sarcastic asshole :)

Richie Tozier in one of his specials: "no, no, no. No, stop clapping for my husband! That guy's an asshole...He is so much fucking funnier than me it's infuriating..like that epic shit master plan he pulled the other time. Listen, listen!- We were in grocery store, he made an eye contact with some random lady and suddenly there was police comming after me! NO. I will not elaborate. OF COURSE I WILL elaborate, for fucks sake..why would we be even here then for?!.. So The Thing Is that that absolute motherfucker spent our Bali vacation learning the morse code.. the fucking MORSE CODE!! And i was like - 'Ok, sure.. what a nerd, am i right??' ..like no thoughts head empty i did not think it's gonna be that relevant for me..like 'whatever'.. But what happed was that, that Bitch of an ashole started blinking the goddamn SOS in morse code on random people in public when he doesen't like my jokes -WHICH IS FUCKING ALL THE TIME!! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!? THAT SON OF A LITTERAL BITCH WAS BLINKING SOS LIKE BEYONCÉ IS GETTING GRAMMYS AND I DIDN'T NOTICE!! FUCK! And it just Went South this once 'cos he blinked at some lady that understands morse code and she decided to not take a chance on it being just a joke!! (which is like so fucking wonderfull of her!.. i mean everyone lets clapp for her. let's clapp for Sandy-that's her name! a fucking Sandy! i love that woman.. such a good thing to do...) It just soo happend that it ended up real shitty for me!. THE FUCKING COPS CAME LIKE 'SIR, TAKE A FIVE STEPS OFF THAT MAN. RIGHT NOW, SIR. THERE'S BEEN POSSIBLE KIDNAPPING REPORTED, SIR. MOVE, SIR, NOW' and i am standing there, in the middle of a candy aisle, next to my pain in the ass of a husband, frozen AF wondering like 'what in the goOd dAamn funKy Jesus chrIst fuck is happening right now ??' while EDDIE is loosing his shit laughing, taking the fucking stepps off me.. Can you imagine that situation? Can you imagine that explenation that continued??? I almost shat my good pants AND FOR WHAT?! I GOT OWNED! Like how am i EVER gonna top this? Hmm?! Fucking asshole pegged me so hard! The dedication! That fucking malice! The work and patience put into his evil plan! I cannot compete I have a god damn ADHD - I could Never!!... christ. ....I love him. SO. MUCH. he is so awfull. I'm gonna go home blow him so hard... god."