amir

i’m interested in so many things but i mainly talk about games + music.

— for games really into persona (4 golden, 3, 5 vanilla) and resident evil

— music lovee katseye but i mainly listen to malcom todd, miguel, steve lacy, NERD. i sometimes dabble into 2hollis, kim j, and underscores.

— about my fics right now, i am only writing for katseye. that can change and most likely will!! i’m very megan and yoonchae biased, so expect lots of megan. i do not feel very comfortable writing for yoonchae due to her age…so no fics for her. but i do write for the rest of the girls! will write fluff, angst, maybe smut. i'll mainly be writing for little ideas i have every once in a while but requests are very much welcomed.

— rules i will not write male reader fics or g!p reader/member. nothing against either, i'm just not very comfortable with it and i don't think i would write it well. not sure of what i am willing to write in terms of suggestive content, so it'd totally depend on the ask. will definitely never write anything for minors or anything that includes sexual assault in anyway. so please don't ask.

you weren't that much younger than your brother. yeah, he grew a few inches taller sooner than you, but it wasn't that long until you stuttered behind.

you were able to wear the clothes he grew out of maybe a few months after he dumped them, though you two didn't really share the same style. it'd just be out of pure spite. you would steal his hats, his jewelry, his car, and sometimes the bong he tried to hide away in his gross closet with his shoe boxes .

he would steal your money, your friends after he noticed their eyes lingering a bit too long when he'd happen to walk past your room, and recently your makeup since he's been on some interesting "guy liner" trend that you supposedly just "wouldn't understand." his exact words.

to keep it short, you and him had always been relatively close. spending almost every first experience together, while still having your respective identities to cling to when the other's company got too suffocating. having him was great when you wanted to talk shit about some guy you were seeing, or when you needed a verbal punching bag after a terrible day.

he was kind of the perfect brother, or close enough.

yet he made it his mission to remind you why you don't say that to him often.

"dude! i told you to put my shit back after using it."

you burst into his room, nose immediately scrunching up from the strong smell of axe and....nail polish remover?

he swivels his chair around slowly, and stops once he's facing you. then looks at you a bit uninterested before he makes a face that implies he may be genuinely thinking about something for once.

"are you talking about your friend melanie from the other day?" he starts as he absentmindely pickes up a lighter from his desk and sighs. "i sent her back to your room after we were done, i even made sure to point her in the right direction this time. not my fault she lost her way" he says as he flicks it on and off, the lighter failing to ignite twice, before looking at you with the hint of a smile.

you stare at him for a second, making a face of disgust.

"...what are you even— are you talking about maggie? she didn't even say anything about— " you start to complain before taking a breath and rubbing the bridge of your nose annoyed.

"whatever i don't fucking care, did you take my nail polish or not?" you ask in defeat before staring at him expectedly.

he looks a bit confused before recognition crosses his face, and he quickly spins around in his chair towards his desk. he grabs something then faces you, before standing to walk closer and shoving it towards your chest.

your black nail polish.

"yeah thanks, worked perfectly." he says with a shrug.

you huff as you take it from his hands, taking a few steps back as he starts floating around his room to tidy up.

"what did you need it for anyway?" you scoff as your eyes follow him.

"what? a guy can't paint his nails?" he says in a teasing tone, not sparing you a glance as he shoves some clothes under his bed.

you roll your eyes and look at his fingers, not seeing a drop of the black nail polish he grabbed without your knowledge. not having the energy to argue, you turn on your heel to leave his stuffy room just as he opens his mouth to speak.

"megan lended me her black boots, but i scuffed 'em up a little." you hear his footsteps behind you as you turn back around to face him. he's holding the shoes in his hand, shoving the damaged part in your face.

"didn't have paint, so i slapped some nail polish on it. you can't really tell can you?" he says smug.

you make a face and shove his hands away.

those are megan's shoes.

megan

she had been attached to your brother's hip since you could remember, his style changing as soon as the—then—ginger made her way into his life.

you remember the first time she came over, hair as bright as her personality and a smile that just screamed mischief. your parents welcomed her with open arms, estatic to know your brother had the capability to interact with women.

or at least that's what they said, you knew they just thought he was gay.

you almost snort at the thought, not that it even mattered.

your brother was just, well him. and she was totally not into him in that way, instead, making herself known as his best and only tolerable friend.

megan always had a certain energy about her. she was pretty friendly, a smile that always reached her eyes, and had enough friends to be invited to most parties. she wasn't the worst influence, and she brought your brother out of his shell socially. the girl was a tiny bit obnoxious and had the ability to just casually blurt out what was on her mind, ask her and she'd defintely blame it on the weed, but she was definitely not as annoying as your brother.

that seemed to be her charm.

you and her never talked much, your conversations ranging from "where's the bathroom?" to "do you have any pads i can borrow?" whenever she would spend the night, but you did notice her.

only recently did you guys have more than a surface level interaction.

you remember walking past her as she lounged on your couch, your brother upstairs in his room grabbing something. you were going out with a few of your friends, proud to say that your outfit was snug in all the right ways.

"nice top."

that was all she said, sounding a bit absentminded, your movements stuttered as you looked back at her. her eyes were focused on her phone, but she looked back up at you when she noticed she had your attention. you hum in acknowledgment and turn around before leaving through the front door.

you made sure to wear the same top a bit more often following that.

"hello?"

oh, back to the present.

you blink for a second, not realizing your thoughts had drifted to the girl you hadn't seen roaming around your house in a little over 2 weeks.

"looks like shit." you reply a bit too smoothly with a snicker, your brother smacking his lips in response.

"whatever, she won't care. nothing i can do anyways, she's almost here."

your ears perk up at his last few words as he slides past you into the hallway with the shoes perched in his arms, mumbling something like get the fuck out of my room as he leaves. you don't pay it any mind.

you follow him curiously, wanting to know a bit more about his plans.

"she's coming right now?" you question, as he makes his way down the stairs slowly with you right on his heels.

he sighs irritatedly and glances over his shoulder at you. "i texted her like 10 mins ago. some party we're going to." he keeps it short and sweet, heading to the kitchen before you both hear a few knocks from the front door.

your brother heads straight for the door, your dog hurridly making his way to you after the disturbance.

"hey koda, hey boy." you reach down and coo at him, before your attention is taken by a girl you should be used to seeing by now standing in the front doorway.

she's already inside by the time you process her presence. your dog running straight for her as your brother closes the door.

she gets on her knees, cooing at koda as he licks all over her hands and desperately tries to wet her chin. she chuckles and dodges his kisses, standing right up again before sparing you a glance.

she looks different.

a little too different.

her hair is a bit longer, freshly dyed black with blondish spots all over. her stance is a bit relaxed, one of her hands stuffed into her jacket pocket.

she looks really good.

and you really like her hair, even more than the pink from before.

you look into her eyes, sharp but still so puppy-like, just as you remembered. then your eyes trail down to her lips, that for some reason seem to be forming into an oddly attractive smile—

"hey, y/n, you good?" her eyebrows a bit pulled up in concern, a curious tone in her voice. that distracting smile long gone now.

you snap out of it, for the second time today, and try to recover by casually calling koda back over.

you rub his head a little to subtly shake off your nerves.

"yea yea, i'm fine. just glad you're taking this idiot off my hands." you say with a sigh, glancing at her eyes again before pointing towards your brother.

she lowly laughs at that, her eyes landing on the idiot you speak of before a small spark appeared in them. she walks into the kitchen with your brother and leans against the island a little.

"you aren't coming with us?" she asks confused, head tilted a little but gaze still on you.

you raise an eyebrow in confusion before opening your mouth to respond before being rudely interrupted.

"i—"

"no she is not, can't babysit her megs. i'm getting wasted." your brother says as he grabs an apple off of the counter. he takes a bite and leans on the counter beside her, nudging her a little.

she laughs at that, your eyes narrowing at them both as she throws her hand back at his comment.

you flip them off before heading to the fridge to grab a water.

"fuck off, not sure i wanna hang out with you guys anyway. i'm going somewhere later." you say begrudgingly before taking a sip. your brother's head snaps at you, then he tuts before throwing his half eaten apple away and wiping his hands on his clothes.

"good luck with that cause we're taking the car." he says as he leans foward and snatches your water from you, taking a big sip.

"what the fuck?" you say in annoyance and shock. you watch him shrug and swish the water in his mouth like mouthwash before swallowing it.

"why can't you just take megan's car? what was the point of her even driving here?" you look at both of them in disbelief.

"the party is close to my neighbourhood, don't want my parents to recognize my car and know i'm going. they're kinda pissed at me" megan's voice breaks you from your rage calmly, your eyebrows smoothing out from their furrow as you focus on her words.

"they've been drilling me about applying for shit before the summer ends, but they loveeee dylan. he can do no wrong according to them." she says with a small smirk, tone screaming 'that's why i'm here'. almost as if she wanted to lessen the blow your brother just threw at you.

it worked. a little.

you eyes shift away from her, before you roll them and sigh.

"yeah cause he's just so responsible and kind." you say with a painfully fake smile. eyes shooting daggers back at the older girl.

she looks at you for a second, lingering before her eyes drop to observe your outfit. you follow her gaze, looking at your pajama pants with little characters on them before shifting in embarrassment.

it was your house for fuck's sake.

"nice pants." she says and looks away.

your eyes don't leave her.

your brother ignores your side conversation, and looks at megan before snapping his fingers as if he remembered something. "here's your shoes dude, forgot i had them." he shoves them in her hands and immediately makes his way to the door. you and megan following him with your eyes.

"sorry y/n/n, can't be late to the party. talk later?" he says feigning innocence with a mock pout.

megan looks between you guys caustiously, before leaning from the counter and walking backwards towards the door. a small apology written on her face before she turns around, slightly jogging behind your brother as he walks out of the door.

she glances at you once more when she reaches the doorway, your brother already gone and a glint in her eyes.

"i guess we owe you now."

—

oh they sure did owe you.

it had been a few days since then but if anyone knew anything about you, they knew that you could hold a pretty good grudge.

not only did your brother take the car, well his car, without any warning.

he stayed out until who-fucking-knows when and completely spoiled your plans for the evening. to make matters worse, he left barely enough gas for you to go anywhere the next day so you just stayed in.

but today was a new day, and you were determined to get out of the house somehow.

you had just finished getting ready, applying your lip gloss and spraying a few generous amounts of perfume before finally looking at yourself in the mirror. you decided you'd go out and get lunch, sending a quick last minute text to your friends to see if they wanted to join but not expecting to hear anything back. not like you cared that much.

you sighed before heading to your brother's room, remembering that you needed his card to put gas in the car so you didn't have to worry about being stranded on the road.

you'd be damned if he tried to make you pay for it. wasn't your car.

not bothering to knock, you kick his door open with your foot, barely lifiting your leg.

"hey dylan, the car is almost on empty and you didn't even—oh"

dylan looked very different, almost like a girl with long beautifully dyed hair and doe eyes that just made you want to say yes to anything.

oh that's because it was megan fucking skiendiel sprawled across his bed, your brother actually nowhere to be found. not a surprise but still pleasant.

she looks at you, eyes a bit wide from your abrupt entrance before she relaxes again. her attention focused on some game she was playing on the tv once she realized who it was.

"where's dylan?" you ask her, your back straightening a bit at her presence.

she pauses at that, putting the controller down and looking over at you.

"he's in the shower right now, i think?" she says shortly, still looking at you after noticing what you were wearing.

you curse under your breath and move to leave the room before a voice stops you.

"wait." you hear megan utter hesitantly.

"do you need me to drop you off somewhere? sounds like you need the car, and mine is outside." she says casually, looking at you to see how you took her offer

you glance at her in thought, eyes narrowing a bit.

"why?" you ask simply. short and blunt.

it's not like it's weird that she offered that, but you guys never had a conversation more than 5 minutes. and she surely never offered to take you anywhere, you had the right to be curious. she looks a little confused and almost a tiny bit thrown off before quickly finding a rebuttal.

"well i still owe you right?" she says with a small smile growing, eyebrows raising in challenge.

you nod silently, hum at the mention of that, and continue speaking.

"...i was just going out for lunch, i guess it's not that important. i'll just wait or something—" you say without much care before being interrupted.

megan raises to her feet slowly, shaking her head at your words and uses a hand to gesture to you.

"well we can't just let you get all dressed up for nothing. i know a place. not that far from here and we don't have to stay out long." she proposes with a long look at your outfit and a question in her voice, not minding if you declined or accepted.

her casualness set off something in your brain, and her eyes fixed on you set off a buzzy feeling in your stomach....

"i mean...it wouldn't bother you would it?" you slightly asked, shifting in your spot as she moved to stand in front of you.

she didn't respond and grabbed her shoes, put her jacket on, and snatched up her keys. she walked past you to head towards the stairs, her perfume leaving a lingering burn to your nose.

she turns towards you, that annoying smile that reaches her eyes plastered on her face.

"not at all." she said finally, letting you follow her the rest of the way.

—

megan was quieter than you expected.

she had drove you in silence while humming to the music on the radio, her fingers tapping on the steering wheel to whatever song was on at the moment. you knew some of them, so you nodded your head along a bit.

you caught yourself spacing out a lot while looking at her.

you're sure it looked weird, but your brain felt oddly at calm. you thought about how nice the burn of the sun felt on your skin through her windshield, and maybe about if she felt that same satisfaction. did she also like sunny days like this? is that why she was so insistent on taking you where you needed to go? did she even like summer?

not like you cared or anything.

you go against yourself and hum a little, almost smiling at the thought.

you wondered if you were right. you hoped not.

she reminded you of fall.

she glances over at you, catching your eye.

your eyes shift and you actually start looking towards the sun this time, not where it lands. not at her skin.

she leans over to turn the radio up.

you totally didn't care.

the cafe you guys sat in was filled with chatter. enough to snap you out of your thoughts about the drive there.

megan had led you to a table and walked over to the counter to order the both of you something earlier. she insisted that paying for the food came with her end of the deal. you just nodded at her, making a joke about how she'd for sure use this against you later. she smiled in response.

she comes back, food in hand and a mocking look on her face.

"that was almost 20 bucks, i guess you do owe me now." she says getting comfy in her chair.

"oh please you suggested this place." you say slightly snatching your drink from her hand with a playfully accusatory look on your face, helping her place everything else onto the table. she holds her hands up in defense, "and you agreed."

"i did."

silence.

"for me to have known you for so long, this truly does feel like our first time meeting." you say suddenly and surely, catching her attention as she takes a sip from her drink.

she pauses, then nods with a little bit of a laugh.

"yea, i guess you're right. but it doesn't feel weird, does it?" it seems like she's making more of a statement than asking you. you're a bit annoyed that she seems so sure, because she's right.

"it doesn't. but i am realizing you exhibit the best traits of my brother." you say with a sarcastic smile, not feeling the need to clarify what you meant as you're sure she perfectly understood.

she scoffs in offense, "he gets it from me actually, give credit where it's due y/n."

you pick up your drink and taste it, nodding in approval before responding, "i'm sure he does megan." you say sarcastically. she goes silent at that, letting your words linger in the air for a bit. the scenery was pretty nice, sun still out but not as intense as before. the noise around you being enough to not make you overthink the silence.

she looked comfortable here, like it's somewhere she visits a lot. you began to wonder if this is the table she always sits at. if she always comes alone, or is there another person that comes with her usually, and you were just acting as a seat warmer for the day.

that thought didn't bother you very much. maybe it did.

megan clears her throat a little. if she was trying to get your attention it worked, as your eyes completely focused on her as she takes in a breath.

"you've grown up a lot." she says simply, rubbing her palms against her jeans.

your eyebrow raises at that, "you say that like your 10 years older than me, we're 2 years apart megan." you pause to take another sip of your drink ", and i'm pretty sure you don't even really know much about me." your response sounds a bit harsher than you meant, but you let out a breath of relief when you realize she didn't take it in a negative way.

she stares at you and blinks before saying, "actually 3 years."

oh my goddd who cares

you roll your eyes and almost groan, she stops you before you can.

"no—no, i just meant your style is different. it's more...you. it suits you. you're a little bit more snarky than i remember but, not a complaint." she crosses her arms over her chest, "plus 3 years is enough for me to significantly say i am older than you. that's a fact." she says matter of factly, leaning back in her seat a bit.

she knows that's not the only thing that's changed about you, but it feels too much for the moment.

"i also have a few inches over you to prove that." she settles with, a smile hidden in her words.

your eyes narrow at her.

you almost want to ask what makes her think she knows what's more you, or ignore her comments until the heat from what seemed like her almost complimenting you went away. you could mention how you noticed her change too. how her new hair made her eyes look darker, or how her jacket smelled of cigarettes more each time she came to your house. you could mention how you noticed that her eyes lingered recently, or how her responses to you felt more open ended; like she wanted an excuse to make you talk more. or even how height was not at all a reliable sign of age.

but then you'd have to explain how you watched her, how you noticed. so you chose to respond the way you knew best.

"i'm not a child."

"never said you were." she held your gaze as she quickly replied to your remark.

she readjusts herself a bit, slightly tugging at the neck of her shirt like her clothes were a little too tight all of a sudden. you just watched, not feeling like you needed to respond. eyes looking for anything but her gaze because it felt too intense all of a sudden.

eventually, her attention darted to the desserts she brought to the table, leaning over to swap your chocolate chip cookie with the blueberry muffin she had on her side. you look at her in confusion, not understanding why that happened and a bit shaken by how fast it did.

she felt your stare and took a bite of the cookie while looking back.

"you don't like chocolate, right?" she said almost surely with her mouth full. again, phrasing her statements like a question she already knew the answer to.

"yeah but... how do you know that?" you ask tilting your head, slowly reaching for the muffin in front of you. you tried running through every interaction you two have had, wondering if that confession slipped in passing at any point. maybe it did, you weren't sure. suddenly you had no recollection of your life before this morning.

she pauses but shrugs you off as if it's nothing, responding vaguely.

"don't know, guess i just noticed."

don't you see me?

—

you've been thinking of megan a bit more recently.

it wasn't on purpose, it just seemed like your mind automatically drifted off to her.

the drive back home was nice. you guys talked a bit more, and you became more shameless with your curiousity towards her. she never commented on your glances once, you're not even sure if she noticed, but if she did you're grateful it was never mentioned.

dylan never mentioned it. not seeming to notice your absence, or how you guys came back together.

you were grateful for that as well.

it's not like anything weird happened, you just couldn't be bothered with his questions. though you were sure he'd become a bit curious soon. as you and megan's dynamic started to shift...ever so slightly.

suddenly you both were very aware of the other's presence in a room.

greetings that went from silent nods turned into her actually stopping to say hey to you, sometimes even asking about your day.

"hey y/n, weather's nice out right?" it was raining...?

"uh....huh."

"oh! hey y/n, dylan and i are going out to eat in a bit. you already ate today?"

"huh! oh...yea right. right."

you can't lie, you were pretty skeptical at first. not being able to offer more than a mumble and an eyebrow raise, as you looked back at her really pathetic-kind-of-hopeful eyes.

her really pretty eyes.

you remember watching tv in your living room a few days ago. the four walls of your room were beginning to remind you a bit too much of a coffin, so you thought you'd find yourself a bigger one. with air conditioning of course.

some old sitcom played, not really catching your interest, but nice enough to space out to. your legs were perched up on the couch, hand lazily reaching over to dig in some random bag of chips you found lying in your kitchen.

as you reach for the snack again, you feel the cushion beside you sink down and a hand quickly nudge yours to the side.

your head snaps towards them with a scowl before your eyes level on a girl with a shit-eating grin.

"this show's boring" she says getting herself comfy on the cushion beside you, the space between you evident.

you stare at her for a moment, face showcasing an almost stalled emotion. she had on a large hoodie, looked like one of your brother's. her hair was pulled back and she had rolled one of her sleeves up to dig in your bag of chips.

hm. not a bad look.

"you're boring." you reply back to ease over your slight shock, snatching the bag away from her reach.

her tongue clicks in her mouth before she responds, sitting up on the couch a bit.

"and you're not, which is why i'm here. dylan's being a bitch right now, locked me out of his room." she says with smoothly with a shrug, slightly reaching over you to retrieve the snacks back.

you huff lightheartedly, "sounds like he's being an angel again." you laugh off, surrendering the bag of chips as somewhat of a truce. she hums at that, tilting her head towards you in silence before her eyes look elsewhere for a second.

this is usually where your interactions end.

"i have a question." megan blurts.

you nod in acknowledgement, picking the remote up to find something better to watch.

"what are your plans once summer ends?" she asks with a pause, eventually diving back in to the snacks you had gave up in defeat. it was a question about your life, something you two never talked to each other about much. it didn't matter, or at least you thought so. the question undoubtedly left you a bit surprised.

yet you don't flinch, and actually try to answer with thought.

"college. i applied to a few earlier in the school year. i think i'm going wherever offers me a full ride. universities seem to really like cheer on your resume." you end off with a shrug, not liking the vagueness of your words but also not knowing how to expand more without oversharing.

she nods thoughtfully, eyes on as you speak, not moving to interrupt at any point. just genuinely curious.

"i think you're also forgetting the freaking 4.0 gpa you have. i assume you have a lot of options then." she jokes, mock resentment in her voice.

you quietly laugh in response. she likes how it sounds.

"what about you?" your eyes flicker to her, the colors on the tv beginning to blend together.

she shrugs, and her posture slouches, suddenly not very interested in talking about herself. "just what i've always been doing. might take a class or two at the community college, maybe even find a better job." she smoothes over her outfit, dusting the crumbs from her hands.

her voice stays at the same level as she briefly explains, no hint of excitement yet none of disappointment. you wondered how long she'd stay in your town and if she really liked it here. not like it mattered, she seemed to be doing well for herself, already a few steps ahead of you in life.

you nod in response, "you're happy?" question suddenly blurting from your thoughts.

you see her head turn towards you, and you look over to study her face. her eyes are bit confused, it seems as if she was trying to decipher if she should be offended or not. she loosely folds her arms over her chest, leaning her head against the couch. it makes you nervous, you didn't mean anything by it.

still, she answers. "i'd say i'm doing okay." she responds thoughtfully, though short.

"well then there's no need to change anything." you say finally, feeling like your point came across well enough. the confusion in the air settling into mutual understanding.

she nods, jaw clenching in thought before she opens her mouth to respond.

"hey megan my door's been unlocked for like—what are you guys doing?"

you both turn around at the voice, your eyes almost rolling in response.

"sorry i wanted to watch tv." megan gets up and heads back towards the stairs following your brother, not forgetting to spare you a glance. a small wink too.

you turn and pick the remote up again.

you sigh at the memory, finding yourself flipping through the channels of your own tv in your room. love island being a bit too embarassing to watch by yourself and your eyes becoming staticky the more you stared at the bright screen. you reach over and turn on your lamp, standing up to stretch your limbs before they went numb.

i should really find something to do besides watching tv.

you lean over your beside table with a yawn, almost starting to wonder what megan would be doing right now. it was getting a little dark out.

you aggresively shake away the thought, not liking where your thoughts about her were drifting.

it never dawned on you that you found her more than just attractive.

yea she was hot, maybe not your first exposure to liking girls, but a memorable one.

that was one fact you didn't even bother denying yourself of.

you just simply found yourself wanting to know more than what the eyes could conclude on their own. your conversation from the other day not surpressing your desire to know her more.

but it was just curiousity. nothing more. it's not like you had a crush on her or something. never did and never will. it's normal to stare at her when she changes something about herself. it's perfectly acceptable to wonder what she does in her free time besides fuck off with your brother. or who she does in her free time.

oh

you snort at the thought, a bitter taste rising to your tongue. suddenly an ice glass of water sounds nice.

you silently leave your room, your feet pattering against the floor as you pass your brothers closed door and make your way downstairs to the kitchen.

you didn't necessarily care if she was seeing anyone.

just like you didn't care if she liked how the sun felt on her skin.

or if she liked sunny days or not.

or if her favorite season was summer even though she really did remind you of fall.

you clear your throat and down the glass of water you just made yourself. moving to refill it before you notice a silhouette standing outside of your front door. your eyes furrow a little and you place the glass down, glancing up at your brother's door to see it still closed. your parents were out on a date, maybe they came back early?

regardless, you were curious, so you shuffled towards the door. passing koda as he rests on his bed, sleeping peacefully. you smile towards him and slip your shoes on before slipping outside.

the person suddenly turns around, seemingly surprised by another presence.

it's megan.

"what are you doing out here?" you ask walking closer to where she stands. her shoulders dropped from the tense position they were originally in, she looks at you for a little before standing over to the side to give you more room to come forward.

she was quiet.

she looks out toward the street like she was before you came, and only then do you notice the cigarette in her hand. you don't need her to answer you anymore after that, and instead sit down on the stairs leading up to your front door as she remains standing. she looks down after hearing you shuffle, a bit curious to see you getting comfortable instead of just leaving, but she doesn't move to sit beside you.

"where's dylan?" you ask another question, not really phased by her lack of response.

she breathes out a puff of smoke, she makes sure to blow in the opposite direction of you before opening her mouth to respond.

you notice. you don't react.

"he's inside, he fell asleep." she says simply, but makes sure to look at you. you let her words linger, nodding in understanding.

"couldn't sleep?" you ask faintly, not wanting to make her talk more than she wanted to. she looks again, a kind smile crossing her face before she shakes her head and responds. "i'm fine." she says before tapping a bit of the extra ash into the concrete.

"i was gonna head back home soon anyway, didn't want to wake him so i thought i'd just leave. you know?" she pauses, and takes another drag and sighs.

you hum in acknowledgement, feeling a bit too far from her to have a proper conversation.

so you tug at her pants leg.

she looks down, curious, noticing how you scoot over to make more room for her beside you. she accepts and hesistantly takes a seat, making sure to keep a little distance just for comfort.

"why are you out here?" she asks genuinely, abandoning the cigarette at that point.

your mind flashes back to what got you out of bed. you shudder, realizing the problem is closer than she knows. yet you refuse to just stare at the ground, so you look at her.

she looks back.

"just a lot on my mind i think."

she nods, but doesn't press.

silence takes over for a little longer, but you both seem to enjoy it. the night growing darker, and the cold becoming crisp enough to cough on. but you both still sit there, the distance between you not disturbed, but it doesn't serve as a wall.

"can i try?" you whisper out, not looking in her direction.

she almost thinks you're talking to someone else, eyes shooting in the direction you were staring before you look back at her after not recieving a response. "huh?"

"can i try?" you repeat again, pointing at the burning cigarette between her fingers.

she makes a face at you, thinking you're joking.

your face remains straight. she almost just blatantly says no.

"wouldn't be my first time." you add, noticing her reluctance. she eyes you for a minute, your words from before ring in her ears

i'm not a child.

she knows.

so she hands it over, making sure to nudge off any extra ash before passing it to you. you take a drag. it looking a little too easy for you. she doesn't know how to feel about that, but she gives you a minute to take what you want. while she does the same, her eyes shamelessly studying you.

she wonders why you both don't have more moments like this.

smoking or not. talking or not. she wonders why you just don't have enough moments together. hell, she had known you for years yet it felt like there was always some invisible wall between you two.

maybe if invisible meant tall, emo, annoying, stinky, boy that still lives with his parents and happened to be your older brother and her best friend.

she grimaces at the thought of her getting to know you better sooner, not knowing if that'd be weird because of dylan, but still wishing she had. you both talk a bit, her thoughts becoming quieter.

favorite colors, favorite animals, would you rather lose your left tit or your right tit.

you know, the normal stuff.

it just felt nice to know her more instead of always wondering, and it seemed like she enjoyed it too. the ghost of a smile on her face as she listened to you. you try not to notice her staring, but it is so hard when she looks at you like that.

like maybe she thinks about you too.

she snatches the cigarette back breaking you from your thoughts. tossing it to the ground before killing the flame with her shoe. "that was long enough." she says competely serious but makes sure to give you a teasing smile. you huff.

her eyes shift down to your lap, noticing you had the same pajama pants on from before. if you were crazy you would have said you almost saw her laugh?

"i really do like those pants."

"i know. you've said it before." you remark, making a face at her.

she laughs at that, nodding in acceptance before all goes quiet. it's not awkward, and you can tell it won't last for long.

"i guess i just wanted to find a reason to say something to you."

oh.

she notices your silence, and glances at you with an amused look, yet continues.

"we've always kind of just existed in the same space. but even just being around someone for long makes you notice things, it makes you wonder. you can't say you've never done the same." she says with full certainty, voice still dripping with its natural softness.

you wanna be a kid about it and make her feel crazy, maybe poke fun at her a little. but you don't.

"...yea, i always used to wonder why you had such a nice car for a high schooler."

her eyes pause on you for a second before she lets out a really loud laugh, as if it was the last thing she expected you to mention. her eyebrow raising and her smile never leaves, as she lets out a fair fair. you enjoy the sight but decide to match her seriousness, "no...but i do agree, you were one of the only other girls in the house so i sometimes did wonder what it would feel like to be...friends." you finish.

her eyes shimmer as the word friends leave your lips.

you shiver.

she doesn't say anything for a minute. you almost thinks she's gonna leave you hanging in silence for the 10th time tonight before she speaks again. "sometimes when i'd feel brave enough to talk to you i'd stumble to your room and ask where the bathroom was." it's almost too fast for you to hear it.

your eyes shoot open in surprise, neck turning in her direction.

"what?? i thought it was just because the bathroom was near my room." you shoot out in surprise and she laughs in the background. you let the new information sit for a while before you ponder on it more. she did ask you the question a lot for someone who had been over more than you could count. and to make it worse, the bathroom was a straight shot down the hall.

you feel smug in the moment, and look over at her. "is that how you try to get a girl's attention?"

she blinks over at you, amustment in her eyes. she huffs out a small laugh, leaning back against the stairs behind you both. her eyes scanning your face before she responds, "you're here aren't you? didn't have to try too hard." her lips curving into a smile, kind of wanting to see you get a bit annoyed before she glances away from you again.

"i could leave." you bluff with defiance of a kid, she looks at you then looks away again. not very convincing.

megan doesn't look at you again but the light energy remains, and you find a small smile settling comfortably on your face. you almost mockingly scoff at how she snatched the stub from your hand earlier to annoy her before you notice something. the space in between the two of you was no longer there, her leg pressed flush against yours, providing you with a heat that felt reeling in the moment.

your tongue suddenly changed in position. your original remark being slingshot back into your brain for later, newfound words rising from the depths of your stomach.

"you know, i've been thinking about how you said i changed." you say looking straight ahead, breaking the sporadic flow of the previous conversation. you feel her tense at that, but she nudges at you to continue. almost as if the change in subject turned on some secret switch in her brain.

"you've changed too, you know. i mean, obviously you look different...but." you continue with a huff, leaning away from her a little just to get a better look. hoping it would help you find the words. she sits up straighter jokingly as she feels your eyes on her. raising an eyebrow at you before slouching back into a comfortable position.

"i'm more curious about how you live now." you say finally. not knowing what to say besides the truth that had been nailed into your mind for the past few days since you saw her last. she had been honest with you, can't hurt to return the favor.

she tilts her head curiously at that, "ask away, can't be anything i can't answer." she says with a chuckle. not saying anything about how your confession made her heart stutter for a moment. "it's more of just random thoughts, versus actual questions you know?" you look over to her curious face, deciding examples would be better than trying to explain.

"sometimes i wonder why you even became friends with my brother." you raise an eyebrow at her, "then i start to think about what made you pick ginger as the first color you dye your hair to. or why koda runs to you like you were both rocks together in a past life. " you let your words out breathily, almost laughing. you hear her giggle too.

you swallow, not wanting to rush your words too much. it all felt too right.

"you laugh at my jokes more than my brother does, so i wonder what about me makes you laugh. if you go out a lot in your free time or stay in, or why you're so insistent on smoking anything that burns when you know what it does to you."

you look over, noticing her eyes staring straight for you. an interest in them you'd never seen before.

you get quiet, suddenly unsure of yourself but you continue.

"....or what your favorite songs are. who you show them to. would you ever show them to me if we talked more? maybe even about what'd you get on a normal grocery run." you finish, not knowing what the point of saying any of that was.

"y'know, the normal stuff." you squeak out, a poor attempt at eating the impact of your previous words.

you both knew what your words from before had meant. she knew what they meant.

love is curiousity.

you felt overwhelmed by the feeling of you saying way more than you intended, stuff that felt a bit too close to your heart.

her eyes glisten, and her mouth is parted. almost as if she was piecing something together on her own, but doing a good job at hiding it. she still seems pretty composed, but her focus on you intensified, like a fox watching you from afar. she looks more real than she ever has to you. she's reachable, so close you could reach out and touch.

this isn't a brush past each other in your hallway as you walk in opposite directions. or a sideways glance as she walks past your room to the bathroom. this was certainly not a glance at each other in the rearview mirror as you sit in the backseat while dylan talks her ear off in the front.

she's so close you can smell the smoke on her tongue, and you stutter a breath out and watch it take form in the cold, wondering if she can smell it on yours.

the pressure of her leg against yours feels like the weight of the world, something you wouldn't mind being absolutely crushed by in that moment. you could feel her fingers resting in between both your legs twitch, not knowing if that meant she wanted to reach out and touch you or push you away.

you didn't know what you wanted it to mean. this was the closest you had ever been.

the wind blows sharply all of a sudden. your hair hindering your sight, megan looking more like a memory by the second. you try your best to shake it out of your face and then you attempt to smooth the top of your head down with your hands. you're sure there's something you're missing.

a hand reaches over to help you.

her slinder fingers catching a stray piece of your hair, tugging it gently where she thought it belonged. she doesn't let go. she just stares. you stare back.

her hand is now tucked back in her pocket. but her eyes still unsheathed and stuck on you.

they said so much.

those puppylike eyes that reminded you of koda.

the eyes that turned into a crescent when she laughed a little too hard.

the eyes that were bloodshot red when she hotboxed your brother's room.

the eyes that were only looking at you.

they stared and it felt like you could see another person in there. wanting to reach out and say so much, almost as if they were chanting a warning.

you're making this really hard for me.

you almost say something back, you think this is easy for me?

but you swallow your words as a hand brushes against your thigh. a heat rushes over you that's only due to her sudden closeness, her touch. you lean into it on instinct, and you hope she notices.

this was really the closest you'd ever been.

the only thing you can bring yourself to do is look back into her eyes that were full of worry.

you don’t really know what to think of it. something in you wants to take the feeling away.

but suddenly, you don't feel her anymore. the heat she provided you is long gone.

and so is the look that said more than words could.

megan stands up, her hand retreating as if you had burned her, dusts her pants off, and starts off to her car. her pace was normal but steps large and inconsistent. it was almost as if she was running away from you, but she didn't want you to notice; considerate even in her moments of slight panic. she reaches her car door, opens it, and pauses before jumping inside.

you stand up, your chest heaving slightly as you watch her retreat. you don't regret your words.

"you should go back inside. it's a little cold out."

she says finally, voice a little soft, eyes so unsure, and so much left unsaid. she glances at you again and says,

"lock the door, please." doe eyes throwing you that pleading look she always seemed to have.

it felt like an apology.

she drives off, her headlights almost blinding, but you barely flinched at them because nothing shined brighter than her eyes.

you wish you knew what she was thinking. but you know for certain she held back.

and you also started to think that maybe you guys had more brewing throughout the years than you both were ever willing to admit right now. not after all this time.

your mind feels crowded as you lock the door and head up to your room.

when the smoke is in your eyes

you look so alive

do you fancy sitting down with me?

—

you were a bit restless.

your pillow insistent on deflating everytime you fluffed it. your blankets making your skin feel itchy. the air in your room too stuffy with the window closed but the wind outside being too loud to tolerate with it open. you tried to light a candle to relax, but the sweet smell immediately gave you a headache.

what the fuckkkk is happening.

you let out a loud groan into your pillow with your face flush against it, fighting the urge to stay there until you couldn't breathe.

megan had been weird lately.

yea you noticed and yes—this was about her. but i mean how could it not cross your mind?

she didn't really look you in the eyes anymore, and when you two were alone it seemed like the girl just couldn't leave fast enough.

you didn't expect her to talk about what happened between you two the other day. hell, you weren't even sure of what any of it meant. you accepted the uncertainty for what it was, closure something you found yourself wanting but okay with not having. as long as things just didn't change.

but they did, ever so slightly, again.

and you noticed, god you always noticed.

you were always able to feel megan when she was around, for as long as you could remember. obviously— because well—she was there most of the time, but you both never directed your attention at each other. that was different! you felt her more in the things she changed. like how you could hear your brother laughing in his room at something stupid she must have said. or how she always brought dessert when your family invited her over for dinner. or even sometimes when she made sure to air out the room before you came in when they smoked, somehow knowing you didn't like it. or maybe she was just being polite.

it was a feeling you were familar with, but not confident enough to describe so clearly like now.

you hated how the feeling was so easy to identify only when she wasn't around.

this shouldn't be tearing you up at all. there was a time where you never uttered a word to each other (that being your experience most of your time knowing her) how can a few interactions make this feel much harder than it is? than it should be?

okay, maybe you were getting a little spoiled.

you turn over on your back with a huff.

you wondered if she felt the same. you remembered seeing her yesterday.

"hey megan." you shout out, leaning against the kitchen counter after she had jogged down your stairs and headed for the door, not noticing you.

she freezes, but turns to you.

you shake around the ice in your cup, pretending you weren't as pissed as you were. maybe you could lay out an olive branch. pausing for a minute to see if she would actually look at you this time. she didn't, not directly.

"i was gonna leave in a second...was thinking of stopping by the place you took me a while back—" you start, nerves somewhat getting the best of you.

"uh, sorry y/n but dylan's outside waiting for me." she falters a bit but turns to continue on her path to the front door. not sparing a glance this time. your face burned.

ouch

you hadn't tried anything since. if you really think about it, you were starting to convince yourself that most of your interactions were at her inconvenience. you randomly needing her for something, or stumbling upon her in a moment of solace. it annoyed you, you were never the type to beg and you wouldn't be that girl now. you weren't going to force anything.

if she didn't want to talk, neither did you.

fuck her and fuck dylan.

yea, whatever, you didn't care. you tug at your hair a little.

it didn't bother you that much. you stuff your face back into your pillow.

ughhhhhhhhhh—

two knocks.

hm. dylan's never done that before.

you don't move. you already know how this kind of thing goes.

another knock. you remain still.

two more knocks.

you curse under your breath before abruptly raising from your bed, throwing your pillow somewhere in the corner. your feet patter quickly across your room, not really caring about anything that could be on the floor before you finally reach your door.

just the person you wanted to see.

megan. not a surprise, and this time not very pleasant.

her breath hitches, you stare. she has her glasses on and a white tank top. you wondered if she was planning to sleep over tonight.

she still looks good, a little sad, but unfortunately still so good.

"what...?" you break the silence.

"uh....i kinda—" she stops for a second, grimacing at her words before she finished saying them. you'd never seen her so hesistant before.

you raise an eyebrow expectantly, almost feeling bad for her. "yea..?" you mockingly encourage.

"i kinda lost my way to the bathroom." she breathes out. she nods to herself after finishing, seemingly proud of her delivery.

oh.

you look at her, thoughts running faster than you can process them. you push past her a little, she stumbles over her feet out of your doorway and more into the hall. you duck your head out and look to the left, at the door all the way at the end. the darkness not getting in the way of you knowing your own home.

"that one? the bathroom that's like....three steps away from this door? my door?" you say, voice almost in disbelief.

she feels ridiculous. you know it. and she knows you know it. you scan her for a moment. god she's all over the place. you'd be smug if your heart didn't feel so confused when you looked at her.

she rubs her eyes under her glasses, and pushes them up to sit on her head. her hair is pulled back now, and you can really see her eyes again. she sighs, hands on her hips before she starts mumbling nonsense.

you don't give yourself time to catch her gaze and step inside of your room ignoring her blabbering, back turned to her. you walk over to your beside table to turn the lamp on, the room now dimly lit. you turn to face her, arms loosely crossed.

she's still in the hallway.

you huff and stomp forward to grab her wrist, pulling her inside and shutting the door behind her.

"what do you really want to say to megan?' you asked slightly exasperated.

the weight of the last few days settling. confusion, anger, hurt, you name it all clumping together to create a burning feeling in your chest that just intensifies every time you look at the girl in front of you.

she stands and looks at you for a minute. she had never really felt this nervous around you, and she couldn't tell if the feeling worsened after noticing the exhaustion on your face. she didn't deserve to feel anxious over this, so she attempted to adopt her usual confidence. her slight worry and overall concern for you still lingering. she walks over to your bed and sits, signaling for you to sit as well.

you follow, leaving a space between the two of you this time.

she notices. she doesn't say anything.

"i'm...sorry for how the last few days have been." she looks over at you, searching your eyes for something. you don't attempt to hold eye contact, but you hear her breathe to steady herself before continuing.

"i think i've just been getting a little too ahead of myself, " she pauses. "i shouldn't be trying to change things or lead you into thinking i could be someone more than just your brother's friend." she says, voice falling flat. your face grows hot.

"i feel like i overstepped, and gave you the wrong idea. i know it was confusing for you and just completely not my place to—" she continues, mumbling utter crap you couldn't push yourself to care and listen to anymore.

you squint at her with irritation in your eyes, "megan—what are you even saying right now?" your body moves to face her.

the wrong idea???? was she really trying to say that right now?

she blinks, her lips purse.

"what do you think this is? why do you feel so 'responsible' for the conversations we both had together?" you empasize, not liking how her words were making all of this sound.

"well i'm the one that initiated all of this—"

"yeah. you did. each time. telling me all about the things you notice, the things you would have said if you felt brave enough, should have said. " you interrupt, her eyes flutter shut at your words; salt shoved right in her already gaping wound. "and now you're trying to make this look like something i just—what?—misunderstood??? you're kidding."

"i won't let you say that. you're not doing this megan."

her lips twitch like she wants to argue back, but her eyes just narrow instead.

"as soon as i express even a sliver of that same desire back. as soon as things feel a little bit too real. it's like you completely shut down on me. you're no longer interested. like i'm some kid. of course that's what you think." your jaw clenches, eyes rolling harder than they ever have before.

she looks at you, face slightly shifting to one of displeasure.

"i already told you i don't think that about you." she almost chastises you, impatience written all over her face at the mention of that. it just angers you more.

you shake your head, letting out a huff at her words, "well then stop acting like it! it's bullshit. and i know that's not what you came in here to tell me." you look at her this time, at least wishing you could gauge where her head is. you quickly realize that isn't your job to figure out, and settle for a look that asked for the truth rather than analyzing her for it.

you were tired of wondering.

"you're acting like i expected anything from you...i just like what you bring." you finish, knowing nothing you said could make anything feel right. at least not now, not for you.

she couldn't stare at you for long, not having her usual strength to control how she was percieved at all times. she knew how to compose herself around girls. smile at the right time, laugh when it felt right, but it all just came crashing down in your presence. you didn't even have to touch her.

she breathes in through her nose, somehow hoping a blunt magically appeared between her lips and made the now clean air stuffy and easy to choke on. how she liked it.

your last words rang in her ear for a bit. i just like what you bring.

"i think the same things about you sometimes." she let's out quietly. her tongue darting out to wet her lips. you roll your eyes, not in the mood for any riddles, but you listen.

"i...get a little curious about how you live." she pauses, and you realize she's knocking at what you said a few nights ago. glancing but still not attempting to show your newfound interest in her words.

"at first, i just wanted to know why you looked nothing like dylan." she tries to force out a laugh, eyes finding yours after a while, but still unsteady.

"then i started to think about why your room was so close to the bathroom. maybe that you called dibs on it when you guys first moved here. " she continues, arm lazily gesturing to your surroundings. trying to find words to fill the silence and tip toe around the truth.

"i watched you sometimes, obviously, not in a weird way. i liked to listen to the loud music you'd play in your room to drown me and dylan out, see if i could recognize it. sometimes i even liked to imagine how long it took you to get ready before going out, hoping you'd walk past the door so i could maybe see your outfit." she bites her lip in thought, staring at you but mind clearly somewhere far away.

"i also used to wonder if you thought my car was cool, guess i don't really have to do that now." pause "or why i could always smell your scent in everything. like in my backseat after i'd drop you and your brother off somewhere. " her smile is bittersweet, "these days my mind keeps running wild over how you think about me too, because i've always thought about you y/n." her eyes are clear again and it's like you can see her in them, her suddenly having a good head on her shoulders. you feel red.

she didn't have to say much more, you believe you understood.

love is curiousity.

...

love really is curiousity.

she looks at you earnestly, a look that begged you to listen.

"i really am sorry. you've been very honest with me. while i know it feels like i just left you hanging...." she adds, making a few gestures as she tries to speak before her hand rests between you. her fingers twitch towards you, but too afraid to touch.

"but i'm still so, so confused y/n. i'm so confused." she repeats voice very fragile, looking at you like she had so much to convince you of. all her mind could do was think of the future. what if she hurt you, what would dylan think about any of this?

you stare back at her. frustration still there, but anger long gone. you were tired of being angry and at this point craved to only understand why?

"why?" you whisper, almost silent.

she rubs at her eyes again with a sigh, looking away and resting her elbows on her knees. she sits there for a second, knowing exactly what she feels but some blockage kept the words stuck in her throat. she knew she had been trying to weave her way into your life for who knows how long. megan was not uncertain of how she felt towards you, but of how she'd deal with it. how could she just come in and uproot your family's life?

she looks back up at you

scared, yea. but with that same pleading look from a few nights before.

you're making this so hard.

you hear it. she doesn't have to say it out loud, you recognize that look.

but this time you respond.

"do you really think it's any easier for me?" you reach out, voice still at a whisper.

your hand is right beside hers now, but not touching.

she looks down at your hands for a second, your world turning back to normal when not looking in her eyes.

her hand twitches again, her bottom lip is between her teeth.

she looks up. "...what about your brother?"

your eyesbrows furrow but you're still stuck on her, "what about him?"

your hands aren't closer, but it seemed like you both unknowingly shifted into the other's space.

her breathing shakes. "he trusts me."

"is that...is that what this is about?" you struggle, her breath brushing your nose. your voice almost quieter than before. you're closer than ever now. you can see the light from the lamp bounce from her eyelashes as she blinks.

"what if this changes everything?" she continues. words hushed, but it's the first time her question feels like a question.

your world stills. "everything changes" you probably would say if things felt normal right now.

but nothing felt normal. you don't care to answer. she had that look again.

eyes that still remind you of a puppy.

eyes that stare into you when she wants a teasing comment to hit deep.

eyes that no longer find you in passing, but stare at you with a longing you never recognized before. maybe it was always there.

you felt yourself getting hot again.

they hold some hope, but so so much worry. you really did wish you could take it away this time.

her hand touches yours, gentle, and your hands embrace. you swallow.

you can see the lines forming on her forehead. her leg bouncing. this really was taking years from her total lifespan.

she's still so worried. you want to help. you really want to help.

so you do. you take it away. you swallow it.

megan grunts at the impact, a pressure on her lips she can't quite process before the sweet smell of your shampoo fills her nose. you push against her, lips firm, wanting her to feel everything that had been brewing up for so long.

there was no need to worry.

what mattered was how you both felt.

she seemed to catch that message perfectly. you touching her first being the only signal she needed to reach back.

amongst your slight eagerness, megan brings calm. thoughts scattered and not caring about the what-ifs anymore. she places her hand on your cheek softly at first, before grabbing your chin to steady you; wanting to savor the feeling.

she squeezes your jaw a little, a silent message that made you hum and slower your pace, other arm making itself comfortable around your waist. she forces your mouth wider, tongue sweeping where she felt you needed her, you don't resist. the kiss is deep, slow, controlled. everything megan wanted it to be. everything she wanted to give after so much.

she had waited so long to have you like this.

you both slightly shift on your bed. megan standing a little taller, as you both shuffle without breaking the kiss. she hovers over you.

you like her up there.

you both try to last as long as you can, but breathing calls. and with a reluctant lick and peck. you two break apart. a line of spit still keeping you connected.

megan looks at you, eyes more certain than they had ever been before. a look that said fuck dylan.

you wish you had the energy to agree, but you were still stuck on when her lips first met yours. hoping this was the first of many. you both heave, thoughts quiet for the first time in a while but hearts at an irregular pace. megan's head drops into the crook of your neck with a huff, her body weight pressed against you.

she mumbles something like i'm so sure about you. you smile.

you hold her there as she breathes you in, dazed. your room suddenly way more comfortable than before. you did like megan, a lot. you liked how she watched you, you liked how your words felt of value when you talked to her. it was never something you really allowed yourself to consider till recently. but now you knew and it hit you like a truck.

you didn't think too much about what this could mean for the both of you, only wishing that it never ended. you didn't think you were asking for too much.

you push her back a little wanting to see her face. she lazily tilts her head back at you, letting you move her at your own will.

you bite your lip before speaking, a playful glint in your eye. "you like me, right?" you said it, certain. it was your turn to ask a question that you already knew the answer to.

her eyes meet yours, a glaze over them.

"no, worse."

i don't wanna be your friend

i want to kiss your neck

—

megan skiendiel was absolutely obsessed with kissing you.

how could you blame the girl? she didn't unleash that beast by herself, you kissed her. unknowingly signing some 'life long contract', as she liked to call it, that stated she could have your lips anytime she wanted them.

you didn't mind it too much. you loved it.

it wasn't that annoying. oh this is everything you'd ever dreamt of.

maybe you did enjoy it, but you had been trying your hardest to teach the older girl that there was definitely a time and place. she didn't seem to understand that phrase too much.

she'd swipe you up in the dark hallways of your home as you'd walk to your room, sneaking away from dylan to find you. her showing off a grin so wide before everything goes black and her lips are feverishly chasing yours, hands flying to your lower waist like they belonged there.

megan didn't like playing it safe.

sometimes when you would happen to be standing in the kitchen, dylan and her making a small trip there before retreating to his room, she'd steal a quick kiss. your brother having his head in his ass trying to find snacks in the pantry. a quick kiss turning into her pushing you against the counter, arms placed on either side of you, eyes closed in bliss as she swallowed your mouth whole, teeth clashing into yours.

"megan!"

she jumps away, one of her arms leaning her body weight on the counter while the other on the nape of her neck. a smile on her face that showed all teeth, a nervous laugh slipping through them. you've already ran to go find something you weren't really looking for in the fridge. dylan's stumbling from the pantry, holding way too many things for his body weight, but seemingly being clueless to your previous activities.

"help me damnit!"

moments like that didn't phase her.

you were in your room with megan, her lips attatched to your neck. at first you had been roaming around your room in a bra trying to find a cute shirt to wear. the older girl was sprawled across your bed, her eyes burning you as you moved. you did find one! and it was pretty cute too...but it ended up thrown back into the corner of your room as megan believed you looked better without it.

you sigh at the feeling of her hands on you, her lips leaving a tingling trail. you were caught up in the feeling, eyes barely shut, before your phone decides to ring? megan's movements don't stop despite you gently pushing at her shoulders. not really wanting her to anyway.

she doesn't.

you grunt, straining your arm to reach for your phone that laid on your bedside table. the name on the screen just being a huge puke emoji. your annoyance grows.

of course he calls.

you grab the phone in a rush, hissing at megan that it was your brother. you really push her away this time and she dejectedly moves with a groan. you sit up on your bed, back now against the headboard as you answer the phone in a breathless manner. "what do you want?"

"do you have like 40 bucks i could borrow?" wow.

"....is that really why you called me?" voice low, almost a growl at that point.

"yeah! i'm hungry and i ran out of cash, just send....." he remarks back, going on a long tangent to explain why you should give it to him. you usually would listen, not very willingly, but you couldn't pay attention at the moment when hands were roaming in some very sensitive places.

your eyes snap to megan, hands swatting at her as your gaze held a warning. quit it.

she smiles innocently before her head dives into the crook of your neck, lips moving at the same rate they were before. you gasp and squeeze at her shoulder, trying to push your sounds of shock back down your throat. it was hard when she kept pressing herself against you so firmly, like she wanted you to be a little loud. what a bitch.

"you sending it or not dude?" dylan's voice snaps.

"..."

"hello?"

"mmh yea right uh—" your words hiccup, your eyes lazily closing as megan just relentlessly worked on your neck. you could feel a smile forming on her lips before you pinch her in irritation. "...you okay?" your brother chimes in again, voice adopting some conviction. you grimace at his tone and shove megan off of you, shooting daggers as she lays down on your pillow with a smug smile.

"yea, yea i'm fine. i'm sending you 20 find the other half elsewhere."

you could pretty much tell that the rush of sneaking around just fueled her fire. she didn't really attempt to hide anything well. she'd leave it to you when she dug a hole too deep and raised slight suspicion, a small good luck being all she'd provide. it seemed like enough to soothe you, in her eyes at least.

you may have liked it.

you did like it. you really liked her.

though annoying at times, you knew it was only because she found you so beautiful. she was so loving and a kiss wasn't always needed for her to express that.

you'd both had been planted on the grass by some lake. the wind blowing lightly, both of your hair flowing with it. you weren't cold this time, as a certain girl's jacket was perched on your shoulders. megan had a gentle grip on your waist as you both sat beside each other. the two of you had been out there for a while, throwing words back and forth in a relaxed conversation.

it felt nice to talk. to be outside with her. to learn even more about her than you ever thought you would.

your curiousity towards her didn't die after you kissed. you never stopped wondering. even when you had been on multiple dates already, even when she had told you all of her dreams. her real dreams. how she maybe wanted to move somewhere else someday and buy a house of her own. how her favorite song currently switched from 'blurry by puddle of mudd' to 'girl like me by pink pantheress'.

hm, interesting.

you glance at her. silence had taken over for a while, something that happened a lot when you two talked.

"do you like the summertime?" you quirk, eyes find her kind ones. she scrunches her nose at you, not really thinking much about the question. her hand gently squeezes your waist, thumb rubbing soothing circles on your skin. she hums in thought, letting the question sit.

"yea, it's nice." she tilts her head a little, shrugging as an answer.

you hum.

"fall's better though. think it's my favorite." she finishes, pressing a gentle kiss to your head.

you bite your lip to hide your smile, gripping her just a little tighter than before. she feels it and sighs, resting her head against yours.

i think i'm fallling

i'm falling for you

you both were already too far gone.

—

the end!