shut up

“i love hearing what u gotta say but rn im balancing a bloody tissue in my labia so like gimme a sec”

having a sideblog for extra specific shit is nice an all but i think im just gonna soft block young ppl on my blog and that includes charlie and maybe lia too

last night i dozed off on the floor on Es pillow after picking my lip to absolute shit and i got blood all over the fucking place💀bruh i feel so bad, i gotta replace her pillow fs but mostly bec it scared the shit outta her, she woke me up because there was blood all around my mouth

so the thingim actually upset with her abt is that she and the gnomies planned a cookout (in our shared gc) and she reminded me abt it this morning….just to text me a while later trying to get me do other plans (aomrthing else going on tn) and eventually said she wanted us to have separate plans……..i talked with neon abt it because i felt crazy but isnt that mean af? at the very best its careless with my emotions. idk. neon assured me i wasnt being dramatic or too attached, even if its the case that she just. changed her mind after this morning. man idk. im so over feeling hurt, (and if im not feeling hurt im boiling with anger) yesterday the only thing that could calm me down was sh. ive been holding onto the last bit of my coke, its enough for one big line. maybe ill sesh and snort my line tonight

wow and now Charlies having their friend stay the night so I can’t even lose my mind without teenagers around what if I went to the roof and jumped

I can’t believe I did this I can’t believe I said this im so fucking stupid i feel like I just ripped my life apart

oh my godson so fucking stupid why did I suggest we needed to live apart oh god I can’t do this she’s gonna leave so soon

anxiety💨

bruh I just realized how are we gonna split up all the box sets we have☹️

man like who else is gonna quote random lotr lines with me all day long

shit neons leaving now if im gonna hot the bong i should do it

oh actually ill talk abt this, because i only really get to detail it out with eileen bec she was there, but aforementioned evil evil butch bf was totally absolutely 100% trying to get me to uproot my entire life and run away to him. He was setting me up a room and everything. And feeding me all this bs abt himself and his feelings (that were not actually ever being acted on) and all this bs abt E that wasn’t true, to get me to “disown” her and take the cat and leave NC. And move in with him in fucking indiana (and also-would he have expected me to uproot myself again when he eventually went to gsu?)

Ne is taking a little nap before coming over, i don’t really wanna smoke and maybe instead of go on a walk but it’s 100000 degrees out and my head is pounding from crying