✫

“ah, don’t kid yourself, tanakasan. you’re a breeder, not a vet.

                           “if you keep disillusioning yourself,                       you might just be doing more harm than good.”

                                                                                       / / ❀ ❀ .;

her heart is racing. even as she says it, she knows there’s only a slight chance he’ll fall for such an offer ... even if she’s being genuine ... ( even if It wasn’t even at stake ). her fingers nervously rake into her skin as various truths shuffle in and out of her mind; she does not need to look at his expression to know what he’s thinking – why he’s denying her to do the one productive thing she is good for – but she does so anyway. the pang in her stomach only increases when her meek eyes meet his icy ones. to be truthful: it’s painful. it’s painful, and there’s only one reason he’s being so harsh in a situation like this.

she could be crafted from honey, prodded and pushed until molded to human form. she could be inhumanely sweet, unnecessarily gentle – she could tear herself apart, limb by limb, to prove to him she is being honest – and he would still probably reject her help. ...despicable, really, but no worries, tanakasan. she’s used to it.

it’s because she’s HER. rotten, ugly, selfish tsumiki mikan. a blight.

it takes every ounce of self-control in her body to keep herself from screaming. no, no — if she screams, she loses. if she falters, she loses. if tsumiki mikan shows even the tiniest sliver of humanity – of vulnerability – the ice in those eyes might just devour her whole. & so, with a voice as tepid as she can muster, she continues to play her role.

for enoshimasan’s sake, for enoshimasan’s sake... for her beloved, she will rid herself of her pride and morality, for her beloved, she will annihilate the opposition. for her beloved, she—-

no longer checking blog activity or rp dash

if you reply to a post or want anything, i won’t know unless you .. alert me.

if i got something you need to reply to, no need to reply because the probability of me responding has ............ nosedived (in the down direction), it is nothing personal ... so no pressure with anything, there’s never been pressure with anything here, ok...

this applies to pretty much all of my blogs here on out, i think

message me if you need anything!!!(@sen-pie, here, skype..anywhere u want)

i might still make posts but most likely...no threads or replies..

you can unfollow if you want, always ok!

it had been ironic, really.

enoshimasan’s games were always ironic, in one way or another. from the finding hope in despair, from infiltrating the NWP, to the grand finale in itself. & despite every act of irony enoshima had committed, none of them had gripped tsumiki mikan like the one simple fact that death had been kind to her.

the act of dying was unpleasant, the act of living almost on par, but once it was all stripped from her — once everything was FINALLY separated — it felt ... strangely peaceful. weightless. like she was everything and nothing, all at once. not guilty, not innocent, not pure, not tainted, not accountable, but not naive. in that moment, she was nothing.

and then it had came back, in the form of pain – not hope, not despair ; just pain.

                               & the source of this emotion? the cause of her strife, the reason behind her second birth? the one who had slaughtered the only person tsumiki truly felt at ease with? he is small and gentle-looking, but despite his innocent appearance, he is ... not someone to be underestimated.

naegi makoto, self-proclaimed shsl HOPE. naegi makoto, who had coldly sent enoshima junko to her execution, despite being against the idea of despair in the first place. naegi makoto, who had convinced the world that he was a PACIFIST despite being the one to take away the ONE & ONLY person tsumiki had EVER loved in the first place. and now, naegi makoto, who brings up an OVERWHELMING QUANTITY of bile that miraculously resides in tsumiki mikan’s empty stomach.

death was kind. the afterlife, it appeared, was not.

naegi makoto, naegi makoto, naegi makoto. — it was HIM who made the game, HIM who stole tsumiki’s only memories of love, HIM who made them all hate her. his fault, HIS FAULT, it’s all his —————————                and yet the sight of him, for some peculiar reason, makes tsumiki’s conscience want to either vomit or fall to its knees and weep for forgiveness and comfort. ( help me, help me, help me        —she wants to go back to weightless, she wants to be nothing again )

she wants to clarify it to him. even though he won’t forgive her either, she wants to explain it ... why she did it. it would not redeem her in his eyes, but the urge remains – the words caught in her throat – but one look at his face, and she FEELS how hopeless the situation is. he’s judging her. he’sjudginghe’sjudginghe’sJUDGINGHE IS JUD G I N G —

( only enoshima junko would & could understand how an act so vile could be done out of love. only enoshima junko, her one and only, only enoshima— he’s judging her. )

mirai nikki au

komaeda and enoshima — nonplayer characters... komaeda gets in tho, wild

mitarai ryouta & enoshima are partners

tsumiki mikan & enoshima are also partners

tsumiki mikan and mitarai ryouta do not know this

saionji?bitch diary. tells her when bitches be lurkin

tsumiki mikan?medical/injury diary. tells her what injuries (for diaryholders) occur within the thirty-minutes

mitarai ryouta?animator/protagonist diary. extended frames of his animation, no context, just five extra frames that he did not make. people within the animation have different appearances than the people in real, but the scenes play out in similar ways. enoshima has a copy of the file on usb.

tsumiki, komaeda, mitarai, and hinata never talked before this. 

saionji had bullied tsumiki in the past, thinks of her as easy target, but ... who knows. still got to stay on guard because it’s pigmiki.

saionji thinks komaeda is a weirdo. he’s a quiet boy, but there are nasty rumors accompanying him from grade school. rumors that he’s cursed. plus, he’s just ... a weird guy.

tsumiki doesn’t trust komaeda, but they’re civil to each other. it turns from civil to passive aggressive though, but it begins with her being just ... very apprehensive around him. uneasy with how he carries himself and what he knows.

komaeda knows things............. he knows.......

hinata hajime is in it. what diary? good question!

01 / 02 / 03

extraneous

koizumi mahiru? photographer’s diary. camera shots taken with timestamps. the shot before she dies is blurry.

komaeda nagito? chance diary. tells him instructions that seem really mundane, but wind up being super beneficial, tedious, or just do nothing. ex, “tie your shoes.” komaeda’s a special case in the game... special case...

“tanakasan ... why do you want to win so badly, huh? aren’t you already a god?” said with mock concern — deliberate, sadistic prodding from youknowho(you dont know who).

he doesn’t answer that (doesn’t expect mortals like you to understand) immediately, just goes ... very quiet.

but the next week or so ... next time he makes his appearance ... he’s invigorated with unexpectedly strong spirit and enthusiasm, no one appreciates it really, but he announces just why this is such a big deal for him, who has already attained a deity-worthy status —....winning to achieve godliness? no no, as IF the great tanaka gundam would fall prey to such petty...—...after ALL, if that’s the only grandiose accompanying victory, then...— / no one entirely understands what argument he’s making, but he convinced himself and that’s what counts.

none. of. them. like. him.

  ehh—?!

                      f-f-—fuyuu… i-is this a joke… ( i—it has to be a joke… )            w…where… is the punchline… aahh, what to do, what to do…

before 2014 ends…

prayer circle for a cool 2015 !!! (prayer circle prayer circle) & nina omg, you know i love you and !!!!!!!!!!!!!! i’m psyched about the idea of despair naegi, fake naegi, ai naegi, cynical naegi, and the way you do it is so nice and !!!!!!!!!

         bitch, u dead.                                        “a nurse, you say?      you must be a very hardworking person,      tsumikisan! i’m impressed.”

                                          impressed? no, not really. medical school is a big commitment, yes, but not many high schoolers actually go through with their grade school aspirations. and even if tsumiki mikan was committed, there’s a high likelihood that the prospects of profit won her over. —in other words, gasai’s not impressed.

any falsities conceived as ‘courtesy’ or ‘respect’ are entirely the perceiver’s fault. it would be rude to make a scene in public, so remaining civil is really her best option here. and so, with a smile radiating the sweetness of honey, gasai yuno will say whatever she has to to this two-faced skank.

you act naive and timid all you want, but she knows that you have a little trick hiding up your sleeves, sweetheart. ♡

                                      “a—ah.............i-it really isn’t that impressive...             i mean....... i-i don’t want to undermine your kindness, but it’s             more of a personal interest... kind of a hobby? mn."

gasai yuno. one of the highest scoring students in the grade— gifted with both intelligence and looks ... tsumiki had seen her in the hallways before – usually trailed by a boy or two – but the only information she had about gasaisan had sourced from rumors. the overwhelming consensus, however, was that the student was a force to be reckoned with: a bright, blossoming girl with great potential. of course, the rumors concerning tsumiki were far less kind.

so naturally, the conversation was a little disconcerting. gasaisan isn’t in any of her medical classes, so this can’t be a cheap grab for homework answers — though if it was, tsumiki honestly wouldn’t mind helping her. even so, the suddenness of all this has ... slightly roused her suspicions. / the game, the game. it’s always in the back of her thoughts, pushed there and suppressed, in case she acts out of line ...but there’s always ... that. she clutches her phone a tiny bit tighter. ( just in case. )

‘ ah—           so you’re involved in the game as well, i presume? ’

                                         —he guides the words with a carefree wave. as expected of deus to keep things interesting. although the two had never held a formal conversation — aha, why would she ever wish to converse with someone of his standing? ( it’s a rhetorical question. ) — nagito had heard of her and her capacities. shsl ‘miracle worker’ — the girl who could supposedly bring the near-dead back to life with her nursing. good choice.

                                          ‘—no worries! i’m not formally involved, so i’m no threat.                         please, consider this ordinary small talk.’

even if he was a player, however, he’s sure she could handle a nuisance like him with ease.

ordinary small talk. / as if anything about him being graced with a presence as great as hers could ever count as ordinary! really, he’s doing her a big disservice here…

eh? ah, that’s just how it goes, isn’t it... just when she thinks she can finally rest, he turns his head around at starts nosing around. no, wait, that isn’t quite right. komaedasan had never bothered her before — though there had been ... some rumors circulating about him and his mannerisms — but they had never interacted in a way that she found troublesome. the other boys had been slightly intrusive ( it was her fault though. she prompted it... somehow, somehow, it’s always her fault ), but komaeda nagito always kept a distance.

until now. & as soon as he opened his mouth, tsumiki understood just why the other children kept their distance in return

                             he knows, he knows, he knows, he knows, he— her fingers unintentionally tighten around the phone in her pocket. that’s where she’ll keep her hands. for now. he knows. she’s trying to maintain a smile, she really is, but no matter how hard she tries, her lips falter too much to make it appear genuine. he knows.

                 ❛ game?—a—ah, you really must forgive me, komaedasan.            but i have no clue what you’re talking about. ❜

                                    no one here actually does. among the rumors spreading around, there was a particularly nasty one about him and his excuses— something about him trying to scapegoat some invisible force in grade school had resurfaced and, even though he didn’t seem like the type of boy to blame others, you really can’t tell who’s what these days. and him? tsumiki had never intended to foster malicious feelings his direction, but if he keeps this up... this type of eerie lighthearted façade he’s pulling ... who knows. she can’t let him know.

her grip on her phone tightens, and for a moment there, it looks like he’s staring right through the fabric of her clothes and right at the phone. her heart leaps, but she has to quiet that, too... just in case he sees.

                                              ❛ b—but if you’re talking about something the other students are involved in ... i—i don’t really g-get invited to those things, so... aha... ❜

no worries! he says. as if she’s heard a more cliché line that than.

THE BOY WHO PULLS YOUR HAIR most definitely has a crush on you.