rather he’s better at discerning between an actual issue and a fleeting moment of frustration

However, he does have a bad habit of not realizing how serious you’re being when you bring up an issue

Kenma Kozume: secure leaning avoidant

Unwilling to engage with things he perceives as frustrating or complicated

He’s one of those people who get tons of messages from friends and family but he ignores all of them

Texting takes all of the energy out of him simply because he thinks he could be spending that time doing something else (gaming)

Surprisingly good at understanding human connection but he finds the process of maintaining and nurturing one difficult because he just doesn’t know what to say most of the time

He knows what he’s saying isn’t quite right but he doesn’t have any other dialogue options

He is also perfectly fine not speaking to you for days as he’s not the type to keep track of those things

Ushijima Wakatoshi: secure

He’s similar to Iwaizumi in that he’s able to take criticism and able to admit his mistakes but it may take him a while to understand where you’re coming from

Can’t put himself in your shoes because he has a different shoe size

His parents’ divorce didn’t have too much of an effect on his emotional wellbeing because he’s always been able to naturally discern fact from feeling

Unfortunately also very blunt when telling you about things that make him upset

In addition to that, he’s one of the guys that give you solutions instead of comforting you

“I am giving you advice so you won’t be sad anymore. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to not be sad.”

Tendou Satori: anxious

Bullied

He doesn’t get attached easily but when he does, he refuses to leave you alone

Do you think he’s weird? Do you think he’s creepy? He didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. He’s sorry.

Fortunately, he’s attentive to your emotions

Unfortunately, that causes him some stress because sometimes he may take it personally

As he grows older though, he gains more confidence in himself and most of the intense emotions he felt before are easier to manage

Tendou is unique and he knows he deserves someone just as unique

But sometimes this works against him if a relationship doesn’t work out

If you were to break up with him (because he’d never be the one to break it off), he’d have a difficult time letting go

He’d become fixated on what he did wrong because he is very rarely wrong

He texts you in the middle of the night because he just misses you so much =(

When you shut down his attempts at light conversation he finally accepts that you’re not willing to be as open as you were before and finally gives up but always wonders if he’ll ever find another like you

Bokuto Koutaro: secure

He may have been a little anxious in his younger years

Occasionally gets upset but can bounce back quickly

Emotionally intelligent and vocal about how he’s feeling at the moment

Encourages you to do the same

Understands that emotions aren’t always logical and are temporary

He knows that he’s a catch and that he has good qualities (arms and legs)

Rather than allowing himself to get cocky, he uses it to reassure himself that he will be able to handle anything that comes his way

If he can’t handle it alone then he will definitely ask you for help

Not afraid to admit that he’s feeling down

Rather likes it when you coddle him

Can you blame him? It’s hard work being a strong, stable man

Akaashi Keiji: anxious

Also like Iwaizumi, he’s used to taking care of things on his own and often forgets that you’re the other half of the relationship

All he wants to do is to make you happy but he takes too much of the blame

Before you can apologize after a disagreement, he’s already listing all of the things he shouldn’t have done and what he could do better next time

However, much of his anxiety stays inside

He doesn’t want you to see how much of a mess he can become or see him as weak

He could be self destructing but all you’d see is =|

Gets advice from Bokuto, of all people, and he tells him to “take a chill pill”

He doesn’t like the way that Bokuto phrased it so he ignores him

As the relationship progresses, he is able to trust that you won’t leave him out of nowhere

Eventually has an easier time expressing his concerns with some gentle encouragement

Miya Atsumu: anxious avoidant

So many problems, so little time

His issue is that he’s confrontational when it comes to your shortcomings but he doesn’t like to admit his faults and that’s where the avoidant part comes is

If he’s upset or he knows he’s screwed up big time, he ghosts

Commonly tells lies of omission

He (usually) doesn’t mean any harm, he just doesn’t want to get in trouble

He knows the things he does are wrong but the self control is not there

He’s the angry kind of anxious rather than the sad type of anxious

He can guess what you’re feeling to a scary extent but also expects you to do that same for him

He doesn’t realize that his way of loving isn’t the only way

Somehow, dealing with the MSBY Black Jackals helps him understand other people’s point of view

Bokuto’s just a good influence on everyone

Pulls away when you ask for more emotional support from him but panics when you start pulling away

Miya Osamu: secure

Surprise, surprise

Perfect man I swear

From years of being Atsumu’s brother, he is more tolerant towards issues in the relationship

Reconciliation is very easy with him

He’s almost always willing to forgive and forget

If you’re impatient, he’ll balance you out by being patient with you

If you’re angry, he’ll try his best to calm you down

If you’re being mean, he’ll be able to put you in your place (he’s still Atsumu’s brother after all)

Somehow just naturally knows how to deal with things without emotionally shutting down

Honestly, this only goes out of wack when it comes to his brother

Out of everyone, he would recover from a breakup the fastest

“Two salmon, two kombu, and one char siu.”

“It’s great to see you too, ‘Tsumu. I’ve been doing amazin’. Thanks for askin’,” Osamu sarcastically drawls.

Next to Atsumu, you chuckle. “Long time no see, Osamu.”

He smiles at you, warm and easy. He never held any ill will towards you. With his own revelations about the future, he understood that you had your reasons for leaving and Atsumu had his reasons for not pursuing you after.

“Hey,” he simply replies and writes down Atsumu’s order. Atsumu, the little prick he is, exaggeratedly reaches for his wallet at a snail’s pace while holding Osamu’s unamused gaze. He would’ve liked to continue playing oblivious but as Atsumu’s obligated-by-blood wingman, he relents. He rolls his eyes as high as they’ll go. “Alright it’s on the house, but you owe me 20 hours of delivery service next week.”

“Huh?! Five onigiri ain’t worth 20 hours!” Atsumu objects.

“Inflation, ‘tsumu. Some of us have to work hard to earn a livable wage. Next!” The customer behind you confusedly recites their order as Atsumu leads you to the side of the stall, groaning and moaning about his swindler of a brother.

You grin at the familiar banter between the twins. The festival is in full swing by now and crowds of people line the streets. You had only been to the night market a handful of times despite being born and raised in Hyogo. Seeing Osamu operate his own stall in the streets he grew up on, you couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride.

“Your brother’s still funny as always,” you point out.

Atsumu scoffs and shoves his hands in his MSBY Black Jackals jacket. “Yeah, he’s absolutely hilarious.”

“Thanks for takin’ me out again, Miya. It’s a nice break from sittin’ in the office all day.”

“Yeah, no problem. I ain’t got much to do anyway,” he says shyly, bringing up a hand to rub the back of his neck.

“I hope I’m not takin’ too much of your time.”

Atsumu shakes his head vigorously. “Nah, not at all. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out, too and I’ve been wantin’ to see what’s at the market anyway.”

“Or maybe you just wanted an excuse to see the openin’ of Osamu’s shop,” you suggest mischievously.

“Believe me. I got better things to be doin’ than keepin’ tabs on that scrub.”

Behind him, a Miya Onigiri employee calls out Atsumu’s name three times before he notices. He comes back with a plastic bag full of onigiri, stuttering and blushing when you laugh at him for his obliviousness.

He hands you your flavor of choice, unwraps his own, and promptly starts messily stuffing his face. You sigh goodheartedly, secretly glad Atsumu kept his boyish charm. Who would Miya Atsumu be without a little bit of immaturity?

The street lamps are decorated with yellow lights, outshining the night stars. To your left, stalls are selling taiyaki, tempura, daifuku, and various other foods. On the other side, children run around with goldfish in little plastic bags and comically large stuffed animals.

Though you’ve seen Atsumu a couple times since the ride from the book club, you still felt a bit uneasy. He may be here now, but he could leave at any moment and the anticipation for the other shoe to drop kept you from fully enjoying your time with him. You stomp down the heavy dread that begins to tingle up your spine and chew on your onigiri dejectedly. Still, you felt guilty for doubting his intentions. He had been a sweetheart towards you this whole time, yet you couldn’t let your walls down.

The thick summer heat concentrates the scent of the delicious treats and your stomach growls despite inhaling Osamu’s tasty onigiri. The scent of fresh Takoyaki stands out to you most, probably because your nose unconsciously led you right in front of the stand.

The old man at the stall smiles at you sweetly and asks if you want to try a sample before buying to which you, of course, nod. He hands you a toothpick with the large treat, the sauce and bonito flakes stirring a hunger you didn’t know you had. The ball is piping hot but you risk burning your tongue for the sweet and savory octopus flavor. Next to you, Atsumu grabs your toothpick while you’re busy enjoying the aftertaste of the chewy octopus.

“I wanna try one too, please.” His eyes gleam with the excitement of a child trying it for the first time. The takoyaki ball disappears into Atsumu’s mouth the second it leaves the old man’s hands. He yelps, opening and closing his mouth in a feeble attempt to cool it down and chew at the same time. When he eventually manages to swallow it with tears in his eyes, he asks for an order of takoyaki for the two of you to share. You take out your purse but Atsumu places his hand on yours. “It’s alright. I can take care of it.”

Your heart squeezes tightly at the sweet gesture. Memories of you and Atsumu going on dates, having fun, and not worrying about anything else float to the surface of your thoughts. The light squeeze tightens into a crushing grip. Was it better for the both of you to leave the past in the past?

“Thanks, Miya.”

“Anytime,” he smiles, but the sentiment doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Once the takoyaki is ready, Atsumu finds a bench in front of an open space where kids are playing with their new toys. Some stare with watery mouths but when you ask if they want to try some, they run away. At least their parents taught them about stranger danger.

Eating has never stopped Atsumu from yapping and it still doesn’t. “D’you wanna try some of the games later?” he asks with an open mouth of food.

“That’s alright. My hand eye coordination ain’t the best.” You hand him a tissue with an amused chuckle. His cheeks puff out like a chipmunk when he’s eating.

“I’m pretty good at ‘em. Y’know, with the whole volleyball thing.”

“Up to you,” you muse. It’s all the same to you as long as you were spending time with him.

“One time, I won against Omi-omi in a shooting competition and he didn’t talk to me for a week. He’s such a sore loser.”

You didn’t know whether to laugh at Atsumu nickname for Sakusa or the fact that Sakusa was petty enough to commit to the bit. Or maybe it was because this was coming from one of the sorest losers you knew.

“Well, one time I beat you at Street Fighter and you refused to eat lunch with me for two weeks, so I’d say you beat him in that, too,” you smile.

Atsumu groans and rolls his eyes. “Hey, I’m a changed man now. I know how to handle defeat with grace and dignity.”

Despite saying he knew how to handle defeat with grace and dignity, he whined about losing a shooting game against a little kid just an hour later.

Your stomach hurt from laughing at his panic halfway through the game when he realized he was losing. “You were sayin’?”

“I let her have the win! Since she’s just a kid an all I thought I’d be a good person and let her experience the sweet taste of victory I already know all too well.”

“Right.”

Atsumu exaggeratedly gestures at a daifuku stand behind you. “Whoa! Those look real good! Don’t you wanna try some? Let’s try some!” You don’t point out his obvious play at distracting you to spare his pride.

After daifuku, it was taiyaki, then fruit jelly. Soon, you were just about ready to explode with the amount of sweets you stuffed into your mouth. You had enough sugar to last you the next month and a half. Atsumu, on the other hand, was still busy gobbling up your leftovers. It was a wonder how he kept his physique with the amount of desserts he ate, and he ate them every single day.

He notices your discomfort from the ridiculous amount of food you consumed and suggests taking a break on an old tree stump. You watch him eat his second serving of daifuku. A tension tugs in your head and throat. Your heart begins to thump quicker. Your hands are starting to sweat and you have trouble taking deep breaths. You ground your arms onto your knees, placing your hand over your mouth. It’s homesickness. It’s the way Atsumu still scarfs down his food, how he still curses his brother out, how even after all these years you could still imagine you and him in high school doing the exact same thing. Time is cruel for robbing those experiences from you, and now in your late twenties, you weren’t sure you’d ever get them back.

No doubt Atsumu spent those years honing his craft and making the most out of his opportunities. You were sure he didn’t have any regrets, unlike you. If you were able to do it all over again, you wouldn’t have left so early that morning. You would’ve told him that with enough love and devotion, it could’ve lasted. If you didn’t make the biggest mistake of your life, you could be at the alter saying yes to an eternity with Atsumu and pursuing whatever passion you chose. But there’s no point in sifting through what-ifs, you’ve learned. They only layer regret upon regret on your back until you’re too tired to move forward or turn around.

“You enjoyin’ yourself?” you ask, trying to shake off the negativity. He mumbles something you can’t quite make out but you nod and smile.

“You alright? The desserts take you out already?”

You nod once more, hoping he’ll stop asking so you don’t crack. Atsumu puts his plate down on his lap with a frown. He still has cream all over his mouth, which he doesn’t notice but you focus on the little white dollop to bring your attention away from the wedge in your throat.

“If there’s somethin’ wrong, could you tell me? Please?” You’re stunned by the sudden change of mood. The Miya Atsumu you knew would’ve been much more impatient and abrasive.

“There’s nothin’ wrong, Miya. I’m just feelin’ a little tired from the food is all.”

His sweet, brown eyes find yours, refusing to break away. “Why don’t you call me ‘Tsumu or even Atsumu? It’s always ‘Miya’ for me but not ‘Samu.” His big, bushy brows pinch together and the wedge rises higher.

Your mouth strains and twitches, trying to hold your neutral smile but you know you’ve been caught and you let it slide into a frown. “I’m sorry, I just—it’s all just too good to be true. I’m scared. I’m terrified. I lost you once and I don’t want to lose you again.”

Atsumu sighs, scoots closer, and wraps an arm around you, his hand moving up and down soothingly. “There wasn’t a single day I didn’t think of you. I still love you. I want to be with you because I love you.”

“Why didn’t you just say so?”

“At first, I refused to reach out first out of pettiness. But then I thought I just wasn’t that important to you. I was just a fun time that was convenient to end once we graduated.”

You hum sadly. “Never meant to make you feel like that. You’re too good for me, always were. You made it all the way to the Olympics and I’m still barely scrapin’ by. I don’t even got enough time in a day to think about anythin’ other than the next meal. You’re amazin’ and you deserve nothing but the best.”

“I’m the only one who can decide what I deserve!” he retorted angrily before catching himself. “I don’t need you to be perfect. I would’ve stayed as long as it took for you to figure it all out.”

Now that you think about it and although you don’t want to admit it, what he said was true. Atsumu is nothing but loyal to the ones he loves. His desire to bring out the best in everyone extended past the volleyball net but you were dumb enough to believe he just didn’t love you enough when it couldn’t be further from the truth. Still, you were just a dumb kid at the time.

“What happens when you realize I’m not worth it? I’m not like you. I’m just a regular person. But you—you’re blessed. You got so many people rootin’ and cheerin’ for you. You’ve got so many people that love you.”

“Sure I do, but that’s not what matters to me. I ain’t playin’ volleyball for them. All those fans, they’re just a plus that comes with the game. I couldn’t care less if they stopped watchin’ as long as I get to keep playin’.”

At that, you couldn’t help but snort, reminded of the first time you saw Atsumu silence the Inarizaki cheering squad. It had been just a couple weeks since you started working on the project with him, and you wondered whether he was insane. Talented people tend to be insane.

You take a deep breath in. “When we first got together, I didn’t expect to fall so deep that it took years to recover and I still feel the pain when I wake up in the morning. I barely survived that. I don’t know if I have it in me to do it all over again.” Your eyes burn red hot from the strain of keeping the tears at bay that are teetering over the edge of your eyelids. You never told anyone what had happened and no one ever asked. Your spoken words solidify the hurt and you could feel the full force of the pain again since the first time that graduation morning.

“We’re not the same people we were nine years ago. It’d be real upsettin’ if we were 28 and didn’t know how to have serious conversations,” Atsumu laughs, breaking the tension in your shoulders that you didn’t notice until now. Compelled by his hearty laugh, you let out little teary huffs of your own. You took out a crumped Miya Onigiri napkin from your pocket and blew as hard as you could, resolving this to be the last time you’d cry about the past.

“As much as it pains me to admit it, you’re right for once,” you simpered, to which Atsumu let out a small squawk. “But it’ll take me some time to adjust, if you’re willing to wait for me.”

Atsumu grinned wide, cheeks pushing up to his eyes and says, “I’d wait nine more years for you.” He reaches for your hand, rough but warm, and pulls you up from the stump. This feeling is all too familiar. You didn’t realize how much you missed holding his hand until he gently intertwines his fingers with yours. “C’mon, I gotta explain this whole story to ‘Samu. Hopefully this juicy story will make him forget about the 20 delivery hours.”

Osamu did not forget about the twenty delivery hours. Or rather, Atsumu and his big mouth reminded him. If only he could’ve kept his mouth shut the month after the night market. Why in the world would he ask if he were exempt from delivering onigiri a month after? Sometimes, Atsumu’s mind couldn’t be explained by simple logic. You were sure Osamu made him do it just to see his twin whine, but you were also sure that Atsumu did it anyway out of love for his brother.

After his last batch of deliveries, Atsumu picks you up to enjoy “free onigiri” back at his house. When you ask if the “free onigiri” was from Osamu’s lunch box, Atsumu waves off the question and tells you to stop asking unnecessary questions.

“Your bed is irritatingly comfortable. Rich people really do live in a different world,” you chirp, looking around at the impressive displays of memorabilia.

He smirks, “That’s right, baby. Atsumu’s earnin’ the big bucks now.” You give him an incredulous look. “Please laugh. You’re lookin’ an awful lot like ‘Samu right now.”

“Anyway.” you snickered, “Where’s the onigiri? I’m gettin’ hungry.”

Atsumu puffs out his chest and pushes you to the dining table. After you take a seat, he brings out two plates of delicious looking food that certainly were not onigiri. “I hope you don’t mind eatin’ at my house,” he scratches his cheek bashfully.

“I’m more surprised that you know how to cook.”

“This ain’t Persona 5. We didn’t split so that he would get the cooking skills and I would get the volleyball skills even though I’m definitely better than him.”

“We’ll see about that.” To your amazement, Atsumu did know how to cook. You should’ve guessed since he’s an Olympic athlete and all, but you couldn’t wrap your head around it knowing that he was nowhere near as patient as his brother.

You spend the rest of the evening listening to Atsumu drone on about the happenings during training. You still haven’t met the rest of the team but they seemed to fit in perfectly with his personality. Rather than envy, you feel glad he was able to find people that could keep up with this incredible athletic ability, outside of Osamu.

After dinner, Atsumu washes the dishes while you take a long shower. You spend most of it figuring out how his complicated showerhead works, groaning all the while about it being above your income tax bracket. While Atsumu takes his turn to shower, you examine the trinkets he has in his room: photos, trophies, and posters. You realize he had decorated it similar to his childhood room so that hints of Osamu’s taste lingered despite him not being there.

Your eyes stop at what seems to be a letter on the wall right above his bed. You recognize your handwriting in the first few lines of it and realize it was the one you wrote to Atsumu for your first Valentine’s day. Reading it, you cringe at the cheesy lines but the love you felt all those years ago still burn bright. Before you can read on, Atsumu enters the room with his pajamas and a hot cup of water. He smiles, seeing the letter in your hands, but doesn’t comment. Regardless, you tape it back up on the wall and turn your attention to him.

You can feel the fatigue setting in after the hearty meal so you tuck yourself under his fluffy, blue blankets and watch him get ready for bed. Atsumu silently turns off the light on his nightstand, cup left on top of it, and crawls in next to you. His heat envelops your body and you hum when he wraps his arms around your waist. You feel a puff of air on your neck as he whispers. “Goodnight.”

“G’night, ‘Tsumu. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

You don’t realize you’ve fallen asleep until you wake up to the peeks of sunlight through his shades. It must still be early morning by the way the sun has barely reached over the horizon. You groan and turn in Atsumu’s arms to face him.

Expectedly, his mouth is wide open, allowing his snores to reverberate even louder and you snort at the sight. His pale blonde hair stuck up in all different directions despite him not moving for the entire night. Despite it all, he was one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen. You love him too much for your own good. He has your heart in the palm of his hand and it’s honestly petrifying how much power he has over you, but anyone in your position would understand. Miya Atsumu has many, many blessings, but he’s your blessing.

Love is strange and painful but it’s what keeps people going. You wouldn’t have this life if you didn’t love Atsumu or if he didn’t love you. Even with the heart wrenching pain in those nine years, you wouldn’t have it any other way. If that couldn’t stop Atsumu from still loving you, then nothing would and you’d never stop loving him. Never did.

Suddenly, a long-forgotten pain scratches in your chest. Yup, there it is. No longer is he the immature teenager you saw last time. You feel embarrassed knowing where you’re at now compared to him. You have an office job in the city, and you live alone in a small apartment. It’s more than some people could say, but seeing him on such a different path makes you feel oddly out of place.

You accept her request. Seeing as you’ll have to see her again eventually, you would rather avoid an awkward confrontation. As far as you’re concerned, this was just a coincidence that was not to result in anything, ever, at all.

You try not to let his sudden cameo in your peaceful life ruin the rest of your day, but as you type numerical nonsense into a newly opened spreadsheet, you can’t resist wondering how he’s doing or even who he’s doing. Whatever. It doesn’t matter to you. Your time with him has long been over and to ask for any more would be greedy of you.

You spend the rest of your week trying to convince yourself that this is the last time you’ll ever “see” Miya Atsumu. So far, you’ve done an excellent job of ignoring his face on magazines, billboards, and Google News. You even paid for YouTube premium to avoid ads for the 2021 Olympics on your barely livable wage as a corporate slave. You couldn’t risk your mental health lest you become a heartbroken, homeless, unemployed loser.

Despite unenthusiastically thinking of Atsumu the entire day, you’re determined to at least get some well-deserved rest. But as you begin to slip into unconsciousness, you remember. Ah shit, the book club’s meeting is tomorrow.

You wake up wishing you could be dead to the world for a couple more minutes. Unfortunately, your brain decides to continue your train of thought from the previous night. So much for pretending like nothing happened. Determined to be unperturbed, you get out of bed and start your morning routine. A cup of coffee. Some slow pop. A perfectly made omelet. Yes, today is going to be a good day, you desperately hope.

Well, you’re wrong. You are so wrong.

I wish a car would veer off the street and hit me, you think when you hear someone call out to you and see Miss Manager get out of the passenger side of someone’s car. You suppose it was naïve of you to think you’d never see him again, especially since you stayed in Hyogo after high school. Your eyes dart every which way to avoid settling on him, yet even without acknowledging his presence, you can feel the bitter curdle of jealousy in your veins. Oh, so now he’s driving girls to book clubs? Doesn’t Mr. Successful have some volleyballs to pummel?

Miss Manager tries to greet you again and this time you hesitantly return the sentiment. Despite trying your damndest to ignore the implications of him being here, you’ve already tuned out Miss Manager’s exciting events of her week. You try to inch your way to the front door of the library. Fortunately, Miss Manager follows you.

The group is small, mostly made up of retired seniors with nothing better to do. When they notice you, they smile and wave. You’re so lost in your thoughts that you almost Miss Manager asking about your week. That girl sure had lots of energy, but you suppose that was standard for someone dealing with athletes.

“Uh, it was alright. Didn’t do much other than work,” you answered politely.

“That’s no good! You should enjoy your youth as much as possible!” she exclaims, slapping a hand on your shoulder. Ouch.

“Are you my grandma?” you begin to say, but bite your tongue at the last second. You take a second to reign in your hostility. If this were anyone else, you would’ve walked away a while ago but seeing as she’s sincerely interested in what you do in your free time, you’d feel terrible for snapping at her.

You give a half-hearted chuckle. “I get off work pretty late so there’s not much to do after and I’m pretty exhausted afterwards.”

She hums, amused. “Do you follow any sports? Like volleyball, maybe?” Is this a trap?

“Oh, I’m not a big fan of volleyball, so I don’t know much, unfortunately,” you lie through your teeth, avoiding eye contact. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

“Yesterday, I was—”

She’s interrupted by the club president. “Good morning, everyone! I hope y’all had an exciting week…” By some miracle, you were lucky enough to be spared from any further conversation about volleyball. You’ve had enough of that. The rest of the session goes on as usual. There isn’t anything particularly heart-pounding about classic literature. You learn some new things about Wuthering Heights, though you’re sure you’ll forget within four days.

You stuff your copy frustratingly into your bag, the pages getting caught up in the handles. Miss Manager, quick and efficient as she is, manages to catch you just as you stand up from your seat.

“Do you need a ride home?” She smiles all smiley. Her sudden interest in you is suspicious and you try to reassure yourself that it has nothing to do with him. “My friend from earlier can drive you!”

Friend. As much as you hate to admit it, the word brings relief. That is, until you remind yourself he started as a friend to you, too. Before you can give her an answer, she starts up again. “He’s givin’ me a ride anyway since my car is in the repair shop.” She holds the door open for you and turns the corner. Her quick steps easily outpace yours, despite her small stature.

You pause, not knowing how to respond. “I’m alright but thanks for askin’!” You cringe, hoping that she doesn’t take your superficial gaiety to be sarcastic.  

Cars cruise the streets, no one in any particular hurry. You clench the straps of your bag tighter, rough and warm from the heat of your palms but offer no additional comments. Small talk isn’t necessarily your forte. Consider this exposure therapy. Whether she noticed your lack of conversational skills or not, she harps on about…something. You’re not quite listening. Of course, when she mentions Atsumu, your ears immediately perk up like some sick Pavlovian instinct. Darn.

“Well, I was talkin’ to him about how you’re my only friend here,” she giggles shyly. You consider the word “friend” to be quite generous, but you’re admittedly more interested in Atsumu’s opinion of your hobby. “He said your name sounds familiar.” Her wide, curious eyes dig into yours. Silence.

Your hands suddenly feel sticky and itchy. If your body wasn’t already overheating with the obnoxiously warm sun looming overhead, it certainly was now. You glance to the side in hopes of distracting her. You see a distraction, sure. Too bad it’s the very person you were trying to avoid.

Atsumu’s car casually rolls up to the sidewalk in all its glory. He certainly didn’t hold back with customizations, so it was hard to miss. The window of the passenger side slides down but this time, he has his sunglasses on.

You don’t know how it happens – you were probably too frazzled by his good looks to decline her offer again – but the next thing you know, you’re in the back seat of Atsumu’s car with Miss Manager. By this point, you’re already disassociating to avoid confronting the reality of your situation. You try to find something else to focus on instead their conversation about the team’s upcoming training schedule. You doubt you’d understand their volleyball talk anyway.

Unluckily for you though, his nostalgic scent is harder to ignore. He never wore cologne due to his sensitive nose and you rather liked how he smelled. That eventually worked against you in the last couple years whenever you caught a whiff of a similar scent, but it wasn’t him. It was never him. Still, now that you’re sitting right behind him, you hold your breath in hopes that you don’t start crying. You try to shallow your breathing to alleviate the torture it brings and Miss Manager seems to notice. She turns to you with an incredibly concerned look on her face. “You okay? You’re lookin’ kind of green.”

“Yeah, just feelin’ a little carsick is all,” you spluttered, trying to play it off nonchalantly. Wordlessly, Atsumu rolls down your window. Your chest involuntarily tenses up at the gesture. Honestly, you would rather him not do anything at all. If anything, you just wanted him to ignore you, to hold the quiet chasm between you two like he had for the past nine years, but without reason the simple action breaks your heart just a little more.

“Oh, by the way, Miya” – you don’t miss the last name basis – “is gonna drop me off first since I live closer.”

You feel a sudden, urgent need to jump out the open car window. All the remaining will to live leaves your body. You don’t speak for the rest of the trip since you’re too busy thinking about all the ways this could possibly go wrong. There are too many to count.

When the car arrives at her apartment, you say your goodbyes to her and the world. He pulls away from the curb and the air is subsequently entrenched in a thick, sweat-inducing silence. Atsumu reaches over his headrest to hand you his phone.

“Address?”

“R-right,” you stammer. Your fingers slip on the keyboard as your hands shake. The voice in the back of your head tells you maybe it’s not such a good idea to give your ex of nine years, who you’re also coincidentally still in love with, your address but in your distracted state, you ignore it.

“I almost didn’t recognize you,” he states cooly. He doesn’t seem to get the hint that the last thing you want to do is talk to him but part of you hopes it’s because he wants to talk to you that he’s saying anything at all.

“Yeah, me neither. I mean, you’ve changed a lot too,” you lie. You would be able to recognize him anywhere.

“How’ve you been?”

“Fine. Not much to write home about, to be honest.”

He chuckles, “You always did want to live an easy life.” His laugh is music to your ears, as cliché as it is, but since you haven’t heard it in so long, you let yourself sit in it just a little.

“God forbid I don’t wanna play with balls for the rest of my life, Miya.” He laughs even louder, and you can’t help the smile that blooms on your face.

“If you put it like that of course it sounds dirty!” You place your hand over your mouth, trying to stifle your snicker. He huffs and puffs. “You should know better than to be sayin’ all that to the guy drivin’ you home.”

You roll your eyes despite him not being able to see it. “My bad.” This feels nice. It feels safe. You missed this.

Atsumu doesn’t let your retort go ignored. “In case you didn’t know, playin’ with balls got me into the Olympics last year. Betcha didn’t expect me to show up, huh?” Your YouTube Premium subscription says otherwise.

Before you can restrain yourself, the words spill out. “Actually, I didn’t watch.” A couple seconds of silence pass and you try not to keep your morning omlet down.

“You’re kiddin’.” His shoulders slump forward, defeated. “How is it possible that you didn’t see it? Not even a clip on Twitter? YouTube shorts? Instagram reels?” His disbelief grows with each media platform he lists.

You feel a little guilty all of the sudden. “Nope. Not a single one.”

“This’s gotta be some kinda miracle,” he mutters. Atsumu thrives on attention but you didn’t expect him to be this ruffled over it. After all, you’re sure millions of eyes were on him whether that be from the benches of the stadium or on tv.

“I’m sure you were great, though. You’ve always been great.” The earnestness of the words surprise even you but it was true. Miya Atsumu had always been the star of the Inarizaki team and he no doubt poured all of his heart into becoming better and better after high school.

“Yeah, I know.” Atsumu doesn’t say anything more. You don’t say anything either. The contents of your stomach have gone back to climbing up your throat. If the silence bothered him, he didn’t show it.

It was bound to happen eventually, you think bitterly. It would have been practically impossible to be in the same car as Miya Atsumu and not talk about his amazing accomplishments. The familiar sourness of shame begins to burn at your cheeks again. Atsumu can proudly say he’s living a fulfilling life. What have you done in these nine years?

You peek from behind his seat to catch a glimpse of the navigation. The arrival time on the bottom left taunts you.

20 more minutes. Your desire to kill yourself increases exponentially. You shut your mouth, hoping that the next 20 minutes will pass by without incident. Then, after you get home you’ll text the book club president that you’re giving up a life of academic pursuit and would rather binge all seasons of Rock of Love.

The silence drags on and the pounding of your heart doesn’t slow. You pull at the stray threads of your shirt to avoid catching his eye in the rearview mirror. His back is as wide as his car seat which makes it all too easy for you to admire the sturdiness he worked so hard for. Though he’s sitting, his brawny physique feels comically out of place outside of the gymnasium.

“You better not be feelin’ sorry for yourself,” he starts.

You opt to pretend like you don’t know what he’s referring to. “Have you lost your marbles?”

“Hey! I’m tryin’ to be helpful here!” he shouts. You could continue to act oblivious or you could just say nothing at all. However, Miya Atsumu is not one to be fooled by feigned confidence. His ability to sniff out unintentional gives has only sharpened with his experience as a setter. Atsumu grips the steering wheel and turns halfway in a feeble attempt to face you. “A thank you would be greatly appreciated right about now!”

“Eyes on the road! We’re on the freeway!” you yell back. “And you’re just as lame as I remember! I ain’t takin’ no advice from you!”

Atsumu grits his teeth but he laughs. He doesn’t need to say anymore. How pathetic is it for you to feel comforted with a few words from him?

You ask him about the rest of the team. He tells you Osamu started his own onigiri shop which doesn’t come as a surprise. Suna and Aran are on their own respective teams. Their beloved captain stayed in Hyogo and works as a rice farmer, a fitting occupation for someone with the patience of a saint. He doesn’t skip out on the chance to mention his career as a D1 volleyball player again and describes each and every member of the MSBY Black Jackals, some of which you vaguely remember from high school.

When it’s your turn, you describe your comparatively mundane life to him: four years of college and five years working to stay afloat. You anticipate a snide remark or two about your lack of drive, but it doesn’t come. Seems like he learned how to hold his tongue.

For a moment, you’re able to forget that night and the following morning. You’re able to forget that you left him at 18. You’re able to forget that Atsumu didn’t chase after you, even though you had hoped he would for a while. For the first time in a long time, you’re happy. Not just content but incredibly, undeniably happy.

You’re disappointed when Atsumu turns the corner and your apartment comes into view. To your pleasant surprise, Atsumu parks and exits the car, walking you to your front door. You reach into your book bag to search for your keys and examine every zipper until you find them in your jacket pocket. You don’t want it to end. If anything, you were intentionally missing the keyhole just to live a second longer in the moment, but you know all too well that all good things must come to an end.

One step in the doorway and a hand on the doorknob, you turn to catch one last glimpse of Miya Atsumu, the man you left your heart with all those years ago. “Thanks for drivin’ me home, Miya.”

“Anytime.”

You close the door with a smile and a wave.

Later that evening, you’re tucked into bed drowsy but comfortable with your fuzzy socks on when your phone gives out a light ‘ping!’ You turn in your sheets to reach out for your phone. The message is from a number you know by heart, even without a saved contact. It’s a YouTube video titled “MSBY Black Jackals highlights and interviews” along with a timestamp. You hesitate but open the video anyway. An interviewer excitedly introduces the team, microphone almost hitting someone you recognize as Hinata Shoyo.

“This has been one of the most exciting matches to come out of the monster generation! Now that the season is over, what are your plans? The fans want to know what you all are up to! Spending time with a special someone, perhaps?”

Bokuto and Hinata expectedly report that they will be focusing on maintaining their routines and Sakusa refuses to comment.

You still when it’s Atsumu’s turn to answer.

Anyone that knew of the Inarizaki volleyball club knew that Atsumu, along with a select few, was destined to play in the big leagues. It didn’t come as a surprise then, when he spent less time with you and more time with a volleyball. With nationals coming up for him and final examinations for you, it was difficult to cut time out of your schedules to see each other. While Atsumu didn’t seem affected by it, you were surprisingly heartbroken. Sure, you were in a relationship with him, but you didn’t expect to fall so hard. High school relationships almost never lasted, you told yourself repeatedly. But his charm was something else. His enthusiasm for volleyball was captivating, to say the least. He was proof of how much a person could accomplish when they truly fell in love with a passion. You almost felt ashamed of yourself for having dreams of mediocracy, but you had gotten used to brushing it off with resignation.

So, when you started noticing pitying looks from his brother and the other members of the team, you knew it had come to an end. You didn’t cry, not at first. Rather, the torment your mind put your heart through finally had justification. The confirmation of your anxieties brought a bittersweet relief. The triviality of a high school breakup was not lost on you, but going through it, you knew it would remain as one of the first heartbreaks in your young adult life.

Next to you, Atsumu comes to. A part of you hopes that he sensed your inner turmoil and woke up to comfort you, but you knew better.

“What time is it?” he asks sleepily.

“I dunno.” You had been awake for god knows how long at this point.

“Ugh, I have to pee,” he says as he carefully and quietly climbs down the ladder of the bunk bed to make sure he doesn’t wake up his brother on the bottom, leaving you alone with your thoughts again. If your mind doesn’t shut down soon, you swear you’ll bash your head into the wall until you knock yourself out.

He puts you out of your mental misery when he returns from the bathroom looking more awake and you make space to your right for him to slither into. The silence settles in with him, but it’s not uncomfortable. He smiles at you with sleepy eyes, and you can’t help but smile back. This is your favorite version of him. Others know him as loud and abrasive, some would even go as far to say terribly intimidating. But you know him as just Atsumu, a high schooler who has big dreams for his volleyball career and an even bigger ego to match.

“You look so pretty,” he mumbles with one eye half open.

You smile and say, “Thanks.” You know he means it, but for some reason it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Like it’s a passing comment from a stranger you see on the street. “I’m gonna miss you.”

The corners of his mouth droop, but he doesn’t say anything. He knows just as much as you what the morning will bring. Though he would never admit it out loud or ever to himself, he loves you, but he loves volleyball just a little more. He’s imagined what a life with you would be like, if he ended up choosing you. Perhaps the two of you would move into a small apartment and enjoy a domestic life. It’s a future you want, but it wasn’t for him. No, Atsumu is built for bigger dreams and bigger courts. He doesn’t want you to wait for him to accomplish his life’s goals before you start pursuing yours.

He reaches for your hand before gently placing his lips on the back of it and intertwines his fingers with yours. If only he had met you five or ten years later. What lies in his small childhood room feels like a crude imitation of what could have been. “You’ll still see me,” he tries to reassure you. What goes unsaid is, “but I won’t see you.” He’ll be up on the big screens, and you selfishly hope that you won’t be stuck on a high school romance for the rest of your life but right now, it’s the only thing you want, the only thing you have, to cling onto.  

“Love you,” he whispers for the first time in the 1.5 years of the relationship.

“Yeah?” You’re always the one that says it first but hearing him say it now when it’s just about to end, it hurts. Oh Atsumu, he couldn’t be crueler even if he tried.

“Yeah.”

“Love you, too.” You close your eyes, sighing all the while. You aren’t satisfied, but this is all you’ll get and all that he can give. It isn’t his fault, neither is it yours. Though if it were, you suspect you’d have an easier time moving on. Fate is a cruel mistress.

Atsumu doesn’t succumb to sleep just yet. He waits for your breathing to slow and etches your sleeping visage into his memory. When he celebrates his big victory and spends the rest of his life doing what he loves, he doesn’t want to forget what had to be sacrificed. It was the least he could do for you, but his heart hurts. No matter what he tells himself, he’s breaking his own heart as well.

Minutes (or hours, he’s not quite sure) pass and he can no longer resist his body telling him to rest. He dreams of home cooked meals and old, wrinkled smiles. You dream of bright gymnasium lights and cheers of adoring fans. Two hearts break that night, despite the remedy lying right next to each other.

When you hear bicycle bells along with the excited shouts of children, you make the mistake of opening your eyes. It cements the fact that it’s a new day, a terrible, bittersweet day. You don’t wake him up. You already said your goodbyes and you don’t want your last memory of him to be his crying face. Rather, you trace the outline of his eyes, his nose, and his lips with your finger. This is the last time.

You climb down the ladder, throwing one last look at Atsumu at the top of the bed and Osamu at the bottom. You regret not trying to get to know Osamu better. After all, they were twins, and it wasn’t right to know one and not the other but it’s too late now. It’s the last time.

Finally, you reach the front door of the Miya household. You thank their parents for being so welcoming to you despite existing only in a brief moment of their son’s life. You hope they’ll be proud of what he’ll accomplish and the pride he will bring back to the family. You step outside and close the door behind you.

It’s the end of the end. It’s the beginning of a beginning. Congratulations on graduating.

Bokuto Koutaro: Jock

Unlike how jocks are usually portrayed in media, Bokuto is incredibly nice and caring

You accidentally bumped into him on your first day, but he just laughed it off

Upon noticing you looked a little lost, he led you to the principal’s office

Also exchanged numbers with you so you could text him when you had questions

However, when you did ask him something, he would always reply with “I don’t know” or “I’ll ask my friend”

He would ask you to go see his volleyball games and though you would always have a lot of homework, you would go anyways because you couldn’t stand his puppy eyes

He walks you home afterwards and consequently meets your parents

Needless to say, they love him

Definitely calls you pet names

Just like Hinata, everyone loves him because of his bright personality so he has a lot of connections

Though he doesn’t know much about classes and teachers, he does know where the best place to get food is

He’s the type of person that has a good future ahead of him

Falls in love with you at first sight and tells you so after five weeks of knowing him

Though you would like to stick around, your people and his people just don’t mix

When you tell him that, he shakes his head resolutely

“No matter what you say, nothing will change the fact that I like you.”

Miya Osamu: Jock, Nerd

Sure, he’s a nerd but not in the traditional sense

He’s the president, founder, and one of two members of the cooking club

Therefore, when he begs you to join the club (or else it’ll be shut down) you have to agree

Plus, he’s been bribing you with onigiri

Though you certainly weren’t bad at cooking, you weren’t exactly a master chef either

So, Osamu had to teach you the basics of cooking

On a Wednesday afternoon, the club (or it’s only three members) were making spam musubi

Seeing that you were struggling with cutting up the spam, Osamu wrapped his arms around you to lead you through it

However, with his well-toned body pressing up your back and his warm hands caressing your own, you couldn’t focus on anything else

And as such, you need help every time when handling a knife which also results in him helping you and the cycle repeats

Even though you’d expect to have his fill of cooking during club meetings, he still makes little treats at home and always somehow ends up with extras

He would give them to you and soon enough, would invite you to each lunch with him and his friends

Embarrassingly, he feeds you with his own chopsticks and his friends tease the two of you for looking like a pair of newlyweds

“Oh, these? Yeah, I made extra. You can have some if you want it. Here, let me feed you.”

Akaashi Keiji: Nerd, Jock

He works in the library during his free period

The friend that Bokuto always asks when he doesn’t know the answer to your question

The first time you saw him was when you were trying to find a book for your class

After ten minutes of failing, you approached him at the counter

He smiled up at you and you swore your heart skipped a beat

He’s the quiet type of beauty – the type that doesn’t stand out initially but once you spend more time with him, you’re sure to fall in love with him

He noticed the book you wanted to borrow was the same one that he had on him at the time and offered to lend it to you or read it with you

So thus began your weekly trips to the library where you spent two hours reading with an incredibly handsome guy

When you don’t understand a part of the book, he explains it nicely and patiently

When you were drifting off, he could only gaze at you, admiring your sleepy face

After the two of you finished the book required for class, he recommends shoujo manga to you and subtly but not-so-subtly points out the romantic parts

When you found out he played volleyball, you were incredibly surprised

He looks so soft and smart that he didn’t look like the type to take an interest in sports

Out of courtesy (and as thanks for lending you the book), you go to visit him at one of his games

However, since you know every other guy on the volleyball team, they think you’re here for them until Akaashi speaks up

“You’re here for me, right? Thanks for putting up with me and my manga. If you don’t mind, could we meet more often?”

Oikawa Tooru: Jock, Prep, Not-so-nerdy Nerd

Ah yes, everyone’s campus crush

Everyone loves him and that includes teachers and the parents of the students

He’s athletic, beautiful, and smart so naturally everyone wants him

Well, ever since you became aware of his existence, you’ve avoided him and all the drama that came with knowing him to continue your very average and peaceful life

One day when you were cleaning up the volleyballs after practicing with Hinata, he spotted you outside of the gym

He assumed you were one of his fans and gave you an air kiss

When you crossed your arms in an X to tell him that you weren’t a fan, he was extremely confused

After all, what else would a person hanging outside of the gym want if not to watch their most popular member?

Then, he suddenly remembers that the volleyball club had recently put up posters looking for manager

However, most applicants had been rejected since they only joined to get closer to the boys

Mistakenly assuming you wanted to become a manager, he introduced you to his coach and his coach agreed without even looking at you

And because you became the manager of the popular volleyball team, you became the enemy of envious fans

Oikawa started following you everywhere and asked for backrubs, massages, and whatnot (to his fans’ jealously)

Traditionally on Valentine’s Day, Oikawa accepts all his fans’ chocolates out of politeness and fanservice

However, this Valentine’s Day, a rumor started circulating

Oikawa hasn’t accepted anyone’s chocolates and is supposedly waiting for a special person’s chocolates

Is extremely disappointed when you tell him you weren’t planning on giving anyone chocolates

He then tells you that you can make up for it by treating him to the café near the park (but he makes it sound like you owe him)

“Oh, hello, dear,” greeted Atsumu’s mother in a warm voice. “You must be the new kid! I’m Atsumu’s mother. I apologize if my son has been giving you trouble.” She tightly gripped Atsumu’s head and forced him to look down, fixing him into a bow.

Despite Atsumu’s mother’s kind words, you were flustered by her presence. “It’s no problem Ms. Miya. It was my fault for being upset when Atsumu was just trying to be nice.”

“Oh my, you’re so mature!” Ms. Miya smiled tightly, no doubt directing her comment to Atsumu who was whining about his neck hurting. “Well let Ms. Miya know if you need anything, alright? I’ll leave you to unpack! Welcome to Hyogo, darling!” With that Ms. Miya dragged her son back into their house, leaving you on the steps of your new abode for the next couple of years.

Even though your first meeting with Atsumu turned out to be quite sour, you eventually made amends with him and since there was no Atsumu without Osamu nearby (barring your first interaction with him) you soon became friends with the twin.

Summer came again and Atsumu was somehow still as excitable as ever despite the intense summer heat and humidity. Osamu, on the other hand, was lying next to him and staring up at the ceiling. You were sitting on the floor of the twin’s room, absentmindedly fiddling with their toys when Atsumu stood up with a newfound vigor.

“Be my girlfriend!” Atsumu exclaimed.

With the volume of his declaration, you weren’t sure if it was a question or a demand, but you shook your head anyway. “My mom said I can’t date until I’m old enough to pay my taxes.”

Ignoring your comment, Osamu shot up and grabbed onto the back of Atsumu’s shirt. “’Tsumu, you bastard, I was gonna ask her!” Atsumu and Osamu had recently learned that their cousin had a girlfriend and, not ones to be outdone, were determined to ask the only person they were close to other than each other. You. Thus ensued the fighting.

“Listen to me you idiot twins! I can’t even date!” you yelled.

“Then just don’t tell your mom,” Osamu stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

You looked down at their hardwood floors and internally debated if it was a good idea. Sure, eight-year-old you thought the twins were cute, but the complications of romance weren’t something you thought about when the most important thing to you was what snacks you were going to eat later. “Fine, I’ll be your girlfriend, but no fighting over me or I’m breaking up with both of you!”

After a beat of silence, Osamu spoke up. “What do you do with a girlfriend anyway?”

“You’re supposed to kiss her and make her happy!” Atsumu spoke. They both looked to you, waiting for your response.

“No way,” you said firmly. “I want my first kiss to be romantic, not with two barbarians that can’t think of anything other than volleyball.”

“Those two barbarians are your boyfriends,” Osamu deadpanned. “Are you sure you should be talking to the loves of your life like that?”

“Ma said I was a handsome, thought I can’t say the same for ‘Samu. It’s not my fault you can’t see true beauty when it’s right in your face,” teased Atsumu.

Irritated, you lunged for Atsumu, and Osamu joined you in your effort to pummel him six feet into the ground.

In the blink of an eye, more summers passed and soon enough Aran made his entrance into your life. You admired the older boy for his patience with the twins and his caring nature towards them despite their annoying ways. However, Atsumu had also learned that the world wasn’t as kind as he thought it’d be. Soon enough, the kids at the volleyball camp had shut him out and refused to play with him due to his competitive behavior.

Of course, where the twins were, you were, and you joined the camp even though you weren’t particularly fond of or good at volleyball. Even though you wouldn’t admit it to yourself, you would’ve been lonely without the twins badgering you every day, so you decided to ask your mom to let you go wit them. Maybe it was a good thing now that you saw how much the other kids didn’t like him.

Atsumu practiced setting the ball by himself while he was sitting at the entrance of the gym, oblivious to your presence behind him. Deciding to be a good friend, you softly called out his name and took a seat next to him. If Atsumu was saddened about his banishment from the other kids’ playtime, he didn’t show it.

“’Tsumu, do you wanna know a secret?” you whispered. At the mention of a secret, Atsumu stopped tossing the ball and leaned in eagerly. “You’re my favorite twin, but don’t tell ‘Samu I told you.”

Atsumu deflated at that. He knew you were saying that out of pity, but Atsumu never minded the fact that the other kids didn’t’ like him. All he needed was his brother and you. Seeing his disappointment, you tried again to make him feel better.

“I’m serious, ‘Tsumu. Even though the three of us always hang out together, you were the first person to talk to me when I moved here. You got me so angry that I couldn’t remember why I was crying in the first place.”

“The way you say that makes me sound like a bad person. Can’t you be a little nicer when you’re trying to comfort me?”

You chuckled. “Even though you guys are twins, ‘Samu could never replace you.” Atsumu huffed, but you could see he was feeling a little better. Then, out of nowhere, a volleyball flew straight into Atsumu’s head, disturbing the peaceful moment.

Atsumu angrily shouted at Osamu, getting up to chase him around. “Good aim!” you yelled to Osamu. You could only laugh at the scene, wishing to never grow up. However, more summers came and went and with every year, came more responsibilities and unrecognized feelings. Eventually at the age of 13, Atsumu overheard his mom talking on the phone with your mom about a move. He didn’t know what to do with this newfound knowledge and decided that he wanted to see you immediately.

Carefully sneaking out the house, he eventually reached the tree he climbed so many times to get to your bedroom window. After one knock, you opened the window and let him in, no doubt unable to get any sleep yourself. The two of you stood in your bedroom in silence, afraid to acknowledge the sudden news.

“Why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?” Atsumu was visibly upset. If anything, he thought he would’ve been the first one to know.

Assuming that he was accusing you from keeping it a secret, you angrily whispered, “I just found out too. It’s not like I want to move!”

Being Miya Atsumu, he couldn’t hold his tears in any longer. He was frustrated that one of the most important people in his life would leave just like that. He was frustrated that your mother had to move. He was frustrated that you couldn’t do anything about it. He was frustrated that he couldn’t do anything about it. You took a step forward and wrapped your arms around him, your own tears falling down your face. He held you tightly, figuring that if he had to let go soon, he would take this chance to engrain the way you fit in his arms into his memory.

In a rush of emotion, Atsumu blurted, “I really like you.” What a sight he must’ve been. He had tear streaks on his pink cheeks and snot coming out of his nose. His hair was wild from tossing and turning in his bed. Despite all this, you realized that you didn’t want anyone else to be comforting you.

“I like you, too,” you whimpered softly, afraid to disturb the moment. Atsumu’s knuckles brushed over your cheeks, his face coming closer by the second. His lips gently hovered over your own, silently asking for your consent. You slowly moved forward and closed your eyes. Your lips softly connected with his in a tender kiss.

Atsumu had his first kiss at the age of 13 with his best friend he met when he was five in her bedroom that was only dimly lit by the moonlight just days before she was supposed to move away, and he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. The two of you eventually fell asleep in your bed with the covers a mess and in the morning, your mom found him cuddled against you, still not letting go.

As it turns out, declaring his love for his neighbor at 3:09 AM wouldn’t stop her from moving away, as Atsumu soon learned. He rarely spoke to anyone other than his brother for three weeks before asking his mother if your mother had contacted them from your new house. His mother had shaken her head sympathetically, knowing the news would disappoint him. Neither of you had phones of your own so upon hearing that the only way of communication had been lost, he spent another three weeks in silence. The only thing that gave him peace of mind was the fact that no one ever tried to move into the house next to his again. That meant a part of you still lingered there.

Eventually, Atsumu made peace with the fact that you weren’t coming back and as he grew older, placed his memories of summer with you in the back of his mind. Even so, he would never forget the girl he fell in love with that summer.

During his off season, Atsumu would visit Osamu at his shop to grace his younger twin with his wonderful presence. During his visits, they would reminisce about the past. Most of their conversations would linger on their high school years though they would occasionally talk about their elementary school years and inevitably, you would come up. However, every time Atsumu asked about you, Osamu would reply that he hasn’t heard anything about you visiting and Atsumu would huff good naturedly. Atsumu knew that he’d have to have incredible luck to ever see you again, but a part of him still hoped that one day your paths would cross once more. To him, you weren’t just a part of his childhood. You were the girl he had fallen in love with and has loved ever since.

After a typical uneventful visit to his brother’s shop, Atsumu trekked home – his childhood home. Whenever he had games near his hometown, he would stay at his parent’s house for old times’ sake (and because Atsumu liked to cling onto his mother). Upon arriving home, Atsumu didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. His mother’s house was still the same shade of gray, albeit a little darker from years passed by. However, when he glanced upon the neighboring house out of reflex, he noticed the real estate sign that was posted on the fence was missing. At first, he felt bittersweet, like the removal of the sign was confirmation from the world that he should give up.

However, just as Atsumu was going to accept his fate, the familiar door swung open to reveal an even more familiar face. Atsumu had imagined many times what you would look like all grown up and matured when it was late at night and he was feeling lonely. Despite Atsumu’s wild imagination, none of his fantasies could ever compare to the real thing. There, you were standing on the very same steps as the ones where Atsumu first saw you. Your head tilted in confusion before you excitedly exclaimed, “’Tsumu? Is that really you?”

Despite years of his brother, his family, and even some of his friends calling him by his endearing nickname, the way you said it washed over him in a wave of nostalgia. He lightly whispered your name, afraid that if he made any sudden movements the moment would reveal itself to be an illusion. You hurriedly rushed down the steps and threw yourself at him. Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around you, feeling your flesh under his skin. You were really in his arms and Atsumu had never felt more alive.

“You moved back?” he tearily asked.

You let out a light chuckle. “Yeah, I thought it would be romantic to move back to my childhood home. To be honest, I didn’t think hard about it. It was mostly just on a whim. Though now it’s definitely starting to feel like fate."

"I can’t believe you’re really back,” Atsumu sighed. “Why didn’t you ever try to contact me?” Atsumu wasn’t angry. Not at all. After having you in his embrace again, he couldn’t really be angry at you anymore.

“Sorry, I just figured that you were too busy, and I didn’t know how to approach you after – y’know – that night.” You shyly looked away from him, the memories of the night before your move rushing back.

“Well, I hope you haven’t cheated on me in the years we were apart,” Atsumu teased, referring to the agreement you made years ago.

“Are you sure you’re the one that should be saying that? Miya Atsumu is known for being a lady killer. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve had a couple of girlfriends in the past.”

Atsumu groaned. “Please don’t tell me you believe all that crap.”

You lifted a finger up to your lips. “Hmm. I don’t know. I think I’ve read a couple of articles about Miya Atsumu bringing an older lady out on dates,” you hummed, knowing full well Atsumu had just been accompanying his mother to the supermarket.

Atsumu smiled at you with glossy eyes. “I think there’s only ever been one person for me.” You grinned widely at him, thinking the same.