Shenanigans 2: This Time It's Personal

Was just having a discussion with my fiance that taco bell should change their slogan to "it's gonna be okay" or at the very least shorten "live más" to "live". just feels like thats what we need from them

They should change it to "live por favor" and when they hand you your order you hold hands for a moment and look in each others eyes

spider man would have a tumblr i think

he made a tumblr account back when it was more normal for celebrities to be on tumblr and just never deleted it. nobody believes that it's the real actual spider man but it is. long time followers are like no no he's posted proof here are the receipts. occasionally he shows up on posts where he's mentioned to jumpscare people.

my family fucked up my life by using spoonerisms interchangeably with their true phrase counterparts since before i was born and now i can’t escape from instinctively saying shit like “im gonna shake a tower”

Using this as a spell to keep tumblr alive at least until this post is accurate

people aren't even exaggerating indeed is literally like that. walmart attendant $13 an hour, target attendant $13 an hour, AI dick sucker $40 an hour, home depot attendant $13 an hour, guy who designs bullets that can only kill children $160k a year plus benefits, gas station manager $18 an hour

texting everyone in my friends list “see what happens when you disobey me?” when the eclipse starts

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

t-shirt with the words “high-functioning corpse” printed on it