yesman universal win

my buddy brings her angel girlfriend to the function, I spend the whole time refusing to look at or even acknowledge her existence, because I am a staunch atheist and dont believe in that nonsense. she starts to throw things at my head to get my attention and between volleys of marbles and kitchen utensils I grunt "swamp gas. aurora borealis. probably a weather balloon.youre seeing things"

another day, I greet my friend at the door, I look over her shoulder and raise an eyebrow, "I see you've brought the electromagnetic phenomena again,"

okay but chess terminology is like. you pinned your opponent's hung knight and now you can mate? oh im sure

my sons ranked from most to least hard to love

briefly forgot that porn was a thing and googled "doctor sex" looking for the tf2 meme. big mistake

her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily

to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it

Why don’t we let the guy whose every plan could be reasonably construed as an abstract suicide attempt take a crack at it