Noxx

with shaking hands and too much faith,

wick pulled tight with wanting,

fire leaping before I was ready.

It started so fast

so hot it felt like purpose,

like finally being useful,

like light meant something just because it burned.

Both ends caught.

I told myself that meant abundance.

Wax ran down my sides

in quiet, invisible minutes.

Wax flows silently

only looking beautiful while it does.

I watched myself shorten

without noticing when it began.

The room stayed warm,

the shadows danced kindly,

and I mistook applause for love.

Now I know the sound of nervous breath before the flame bends

the way heat turns into exhaustion

What’s left is a memory of light

the smoke, the faint sweet scent,

the dark remembering where I stood

long after I’m gone.

I didn’t mean to vanish.

If you should fall, you know I'll be there

To catch the call, you know I'll be there

I'll go anywhere, So I'll see you there

I don't care if you don't mind

I'll be there not far behind

I will dare, keep in mind

Really wish this feeling in me

Would just go away

From time to time, I try

Reminding myself everything's okay

For the most mundane things, I'll just cop out

Tell my closest friends, "Not now"