Lia

The smell of candles and wine fill the room as laughter explodes from you at whatever Nami just said. Robin smiles widely as she looks over you, doubled down and tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

“Don’t laugh, I’m serious!!!! I’ve got needs.” Nami swats your shoulder playfully, but she can’t hide her big smile, either. “It’s been too long since I’ve gotten a dick in me, I swear.”

You wipe your tears of laughter and straighten your posture, your tummy aching from laughing so hard. “I’m sorry, Nami.” You giggle. “But now I finally understand why you are always so jumpy, you just need some dick.”

Robin chokes on her wine, as you laugh once more, Nami rolling her eyes but still smiling.

“You can always ask Sanji for help.” You say playfully to her.

“Nah, I like watching him squirm.” Nami winks at you as you and Robin both scoff. “But very brave coming from you, huh? I too would be laughing if I was lucky enough to fuck Zoro.”

Now it’s you the one who chokes on the wine, a burst of laughter coming from both Nami and Robin.

“Don’t listen to her, (Y/N), she’s just jealous.” Robin says in between giggles, and you feel your cheeks redden.

“Oh, shut it, Robin!” Nami says playfully. “But, please, (Y/N), do tell us for my own sake, is it good?”

Nami raises one eyebrow at you, a wicked expression on her face.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, huh?” You sip your wine, smugness covering your words.

“Brat.” Nami responds.

“At least I get fucked.” You scream as Nami lunges for you.

Laughter fills the small room once more, and as Nami continues to blabber on, you think about her question.

Is it good? Well, it’s much more than that.

—--------------------

“Yeah, just like that, baby.” Zoro sits on your bed, perched on the headboard, hands behind his head, as he watches you ride him.

It’s that hour of the day, right after lunch, when everyone gets quiet: Luffy and Chopper dozing off somewhere, Sanji cleaning up the kitchen with Usopp, Robin reading a book on the deck and Nami trying to figure out your next route. 

And that’s how you ended up here, as so many other days, bouncing on Zoro’s dick as he watches you. His eyes scan your body, from the beads of sweat covering your forehead, to your parted lips, to the way your tits bounce with your movements, to the sway of your hips against him. He loves when you ride him, loves watching your lips part, his name escaping your mouth like a mantra.

Zoro prides himself on his discipline, but as your nails scratch his abs and your bouncing turns more enthusiastic, he feels his fingers twitching, his control hanging by a thread. He hisses as his big cock seats completely inside of you.

You stop moving, completely impaled on him, and your vision blurries at the sensations. Zoro is always so good, so big, so pliant for you. You get close to him, kissing him softly on the lips. Zoro kisses you back, as your hips start moving lazily once more. He takes advantage of your moans to explore your mouth with his tongue, and you lick his bottom lip, earning a deep hum from him.

Zoro doesn’t contain himself anymore, wrapping both of his arms around you, your bodies flushed. With one hand he holds the nape of your neck, the other holding your waist, the calluses of his hands rough against your soft skin. You put your arms around his neck, as he separates both of you just slightly to attach his mouth to one of your nipples.

You moan as you start to move once again, his big arms holding and guiding your movements. Zoro licks your nipple once more before looking up at you, his eyes glowing like two bright stars as you ride him until you are both spent.

—--------------------

Drool drips from the corners of your mouth and mixes with the tears going down your face.

“You are doing so good, baby.” Zoro looks down at you lovingly.

His facade as the terrible swordsman from the Strawhats was long forgotten, his guard down only for you. It wasn’t easy getting to him, to see the real man behind the character, but he trusted you with his life and you always felt like the most privileged person in the world, getting to see all the sides of him.

Zoro holds your hair on one hand, the other on your chin, holding your face up as your eyes meet. “I love it when you suck my cock.”

You hum, because with his massive dick on your mouth there’s not much you can do. Zoro smirks, as if he can read your mind, and starts moving once again. His dick is just like the rest of him: big, thick and veiny, and it is a struggle to handle. You relax your jaw and open wider as he starts moving faster.

The tip of his cock reaches the back of your throat and you close your eyes, more tears falling down. Zoro tightens his grip on your hair and you squeeze your thighs, wetness pooling on your panties. With a grunt Zoro stops his movements, his dick so far up your throat you can’t even breathe. He retrieves completely as you catch your breath, your hands coming up to stroke his length sloppily.

“So good, baby.” Zoro speaks through his teeth, his head falling back as you lick the tip of his dick. “So fucking good.”

—-----------------------------------

The breeze of the night caresses your body as goosebumps erupt all over your skin. You are sure that the sky looks beautiful tonight, full of bright stars, but you don’t know it, since Zoro has placed his bandana over your eyes. Lucky for you it’s late at night, everyone has been asleep for hours, since he’s got your hands tied up above your head, naked from the waist up and laid down on the deck of the boat.

He kisses your arms, your waist, your navel, your jaw and you arch your back, silently pleading for him to finally put his warm lips on your chest, but he’s not complying. Instead, he laughs lowly, earning a grunt from you.

“So impatient.” He purrs, his hot breath fanning over your face.

He pecks your lips quickly before disappearing, his warmth abandoning you.

“Zoro, I swear to-” Your voice falters as his rough hands grip your ankles, kissing each one of them.

Zoro starts a torturous path up your legs, kissing, licking and biting, and you can feel wetness pooling on your panties, as his lips get closer and closer to the place you want him most.

He hooks his fingers on the elastic of your panties, slowly dragging them down your legs, and he grabs your knees, positioning them above his shoulders. He doesn’t do anything for a few seconds, the waves the only sound, and you know he is admiring you. You can only imagine the scene: your pink pussy glistening with the anticipation of what is about to happen.

Without a warning Zoro gives a long lick before diving in, eating you out as if it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. Your eyes roll to the back of your head behind his bandana, as he relentlessly licks you. Zoro’s fingers tease your entrance, and as he inserts two of his long and thick fingers you squirm, the sensation too much.

A familiar sensation pools in your belly as Zoro sucks your center, his fingers pumping quickly in and out of you. And as you explode, you swear you can see the stars behind his bandana.

—------------------------

The rough bark of the tree bites at your hands as you hold on to not topple over. An hour ago you arrived at this uninhabited island and decided that it was a good idea to go into the woods to try and get some food. It was not long after that you found yourself all alone with a certain swordsman.

You wanted to go back with the group, but Zoro clearly had some other stuff in mind. And now, bent over a tree, your skirt and panties pooling at your feet as Zoro lines himself up with you, you start to think if this hasn’t been his plan all along.

The thoughts quickly abandon your brain as Zoro sheathes himself completely in you, his hands gripping your hips hard.

“That skirt…” Zoro retrieves just to thrust right back into you. “It drives me crazy.”

He accentuates his words with a slap to your ass that makes you moan. Zoro starts moving, your arms barking with the force of keeping you upright. You swallow hard, trying to gain some composure.

“We need to be quick.” Your words come out clipped.

“I know, baby.” He repositions himself, one hand pushing down on your back, signaling you to arch more for him. “Gonna make you feel so good.”

Zoro thrusts into you quick and sharp, small moans escaping your lips, and you get lost in the feel of him, until a familiar voice startles you back to reality.

“Zoro!!!!!!! (Y/N)!!!!!!!!!” Nami’s voice travels through the woods, your eyes opening widely.

You try to straighten, but Zoro doesn’t stop his movements. You turn your head around, an alarmed expression on your face, but he just gives you a devious smirk before putting one of his hands over your mouth.

He bends over, his lips near your ear, as his other hand travels to your clit. “Be quiet. We don’t want them seeing you like this, huh?”

He starts moving once again, as his fingers circle your clit quick and sharp. You pant behind his hand, closing your eyes and focusing on him, almost forgetting about your partners searching for you.

“Oi, mosshead! (Y/N)-swan! Where are you guys?” Sanji’s voice sounds close, too close.

But Zoro doesn’t seem to really care, although you can hear the bark on his voice. “I swear if the cook sees you like this I will kill him.”

His words send a shiver down your spine, as he continues to fuck you in the middle of the woods.

—-----------------------------

“Fuck, Zoro!”

After days at sea, you’ve finally reached land. And what’s better, the whole crew decided to go shopping, which means you were able to stay guarding the boat with Zoro. Which, of course, quickly turned into a long, nice session of fucking without worrying about someone catching you.

You are sprawled on the bed, Zoro above you, as he slowly lifts his hips and slams into you. You scratch his back, your hands coming down and squeezing his ass. Zoro lowers his head, your eyes following his, as both of you watch in awe his dick, glistening with your juices, as he slams it back.

You grab his face, kissing him softly at first, and then more passionate as his thrusts become quicker. You know you are never going to feel like this with someone else, he makes it all perfect.

It’s almost like your bodies were made for each other, as if you shared one soul, finally merged together after so long. As if he could read your mind, Zoro stops his movements, his dick resting completely inside of you. His hand caresses the side of your face and he gives you a soft kiss.

——————————-

Dean rubs at his temples, he can already feel the headache forming. As he closes his eyes, a tired groan escapes his lips. Maybe it’s due to stress, the sleepless nights or the lack of water. But no, Dean is inclined to something else. He is pretty much sure that his headache is because of you.

He still doesn’t know how he ended up here, helping you with this case. A stupid one, a vampire jumping young girls on this shithole town. He and Sam had far better things to be looking into than this, but how could he say no? Especially since Bobby had asked so nicely, for the brothers to help his dear niece and make sure that she stayed safe.

His sweet, sweet niece. He wouldn’t use that word to describe you, no. Dean is inclined to other adjectives: reckless, annoying, crazy, messy… These are the nicest ones that he can come up with. And on top of all that, your awful personality is wrapped up into the most beautiful face and perfect body he has ever seen, like a fucking cosmic joke from the universe. He never knows what he wants to do more around you, if throttle you or strip you naked.

Of course, he only allows himself these thoughts at night, when he is alone and his mind wanders over to places he doesn’t want to explore. And at the end, you are always there. Dean can’t remember how long he has known you for. Bobby has always kept you hidden away, taking care of you in silence after your parents died when you were just a teenager. But of course, you, being the way that you are, couldn’t pick up a normal life: college, a bland boyfriend, two cute kids and a white picket fence house. No, you had to pick the hunter’s life. And now here he is, sitting in this scrabby motel room, trying to scare the headache away with some whisky, and trying to avoid thinking of you.

“Hey, man.” Sam’s voice reaches Dean’s ears. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Dean looks up, seeing the furrow on Sam’s face. “Wanna go to the bar or something?”

“Sure.” Sam doesn’t sound so convinced, but still stands up. “I’m gonna tell (Y/N).”

Dean can’t help the groan escaping his mouth.

“C’mon, Dean.” Sam says with an exasperated expression. “It will be fun. Maybe you could try and be a little nicer to her.”

Dean just smiles sarcastically at his brother, standing up to grab his leather jacket. He isn’t sure why he hates you, you have never done anything to wrong him. But you definitely are insufferable, a challenge. Like a puzzle he can’t decipher, and Dean doesn’t like that. It doesn’t help that you have a silver tongue, always ready to strike him without losing your million-dollar smile.

As your face once again plagues his thoughts, Sam enters the room again, a concerned frown on his face.

“What?” Annoyance drips from Dean’s voice.

“She’s not in her room. She left this, though.”

Sam hands Dean a piece of paper, where there is something written:

Since you’re being of no help, I’m heading to the town bar by myself. Xoxo

Big, red lips are smooched right underneath, and Dean feels his body tense up at the thought of your lips touching that same piece of paper. Lust mixes with anger inside his body, and he throws the paper somewhere across the room.

“I’m gonna kill her.” Dean lets out as he goes out the door.

——————————-

As his hands grip the steering wheel tightly, Dean pushes away the thoughts of you being in danger. He tells himself that his heart picking up and his palms starting to sweat are due to knowing that Bobby will kill him if anything happens to you.

Keeping you safe… Dean almost scoffs at the thought. The only way of doing that would be with a damn leash around your neck. The thought of having you all tied up stirs something deep inside of him, and he takes a deep breath.

No, Dean doesn’t hate you. He knows it, deep down. You are unapologetic about everything, always speaking your mind, always fighting to do the right thing. You are beautiful, and smart, and witty. And Dean hates the fact that he knows he will never be good enough for someone like you.

As he parks the Impala across the bar, he hears Sam’s voice mumbling something about the vampire hunting for victims here. Dean quickens his pace, and as he opens the door to the pub, he is hit by a blast of hot, humid air.

Loud music bounces off the walls as people dance to the beat. The floor is crowded and everyone is shouting.

“How are we going to find (Y/N) here?!” Sam shouts to him.

As Dean scans the room, movement and loud cheers bring his eyes to the back. Dean feels his headache coming back as he points straight. “Found her.”

There you are, wearing a pair of tight bell bottom jeans that hug your ass just right, some cowboy boots and a tight sleeveless white shirt that has ridden up just slightly, revealing part of your stomach. Your boobs are lifted by a white bra, the lace peeking up at the edge of your shirt. You are the life of the party, which is not difficult, taking into account that you are on top of one of the bars, men staring you up, ogling your body like their lives depend on it.

You are dancing, moving your hips seductively to the beat of the song not caring who’s watching, and Dean stays rooted to his spot, unable to tear his eyes away from you. A big smile graces your face, as if you are having the time of your life, and Dean thinks that he has never seen something as beautiful and bright in his life.

A big hand grabs your calf, and that has him moving across the floor. You don’t seem bothered, but the thought of another man putting his dirty hands on your body makes Dean see red.

He can feel Sam trailing behind him, but he doesn’t care. He knows he will beat up the guy if necessary, he has dealt with bigger, meaner things. But when he arrives, he just puts a hand on the dude’s shoulder, and Dean wonders how crazy his eyes must look, because the man puts his hands up and backs away without a word.

“Dean!!!!!! Sam!!!!!” Your grating voice reaches his ears, and he grinds his teeth. “I thought you weren’t coming!”

You bend over trying to get to eye level with him, the smile never leaving your face, and Dean uses all of his willpower to not look at the bead of sweat sliding down the valley of your chest.

“You need to get down.” He shouts across the music, his face serious. “Now.”

You roll your eyes at him. “I thought you were supposed to be the fun Winchester.”

Dean hears Sam laugh at that, and a small smile touches your lips, too. He keeps his scowl. The coconut smell he has become so accustomed to fills his nostrils, and he lets himself breathe it in deeply.

“I’m not joking, (Y/N). Get. Down.” Dean’s voice is authoritarian, and he knows that any sane person would obey.

But you are clearly not sane at all, as the only thing you do is stick your tongue at him. “C’mon, Dean! I promise I won’t make fun of your terrible dancing.”

You throw a wink his way and Dean rubs his face. Sam just puts his hands on his pockets, trying to stifle a laugh at seeing his brother’s misery. Dean gives you the fakest smile and looks right in your eyes.

“Please, get down. Or I’ll do it.”

You widen your eyes, watching his handsome face closely. His breath smells like whiskey, and his lips are glossy, as if he just had a drink. You stare at his mouth for a second, watching those plump lips, looking so kissable. As your tongue darts out to wet your own mouth, Dean mumbles a low “son of a bitch”, moves forward, and all of a sudden the world is upside down.

Dean throws you over his shoulder as you let out a scream, and he turns around, pushing people away from the both of you.

“Dean Winchester! Put me down right now!”

“Can’t hear you over the music, babe.”

Dean walks straight to the exit, as his hands are securely planted on the back of your thighs. He has never dared have you this close, never dared to touch you like this. And he blames the whiskey and your intoxicating smell for the way his hands twitch to go higher up your legs. He stops himself, instead opting to just squeeze you right under the curve of your ass. That is enough to shut you up. Small victories.

The cool breeze of the night hits the both of you as Dean pushes the door, coming into the empty parking lot. It isn’t until you are right in front of the Impala that Dean decides to, finally, put you down. As the world becomes straight again, your face is all red, your hair a mess.

“What the fuck, Dean?!”

“I warned you to get down.”

“I was just having fun! You go to bars all the time!” Your arms are flying around as you talk.

“Yeah, well, I don’t cause scenes.” Dean shrugs his shoulders, crossing his arms.

Sam is looking at both of you, his eyes volleying back and forth, a perplexed expression on his face.

“Scene?! I was just dancing!” Your voice grows more and more frustrated by the second.

“Okay.” Sam interrupts. “You know what? I’m gonna head out to the motel, you two have fun, alright?” Without another word, Sam starts walking, leaving you two at each other’s throat.

“You are not Bobby. You don’t get to tell me what to do.” Your words are clipped now.

“Well, sweetheart, Bobby asked me to be here, so I think that I do get to tell you what to do.”

“Then just tell him no and stop being so fucking annoying!”

“You could help and be a little more responsible, you know? Save Bobby the trouble.”

“You are one to talk, mister impulsive.” You let out a sarcastic laugh, and Dean takes two steps until you are face to face, so close he can feel the heat of your body.

His hands fall to his hips as you cross your arms, raising your chin higher. Dean wonders, his eyes twinkling, how is it possible to feel like you are looking down your nose at him when he is a head taller than you.

“You gonna answer me or just stare?” The ironic remark leaves your mouth, but the slight wobble of your voice gives away your nerves.

Dean can’t help but smirk at your reaction, satisfaction pooling in his stomach at the thought of you being as flustered by him as he is by you. He raises a hand, holding your chin as his thumb runs over your bottom lip, and your breath hitches.

“Don’t know, I’m quite enjoying the view right now.” His voice sounds lower, deeper.

Your mouth opens slightly, but nothing comes out of it. Dean’s smirk returns as he looks closely at you, like a predator watching his prey. You stay quiet for once, as if the whole world has just paused, waiting for his next move. But just as quickly, the world comes back to life as Dean’s face turns serious.

“It’s late, we should head back to the motel.” With that, Dean takes a step back, and you feel stupid standing in the middle of the parking lot.

Without another word, you get into the Impala, shutting the door with more force than necessary. Dean looks up at the sky, his head pulsing and his cock straining against his denim jeans. God, there are so many, many things he wants to do to you.

Dean gets into the car quickly without even looking at you, the engine quickly roaring to life and starting the ride back to the motel. As street lights dimly illuminate the interior of the Impala, Dean clears his throat, the words leaving his mouth before he can stop them.

“You saw anything unusual?” He can feel you looking at him.

“Nope.” You turn back to the window. “I was searching, but then you showed up and completely interrupted me.”

“Yeah, you looked really busy.”

“Oh my God! You are such a hypocrite!” You yell out.

Dean stays quiet for a beat, the only sound a Bon Jovi song playing on the radio.

“I’m a hypocrite?”

Dean takes his eyes off the road for a moment, seeing you throwing your head back, your long neck completely exposed to him. He turns quickly, biting the inside of his cheek, trying to concentrate on the conversation.

“Yes, yes you are! You always go out to have fun, jumping from bar to bar and sleeping around! I was just trying to blow off some steam, it’s truly not that big of a deal.”

Jealousy squeezes Dean’s chest at the thought of you blowing off steam with someone else. It isn’t fair for you to have this effect on him.

“And you need to do that at a bar where you know a vampire’s been snatching young women? You were practically putting yourself up as bait for fuck’s sake!” He tries to steer the conversation elsewhere, telling himself he is mad because you were in danger, and not because he feels ill when he thinks he can’t have you.

“So what?! Newsflash, asshole, I’m a damn good hunter.” Arriving at the motel, Dean parks the car, and he feels you shifting your body to look at him. Still, he doesn’t move. “I don’t need you to protect me.”

“And I don’t need you going around, throwing yourself at any man.” The second the words leave his mouth, he regrets them.

Dean fixes his gaze on you, and he can see how his words hit you hard. You shut your mouth and recoil from him. Opening the car door, you get out, walking fast to the door of your room, Dean following you. He tries to say something, but before a sound comes out of his mouth, you straighten and turn around, making him stop abruptly. Your eyes gleam, and you puff your chest out, a viper's smile curling on your lips.

“You’re right.” He tries to cut you off, but you keep talking. “I shouldn’t be throwing myself at any man, you never know with so many dickheads going around, right?” You tilt your head, the movement almost feline, and for a second Dean wonders if you are a creature of this world. “I should settle with someone better, huh? Someone like maybe, I don’t know, Sam.”

Dean balls his hands into fists, the thought of you with his brother making his stomach churn. You look at the door to your left, where Sam is now probably already asleep.

“After all,” You continue, the smile not leaving your face. “He is the smart one. So tall, and manly, and handsome.”

Your voice is sweet, laced with venom, and Dean feels his anger slowly rising as his green eyes catch every flicker of expression on your face. Two can play this game, if that’s what you want.

“That would be weird, taking into account the way you look at me when you think I’m not watching.” Dean tries to sound nonchalant, but he knows he’s failing when the smile on your face gets bigger.

You take a step towards him, so close your bodies are almost touching, and raise your hand, your fingertips grazing his chest. Dean is quick to grab your wrist, not pushing your arm away, but refusing to let it move.

“What can I say?” You flutter your eyelashes up at him. “You have such a pretty face.”

A trembling sigh leaves his mouth, and you follow the movement of his lips with your eyes. Dean tries to gain some composure, he knows you are in control right now, and he doesn’t like it.

His body is locked up, as if something has rooted him to the spot, and he feels like he’s not going to be able to move. Not like he wants to, having you right here, so close, so willing, it feels like a dream come true. You look up into his eyes, and he might be going crazy, because Dean puts his other hand on your waist.

He must be hallucinating, because he swears that your body goes soft, pliant to him. His other hand eases on your wrist, and you put your palm flat on his chest, right above his heart, beating wildly.

Dean watches you closely, and decides he is done playing the good guy. In the dead of the night, where no one can see you, Dean crushes his lips against yours. It’s quick and hard, years of passion and secrets bubbling up to the surface. He knows this can’t happen again, and he is planning on making the most of it tonight.

You bunch up his shirt, your other hand going behind his neck, pushing him more into you, if that’s even possible. Dean wraps his arms around you, his palms splaying at the small of your back, dangerously close to your ass.

Dean feels your tongue licking his lips, asking for permission, which he eagerly gives you, opening his mouth, letting you explore every inch. A moan escapes your throat, and he pushes his hand down, squeezing your ass on his palm.

You separate, searching for some air, and Dean has never seen a more beautiful image. You, with glossy, plump lips, your cheeks all pink and your hair a little disheveled. He stares at you, saving the image on his brain.

Without saying a word, you take a key out and open the door to your room, getting inside. Dean stands there, not really knowing what comes next, what you will want to do. He knows what he is thinking of, but he is not going to do anything until you say so, he’s not going to let you see him so vulnerable.

You turn around and cock an eyebrow at him. “Are you coming in?”

“We shouldn’t do this.” He wants to beat himself up for saying it out loud.

He wants to do it so bad it almost pains him to be standing still. But he knows better, you’re Bobby’s niece, practically his daughter. You can’t be another name on his long list of conquests. He’s not moving, but he’s not going away either.

You look at him, your eyes bright like two stars, lust written all over your face.

“Fuck it.” Dean mumbles as he crosses the threshold of your motel room and closes the door behind him.

As if this just meant that he has crossed an imaginary line of decency, Dean gets rid of all his remorses as he strides towards you, not letting you get a word out as he kisses you once again.

Dean loses himself in pleasure, the only thing he can think and see is you. Your smell, your body, your beautiful face. A memory he will treasure forever, a secret between you two. He will always remember every inch of your body, every sound that escapes your mouth, every moan of his name on your lips.

And when sunrise comes, he looks at you, sprawled naked on the bed as you sleep tired and peaceful. This won’t happen again. Even if his heart hurts to think he can’t have you, even if his body is screaming for him to not go away. He knows he has to, because Dean can’t stand the fact of not giving you everything you deserve.

The streets of Velaris look dazzling, full of flowers and trees, the warm weather slowly taking over the city. You look around the shops, trying to find the herbs Madja needs for some of her balms. Lately, you’ve been spending almost everyday with her, not only helping, but also practicing how to use your magic, trying to understand how a curse works, not only to undo it, but also to put it together again.

Luckily for you, after the incident with the Autumn Court soldiers you only received a present from Beron, a beautiful vase, along with a peace offering. Odd enough, none of you had trusted the Autumn’s High Lord word, but, so far, everything had been quiet.

It’s been a week and you have kept yourself busy, avoiding the Shadowsinger as much as possible. After sleeping together, you woke up hours later to find out that he had gone back to the House of Wind, according to Rhysand. So you asked them if you could stay at the state for the night and, since then, you’ve been volunteering to help all of your friends as much as possible. Babysitting Nyx every afternoon, helping Cass with his reports on the Illyrians, training with Nesta and Mor… Whatever it is as long as you get to keep well away from Azriel.

Whatever happened that day… It was something different, as if your bodies were truly connected, and you’re too scared of seeing him again and realizing you’re back to square one. He hasn’t really sought you out, either, because you know if he wanted to, he would have found you. Although, you keep looking over your shoulder, sensing someone is out there, watching your moves.

You get everything Madja needs and head back to her house, but when you open the door, she’s nowhere in sight. You get alert until a shadow grazes your hand. Dropping everything on the first table you find, you look around the room, but there’s no sight of him. Another shadow reaches you, enveloping itself across your left leg and going up, your flowy pants and tunic fluttering with the movement.

“Where’s Madja?” You sigh, not bothering to search for him, knowing that he will only come out when he wants to.

More shadows reach you, caressing your skin in cold touches, dancing around you as if putting on a show. You’re standing in the middle of the room when a wall of shadows appears in front of you, blocking everything from view.

“Boo.” Azriel appears behind you, whispering in your ear.

You whirl around, but he’s gone, taking the shadows with him. You roll your eyes, walking back to the table to grab everything and put it away. A cool shadow passes through your shoulders, down your arm and tugs at your hand, the tendrils across your fingers. You look where it’s trying to push you to, the dark far corner of the room. But instead of walking there, you raise your hand, light coming from it, illuminating all the space. Azriel is standing in the corner, smiling at you.

“You spoiled all the fun.” His smile doesn’t falter.

“I wasn’t aware we were playing.”

“We’re always playing, (Y/N).”

There it is, the seductive tone, the secret meaning behind his words. Something ugly stirs in your chest.

“Not anymore.” You’re serious, and he looks at you curiously. “Where’s Madja?”

Azriel approaches you. “I came to see you, she said she needed to go out to the library to find some books. Said she’ll probably be out for a few hours, too.”

“Cool.” You cross your arms. “You’ve seen me, you can leave now.”

Azriel takes another step towards you, but you take one back and he stops, confusion marring his beautiful face.

“What’s wrong?” He sounds concerned, and you want to laugh, because everything is wrong.

“This. Us.” You uncross your arms, rubbing your face. “We’re wrong! Can’t you see it? I’m done being your little plaything, Azriel.”

“You’re not my plaything, and you know it.” Another step towards you.

“It sure feels like it.” You shrug one shoulder. “I’m tired, Azriel. Of everything. What are we even doing anymore? I just… I can’t.” You look down, hear him moving, until you can see his boot-clad feet in front of you.

Azriel takes your chin in his hand, making you look at his eyes. “(Y/N)… I thought we agreed to keep this as sex. Nothing else.”

You push his hand away, step out of his touch. “Is it just sex, Azriel? Do you treat every girl you fuck like me? You tell them how beautiful they are? Kiss their forehead? Tell them they are yours? Take their hand as they are about to leave to make them sleep with you?!”

“You know it’s different with you.” His voice is low compared to yours.

“Different how? Why is it different, Azriel? Why am I the one you’re hurting?”

“It’s different because you’re you. Fuck, (Y/N)! You can’t expect me to act with you like I act with others!

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t love the others, gods dammit!”

He screams, and you stay quiet, contemplating his words, your head spinning. Azriel’s hand brushes his hair, his dark locks falling across his forehead.

“You… love me?” Your voice is hoarse.

“You know I do.” Azriel is not looking at you. “But so much shit has happened these past years…”

You breaking up, Rhys returning unexpectedly, Feyre becoming your High Lady, Nesta and her powers, Elain… A lot of things have happened, indeed. You weren’t the same person that you were when Azriel and you ended things, that’s for sure. But isn’t that a good thing? Is that not good enough to try again?

“And you really think that there is not anything else left between us but this?” A tear slips over your cheek and you blink rapidly.

“I don’t know.” Azriel looks at you, his expression pained, his voice tired.

“You’re a fucking coward, Azriel.” You see him opening his mouth, but before a lame excuse can leave his lips, you turn on your heel and leave the house.

You walk fast, swallowing hard as you close your eyes, forcing the tears not to fall. Breathing deeply, you hear your name being yelled, Azriel striding for you. People turn their heads, and you don’t blame them. The healer and the Shadowsinger causing a scene in the middle of Velaris, probably something to gossip about for days. The prospect of every citizen talking about you, judging your actions, making assumptions of whatever is going on has your head spinning, your heart beating fast against your ribs, so before you can think about your options, you winnow away.

Darkness envelops you until your feet land on something soft. Leaves crunch under you, little rays of sunshine piercing through the thick canopy above you. The smell of moss fills your nostrils, and your body relaxes as the woods right at the border of the Night Court appear in front of you. Why did you come here out of all places, you don’t really know. The cabin was your first thought, but it would have been too easy for Azriel to find you.

Although, there’s no point in hiding from him, he is the Spy Master, after all. But you just need to be alone right now, and you trust him to know you well enough to grant you this wish. Your eyebrows bunch up together at the sound of a leaf cracking behind you, and you turn around, ready to meet Azriel, but a cruel smirk and fiery red hair meet your eyes instead.

You grind your teeth at the sight of Eris, who cocks an eyebrow at you.

“I thought I was meeting with Rhys, but this is a nice surprise.”

You keep your face neutral, not letting him know you have no idea of the meeting he is talking about.

“Although I think it’s better if you hear my proposition yourself.”

You raise your eyebrow at that. “Bold of you to make any propositions, after what your soldiers did to Azriel.”

Your hands ball into fists, anger raising as you remember how Azriel had looked just a few days ago.

“That wasn’t my doing. I’m not dumb enough to send my soldiers against the Shadowsinger just to die.” Anger is replaced by a warm feeling of pride at Eris’ words. “Anyway, I’m not here to talk about that.”

Eris takes one step forward as you take a step back.

“We should probably wait for Rhysand.” Your back hits the rough bark of a tall tree, and a smirk blooms again on Eris’ face.

“Are you scared of being alone with me?” Eris purrs, his lips moving sensually.

Your response is cut by the eerie quiet that envelopes the woods suddenly. Even the wind seems to stop as Rhys steps out of shadows and stars. An easy smile is plastered on his face, his posture relaxed, his eyes fixed on Eris, but his voice fills your mind.

“What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing. Didn’t know you intended on meeting Eris.”

Neither of you is looking at the other, but you feel Rhys’ power rumble against your mind.

“No one knows, except for Feyre, of course.”

“You want me to leave?”

“No. This might pique your interest.”

“Rhysand” Eris drags his eyes away from you to look at your High Lord. “I thought we weren’t having any company.”

“Change of events.” Rhys shrugs his shoulders, the cool image of indifference. “She deserves to know what’s going on.”

You look in between the two males, who keep their eyes on each other, and wonder if it would have been better to stay with Azriel.

“Beron overstepped with the attack on the Shadowsinger, I’m here to apologize.”

“Are you back to being your father’s lap dog?” You cross your arms over your chest, the image of Azriel’s bloody face flashing behind your eyes.

Eris looks at you, something passing in between his eyes, but he doesn’t rise to the insult, directing himself to Rhysand again.

“Beron’s soldiers went out of their way when they realised that your Spy Master was there, they received their punishment.” Now Eris does look at you. “Since Azriel ended up killing all five of them.”

You keep your face neutral at his words, but don’t feel anything. You know how Azriel works, what he does. If those men were stupid enough to attack him, they should have known what was coming for them.

“Azriel defended himself against the attack.” Rhysand’s voice is low, dangerous.

“I don’t like agreeing with Beron, but we all know that he did more than that. He could have easily gotten away without killing them.”

“They shot ash arrows at his wings.” You grit through your teeth.

“Only when Azriel started to fight back.”

“Did you expect him to stand there and not do anything about it?” You take a step forward, your arms falling to your side.

“No, but I didn’t expect him to toy with them. He took his time, even injured, to play with them. To kill them quite…” Eris grimaces. “Creatively.”

You look at Rhys out of the corner of your eye, and swear that the corners of his mouth seem to tilt up a little. Azriel is… well, quite vicious. You know that, everyone does. That’s why he is the best at his work.

“That’s something a man who has never gotten his hands dirty would say, Eris.” Rhys purrs, almost mockingly.

“You’re the one who let the dogs out to do your dirty work, Rhysand, not me.” Hatred goes through Eris’ amber eyes. “Beron’s soldiers didn’t act well, but neither did your Shadowsinger.”

“Did you come here to talk?” You take another step towards Eris, and feel a moonlight claw at the walls of your mind. A warning. “Or did you come here to cry about Azriel’s actions, when all he did was defend himself?”

“Doesn’t it get tiring?” Eris looks at you now, a disgusted expression marring his face. “To always look at everyone from your high horse? To always think of yourselves as the victim, and not the perpetrator? To always believe that you are the ones who have it worse?”

You blink, the only sign you’ll let him see from surprise at the outburst. Rhysand takes a step towards you, arriving at your side, his arm touching your shoulder.

“We’re not here to fight you, Eris.” His tone is serious. “Your message said that Beron wanted to reunite with us?”

Eris drags his eyes away from your face, meeting Rhysand’s violet eyes.

“He wants a High Lords reunion, but he wants to meet with you first.” Eris pauses. “Both of you.”

Beron wants to meet with you, too? You stay quiet, so does Rhysand. A sign for Eris to continue.

“He understands that you won’t want to meet in Autumn, so he agrees to come to Hewn City. But he wants my brothers to come, as well.”

Rhysand breathes deeply next to you, his wings splaying wider.

“Then, I want my whole Inner Circle there, too.”

Eris smirks at his request. “Figured you’ll say that. Fine. They can come.”

Rhysand looks at him intently, as if trying to decipher what Eris is really thinking. He could go into his mind and see it for himself, but you know Rhys doesn’t like to do it without permission.

“Are your brothers and father planning an attack on the Night Court?” Rhys’ voice is deep, full of power, and you thank the gods you’re not on the receiving end of it.

But Eris seems unaffected. “Beron hasn’t told me anything, but I would assume so. Although, I don’t think the attack is happening on the first meeting. He wants to test you out first.”

The last sentence he says looking directly into your eyes, and you feel a shiver run down your spine. You square your shoulders, hold your chin slightly higher. You will not let Eris see the nerves creeping on you, the thoughts swarming your mind with the worst outcomes.

“Fine. We’ll meet in Hewn City in three days.” Rhys turns around, dismissing Eris, and you follow his lead.

Right before shadows envelope you, Eris’ voice reaches your ears. “Always a pleasure to see you, (Y/N).”

—--------------------------------

“I still think this is not a good idea.” Cassian’s voice cuts through the silence of the room.

You are all in Rhysand’s office at the palace in Hewn City. Beron and his sons are already here, but you are making them wait. Let them be a little bit on edge, let them know who has the upper hand here.

You look at Azriel standing at the other side of the room, he’s in his armor, blue syphons shining wildly. His hair is tousled, as if he’s been combing his hands through it non-stop. His arms look huge, biceps bulging as he crosses them over his chest, and his wings are tucked in, but not entirely, making him appear as someone dangerous. He looks so good, it’s unfair.

His amber eyes catch you practically ogling at him, and you feel your cheeks redden. But the usual smirk he gives you is nowhere to be seen, instead, Azriel purses his lips just slightly and worry crosses over his eyes.

“You don’t have to think anything, you just have to do it.” Amren says without sparing Cassian a glance.

Cass rolls his eyes, but doesn’t say anything else. Rhysand looks at all of you, his fingers grazing his lips, a pensive look on his violet eyes.

“Feyre and I are going to the reunion, (Y/N) as well. Cass, Azriel and Amren too. Nesta and Mor you wait here, in case something doesn’t go according to plan, you come.

All of you nod at your High Lord’s words and you can feel your heart beating fast. It’s just a meeting, that’s what you tell yourself as Rhysand winnows all of you right outside the room where the Autumn males are waiting.

As you land in front of the door, you feel a hand at the small of your back, and you don’t need to look to know it belongs to Azriel. And even though you are still mad at him, you appreciate the warmth of his firm body next to you. His thumb moves up and down, caressing you, before his hand disappears right as Rhys opens the doors and you all enter.

Beron is already there, waiting for you, a fake smile on his face that makes him look terrifying. Eris is next to him, his three brothers seated at the other side of the Autumn’s High Lord.

Rhysand enters, doing a show of guiding Feyre across from Beron, pulling her chair out for her to sit, and then sitting next to her. You sit at Rhysand’s other side while Amren sits next to Feyre. Cassian stands at the door, monitoring everything. Azriel moves, standing against the wall, right behind you. His shadows swarm every corner, making the room appear darker.

“Welcome to the Night Court.” Rhysand's smile is feline. “Hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long.”

Beron’s smile grows. “Thank you for having us, Rhysand. Always a pleasure to visit this beautiful palace.”

Silence. The room feels thick, the tension can be cut with a knife. Your eyes drag from Beron to Eris, and see he is already looking at you. His eyes travel up, above your head, looking at Azriel and then he drags them back to you, a lazy smirk covering his lips.

“We were surprised to be called in for this meeting.” Feyre’s voice fills the room. “After what your soldiers did to our Spy Master.”

“Ah.” Beron’s little smile doesn’t falter. “Yes, sorry about that. It was a misunderstanding. But can you blame my soldiers? Your Shadowsinger was in Autumn Court territory.”

“He was right outside the borders of Autumn.” Authority laces Feyre’s words. “And whatever he was doing, is none of your business.”

Silence fills the room. A second passes, then two, three. Beron speaks again. “Of course, and as I said, we are deeply sorry about what happened.”

Feyre and Beron stare at each other, and you can feel a deep rumble in the room as Rhysand’s power comes to the surface. None of you believe a word that comes out of Beron’s mouth. You drag your eyes away from the High Lord and see Eris still staring at you, but this time something else twinkles in his eyes. Worry? Your eyebrows tweak slightly at his expression.

“I’m sure you didn’t come all the way over here only to ask for our forgiveness.” Rhysand smirks, fury marring Beron’s face.

“No.” Beron’s voice is clipped. “Many things changed after the war, but what we were able to see during those days was that together, we can be stronger.”

Rhysand raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything else.

“We’ve been studying magic.” Beron continues. “But healers in Autumn are scarce and they don’t have as much experience as more advanced healers.”

Beron looks over at you, and out of the corner of your eye you can see Eris’ hands balling into fists. Shadows at the corners of the room expand a little more, making the room a tiny bit darker. Beron drags his eyes over to Rhysand.

“I want us to collaborate. You lend me your healer, I’ll convince every territory to sign your treaty.”

Silence. Rhysan’s hand goes to his lips, his eyes narrow, as if he is studying Beron’s proposition. You open the walls of your mind, and your High Lord takes over immediately.

“What do you think?”

“I don’t like the idea of going away”

“We can’t do it” Feyre’s voice resonates in your mind.

“Tell him to give us a day to mull it over.” You answer.

Rhysand leaves your mind, as well as Feyre, and raises his chin.

“We’ll think about it. You’ll have an answer by tomorrow. You’re welcome to stay at the bottom floor of the Palace, one of the servants will show you. Enjoy Hewn City tonight.”

With that, Rhysand stands and walks to the door, all of you following him. Nobody talks as your court walks to the top floor, where Nesta and Morrigan are waiting in Rhys’ office. Once you’re there, your High Lord closes the door, a golden light appearing over the rim, letting you know that all of you are safe and sound proofed.

“We’re not doing that.” Feyre is the first to speak, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I think we should talk about it first.” Amren answers, making Feyre narrow her eyes at her.

Rhysand’s eyes go blank for a moment, as well as Nesta and Morrigan’s, and you know that he’s showing them what happened.

“Do you really believe that Beron will help us with the treaty?” Feyre looks over at Rhys once his eyes sparkle again.

“Not for a second.” Rhysand sits against the edge of the table. “I fully believe he wants to break Koschei’s curse and he has no intention of helping us. But he’s smart enough to know that we can crush him easily.”

“I believe that more than wanting to break the curse, Beron is trying to find some spell to control Koschei. Make sure that the Death Lord is on his side.” Amren says. “And he knows learning powerful magic can be as beneficial as having a trained army.”

“I agree.” Mor sighs. “Maybe it would be beneficial for us to have some insight.”

“We have insight. Eris is the insight.” Feyre answers matter of factly.

“(Y/N) would be a better insight.” Rhysand responds.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Cassian speaks. “(Y/N) would be out of your daemeti range in Autumn. We would have no way of knowing what’s going on there.”

“Exactly.” Feyre shrugs her shoulders.

“We could write a contract with rules to ensure her safety.” Amren says. “She could gain Beron’s favor and have more insight, even plant some wrong information.”

You watch them volley back and forth, discussing what to do with you, and almost feel as if you’re an outsider, watching from the side lines as your future is being decided for you.

“Enough.” Rhysand’s voice shuts everyone up and he looks at you. “No matter what we think is best, it’s your choice (Y/N). If you say you don’t want to go, then we have nothing else to talk about.”

You watch them all. Rhysand, Amren, Mor and Nesta all think it could be a good idea for you to go to Autumn. Feyre and Cassian stand together, faces taut, having made clear they think it’s best if you stay here, safe.

You look to your right, where Azriel stands, face unreadable, jaw set. You can see his teeth grinding, but he doesn’t say anything.

“What do you think?” Your voice is hopeful.

The air in the room gets thicker, and you breathe deeply. Azriel’s eyes finally lock on yours, and you see pain etched there. His wings rustle, as if he’s uncomfortable, and you wait for him to say it. To tell you to stay, to say he doesn’t want you to go.

“I think…” You stop breathing. “I think you should go.”

Your shoulders slump as his words hit you, and you turn to Rhysand. Swallowing hard the lump in your throat, you raise your chin high.

Rhysand - Voulez-Vous

Givin' out a spark

Across the room, your eyes are glowin' in the dark

I know what you think

The girl means business, so I'll offer her a drink

I'm really glad you came

You know the rules, you know the game

Master of the scene

Voulez-vous? (Ah-ha)

Take it now or leave it (Ah-ha)

Now is all we get (Ah-ha)

Nothing promised, no regrets

Feyre - I Have A Dream

I believe in angels

Something good in everything I see

I believe in angels

When I know the time is right for me

I have a dream (have a dream)

A fantasy (fantasy)

To help me through (help me through)

Reality (reality)

Pushing through the darkness (through the darkness, baby)

Still another mile

If you see the wonder (wonder)

Of a fairy tale

You can take the future

Even if you fail

Nesta - Dancing Queen

You can dance, you can jive

Having the time of your life

Night is young and the music’s high

With a bit of rock music

Everything is fine

You're in the mood for a dance

You’re a teaser, you turn them on

Leave them burning and then you’re gone

You are the dancing queen

Cassian - When All Is Said And Done

Birds of passage, you and me

We fly instinctively

In our lives, we have walked some strange and lonely treks

Slightly worn, but dignified, and not too old for sex

We're still striving for the sky

Thanks for all your generous love, and thanks for all the fun

Clear-headed and open-eyed

With nothing left untried

Standing calmly at the crossroads, no desire to run

There's no hurry anymore when all is said and done

Azriel - The Winner Takes It All

I don't wanna talk

About things we've gone through

Though it's hurting me

Now it's history

The gods may throw a dice

Their minds as cold as ice

And someone way down here

Loses someone dear

The game is on again (on again)

A lover or a friend (or a friend)

A big thing or a small (big or small)

The winner takes it all (takes it all)

Takes it all, has to fall

And it's plain, why complain?

Elain - Honey, Honey

I'd heard about him before

I wanted to know some more

Honey, honey, don't conceal it

I feel like I wanna sing

When you do your thing

And now I'm about to see

What you mean to me

Mor - Super Trouper

Super trouper beams are gonna blind me

But I won't feel blue

So imagine I was glad to hear you're coming (glad to hear you're coming)

Suddenly I feel all right (and suddenly it's gonna be)

Smiling, having fun (super trouper)

Feeling like a number one

Facing twenty-thousand of your friends

How can anyone be so lonely?

Amren - Fernando

I remember long ago another starry night like this

We were young and full of life and none of us prepared to die

And I'm not ashamed to say

The roar of guns and cannons almost made me cry

The stars were bright, Fernando

They were shining there for you and me

For liberty, Fernando

Though I never thought that we could lose

There's no regret

If I had to do the same again

I would, my friend, Fernando

Gwyn - Thank You For The Music

If I tell a joke, you've probably heard it before

But I have a talent, a wonderful thing

'Cause everyone listens when I start to sing

So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing

Thanks for all the joy they're bringing

Who can live without it?

I ask in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a song or a dance, what are we?

So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me

Mhm, she says I began to sing long before I could talk

Who found out that nothing can capture a heart like a melody can?

Emerie - I wonder

I wonder, it's frightening

Leaving now, is that the right thing?

I wonder, it scares me

But who the the hell am I if I don't even try?

I'm not a coward, oh no, I'll be strong

One chance in a lifetime

Yes, I will take it, it can't go wrong

My friends and my family, this dull little town

Buses I've missed, boys that I've kissed

Everything old and familiar

This park and these houses, old streets I have walked

Everything dear, will it be here

One day when I am returning?

Lucien - The Name of The Game

It seems to me, for every time

I'm getting more open-hearted

Tell me please, 'cause I have to know

I'm a curious child, beginning to grow

If I trust in you, would you let me down?

Would you laugh at me, if I said I care for you?

I have no friends, no-one to see

And I am never invited

Now I am here, talking to you

No wonder I get excited

What's the name of the game?

Madja’s office is always welcoming, almost like a second home. The old woman has always treated you like a daughter, more than a pupil, and your relationship has turned into something that goes way beyond potions and healing spells. You are helping her with some concoctions made of different plants and herbs, and although this kind of simple healing is not your favorite, you needed to do anything to get out of the House of Wind.

Luckily for you, Rhysand sent Azriel away on a scouting mission right after that night with him. Now it has been three days, and you know he is going to be back today. In order to get your mind straight, you came here, with Madja, where your mind kept quiet and your hands did all the work. So, here you are, mixing aloe with some calendula and a little bit of lavender oil.

“How’s your stay at the House of Wind?” Madja doesn’t take her eyes off the book she’s currently studying.

“Good.” You keep mixing, also not looking at her.

“Cassian told me you were eager to get off the House today.”

“Cassian is a busybody.” You look up at her, and she’s smiling. “I had been at the House for days, I just wanted a change of scenery.”

She doesn’t say anything else, but her silence makes you feel uncomfortable, as if you need to explain yourself, so you decide to change topics. “Have you found something on a spell that could break Koschei’s curse?”

“Not yet.” Her expression changes, becoming more serious. “But I don’t think what it needs is a spell. His curse is like a braid, full of little tendrils woven together.”

“So, it needs to be undone… Every healer would be able to do that.”

“No, not every healer. It needs to be someone quite powerful, who is able to endure the raw power of his ancient curse. Someone like you, my dear (Y/N).”

Goosebumps erupt on your skin, the mix before you long forgotten. “Why me?”

“Only the gods may know. I never discovered who your parents were, I only know that you appeared at my doorstep one day, full of light, of raw power, and I just knew there was something special about you.”

You don’t remember anything about this, you relied on what Madja had told you: that one day you had appeared outside her door, no older than a teenager, and showed her your abilities. She had taken you in, showed you everything that you know, and asked Rhysand to also trust you to work with them. And the rest is history.

Madja gets up from her chair, and you can see how old she has become these past years. She hugs your shoulders lovingly, stroking your hair. “I’ve always told you that the Mother had great things for you in store.”

“I’m not so sure about that…”

Madja furrows her brows at your words, and as if reading your mind, she hugs you a little bit tighter, her words squeezing something deep inside your chest. “Magic works in mysterious ways, you know that better than anyone else. Sometimes, what should be obvious, takes time… Magic needs to sort itself out, just like us.”

You look at her, and the words are on the tip of your tongue. What about a mating bond? Is it possible that it will take time to sort itself out, too? Your mouth opens, but before anything can come out, a strong knock at the door interrupts you. Madja walks to the door and Cassian stands there as she opens it.

“Cassian, hello.” The old woman smiles warmly at him, but he looks around the room frantically until he spots you. The look in his eyes makes your stomach twist.

“What happened?”

“It’s Az.”

He doesn’t need to say anything else as you approach him and both of you jump into the skies and to the River House.

———————————————

Cassian lands right on the entrance, and he barely has time to put you down before you’re jumping from his arms and running inside the house. Something tugs at your heart, as if in guiding you to Azriel. Your feet take you straight to the living room, and when you’re close you can smell blood.

As you open the door, you freeze and take the scene in. Feyre has her arms crossed, a grim expression on her face, Rhys is right by the couch, face as serious as his mate, and Azriel is sprawled on the sofa, his forehead caked with fresh blood coming from what seems like a big cut on his scalp. He is grasping at his side, his hand bloody from a gash there, too. For a second, you stay still, your heart pumping rapidly.

“I said I’m fine, Rhys.” His words are clipped, and he tries to stand, but a withering look from Rhysand keeps him from moving.

“What happened?” Your feet finally take you forward, and Azriel closes his eyes at hearing your voice.

“He encountered some Autumn Court soldiers.” Feyre says as you kneel next to Azriel, who is still not looking at you. “Right outside their borders, they ambushed him.”

“And they did this?” Your voice is quiet. You look over his wings and see two holes. Ash arrows, probably.

“They were looking for a fight.” Rhys’ words are clipped. “Now they have an excuse to counterattack. Azriel you’re not going on any more missions. At least for the time being.”

“Rhys I said I’m fine, this is nothing.”

“You’ve lost too much blood.” You put your hand over his head, light coming out, and he hisses.

Rhysand raises a single eyebrow at him, and Azriel clamps his mouth shut. Once you’re done with his head, Cassian helps you get Azriel’s jacket and shirt off. You concentrate on the deep cut across his hip, and not on his tanned skin and the ripped muscles beneath. Your fingers dance over the gash, skin slowly threading back together, and Azriel’s labored breathing fans over your face. You look up, his face too pale due to the loss of blood.

“He’s fainting.” You try to breathe deeply, telling your heart that he’s fine and that fainting is quite normal in these situations, you’ve seen it a million times. But your heart beats fast, too fast, as if not understanding that Azriel is not in danger. “I’m going to winnow him to a room.”

You look up at Rhys, who nods, and you winnow both you and Azriel to one of the bedrooms in the River House. You both land on the bed, and you finish quickly with the wound on his hips, putting your hands back on his head. As your magic washes over him, you see color popping out on his face once more, and his eyes flutter open, going straight to you.

You make a glass of water and some chocolate truffles appear, forcing Azriel to drink and eat. He does without protesting, the corners of his mouth quirking up at your instructions. Once he’s finished with the water and chocolates, you look over his wings.

“I’m going to let you rest and then I’ll heal the wings.”

“I’m fine, let’s do it now.” You eye him suspiciously, but agree. The earlier you get this over with, the earlier he is going to be able to rest.

“Okay, sit straighter.” Azriel slowly does as you tell him, sitting on the middle of the bed and against the headboard, his wings slumped on both his sides.

On your knees next to him, you raise a little, trying to get a good look of the small but painful hole in his right wing. Azriel’s warm hands grab your hips, and although he steadies you, you feel as if your whole body has turned to jelly.

Your hands work quickly, taking out the venom and stitching the wing back together, a small scar appearing. You breathe deeply and turn your body to work on the left wing. The wound is bigger, as if in trying to take off the arrow, he had torn the leathery skin.

You straighten your arm, one hand leaning on the headboard to avoid falling, and as your fingers start moving, Azriel squeezes your hips. You stop, looking down at him, scared that you’re hurting him. But he is looking at you, his hazel eyes glassy, his mouth slightly parted. He squeezes again, and you know what he is asking.

You and Azriel have always been able to do this, knowing what the other needs with just a simple look. You swallow loudly, but nod your head once at him. He lifts you just enough for you to move your leg across his lap, and he lowers you once you’ve settled, his hands not leaving your hips. Straddling him, you come face to face with Azriel, a small smile on his lips. Not sexual, but content. A trembling sigh leaves your lips, and you straighten your hand once more.

As you start to wove his wing back together, Azriel hisses, his fingers hardening on your hips. You stop, looking at his face.

“Am I hurting you?” Your voice is raspy and you cough.

“No, no.” He grits through his teeth. “Just sensitive.”

“Oh.” You widen your eyes. “Sorry, I’ll go slower.”

Azriel just nods at you, his eyes closed. You’re aware of wing play, you used to do it with Azriel all the time when you were together. Your cheeks redden at the thought, but you keep going, this time slower, although this wing is taking longer. Azriel keeps his eyes closed, a furrow on his face, his bottom lip between his teeth. He hisses more than once, or tightens his grip on you, and you stop for a few seconds, letting him recompose himself.

But the air feels hot and heavy, a bead of sweat travelling down the strong column of Azriel’s neck, and suddenly you want to lick it. Before you can give in to your impulses, your fingers meet skin, and you realize there’s no rip anymore.

“I’m done.” You look at his face, as he slowly opens his eyes to look at you.

“Thank you.” His voice is low.

You stare at each other, neither one of you making a move.

“You scared me today.” It comes out as a whisper, but Azriel’s eyes soften at the words.

“I’m sorry.” His thumbs caress your skin over the fabric of your dress.

You reach for him, tucking a strand of hair away from his brow, and your hand travels down his face, cupping his cheek. Without thinking, you lean into him, kissing the corner of his lips. You retrieve a little, looking at his eyes, so full of love your heart constricts at the sight. But before the emotions can come pouring down, you kiss him. Slowly, deeply, lovingly. Azriel kisses you back immediately, his tongue working with yours. There’s no rush, only longing. Your other hand comes to his cheek, holding his face as if he’s some precious thing, and Azriel grabs your waist, pushing you against him, your chests flushed together.

You separate, breathing loudly, Azriel’s pupils so dilated there’s no hazel in them. You feel pressure in your chest, as if your body is asking for more, more, more. As if you will never know a time when your whole soul doesn’t crave the male in front of you. Azriel kisses you again, this time deeper, his tongue exploring your mouth relentlessly, his hands traveling down to grab your ass. You quickly separate from him.

“You should rest.” You pant at him.

“I need you.” He whispers, almost pleading. “Please.”

Something breaks and builds again in your chest, as if your whole soul is changing, morphing. You kiss his mouth softly, your lips travelling to his sculpted cheekbones, down to his jaw, until you tenderly bite his earlobe and he moans deeply.

“Let me ride you.”

You look back at him, and Azriel’s eyes are so wide you can see the white in them. He nods once, and something stirs deep in your chest at seeing him completely at your mercy. With a flick of your fingers, you’re both naked and cleaned up, and the smell of your arousal mixes with his, a musky but sweet scent that makes your head spin.

You pump his hard cock a couple of times, Azriel breathing hard at the movement, his hands squeezing your ass eagerly. You’re already soaking wet, ready for him, so you rise on your knees and guide yourself over him. Looking at his hazel eyes, you impale yourself on his dick, a groan escaping both of your mouths. His length stretches you to the point of being deliciously painful, and you stop for a moment, adjusting to the feeling of him being completely sheathed in you.

Azriel’s fingers travel up your back, goosebumps erupting on your skin, until his arms envelop you, hugging you, your bodies completely flushed. His face on the nape of your neck, he kisses your shoulder as you start moving, hugging his neck for leverage. It starts slow, Azriel peppering you with kisses across your skin, jaw, and collarbone.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispers and you look down at him.

His pupils are dilated, his mouth parted, and he’s looking at you with so much love in his eyes, you feel your own line up with tears. Something cracks open in your chest, as if this is the moment of truth, as if something big is about to happen. Emotion clogs your throat, so you kiss him and accelerate your pace.

He moans into your mouth, the sex turning faster and wilder. You break the kiss, grinding on him, as his arms are still around you, holding you. You tentatively graze your fingers across the top of one of his wings, and Azriel sucks in a breath, his arms tightening on you. You move slower, as your hands explore more and more of his wings, curse words coming out of his mouth, and you lean down to lick at his neck. Azriel’s hand shoots up to grab your wrist, and he looks at you.

“If you keep doing that, I’m not going to last much longer.”

“Good.” You give him a small smile, and start moving faster, sharper, looking for your pleasure.

Your hand keeps stroking the leathery skin of his wings, touching where you know it will make him see stars. The fucking turns more erratic as you shamelessly grind on him, and you feel your pleasure building. Azriel hugs you tighter again, bringing your body to his, and as you reach your climax, he roars and spills inside of you. At the same time, as one soul, one body. You lay there, his arms holding you, his dick still inside of you, your head on his shoulder.

You stay like this, both of you panting, and as Azriel’s fingers draw circles across your back, you close your eyes. It does really feel like home whenever you’re with him. One of his hands travels to your head to stroke your hair lovingly, and this seems so different from these past years.

Since you and Azriel broke up, it has always been about fucking roughly, about taking the edge off. Teasing and biting and quick fucks, leaving each other without really saying goodbye afterwards. But this somehow seems different. And you want to say it’s because Azriel is injured, and he’s the one who is normally in charge, but, somehow, it doesn’t feel like it’s about that. As if today it was more than a hook up, as if you both needed to reassure that the other was still there.

Azriel’s hands stop after a while, and you hear his breathing go slower, deeper. As you slowly look up at his face, you see he’s asleep. Slowly, you get up, missing the warmth of his body the moment you separate from him. Before you can crawl off the bed, his hand grabs your wrist, tugging you back into him silently.

You obey, a small smile on your lips as you lay next to him, his arm across your shoulders, yours hugging his waist. A force tugs at your heart, as if your body needed to be even closer to him. You try to ignore it, resting your head on his chest.

—————————-

“Friends?” Nesta eyes you suspiciously from her seat across from you.

The library at the House of Wind is one of your favorite places, and spending the afternoon reading in silence with Nesta and talking about your favorite romances is something you love.

“Yes, friends.” You answer without taking your eyes off the book you’re trying to read.

“And you really think you will be able to keep your hands off each other?” You can hear Nesta’s amused smile in her voice.

“I’ve been keeping my hands off of Azriel for a long time now.”

“So what happened last week at the ball in Hewn City was, what? A slip?” You look up at Nesta annoyed and you can see her smirk.

“That was nothing, a dumb mistake.” You sigh. “It meant nothing.”

“(Y/N)…” Nesta’s smile disappears and is replaced by a frown of concern. “I get it, it’s difficult to turn away from someone that you love.”

“It’s not that.” You close your book and look at your friend. “It’s just… Az and I know what we have, our relationship is just like this.”

“Yes, but do you want your relationship to be like this?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want.” You pick at your nails. “It’s just the way it is.”

“So you have no intention of being friends with him?”

You roll your eyes at her. “I want a little bit of distance, that’s it. But I’m and adult.” You get up, pointing at her. “In fact, I’m much older than you, young lady.”

Nesta laughs at that, and you give her a little smile. “That’s bullshit.”

“You should have more respect for your elders.” You raise an eyebrow at her, the smile not faltering from either of your faces.

“I’m just worried about you, (Y/N). I don’t want you to get hurt.” Nesta’s eyes soften.

“I know, Nes.” You reach where she’s sitting and take her hand. “I appreciate it, but you know it’s complicated… And I’d rather have him like this than not have him at all.” The last part comes out as a whisper, as if you’re letting out a secret that no one can hear.

Nesta squeezes your hand. “I’m always here if you need to talk.”

“I know.” You let go of her hand, leaving the library with an uneasy feeling.

Will you and Azriel ever be capable of being friends? You have no idea, because there is something in between you that no one can explain. A current that connects both of you, an invisible string that always brings you two together, no matter where or why. So, no, you don’t really think that being friends is a possibility. But the alternative scares you so much you’re not able to even stomach it. Because if you had to choose between this toxic relationship or not having any contact at all, you know what you would choose. You don’t even doubt it. Because you can’t imagine your life without ever feeling again Azriel’s hands on you, without his looks from across the room, without his laugh filling your ears at something you said, without the secret conversations, the lingering touches and the silent pleadings.

So you’ll keep doing this for however long you can, because, deep down, you know you can’t say no to him. Deep down, you know your love is too big, too bold, too savage to tame it down, to erase it. And if that ends up breaking you, at least you will have gone down enjoying it.

———————————-

Cassian and Nesta are nowhere to be seen, probably out to have a date in the city, so you have dinner in your room with the only company of the latest erotic novel that Nes gave you. Outside your window, you can see Velaris illuminated by a thousand lights, the Sidra shining under the moonlight. Once you’re done, you let the book down and get out of the room. In just a short nightgown and some pink slippers, you walk up to the veranda, but there’s no sign of anyone being here. Not Cass and Nesta, not Azriel.

You sit down in one of the chairs, the cool night air ruffling your long hair. The conversation you had earlier with Nesta keeps popping up in your mind. Does Azriel ever feel like this, too? Does he think about you as often as you think about him? Your cheeks heat in embarrassment at the thought of you pining after him. Isn’t he no longer interested in you? You know that’s not true, based on the sultry looks Azriel had been giving you these past days. At training, at the dinner table, crossing each other in the hallway. He’s making it so difficult to be just friends.

As if your thoughts had summoned him, you hear a pair of wings flapping, and Azriel lands on the other side of the veranda. He must be distracted, because he doesn’t seem to notice your presence. Azriel leans on the railing and looks up into the sky, sighing. The light of the full moon illuminates his beautiful features, his throat, the little stubble that he has let grow. You get up and his shoulders tense, the only sign of surprise he will show.

“I thought you weren’t coming back for the night.” Your voice is quiet.

Azriel turns around, an easy smile on his face. He shrugs one shoulder. “I like my bed here.”

You take one step towards him, and he raises an eyebrow at you, his smile not faltering. But something passes in between his eyes, and you can tell he’s worried about something. His tense shoulders, the small twitching of his wings, the little frown he was sporting just seconds ago. “What’s going on?”

Azriel watches you as you slowly walk towards him, his moon illuminated face serious. “Spying business.”

You stop one foot away from him, and you realize he looks majestic, like he’s made of night itself. His eyes dip for a second, and you remember that you’re only wearing a short nightgown. But you can’t find it in yourself to be embarrassed, and you stay still, not shying away from his eyes.

“You look tired.” Your hand itches to cup his cheek, but you close your fist until your nails bite at your palm. “I could ask Rhys to send me with you on missions.”

Azriel stays quiet, and you feel like a little child asking for permission. He steps towards you, closing the distance, your bodies almost touching. His hand grabs the side of your neck, his thumb caressing your jaw.

“I’m not letting you go near Beron.”

“Why?” It comes out as a whisper and Azriel sighs.

“You know why.”

You close your eyes at his words, at the secrets that he is hiding, and step away from his touch. Leaning on the railing with both of your hands, you breathe the night air and look down to the city, feeling the words bubbling up, ready to come out.

“Is it always going to be like this?” You don’t look at him, too scared the tears will start falling if you see his face.

Azriel leans on the railing, too, his back to the city below.

“I don’t know, (Y/N)…” Out of the corner of your eye you see him rubbing his face. “It feels like this is the only way we know how to be.” His voice is hushed, like it pains him to say it.

“I don’t understand, after everything, how we’ve ended up like this.” You turn to him and find his eyes already on you. “I feel like an idiot, for letting it get to this point.”

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve hurt you many times, in many ways.” Azriel’s expression changes into something softer, almost painfully so. “This, us. Whatever happened between us, that will always be one of my biggest regrets.”

“Is it?” You can’t help the snide remark. “Wouldn’t you have fight for it more? Would you be going around fucking strangers every week? Parading them for me to see?”

You can see anger glinting in his eyes, his teeth slightly grinding, his hands bawling into fists. “That has nothing to do with us.”

“Oh, please, Azriel.” You roll your eyes. “It’s better if you just accept it. I fuck strangers too to get you out of my system. There’s no point in denying it.” You say it casually, but the jealousy marring his pretty face lets you know your words have found its mark.

He takes a step towards you, and you turn around, Velaris glinting behind you. Azriel takes another step, watching you intently, like you’re his prey. You swallow your nerves, and you blame the cool air of the night for your pebbled nipples. Azriel notices it too, his eyes fixating on your breasts for a second. And just like that, the air around you completely changes.

“I don’t want to hear you talking about fucking other males anymore.”

You blink at that, holding your chin higher.

“You’re delusional if you think you can tell me what to do.” You cross your arms, your anger rising. Azriel just smirks, placing both his hands at each side of you, so close his breath fanners over your face. You use all your will power to not look at his beautiful lips.

“Last I know, you loved me telling you what to do.” Azriel does look at your mouth, licking his lips.

“Don’t get too excited, Az.” You copy his smirk, two can play this game. “There are plenty of males who can do that, you’re not that special.” You shrug your shoulder. There is no one like him, though. But he doesn’t need to know that.

“You’re such a fucking brat…” Azriel’s eyes gleam with challenge. “I might have to fuck you again, just to prove to you how wrong you are.”

“Wouldn’t you love that, huh?” You put your hand on his chest, but don’t push him away. “I bet you’re thinking about getting me on my knees and fucking my mouth, right? Or just leaning me over the railing and fucking me from behind, with Velaris right in front of us to see what we’re doing.” Your hand slowly travels downwards, Azriel’s breath catching at his throat.

Right before you can reach the waist of his pants, a shadow shoots out, circling around your wrist and forcing you to put your hand back on the railing.

“I thought you wanted to play, Azriel.” You look at him through your lashes, your voice sweet, your mouth watering at the smell of his arousal.

Azriel grabs your face with both of his hands, his thumb stroking your cheekbones, his eyes roaming over your features, as if he’s searching for something. “I guess the Mother never intended anything more than this for us.”

You furrow your brows together, his words slowly registering. But before you can say anything to him, his lips are on you.

The kiss starts off slow, as if he’s trying to remember everything about this moment, and you almost feel yourself tearing up, but Azriel’s hands move, one going to the back of your neck, the other going to your waist, keeping you in place. Your hands are around his neck, playing with his dark locks, and soon the kiss turns hungry. Your tongues dance together and you moan when he pulls your hair slightly.

Azriel’s lips travel down your jaw and neck, over your collarbones, and land on one of your clothed neeples. The nightgown does nothing to keep the warm from Azriel’s mouth away, and as his hands start to go up your exposed thighs, you run yours over his soft hair. Azriel keeps going down, sinking to his knees in front of you, his wings raising, full of blue reflections, and you swear it’s the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen.

His fingers pull down your underwear, and he taps your calves to get it off you. He puts one of your legs over his shoulder and you can see him bunching up your panties and putting them on the pocket of his pants. You bit your lip, but your snarky remark is cut by his tongue lapping over your folds. You but your lip harder, trying to contain a loud moan.

“You always taste so sweet, love.” Azriel gives another long lick, sucking on your clit harshly.

You clamp your hand over your mouth, leaning on the railing for support. A shadow forces your arm away, and you look at Azriel, his eyes on you, a dark gleam on them.

“I want all of Velaris to know I’m the only one who makes you feel this good.” Azriel goes back to eating you out, but this time there’s no teasing, only him licking and sucking relentlessly.

You moan loudly, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. Azriel hooks your other leg over his shoulders, his arms over your hips, keeping you in place and making sure you’re not going to fall over the railing. He nips and licks at you as if his life depends on it, and his shadows travel up your clothed torso and to your nipples. You keep moaning, and Azriel sucks on your clit, and you just know you’re not gonna last much. The sensation is too much and you look down at him. Azriel is staring at you as if you just hung the moon, and his hazel eyes are the last thing you see before climax washes over you.

“Azriel, fuck!” You come with a loud moan, squeezing your legs on his face, but he doesn’t stop.

Azriel licks at you, helping you go through your orgasm, and when he’s finally satisfied, he backs away, helping you get off him. He stands, his chin and lips glistening with your arousal. He grabs your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

“What do you want me to do now, love? Do you want me to get you on your knees and fuck your dirty mouth?” You feel yourself getting wet at his words. “Or do you want me to bend you over the railing and fuck your pretty little cunt?” You moan and his hand travels to your throat, squeezing slightly. “Use your words, (Y/N).”

Shadows crawl up your legs, caressing your sensitive pussy. Azriel puts his arm around your back, his other hand still on your throat. You feel his tendrils across your clit, your climax building up again.

“Are you going to come again just from my shadows?” He squeezes once more, and you gasp for air. “You’re so fucking greedy, (Y/N). Are you like these for all those other males you talk about?”

You turn your face away, you’re not going to answer that and give him the satisfaction of knowing there are no other males. Only him. His shadows keep working your pussy, and you feel like you’re about to explode, clenching around nothing, you feel desperate for his cock. You whimper as his shadows pay special attention to your clit, and as Azriel leans down to bite at your neck, you explode. Your legs are trembling, but his arm around your back keeps you upright. His hand is now caressing your neck, his mouth peppering you with kisses across your jaw.

“Such a good girl, I can’t wait to fuck you.” Azriel turns you around, putting your hands on the railing, making you arch your back for him.

He grabs your nightgown, bunching it up on your hips, and the night breeze caresses your core.

“You’re so fucking beautiful, (Y/N).” His hands land on your ass cheeks and you yelp at the pain, getting even more wet.

“Are you going to fuck me or are you going to stare?” You turn your head around and see him smirk.

He slaps your ass cheeks. Hard. “You’re such a fucking brat.” He slaps again. “Such a shame I can never get enough of this pussy.” His fingers slide over your folds and you whimper, feeling extra sensitive.

You look back at him as he unclasps his pants, you bit your lip in anticipation. Azriel’s cock springs free, big, thick and veiny, and you feel your mouth watering at the sight. He grabs it, teasing your folds with it.

“Stop teasing and get on with it.” You grit through your teeth.

“Whose pussy is this, (Y/N)?” He keeps rubbing his dick on you, his head teasing your clit.

“Mine.”

Azriel inserts himself without warning, his cock completely sheathed in you. You moan loudly, feeling your pussy stretching to try and accommodate him.

“Wrong answer.” Both of his hands land on your ass, and you know you’ll have red marks after this. “Let’s try again, whose pussy is this?”

He starts moving slowly and you try to move with him, but he grabs your hips, digging his fingers to the point of bruising.

“Mine.”

You hear him scoff. “Fucking brat.”

Azriel starts moving fast, at a punishing pace, and all the thoughts scape your mind at the sound of skin slapping against skin. You moan loudly, your hands bracing the railing like your life depends on it. Azriel’s hand travels across your back and to your scalp, where he grabs your hair and tugs hard, making you arch for him more. His cock is hitting that spot and you relish on the friction, it always feels so good when it’s with him, as if your bodies were made for each other. He bends down, fucking you at a whole new angle, his mouth biting your earlobe.

“This pussy is mine, (Y/N). It always has been.” He tugs at your hair almost painfully. “And it always will be.”

You moan at his words, at the possessiveness in them, at all they allude to. The hand on your hip travels to your front, his fingers circling your clit, and you whimper.

“C’mon, love, come for me. I want you to come all over my cock.” Azriel kisses your shoulder, going back to his full length, one hand back on your hip, the other circling your clit. “Such a good girl… My good girl.”

With his words, Azriel brings you over the edge, your whole body trembling, and you thank the gods for his hands on your hips, keeping you from falling. With a few erratic thrusts, Azriel comes, too, a loud groan leaving his lips.

You stay there for a few seconds, trying to catch your breath, until he pulls out and you’re back to reality. You straighten, your legs feeling like jelly, and try to accommodate your nightgown. Azriel zips his pants again and looks at you with a smirk on his lips.

“Good night, friend.” He turns around, and you want to kill him. Why does he always have to be such an asshole?

“I think you have something that’s mine.” He turns around and you nod at his pants, his pocket.

“Oh,” he palms his pocket, suddenly remembering your underwear. “I think I’m going to keep those. Just a reminder.”

“A reminder of what?”

“A reminder of our beautiful friendship.” He winks at you and disappears into the night.

——————————-

An Autumn Court song starts playing right as you and Eris reach the dance floor. He clasps his right hand on your left, his other hand reaching across your body to your back. His fingers feel cold on your bare skin, and you feel weird, as if his hands weren’t supposed to be there. You and Eris start dancing, your feet easily following the steps. He spins you around, the smirk never leaving his face. Eris tightens his grip on you, his hand travelling just slightly lower on your back.

“Isn’t it unfair,” Eris looks at you as his words leave his sensuous mouth. “That whenever I see you, I don’t get to have you for even five minutes?”

You analyze his amber eyes, shining under the faelights. “I wasn’t aware that you were so smitten with me.” Your voice comes out sultry and Eris’ hand travels lower down your back.

You can feel a pair of eyes on you, and you know that if you turn around, you’ll find Azriel staring at you and Eris. Maybe that’s the reason you let the male bring his hand lower than you’ll ever let anyone else. Apart from the Shadowsinger.

“It amazes me how a female like you can’t seem to realize her worth.” Eris stares above your head, and you know he is looking at Az.

“Don’t mistake my politeness for friendship, Eris.” His eyes land on you again. “I’ll advise you to stay in your business and I’ll do just the same.”

Eris smirks at you once more, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “I love this fire you have in you.”

You roll your eyes, but a little smile pops up almost involuntarily. The song ends and another starts, and Eris keeps moving with you across the dance floor. His hand tightens around your torso and his fingers slightly caress your back, making you close your eyes at the feeling. For a second, there’s only the music and your dancing.

Eris spins you until he abruptly stops. Eyes still closed, you furrow your eyebrows together, until a hand that doesn’t belong to the red-head male in front of you lands on your hip. You open your eyes, but not fast enough, and darkness and shadows envelop you as Eris’ face disappears.

You land in a small room that looks like an office, and the music is now a distant sound. You turn around, and hazel eyes are staring at you angrily.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Are you out of your mind?! Do you think it’s appropriate for you to put on this nonsense show?!” The words tumble out of your mouth uncontrollably. “I swear I’m done with you and this fucking-”

In three long strides he’s right in front of you, and before you can finish your sentence, Azriel’s lips are on yours. He backs the two of you against a table, one of his hands holding your waist, the other travelling up your neck and hair, colliding with your hair piece. Azriel takes it out, your long hair falling across your back. He buries his hands on your hair, tugging slightly at it. You moan and he takes advantage of it. Both of your tongues collide and it’s a rough kiss, as if you’d both been missing the other too much. Not that either of you will ever accept it.

His hands roam down your body, landing on your ass, squeezing hard. Your hands are on his hair, tugging at his dark locks. Azriel’s hands start pulling the fabric of your dress up, exposing your long legs to the cool air. His mouth travels to the middle of your throat, biting it and making you moan. He separates from you just a little, and you jump onto the table, your dress now bunched up around your hips.

“I love this fucking dress on you.” You know it, that’s why you wore it today. “But I love it even more laying on the floor.”

You open your legs and grab his neck, bringing him close to your center. Azriel’s hands tighten on your naked thighs. “Fuck, I’ve missed this.”

He looks at your eyes, both of you stopping for just a second with the unsaid words. I’ve missed you. Suddenly, it feels too emotional, so you put your hand on his length, stroking him through his pants. Azriel’s eyes roll to the back of his head, and he lets out a string of curse words at the contact. You bit your lip, loving every second of it. He composes himself enough to kiss you again, this time slower, as if he wants to memorize every inch of your mouth. His hands travel up your thighs, until they find the band of your underwear. His knuckles caress your middle, and he moans, looking down at it.

“So wet already…” He mumbles almost for himself.

One of his fingers hook on your underwear and pull it to the side, your sex gleaming. Azriel’s eyes widen and he licks his lips. “Fuck… So beautiful.”

You blush at his words, you can’t help it, and he looks at you, his other hand cupping your cheek and giving you a soft peck. The action is so casual, you feel the emotion bubbling up on your chest. But before you can say anything, he inserts a finger, making you close your eyes and moan. Your head falls back and Azriel takes advantage of it, nipping and kissing your throat. He adds another finger and you scream.

“Fuck, Azriel, yes.” Your voice is breathless, your legs parting more.

His thumb circles your clit, making you see stars. “You like that, love?”

A moan is your only answer, and you open your eyes to see him staring down at where his fingers disappear inside of you, his lips slightly parted, his pupils so dilated there’s no hazel in his eyes.

His thumb circles your clit quickly, and you know you’re not going to last much longer. “Are you going to come just from my fingers, (Y/N)?” His other hand travels from your neck to your clothed breast, and he squeezes it roughly. “Such a good girl.”

You moan again, unable to control your pleasure. Opening your eyes, you see Azriel looking at you like you’re the most beautiful creature he’s ever seen. And you’re so close, his fingers work you quick and sharp, and you feel that familiar feeling on the bottom of your stomach, so close, so-

“(Y/N), my palace.” Your eyes go wide as Rhysand’s voice fills your head. “Now.”

Azriel abruptly stops, his brows furrowed. He removes his fingers from you, and you want to whine at the loss of contact. He looks at you, an annoyed expression on his face, and you can see him opening and closing his fist, your slickness all over his fingers. The magic of the moment is gone, replaced by something else much different. But Azriel looks at you one last time, and with a casualness that startles you, he licks the fingers that just right now were about to give you a mind-blowing orgasm.

You part your mouth and watch with hooded eyes as his tongue licks them clean. Once he’s done, he grabs your jaw with his other hand and gives you a slow kiss, almost as if saying goodbye.

“We need to leave.” Az confirms Rhysand has called for him too, and you feel satisfied to hear how breathless he is.

Azriel takes a step backwards and you jump down from the table, your dress pooling around your legs.

“You go first.” You brush the silky material and try to look around for your hair piece, avoiding his eyes.

Az gives you a court nod and disappears in between shadows and mist. Once you’re alone, you let out a long breath. Your skin is hot, your body begging for some kind of release, but you can’t waste any more time, knowing that Rhys, and probably the others, are waiting for you. Looking around the room everything is dark and your hair piece is nowhere to be seen.

Muttering a curse word, you try to comb your hair with your fingers and hope you look somewhat presentable before winnowing to Rhys’ palace, right outside his office.

When you open the door, everyone is already there. Azriel looks at you, a smug expression on his face that you ignore. Not that the other’s faces are much better. Feyre and Nesta are looking at you with concern in their eyes while Cassian and Mor are trying to suppress a teasing smile. At least Amren just looks bored. But Rhysand… He stares at you, one of his eyebrows raising slightly in silent question, and you can almost see the disappointment painted on his face. You look away, your cheeks stained with color, and you can only imagine how you look right now. Your dress is wrinkled, your eyes are probably glassy and your mouth pink and swollen. And your smell… You know they can smell Azriel on you, just as they can smell you on him. Your cheeks go hotter with embarrassment; can someone start talking already?

“What’s going on?” As if reading your mind, Azriel speaks, one of his shadows timidly reaching your hand before vanishing.

You almost sigh, because he knows you just too well, and you feel like crying, because you don’t understand what you’re doing anymore.

“Eris told us some valuable information.” Rhys’ voice takes you out of your thoughts, your brows furrowing at that. “Apparently, Beron had been quiet for some time because he was still plotting with Koschei. His plan to start a war still stands, and he wants to attack the Night Court first.”

“Beron would be stupid to attack us first, we may be weakened by the war but we are still superior than Autumn’s army.” Cassian points out, his face grave.

“He knows that.” Feyre speaks, her voice solemn, getting into her role of High Lady perfectly. “That’s why he needs Koschei. Eris believes he is planning to free the sorcerer. Apparently, Beron visited Thesan over at Dawn Court, asking about his healing abilities.”

“Koschei can be free with some healing spell?” Cassian asks.

“For Koschei to be completely free would be extremely difficult and would require an immense amount of power.” Amren’s voice is grave. “But a healing spell… A powerful one would maybe… Help, in some way.” She looks at you.

“Healing magic is… complicated.” You look down at your own hands. “It’s raw magic, it’s pure light. Pure power. That’s why there are not many of us, specially not outside of Dawn Court.”

“Why?” Nesta looks at you curiously.

“As I said, healing magic is very powerful. It can be used for its intended purpose, like Madja and I do with your wounds.” You signal to your friends. “But it can also be used for… other purposes, I guess. In Dawn Court, the healers are safe from those who want to use their magic as something more. You need to look at it as an antidote, and you need to understand the curse, the spell, as an illness.”

“So healing magic could break a curse like Koschei’s?” Now it’s Morrigan who is looking at you curiously.

“It would take time, but yes.” You sigh. “Thesan could do it, and a few of his most trusted healers, as well.”

“And you, (Y/N).” Rhysand is looking at you, his arms crossed. “You know how to do it, too.”

“You do?” Azriel takes a step towards you, his shadows covering every corner of the room and his eyes slightly wide, the only hint of surprise he will show.

“No.” At that, a wave of Rhysand’s power covers the room and you look at him. “Not entirely! I learned how to use healing magic…” You make a pause. “Differently, with Thesan. But I’ve never tried it.”

“But you know how to do it, girl.” Amren raises an eyebrow at you. “If Beron is aware of that, it’s possible that he’s looking for you.”

“But that’s stupid.” Nesta chimes in. “Why would Beron go after (Y/N), knowing that we could easily defuse his advances, knowing that she is a trained warrior, when he could just go find someone at Dawn Court?”

“Because in coming here and taking (Y/N), he forces us to attack.” Feyre raises her chin. “And that would be his excuse to declare a war.”

Your head is spinning now. Beron wants to use you to go to war with your Court?

“(Y/N), if it’s fine with you, we would want you to move to the House of Wind. It’s where you’ll be safer. Plus, Cassian and Nesta will be there. And Azriel.” Rhys says the last part with caution, looking in between both of you.

“Eris didn’t know, but he’s sure that if Beron plans to attack, he will count on him, so he’ll be able to warn us.” Feyre gives you a small smile.

“Are we really trusting Eris?” Azriel’s voice sounds much closer, and you look up to see he is now behind you, his arm brushing your shoulder.

“We don’t have much choice, and so far he hasn’t given us fake information, so yes, we are trusting Eris.” Rhysand emphasizes the “we”, staring directly at Azriel with warning.

“It’s okay, I’ve been training my whole life.” You try to diffuse the tension in between Az and your High Lord. “We’ll crush them, if they even decide to come.”

—————————

Azriel winnows you, Cassian and Nesta right outside the House of Wind and he quickly grabs you by the back of your knees and your back so he can carry you up to the Veranda. Cassian does the same with Nesta, and both Illyrians land at the same time. You get off Azriel quickly, trying to avoid him as much as possible, something that becomes quite difficult when you mumble something about settling in and he follows you up to your new room.

The space is big and cozy, with a bathroom attached and a bed big enough for five people to sleep peacefully. You push the door but a foot stops it right as it’s about to close. Azriel opens it easily with a hand and leans against the door frame. Arms crossed, he looks at you, and you swear you see worry passing through his eyes. But it quickly fades away into something else. Something darker.

“I think we have some… unresolved business.” Azriel licks his lips and tries and fails to stop his smirk.

You look at his mouth, his beautiful and open face. You love seeing him like this, so different from his usual quiet self. He only lets his brooding façade crumble when he’s around you, only lets his guard down for you. Something warm pools at the bottom of your stomach at the thought.

“I’d much rather take a bath and get settled in.” Your voice is raspy and the smell of his arousal envelopes you like a warm blanket.

“I like the idea of taking a bath.” He takes a step forward and you take one back.

“A bath alone, by myself.” Your hands are sweaty and, gods, why do you have to be so nervous around him? You’ve done this a thousand times.

“I also really like the idea of seeing you taking a bath.” You can see the amusement glinting in his eyes. He has always loved teasing you.

You take a deep breath and look at him. Really look at him. If you have to live together now, you need to start putting some distance in between you and Azriel, or you won’t make it out alive. You walk slowly towards him, and you can see Azriel watching your every movement. You stop in front of him, look up into his eyes.

“We live together now.” He hums at your affirmation, and the hairs at the back of your neck raise. “I think it would be wiser if we stopped doing… this.” You point to the both of you.

Azriel just raises an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth quirking up. You reach out your hand in between your bodies. “Let’s just be friends.”

“Friends?” Azriel sounds sceptical.

“Friends.” You nod, but add quickly. “Normal friends, not friends with benefits shit.”

Now Azriel fully smirks, but shrugs his shoulders. “Fine, friends.”

He shakes your hand, and you swear something electric passes in between both of you, but you ignore it. Azriel tugs at your hand, and your body collides with him with the unexpected movement. He lowers his head until his mouth is right next to your ear, his breath fanning over your neck.

“I’m looking forward to when you finally come to me.” You can feel the smirk on his voice.

A little breath escapes your mouth at his words, and he separates himself from you. He walks to the door, leaving you all hot and bothered. He turns around one last time.

An Autumn Court song starts playing right as you and Eris reach the dance floor. He clasps his right hand on your left, his other hand reaching across your body to your back. His fingers feel cold on your bare skin and you feel weird, as if his hands weren’t supposed to be there. You and Eris start dancing, your feet easily following the steps. He spins you around, the smirk never leaving his face. Eris tightens his grip on you, his hand travelling just slightly lower on your back.

“Isn’t it unfair,” Eris looks at you as his words leave his sensuous mouth. “that whenever I see you, I don’t get to have you for even five minutes?”

You analize his amber eyes, shining under the faelights.

“I wasn’t aware that you were so smitten with me.” Your voice comes out sultry and Eris’ hands travels lower down your back.

You can feel a pair of eyes on you, and you know that if you turn around, you’ll find Azriel staring at you and Eris. Maybe that’s the reason you let the male bring his hand lower than you’ll ever let anyone else. Apart from the Shadowsinger.

“It amazes me how a female like you can’t seem to realize her worth.” Eris stares above your head, and you know he is looking at Az.

“Don’t mistake my politeness for friendship, Eris.” His eyes land on you again. “I’ll advise you to stay in your business and I’ll do just the same.”

Eris smirks at you once more, his eyes gleaming with mischief. “I love this fire you have in you.”

You roll your eyes, but a little smile pops up almost involuntarily. The song ends and another starts, and Eris keeps moving with you across the dance floor. His hand tightens around your torso and his fingers slightly caress your back, making you close your eyes at the feeling. For a second, there’s only the music and you dancing without a care. 

Eris spins you until he abruptly stops. Eyes still closed, you furrow your eyebrows together, until a hand that doesn’t belong to the red-head male in front of you lands on your hip. You open your eyes, but not fast enough, and darkness and shadows envelope you as Eris’ face disappears.

You land in a small room that looks like an office, and the music is now a distant sound. You turn around, and hazel eyes are staring at you angrily.

“What the fuck are you doing?! Are you out of your mind?! Do you think it’s appropriate for you to put on this nonsense show?!” The words tumble out of your mouth uncontrollably. “I swear I’m done with you and this fucking-”

You and Azriel land on the woods right next to the border of Hewn City. Your hands intertwined, he asked you to winnow both of you here. You almost said no, because Azriel can winnow too, and because this just seemed like an excuse to touch you. But how could you say no when you are as deprived for his touch as he is for yours?

Your hands remain together for a few seconds, because neither one of you want to let go, but Eris is about to arrive, and the last thing you need is him teasing you, and specially Azriel, about holding hands like some couple of young idiots. So you let his hand go slowly, your fingers lingering on his for just a second.

Eris appears then, looking as regal as ever, a smirk on his face when he sees you. It turns into a quick frown upon seeing Azriel, but it lasts for a second, before his cocky smile is back on his beautiful face.

“(Y/N).” His voice is cool, almost like a caress. “It’s nice to see you again.”

You smile at Eris, your posture relaxed, so at odds with Azriel, whose shoulders are stiff as a board, his shadows circling him like snakes ready to strike.

“Hello, Eris.” Your voice is sweet, a small smile on your face.

Eris and yours relationship is… weird. You don’t trust him, not entirely, and you could never forgive what he did to Mor. But after all these years, there’s an understanding between both of you. Because when everything when down with Mor, you all were so young, so naïve. And because you know, deep down, that all of you have taken terrible decisions over the years, and if someone looked at you from the outside, seeing the things you’ve done, you’ll probably look like the bad guys, too. Hell, Rhys’ bluff has been standing on that premise for centuries.

But you are lucky, because you found people in your life that looked past all these bad decisions, that gave you the benefit of the doubt and that cared enough to listen to your motives. You’ve come to understand that the difference between you and Eris is that he has no one that listens to him, only people judging. So you came to a truce with him that you would be civil with each other. All the flirting wasn’t in the plan, but you’ve come to know that that’s just Eris’ personality.

“My dear (Y/N), I can’t go so long without seeing you.” Eris’ eyes gleam and you know he’s just teasing, trying how far he can go without Azriel snapping out of control. “I’ve missed you.”

You can feel Azriel balling his hands into fist, his shadows swirling him a little more erratic than just a second ago.

“Oh, please, Eris.” You take a step forward. “Is your life so boring that my visits mean so much to you?”

“What do you want me to say?” His smirk grows, and now you kind of see Azriel’s point about how he looks at you like he would love to bite you. “I do love seeing your pretty face.”

“Enough.” Azriel’s voice interrupts the conversation, his teeth bared at Eris. His left wing is extended just enough to cover your shoulders, and you can see the rage on his eyes.

Eris looks at him with a bored expression and returns his eyes to you. “Do you trust me so little that you have to bring your guard dog to our meeting?”

Before Azriel can open his mouth and fuck it up more, you talk. “It wasn’t my choice.” You shrug your shoulders casually. If you want Eris to assist the ball, you need to play his game. “We’re here because we’re hosting a ball at Hewn City, and we would like for you to assist.”

“I can say no to you, can I?”

“You could, but I don’t think Rhysand or Keith would appreciate your negative.” You smile sweetly at him. “We’re allies now, after all.”

“I shall think about it.”

“You have no time to think about it.” Azriel’s voice is cold, deadly. “Either you say yes or no. And you deal with the consequences.”

You look at him out of the corner of your eye, and you see Az’s hand on his dagger, ready for battle. You take another step forward, and a cool feeling graces your right wrist. His shadows.

“I’m sure it’s in all of us best interests that you come, Eris.” You look up at him through your lashes. “We would love to have you there.”

“That’s a lie.” Eris smiles down at you. “But I will go, as long as you save me a dance.”

“She’s not doing that.” Azriel’s speaks again and you close your eyes.

He’s fucking it up. Eris’ is just pushing his limits, testing him, and Azriel is letting him do it.

“Come to our ball, and we can discuss the dance there.” You bring Eris’ attention back to you.

He contemplates your face and, after a few moments of silence, he gives you a nod. You sigh, relieved that your job here is done.

“Do you have any information that’s useful, apart from all the stupid shit talk?” Azriel takes a step, coming closer to you, his shadows enveloping your torso.

Eris looks down at the tendrils now travelling across the bodice of your dress and you would love to turn around and slap Azriel from this intent at claiming you.

“No.” Eris’ eyes go back to yours and then Azriel’s. “Since Bryallin died, everything’s been oddly quiet. I’m trying to get information out of Beron, but he’s not telling me anything useful these days.” He looks back at you. “Whenever I have something, I’ll call for a meeting.”

You nod at him, trying to concentrate on his face instead of the cool feeling that’s now travelling through your arms and skirts. Azriel is stepping over the line.

“Thank you, Eris.” You extend your hand and a black envelope appears in your palm. Eris takes it, his fingers grazing yours. He smiles at the contact and shadows rush across his arm. He takes it away quickly, putting the envelope on one of the pockets on his red jacket.

“Easy, Shadowsinger.” He smiles at Azriel. “I thought the whole brute thing was Cassian’s specialty, but I see you’ve got it in you, too.”

Azriel’s jaw ticks, his wings extending a little bit more. A silent warning.

“Anyway, it was nice seeing you, Eris. Looking forward to the ball.” Your voice is cheerly, almost in a weird way. You just want this meeting to be over already.

“Likewise, (Y/N).” Eris gives Azriel one last look before his eyes found yours and, before vanishing, he gives you one last wink.

Eris disappears and you let go the air you were holding. You turn around, a scowl in your face, but Azriel seems as chill as always.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” Az looks down at you, and it almost looks like the corner of his mouth is turning up. “Was it really necessary for you to act like a rabid dog?!”

At that his expression changes and you see annoyance flashing on his eyes.

“Are you really going to defend Eris?”

“I’m not defending anyone! I’m just saying that you didn’t need to do all that. The shadows, the wings, the bossing me around.”

“I didn’t do any of that. But I’m not going to let him put your hands on you.”

“Why do you even care?! This is why I didn’t want you to come!” You walk past him, but Azriel grabs your wrist and turns your around.

“I’m not letting him, or anyone, disrespect you.”

“Don’t you get it?” He’s holding your wrist between your bodies, the back of your hand resting on his chest. “You’re the one disrespecting me with all that possessive bullshit.”

Azriel shuts his mouth, but doesn’t let go of your hand. It’s not like you’re trying to get free of his touch, either.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” His eyes soften just a little. “But I don’t want him looking at you like that, touching you like that. Thinking the things I know he thinks when he sees you.”

He drops your wrist, your arm falling to your side.

“You don’t get to decide that, Azriel. It’s my life, my choices.”

“I know, I just…” He looks up into the sky and for a few seconds, the birds and the rustling of the leaves are the only sounds. You hold your breath, waiting for his confession, for his truth. “I don’t know what to say.”

Your shoulders sag and you feel your heart shrinking a little at his lack of words. Is it always going to be this difficult? Is it sex the only thing you and Azriel know how to do without hurting each other?

“Whatever, let’s just go back.” You don’t wait for his answer before winnowing to the front of the River House.

You walk inside the state and soon hear Azriel’s footsteps right behind you. Going to Rhys’ office, you both fill him on what Eris said. Rhysand doesn’t say much, just nodding away.

“Great, thank you for doing this.” He finally says, both you and Azriel turning to leave. “Wait, (Y/N), there’s something else I want to discuss with you.”

You turn back to stand in front of Rhys’ table. Once Rhysand makes sure Azriel has gone away, he looks at you.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“You look sad.”

“I’m just tired.”

Rhys purses his lips together, studying your face. You are sad, but it’s not something that you want to talk about right now. Something dark and silky caresses your mind, and you build your brick walls higher. Rhysand just nods, understanding.

“Elain is coming to the ball.”

The news take you by surprise.

“Alone?”

“Lucien is still trying to talk Tamlin into allying with us if war comes, so he doesn’t think it will be a good look if he comes. But he understands Elain wants to see her sisters.” Rhysand studies you slowly, your face, your fiddling hands.

“Okay, great. The more the merrier, right?” You shrug your shoulders and turn around to leave.

Your hand is on the doorknob when Rhys’ voice reaches your ears. “(Y/N), I’m always here if you want to talk about it.”

You sigh. “I know”. You open the door and leave, going straight for the entrance, needing to breathe some fresh air.

Walking without knowing where you’re going, the memories cloud your mind.

You had never seen him like this, not with anyone that wasn’t you. When Elain and Nesta arrived, you sensed that Azriel was different. He was more attentive with the Archeron sister, more soft. He showed her sides of him that only you had had the pleasure of seeing before.

Was it possible to be in love with two people at the same time? It had never happened to you, but Azriel seemed so at ease with her. Not at the beginning, though, when it seemed like all Elain wanted to do was die and Azriel looked like he would follow her if necessary. But when she started to get better, to get more used to her new life, she gravitated towards him. They started hanging out, Azriel would go with her to the garden, he explained to her how his shadows worked, she told him about the different flowers and plants.

One day, after a quick rough session of sex, you asked him about it.

“Are you in love with her?” You were putting back on your clothes, your back to him.

“She’s Lucien’s mate.” His voice was quiet.

“That’s not what I asked you.”

“I don’t know if I’m in love with her. I just feel different around her.”

At his words, your heart broke a little, your throat clogging with unshed tears.

You never asked him about her again, instead, you took your distance. Asked Rhysand to please send you away. So you went to the Dawn Court, with Thesan, to learn some healing abilities. You just needed a way out, because you couldn’t bare to see how Azriel fell out of love with you just to find someone else.

You spent months on the Dawn Court, perfecting your abilities and drowning your sadness with parties and sex with strangers. Until Rhys called for you to go back to the Night Court, where a surprised received you. Elain had accepted the mating bond with Lucien, and they were both living in Spring Court.

Azriel seemed as cool as always, and you never bothered to ask him if anything between him and Elain had happened, you didn’t want to know, anyway. He never asked you what you did in Dawn Court, either, and so you fell back in your old dynamics, stuck once more.

You reach your apartment, waking up from your memory. You will be seeing Elain again. He will be seeing her again. The Mother be with you all.

—————————-

The ball is in full swing, the band playing song after song, people chattering and laughing. Rhys and Feyre are on the throne, presiding the party, Keith close to them, as well as Eris. Mor approaches you in a beautiful red gown and you smile sweetly at her.

“You always look so good.” You hug her sideways.

“Look who’s talking.” She grabs your hand and spins you. “You look amazing, (Y/N).”

You smile at her and, you have to admit, this dress is quite the piece. It’s a halter neck dress, backless and with a low cut that reaches just above the curve of your ass. The silk fabric hugs your waist and hips and pools around your legs, a big slit showing your left leg. Of course, the color is black, just like the jewellery piece holding your bun together.

“I have to agree with Mor on this one.” A voice you could recognize anywhere comes from behind you. “You look stunning, (Y/N). You too, Mor.” Azriel smiles at both of you, his eyes lingering on you a little bit longer, roaming all over your body.

You feel your hands get sweaty and your cheeks turning pink. Because now he’s looking at you like he wants to undress you and isn’t it really hot in here? Luckily for you, Mor makes for a great distraction.

“Poor Cass, trying to follow Nesta.” You three look at the dance floor, where you can see Cassian struggling to dance with Nesta, who looks like a natural.

You laugh, feeling bad for your friend. To Cassian’s relief, the music dies abruptly. Feyre is standing now, motioning for Nesta to come to her side. And that’s when you see her. Elain, looking as ethereal as ever, with a flowy light pink dress. The tule moves graciously, just like her, as she enters the room. Her light brown hair cascades down her back and she gives everyone she passes a little smile. The picture of perfection. You feel Azriel tensing just slightly at the sight of her and your stomach turns. Once she reaches Feyre, she bows, before jumping to her and Nesta’s arms. The music resumes, and you realize you’d been holding your breath.

Azriel looks distracted and you feel like crying. Mor grabs your hand and gives it a little squeeze, and you give her a tight smile. Az leaves your side and moves closer to where the sisters are now talking with Rhysand and Cassian. They look too perfect, three sisters for three brothers, right? You feel your head spinning and you look to your side, but Mor is nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, a flash of red catches your attention and you see Eris standing in front of you.

“I would love to have that dance you promised me.” His cool voice is like a caress, and you steady yourself.

“I think I never promised you a dance.” You try to suppress a smile.

“I know, I was just hoping you would let it go and do it anyway.” Eris offers you his hand and you give one last look to Azriel. He’s got his back to you, so you look back at Eris, one of his eyebrows raised in challenge. “What do you say?”

“I can’t believe he said that to you” Nesta sits next to you on the couch, talking to you with that deadly calm voice she always uses when something is not sitting right with her. “I’m going to kick his ass next time I see him.”

“We can kick his ass together.” Mor says from her spot on the floor.

“Not necessary, girls.” You watch them roll their eyes at you at the same time. “Besides, it’s not like we haven’t said worse things to one another…”

“But (Y/N),” Feyre interjects from her spot at the armchair in front of you. “Saying that he thinks about you when he’s hooking up with other girls is, like, really bad.”

Nesta and Mor nod at that and you look at them. It’s not common for the sisters to be together sharing an intimate space such as the library at the House of Wind. Nesta and Feyre are civil now, even friendly most of the time. And they will always come to you if you call. That is why you love them so much, as well as Mor, who you’ve known for the longest time.

“I don’t know…” You rub your temples.

Yesterday Azriel dropped you that bomb and, luckily, today he was sent away on some mission. The bad thing? He has gone to the Spring Court, where Lucien resides now with her. Elain. “Has Rhys heard anything from him at all?”

“Last he heard he was about to enter the Spring Court, so he’s probably there talking with Lucien and Elain.” Feyre says cautiously.

“Great.”

“What happened between you two, anyway?” Nesta has never been one to dance over a subject. “Cass always says that you and Azriel were basically attached at the hip.”

You feel your lungs constrict at her words, because it’s true. Azriel was your partner in crime, the first person you always looked for in a room, the one that you wanted comfort from, who you could show everything within you, the good, the bad and the ugly, because you knew he would never judge you.

“When Rhys was Under the Mountain, it was hard here.” You sigh and Feyre gets up to sit by your side, a hand on your shoulder that you appreciate. “A lot of stuff happened, we blamed each other, but we also felt guilty for the situation. I don’t know. I guess we didn’t know how to process it.” You look at Mor and she gives you a little smile. She understands how it was better than anyone else.

Your throat closes and you feel almost dizzy remembering those days. Feyre puts and arm around your shoulders and Nesta grabs your hand. Mor gets up to sit on the floor again right in front of you, both her hands resting on your legs. You look at your friends and thank the gods for bringing them to you and understanding you so well. Because whatever it is you are doing with Azriel, you know it makes no sense. And it pains you to see how things ended after everything you went through with him.

“(Y/N), we love you, all of us.” Feyre mumbles and squeezes your shoulders. “But this thing you have going on with Az… It’s hurting you more than making you any good.”

“I know…” You whisper. How is it possible that something that was so beautiful turns into this ugly and complicated situation?

You flip the pages of a book you can’t even name mindlessly. Where is he? It’s already so late, he should have arrived already. The meeting with Cassian had probably ended hours ago, and he promised you that today you would have dinner together. But now it’s already nighttime, the food is cold on the table of the living room and you feel like crying. It’s not the first time Azriel has disappeared and completely ditched you. In fact, it has become something so usual that even Mor asked if you’d like for her to come and have dinner with you, because, deep down, she knew Azriel would not appear today.

Your heart beats fast and you feel the book slipping from your sweaty hands. What is he doing? Is he with someone else? Before you can overthink more, the door from your little apartment in Velaris opens and you hear steps walking in slowly. His smell envelopes you, like rain and wind, and you feel tears prickle at your eyes. Azriel appears at the threshold of your shared bedroom. You drop the book and sit up on the bed, wait for him to say something, to apologize, but he just stares blankly at you.

“Are you drunk?” Your voice is high and it seems to wake him up of some trance.

“No.” Lie. You can smell the alcohol now that he’s closer.

“Where were you?”

“Out.”

You purse your lips. Is this how your relationship will be forever? You have had your ups and downs with Azriel, but for the last three years, it seems like a constant fight.

“Out with who?”

“Out with Cass.” His tone changes to annoyed, and you can see he fights not to roll his eyes at you. “After the meeting we went and had dinner, and we grabbed some drinks. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I was hoping it was, taking into account that you skipped the dinner that you promised me to go grab some drinks with your friend.” Annoyance fills your voice and now Azriel does roll his eyes at you.

“Let’s not do this, please.”

“Do what, Azriel?” You get up now, pacing around the room, too nervous to stay still. “You know how many times I’ve been here, alone, waiting for you to finally show up? How many nights I’ve spent asking myself where were you? I’m tired of this shit, I can’t do this anymore.” Your eyes fill with tears at the words coming from your mouth.

“What do you want me to say, (Y/N)?” Azriel’s voice sounds weird, annoyed, mad, sad. “I’m sorry, okay?! But it’s been almost 50 years. 50 years without Rhys and I don’t know what to do. Fuck! I hoped by now we would have rescued him back, but he’s not here and all of us are trying to fucking rule this city in the shadows and it’s just tiring. I just want to leave.”

“You want to leave me?”

“I want to leave everything.” He runs his hands down his hair and a single tear drops from your eye. “I can’t do this anymore, (Y/N).” He walks towards you and grabs your face. “I love you, you know I do. But…”

“But what, Azriel?” The tears are now freely running down your face, and Azriel tries to wipe them with his thumbs.

“I don’t think I know how to be with you.”

You feel like you might be drowning, because your relationship has been complicated, but Azriel has never said he wanted to give up on it.

“Why?” Your voice is low and you hate how pathetic you sound.

“I just…” He drops his hands from your face, looks down. “This isn’t working anymore. I love you, (Y/N), I really do. But I feel like I’m falling and I don’t want to drag you down with me.”

“I can help you, Az.” Now it’s you who grabs his face, make him look at you, trying to make him remember everything you’ve gone through together. “I’ll help you, I don’t care if I have to fall with you. We’ll get up together, like we’ve always done.”

“(Y/N)…” You can see his eyes glint with tears. “I don’t want to leave you, but I have already hurt you enough, I’m so sorry.”

Azriel grabs one of your hands, kisses your palm and takes a step backwards. You want to get close to him, to grab him and not let him go, but your feet aren’t moving. He looks at you one last time, a tear rolling down his face, and then he turns around and leaves you.

“(Y/N)?” Mor’s voice drags you out of the painful memory, and your three friends have concerned faces.

“I’m sorry, what?” You swallow the knot in your throat.

“Are you coming to tonight’s dinner?” Mor repeats softer.

Rhys has organized a dinner with everyone in the inner circle tonight, even little Nyx.

“Of course, wouldn’t miss it for anything in the world.”

————————————

Feyre has decorated the table with flowers and candles, and the dining room from the River House looks as dazzling as ever. When you arrive, everyone is already there, Azriel included. You can’t hide your surprised expression at seeing him, you thought he wouldn’t have come back from Spring Court yet.

A loud laugh catches your attention and you smile at Nyx, his little wings flaring while Cassian throws him up and down and Nesta tries to snatch the kid from him. You laugh at the image and get close to them. Nyx sees you and gives you a big smile.

“(Y/N)!” He doesn’t pronounce your name quite well yet but you forgive him.

You grab him from Cassian and plant a big kiss on Nyx’s cheek. “What was Cass doing with you, huh? Getting himself into trouble with auntie Nes?”

Cassian laughs and grabs Nesta’s waist, who rolls her eyes but leans into him. You feel an unexpected weight on your shoulders, and a too familiar smell envelopes you. Azriel’s muscular arm is on your shoulders, which now are tense.

“Hey, Nyx.” Azriel smiles at the babe and pinches his little cheek. Nyx, of course, laughs, delighted that Azriel is giving him some attention. Kind of relatable.

You look at the side of his face, then at Nyx in your arms, and suddenly everything becomes too real, an unwanted memory resurfacing once again.

The cool breeze enters through the window and makes goosebumps appear on your skin. Tangled up with Azriel in bed, both of you naked, it’s the perfect Sunday morning. He’s got your hands intwertwined and is looking at you like you hung the moon.

“Do you want to have kids someday?” The question pops out of your mouth without much thought.

Azriel contemplates you for a few seconds. “Yes, I would like to have kids in the future.” He gives you a little smile. “As long as they look like you.”

You laugh and get closer to him, your bodies flushed.

“I would love to have a mini you running around. Except from the whole brooding thing you’ve got going on.” You tease him and he flicks your nose. You get more serious, look him in the eye. “I’m sure you’ll be a great dad, Az.”

He doesn’t answer, but you can see his eyes, grateful, loving. You kiss him slowly, as if you want to remember every inch of his mouth.

“Someday we’ll have kids. But in the meantime…” He puts you on your back and hovers above you, his majestic wings shielding you both from the real world. “We can start practicing.”

Azriel winks at you and you laugh, and that’s the last thing you see before he passionately kisses you.

A soft touch on your neck wakes you up from the memory. Cassian and Nesta are gone, Azriel is making silly faces at Nyx and his thumb is caressing the side of your neck. An almost imperceptible touch, but you feel it. Because you feel and see everything he does. Luckily, Nyx decides he wants his mom and calls for her. Feyre is there in the blink of an eye, and you give her Nyx before he starts crying.

Azriel’s arm is still on your shoulders, his thumb giving delicate strokes to your neck. You step away from him, put some distance, try to think coherently.

“How was the Spring Court?” You cross your arms over your chest. It’s just a casual question.

“Good. Flowery. Luckily Tamlin was nowhere to be seen.”

“How was Elain?” You know you’re not being exactly slick with it, but you’re past the point of caring. Azriel knows you too well anyway, always gets your intention.

“She was good. She seems happy with Lucien.”

Azriel has this serious face that you can’t decipher, and before you can continue and make it awkward for all of you, Rhys calls you to the table.

The dinner is fantastic, and you look around the table to your found family. How lucky you are. Dessert comes and then drinks, and Feyre excuses herself to go put Nyx in bed.

“We have to organize a ball in Hewn City, it’s been a while now and Keir has asked me to.” Rhys looks at the table. “We need to invite Eris.”

Cassian grunts and Azriel tenses. Mor doesn’t react.

“I think it’s the right thing.” Amren adds. “He is our ally now.”

“Barely.” Cassian mumbles and Amren gives him a cold stare.

“(Y/N) I would like for you to meet him in advance, extend the invitation yourself.” Rhys looks at you and you nod. “You can meet on the border of Hewn City, no one will care there.”

“I’m going, too.” Azriel’s voice is cold.

You look at him, so does the rest of the table. Feyre just came back and she sits next to Rhys.

“You don’t have to.” Rhys says.

“I can take care of myself.” You say at the same time.

“I know.” Azriel looks at you and then at Rhys. “Eris looks at her like she will be his next snack. I’m going with her.”

You roll your eyes. “I don’t think Eris will appreciate you being there.”

“I agree with (Y/N).” Rhys says.

“I’m sorry but it is not up for discussion. Eris may be our ally but he’s clearly not someone who we can trust. I’m going with her.” Azriel looks at Rhys, his tone leaving little to discuss.

Rhys and Azriel’s eyes turn void, Feyre’s too, and you know they are having a conversation. It doesn’t last long, suddenly their eyes are back to normal and Rhys looks at you almost apologetically.

Sweat trickles down your back as you and Cassian circle each other. It’s not a hot day, but sparring with Cass always makes you sweaty. It’s good excercise and, since that stunt with Azriel and blondie last week at the bar, you’ve been feeling on edge, in need of blowing some steam off. You’d normally would look for Az to help with that, a hot session of rough fucking is more than enough to scratch it off. But you haven’t talked to him since Friday, and now it’s a Tuesday and you refuse to be the first one to give in.

Cass throws a punch at you that you dodge easily, bending down and straightening your leg to try and throw him to the ground. Cass is quick and he jumps, giving you time to get up and separate yourself just a tiny bit. You throw a right hook at him, knowing he’ll block your fist with his hand. You throw a left hook, and his other hand comes to meet your fist too. Perfect. You drive your knee into his stomach and when you have him doubled down, you get ready to deliver your last punch. But something dark in the corner catches your attention. Mist? No, not mist. Shadows.

Suddenly, strong hands grip your middle and the next thing you see is the sky, right above you. Your air leaves your lungs with a grunt and before you can respond, Cass has both your wrists pinned down and each knee at your sides, his right hand angled to give you the last punch. He drops it, instead, with a small smile on his face.

“Never get distracted in a middle of a fight, (Y/N).” He gets up and offers you a hand that you gladly take.

“I almost had you.”

“That’s the key, (Y/N), almost.” He ruffles your hair and you swat his hand away. “Azriel, brother, you came to also get your ass kicked?”

You look behind you and there he is. Him and his shadows that hover above his large shoulders. Azriel is in a black strapless shirt, black cargo pants and combat boots and as he walks to you, he looks as dangerous and delicious as always.

“Why do you want to spar with me Cass?” His smile is happy. “I always have to let you win or you’ll get mad and accuse me of cheating.”

You laugh at that and Cassian rolls his eyes. He is a sore loser, that’s for sure.

“Using your shadows is cheating and you know it.” Az shrugs at that.

If Cass is a sore loser, it’s hard to describe what Az is. He definitely is the most competitive out of everyone in the group and that’s why you’re not talking to him either. You’re not going to lose this weird game of who will give up first and search the other.

“Since you’re such a pain in the ass about the shadows, I’d rather spar with (Y/N), for a change.”

Both you and Cass look at him surprised. Az is looking at you, challenging you to say no. So you don’t give him that satisfaction.

“Sure, let’s do it. As long as you’re okay with me beating your ass.”

Azriel laughs at that and it only makes you want to show him up more.

“Well, as entertaining as this sounds, I’m gonna head out. Nes is waiting for me.” Cass looks at you and then at his brother, and something seems to pass through Cassian’s eyes. But before you can decipher it, he leaves, leaving you and Azriel alone.

“Let’s go.” He gestures you to position and you do just that.

Circling each other you throw the first punch, because you know Azriel would never go first, and from there a dance starts between you two. Punches, kicks, hooks, shoves are thrown until Azriel gets you in your back, in the same position Cassian had you just minutes ago. His grip on your wrists is firm and the cocky bastard smiles at you. “Do you surrender?”

“I don’t.” You wiggle to no use. “Besides, I enjoy having you on top of me.”

Azriel’s eyes go wide, so you drive your knee up and use his moment of weakness to turn you both. Now you’re straddling him, holding his hands above his head, and you’re starting to think that maybe this wasn’t the most intelligent move, because your faces are mere inches away from each other.

His breath tickles your lips, and you can see his eyes looking at your mouth. He feels so strong under you, so familiar. Your heart rate picks up, and he can hear it, because he gives you a cocky smirk.

“Do you surrender?” You ask him now in hopes of calming your stupid heart.

Azriel looks at you and his eyes seem like a well of endless stars. “I will always surrender to you.” It’s a whisper, but you hear it loud and clear.

Your mouth opens at his words, and you search his face for a hint that he’s just joking, but he is so serious.

“Why are you not talking to me?” Azriel’s eyes glint, and he almost seems sad.

“I haven’t had the chance.”

“Liar.” Azriel takes advantage of this soft moment and grabs your wrists, sitting up at the same time. He puts your hands behind your back, holding your thighs down with his arms. Now you’re straddling him and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. Maybe you just need some water.

“Are you mad at me because I brought Fina over?”

“No.” Azriel looks at you sceptically.

“Liar.” You roll your eyes at him and try to wiggle yourself out of his grasp, which only makes him tighten his grip on you. Bad idea, because now you’re completely flushed to him, and the idea of asking him to undress and take you right here is starting to not sound so bad.

“You’re single, you can do whatever you want with your life.” Your voice is rougher than you would like.

“That’s not what I asked you, (Y/N).” Why does he have to say your name like that?

“Then no, I’m not mad.” You look him in the eye. “You haven’t talked to me either since Friday. What is with that? You’ve been busy?”

He gives you little laugh that sounds more like a scoff and looks away. You stay like that for a few seconds that feel like hours when he looks back at you.

“I’ve been busy.” His voice has lowered down an octave and you swallow. “Busy thinking about coming to your apartment and fucking you all through the night.”

His dirty words startle you and you shut your mouth, not letting any moan scape at what he just said. Azriel lets your hands go and you quickly stand up, turning your back to him, needing to breathe some air that’s not intoxicated by his smell. You hear him retreat, but before he disappears on the stairs, he stops.