50 shades of suck

My mom is visiting and she told me straight up she did not want to see it with me (editorial note: fair).

http://www.vanityfair.com/vf-hollywood/2015/01/fifty-shades-of-grey-sex-scenes?mbid=social_facebook

Well, here we are. Here it is. I have to say it doesn't look that bad to me! I mean, it doesn't look good, but it doesn't look bad.

One website I read posted, "Check out the NSFW trailer for Fifty Shades of Grey" and I clicked it and it was just the same trailer posted above. This trailer is extremely SFW. Like, I could see this movie with my parents. One time I saw that movie "A History of Violence" with my Dad in theaters and that was a real nightmare - Viggo Mortensen and Maria Bello 69 each other for like ten minutes.

The latest from Isabelle Esposito (@_50shadesofsuck).

Hey Guys!

Remember when I had twitter and E.L. James blocked me? Well for some reason I deactivated that account and now some other fucker has it, so I created a new one!

@_50shadesofsuck

Follow me so I can harass Ms. James again!

Love,

How is this possible? I read at one point that there were two versions of the movie being made, an R and an NC-17. I don't remember where I read that - maybe in a fever dream? Who knows. What I do know is that seeing Dakota Johnson naked may be worth price of admission but a tampon yank definitely is.

Why is this important? This is only the single-most important issue of Monday, December 2nd, 2013. Everybody knows Abby is the right woman for the...

Hello Friends,

It is with a heavy heart that I write this - Rita Ora has been cast a Mia Grey - Christian's "raven haired, tall, and curvaceous" sister. I don't know much about Rita other than the fact that she had a small cameo in FAST 6 and that she cheated on Rob Kardashian with Jonah Hill, but I do know this - she is NOT the right woman for the role. The only artist fit to play the volatile Mia is Miss Abby Lee Miller, star of DANCE MOMS. Anyone who has read my blog, so like maybe 100 people, knows how strongly I feel about this. Here are a few links that show my fiery devotion to having Miss Miller play the role:

http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/post/23059985767/a-young-woman-appears-out-of-the-throng-and-throws

http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/post/21345065928/elliots-in-construction-and-my-little-sister-is

http://50shadesofsuck.tumblr.com/post/21231650279/the-role-of-mia-grey

Please lend your support to making this change occur and sign my petition.

https://www.change.org/petitions/universal-pictures-recast-the-roll-of-mia-grey-and-offer-it-to-abby-lee-miller

Sincerely,

the world's worst author writes to the world's worst music.

http://perezhilton.com/2012-09-08-fifty-shades-of-grey-author-el-james-sex-scenes-music-black-eyed-peas-sexy/?more=yes#more-268129

also, this is conceptually one of my favorite snl sketches:

well well well. i had heard rumors about this because i am a very powerful and connected person in the entertainment industry*, but now it’s gone so far as to become actual speculation on deadline.

i didn't see angelina's directorial debut "the land of blood and honey", but that sounds gross and sexual, so i bet she will be very comfortable with another gross and sexual title.

guys - i finished blogging the books!

so listen, i'll keep updating this periodically with 50 SHADES related articles and thoughts, but it will not be as frequent. so this isn't goodbye, more of a see you later.

i'd love to do another book - maybe the next one EL James writes? if you have any suggestions let me know.

follow me on twitter as i will be doing twitter things like harassing people and getting blocked by el james and live tweeting OLD DOGS when it's on FX.