I don't remember finding fart jokes particularly funny even when I was a child.

Five year old me, watching a movie with fart jokes: "Oh, how gauche. They're pandering to the lowest common denominator."

every evening I see a cool bug in the bathroom and every morning the bug is mysteriously missing and the fat fucking bathroom spider is somehow even fatter

Hey guys, did you know that if you ever post a GIF on this website, be it in your own original post or otherwise, you’ll get notified whenever someone finds it via the Tumblr GIF search feature and adds it to a post? I think more people should know about this because there’s always a chance, albeit small, that someone will come across the random GIF of old-timey people clapping and cheering you attached to a funny post about worms making music five years ago and deem it the perfect reaction image for the video of a person pissing inside another person’s asshole they’re about to reblog, which Tumblr will helpfully link directly to you via an incredibly cryptic, very curiosity-inducing notification that says nothing but “tumblruser47266 has added your genre-defying work to a post”.

it is impossible to watch a movie. every night i think i want to watch a movie. no movie gets watched. because it's not possible

and yet they keep making movies with the hopes that one day humanity will discover a way to watch them. it's so inspiring

americans are a saudi oil baron's idea of classy. brits are an american's idea of classy. the french are a brit's idea of classy. unfortunately the chain ends here since the french's idea of classy is also the french

im having a boner and it's yours

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The Good Place is an excellent show for many reasons, but one that doesn't really get talked about enough, probably because of how the season 1 twist obscures it, is that the 'No Exit'-esque "Hell is Other People" scenario for an afterlife of eternal torture is an avante garde experiment from an Auteur demon who's trying to convince the other demons of his Vision while they're like "idk man flaying genitals works really good"

you could spell it like horce

Nobody really knows what makes a person go to bed