A-shizzy's not so cozy corner of crazy

Rising above it all. While the city screams with the death of another young man who just happened to walk down the wrong street on a Thursday. When half your family is addicted while the other half is peddling the shit. You walk down the street and see no one but the same strange people digging through the trash.

Forcing everything to a complete stop. All my relationships and goals put on pause. Just to satisfy my twisted needs to be better. Everyday being able to wake up next you was too good for me. I hadn't worked hard a day in my life and had the girl of my dreams and friends that cared. It was all moving too fast so I slammed both feet on the brakes and decided to walk the rest of the way.

Finally after the streets of this city are unrecognizable there's a strange stillness. A small moment to catch your breath. a short reprieve before the wind picks back up.

White walls and only enough room to take a few steps. The only difference being I'm not actively healing. There isn't someone coming in everyday asking me how I'm feeling. Just me and myself and I have to be okay with that. If I'm not then there's no reason I shouldn't be back at the hospital.

I will see an outfit and can not imagine another soul aside from you looking good in it. Any small bracelet to an overpriced diamond necklace for valentines day would look perfect on you. I want to give you everything in the world yet the whole time you were here I didn't give you anything.

You can just forget about all that stuff I said. I know I said I can't keep going like this and that I don't know what to do, but I'm fine now. You don't have to worry I won't do anything stupid this time I'm just going to keep my head up.

I found myself just laying there. No dreams or aspirations. No motivation to do good. I was just there. There was no feeling. No joy for a new day or sadness that I have to do it all again. I was me but at the same time I wasn't. Every choice I made and all the hard work I've put in lead to nothing.

We as humans almost always seek the easiest solution. The simplest answer that won’t make us think too much. Even if we have to disregard everything we know. The need to feel needed is what gets us out of bed. So when they said to spray those fields with Pesticide.

Body aches and a complete mentality change. I feel like a totally different person than who I was 12 months ago. I started taking my job and my writing seriously. I didn't want to wake up before. I wanted to lay there and waste away. I wanted to let my past define. Now though I want a future.

No matter how much effort all we get are bloody hands and broken glass.

We followed that white rabbit. Hand in hand as we chased after him. Then at some point our hands slowly lost grip of each other. At that point I decided to turn back but you followed him right down the rabbit hole.

This stray cat comes around a few times a week. He'll eat out the trash or if I can I'll toss him some cut up chicken I would. Usually I'd only ever see him leaving but nowadays I don't see him at all. I still cut up the chicken and see that something got into the trash. I don't see him though. It could be anything eating the chicken or digging through garbage. Even still I hope it's him.

I hate the way it aches whenever I expect you to be there. Whenever I'm sad or I just need someone to talk too. Whenever I wake up to no good morning text. It just aches.

In my front yard stood that tree. The tallest in the neighborhood. Always standing so tall, fearless of it's surroundings. Watching over us in the same spot it has been for years. Unmoving to the weather yet swaying to the wind. Destined to never move but now it's miles away from me. Miles away from being the beacon it once was. That tree is now a reminder of what could have been.

I went to school everyday with a pack of double mint gum. I'd give away almost every piece to friends or anyone who wanted one. I had to make sure by the time I saw you I at least had two. You always hated taking my last piece.

Feeling regret is like being in the middle of an empty, old and abandoned railroad tunnel. The only thing behind you is the rest of your life but in front of you there could be anything on the other side. The fact you already got this far means you should keep going right? As you get further from your family, friends and loved ones you start to feel disconnected like you don't even belong and as you watch these people you once knew get farther and farther they start to look like strangers.

As the water tries to push you back you keep going. You feel it try to do anything to push you back or pull you under. As you're moving upstream the water starts getting stronger and you feel your body getting weaker. Yet you keep going despite everything. You start to notice that you haven't moved much at all. You're hardly any farther than where you started. All that effort for only a few feet. In that moment of realization you lost focus on swimming and now you're further back then ever. At this point you have two options. Let the water take you or keep swimming upstream.