.

Oh but you see, I knew he didn’t love me. Unfortunately, that wasn’t enough to change how I feel.

When we lie quiet, I love him still, his hands, his wrists, his neck, his mouth, the warmth of his body, and the sudden leaping of his mouth. As he sits there, I feel that I can see his mind as I see his body, and it is labyrithine, fertile, sentient. I am loaded with adoration for everything that his head contains and for the impulses which blow in gusts.

[VOICEMAIL] I know I know I know I said I wouldn’t call. But God, I couldn’t hold myself back anymore. My friends kept saying you’d come around, that you’d calm down and you’d come back and tell me you’re still here and everything’s fine but you never did. I spend everyday wondering what I could have said to make it last longer. I spend nights not sleeping because I keep thinking of the reality I’m living in: you aren’t here. You’re gone. You hate me. I messed up. I’m sorry. My counselor said you’d come around and that you’d accept my countless apologies and things would be ok again, but you aren’t here. And I’m still waiting day and night for that notification. For your name to appear on my screen. But it won’t. It won’t. So ok, I’ll let you go. This is me letting go. [END OF VOICEMAIL]

You’re not the boy I fell in love with anymore, and I’ve learnt to be okay with that. We crashed and burned like two meteorites colliding; but we sure were beautiful while we lasted. (An excerpt from a letter I’ll never send.)

someone: *replies to my text with one word*

I've Said It Before And I'll Say It Again