The Eye of the Storm

The connection between sense of smell, sound, and memories is honestly startling sometimes. When I started working at Shinola in June I used this specific lotion at my desk and I also listened to Lorde’s Melodrama album while I was retouching. I used that lotion today and my brain triggered those lyrics. I had no idea at the time how much I would learn and grow and make mistakes and learn more and grow more and more. I think June 2017 was the most impactful month of my life. At the time I had no idea I would make such great friends and I had absolutely no idea that it was the true start of my career. The only thing I regret was crushing on someone who kinda crushed me. When I smell that scent and hear the lyrics of Supercut I see this flash of moments in the hallway and it’s way more painful than it should be. Because here are all of these amazing work memories with tainted scattered moments of a false hope that I couldn’t see through. I know that there is heart break much much worse out there, but for a girl who has only ever been teased with the thought of love, it feels shattering. I can handle rejection, but I can’t handle the tease. It really, really hurt me this last time around and I can’t seem to get get over it no matter how hard I try. When I see him in the hallway now my brain wants to see the person I met in June, not the person who broke my heart in January. (UGH SO DRAMATIC, but this is how I feel). So now when I smell this scent and hear these lyrics I shiver with a weird combination of pure joy and pure pain.