IJustDon'tKnow

i just got stoned and took a hot bath with epsom salts. literally seasoned myself with herbs and got in the soup

o great Lord of the swampe, what ist thou wisdome?

mmmm,,,, drink the Moss

I use to work in a retail store that catered to upper middle class women. Was working the changing rooms one day and gave a lady an Item there. She thanked me as I walked away, and I went to yell back "all good" but decided halfway through that that wasn't professional enough so changed it to "that's OK" half way through and ended up yelling "ALL GAY"

I have no perception of time. I will be like "I have class in 2 hours... Do I have time to shower 🤔🤔"

for the first time in MONTHS, it’s sunny & delightful outside – wanna guess what that means? 

When someone dies on a heart monitor the beep stays on. Meaning the beep isn’t the beat, the gap is.

Paper cuts must be a lot less frequent nowadays

Someday, aggressively running your hand through someone’s butt crack, then saying MasterCard, will make no sense because of chip and tap technology.

If you’re wearing noise-cancelling headphones and someone has to wave at you to get your attention, you have gone from being voice-activated to being motion-activated.