sough

I am not myself. I am not important.

I graduated with two bachelor's degrees: biology and German. I love biology and science and the science community. I love speaking, hearing, reading, and writing German. Both are a big part of me, who I am and what I am. I work at Starbucks and get yelled at by rich people for charging $0.25 for water cups. I also work at a hardware store where old men call all of the (cute female) cashiers "sweetheart" and "darling" all day. I spent five years of my life working my ass off trying to make the most out of my education in order to acquire a great job and get into an amazing phD or masters program for conservation biology. I feel like I failed. I can't even wear my own clothes or piercings at my jobs. Everyday my hair is in a ponytail and I just smile and nod as I take people's money. I work minimum wage and commute almost 2 hours, 7 days a week, to and from either of my jobs. No days off. This is not what I wanted. Not what I signed up for. I feel useless and dreadful. Not myself at all. I am a scientist. I want to do biology.