alistair

Himei’s suppressed laugh comes out as a puff of warm air against Tov’s cheek.

“Don’t sell yourself so short. You belong on that stage just as much as the rest of us, if not more.” She says. “Whoever they put you up against, you’re going to shine no matter what.”

Even if they put me up against you?

Tov buries the thought.

“Do you think I can win?” She asks instead.

Himei reaches for her hand and squeezes tight. “I don’t just think you can win. I know you can win.”

Her tone leaves no room for doubt.

Himei knows I can win.

The surety in her voice stirs something warm in Tov’s chest.

She looks back to meet Himei’s gaze and squeezes her hand in return, cheeks flushed, “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

Himei smiles in that little way she did when they were alone.

The gentle smile reserved only for her.

Another secret they shared among countless others.

“You are a force of nature, Tov.” Himei says. “All you have to do is show them what you’re made of.”

———

Tov saw red.

Through the haze of the sedative, there were segyein everywhere she looked.

Too many eyes.

Too many teeth.

They poked and prodded at her like she was their own pet project to do with as they pleased.

They knowingly put her through one of the most traumatic experiences of her life.

They disrespected every dead person she’d ever cared for.

And they were expecting her to take it.

Get away—

Get the fuck away from me!

Her hands were tied down to the chair.

She fought back, kicking and grunting, to the alarm of the researchers.

“She overrode the simulation!” One of them shouted.

Tov wriggled free of her arm restraints and tore off her oxygen mask.

Himei’s last words echoed in her mind.

“Show them what you’re made of.”

I sure fucking will.

With a sharp tug, Tov pulled the electrodes off of her scalp and sat up.

She ripped the IV lines out of her arms despite the pain.

“Call Agent Irin now!” A tall researcher called over their shoulder.

They tried to force the oxygen mask back onto Tov’s face, leaning on an elevated metal instrument tray for leverage.

Tov caught the glimmer of a scalpel on the tray and snatched it.

With a flick of her wrist, she flipped the sharp edge around and rammed it through the back of the segyein’s hand.

They let out a high pitched shriek as blue blood began to spew.

Her feet were still free and she kicked them hard center mass.

They doubled over in pain, and Tov reared back to kick them again, square in the face.

There was a crunch beneath the sole of her boot, and they fell to the floor in a heap, bleeding and wailing.

Chaos erupted in the testing room.

Some segyein stumbled over each other to flee.

A long tentacle reached out to grab hold of her from her left and Tov bit down on it as hard as she could.

Black fluid oozed out of soft tissue.

The segyein’s scream curdled.

Tov let go, only to spit the fluid that had gotten into her mouth in their face.

They stumbled back, shouting in their native language; something that rang in her ears, loud and obnoxious.

She grabbed the instrument tray and bashed them over the head.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six—

Each thud sounded louder than the last.

Another researcher tried to close in.

Tov retaliated by throwing the tray at their face, hitting them between their two sets of eyes.

She leapt over the back of the exam chair and grabbed the bloody scalpel that had fallen on the floor during the struggle.

With the pointed edge directed at the three remaining researchers, Tov bared her teeth.

“Stay the fuck away from me!”

Two more segyein entered the chaos, hulking in stature and dressed like guards; armed with electrified batons.

One of them spoke in a garbled voice.

“Subject-020547, stand down at once!”

But Tov wasn’t going down so easily.

She ran towards the row of counters on the right wall and hurled everything that wasn’t nailed down at the guards.

Glass vials, sharp medical tools, bottles of various chemicals and solutions.

“Fuck off!” She shouted, chucking a portable oxygen compressor at them.

The guards dodged her projectiles and moved forward.

Tov lunged, ready to meet them with murder in her eyes and fire in her bones.

But a pair of arms grabbed her from behind.

They lifted her off the ground, limbs flailing, a guttural roar in her throat.

“Fuck you! Fuck all of you!” Tov screamed, loud enough to shatter glass and burst eardrums.

“I’ll kill everyone in this room!”

And she meant it.

Tov had never taken a life before, but in the moment it seemed so easy.

Segyein had killed countless humans before her.

Crushing their lives like they meant nothing.

What was stopping her from doing the same thing?

Decency?

Humanity?

Fuck all of that.

The gaping maw in her chest wanted blood.

Tov struggled to break free, writhing and enraged.

She wanted to make them all suffer.

Just like they made her suffer.

The way she was still suffering.

“Let me go!” She shouted. “Let me go right now!”

But the hold was ironclad, even as she scratched and tried to bite.

A needle pierced the skin of her neck.

Fuck—

Tov hissed, gritting her teeth as liquid flooded her bloodstream, burning like flesh over an open flame.

Whatever it was, it was strong.

Stronger than anything she’d been injected with before.

It drained all of the fight out of her.

Her legs gave out immediately, but the arms wrapped around her middle kept her from hitting the ground.

“It’s okay, Tov.” Someone said. “Sleep.”

She held onto consciousness for a few more seconds — trying to resist — before she couldn’t hold on any longer.

———

Tov shot up with a gasp, clutching her neck.

No pain.

No stinging.

Not even a patch to cover the injection site.

Just hot skin and a thundering pulse.

She was in a bed that wasn’t hers.

In a bedroom that wasn’t hers either.

Everything felt slightly off.

The room was too quiet.

The sheets chafed against her skin.

And Tov couldn’t shake the feeling that she wasn’t supposed to be here.

It was dark; only a faint blue light came streaming in through the blinds of the window nearby.

But she could see the outline of a door on the other side of the room.

She threw off the sheets and tried the knob, expecting it to be locked.

To her surprise, it opened with ease and she stumbled out into another room.

There was a living area off to her left, with a couch, some beanbag chairs, and a television.

And a kitchen with a small dining table on her right.

Was this another part of the AREPH facility?

It was far too comfortable and spacious to be a holding cell.

The door across the way from her opened, spilling soft, warm light into the room.

And Tallis stepped out.

“T-Tallis?” His name tumbled out of her mouth, uncoordinated and almost unfamiliar.

Tov couldn’t believe it.

She didn’t believe it.

There was no way this was her Tallis.

But…

He looked just like him.

Same face.

Same eyes.

The only difference was that this Tallis had his braids parted neatly.

Tov had once braided his hair like that when they were teenagers.

Too much time spent practicing the harp made his fingers ache so much he couldn’t braid on his own.

She watched him struggle only for a minute before intervening with a quiet but firm “let me do it.”

Tallis sat on the ground in front of her chair, her legs swung over each of his shoulders; his hand latched on to one of her ankles.

Himei let her borrow her comb to make each part line straight and each section of hair even.

“You’re very meticulous, Tov.” Himei said, resting her chin on her shoulder.

It sounded like high praise.

Tov blinked away the memory.

The Tallis before her spoke.

“Another bad dream?”

He said it like she had those often.

She just nodded.

It was easier to go along with whatever he thought than try to explain anything.

Where would she even start?

Tallis stuck his hands in his sweatshirt, emblazoned with a large blue and red logo that read “N.A.S.A.,” and nodded toward the room behind him.

“Alright, come on in.”

She stood still for just a moment, before following him inside.

The walls were cream colored and covered in posters.

Tov couldn’t make out any of the words written on them in the dim lighting.

Grey curtains shut out the light from the window, matching the grey sheets on the bed.

The desk next to the bed was littered with sheets of music and half finished compositions, illuminated by the warm lamp on its edge.

Tallis let Tov crawl into bed first, closest to the wall.

But when he turned off the lamp and settled in next to her, he didn’t keep a respectable distance like usual.

Instead, he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close.

With her ear pressed to his sternum, she could feel his heart beating.

His heartbeat is the same too…

Tears prickled in her eyes, her chest constricting.

Please let this be real…

Please please please…

She nuzzled her face against his chest and inhaled deeply.

He smelled like an evergreen forest after a soaking rain.

The warmth of his body melted the tension in her shoulders.

Sleep called to her.

Tov resisted.

“Where’s Himei?” She asked.

“She’s around here somewhere. Don’t worry. Just rest for now.”

“But—”

“Sleep, starlight.” Tallis said gently.

Tov’s heart stuttered at the nickname.

He’s never called me that before…

She clutched his sweatshirt tight in her hands, “You won’t leave, right?”

“It’s my bed.” He said dryly.

Tov rolled her eyes half way, “I meant… you won’t leave me?”

“Why are you so worried about me leaving all of the sudden?” Tallis asked.

She could hear the frown in his voice.

Tov looked up to meet his gaze, concern brimming in his eyes; pinched between his brows.

Because you’ve already left me once.

And even if you’re still alive, you’re not with me now.

I don’t know where you are or how to get to you.

I can’t do this without you.

All of the words cluttered up in the back of her mouth, but she couldn’t get any of them out.

“Bad dream.” She muttered, tucking her head under his chin and closing her eyes.

“Well, I’m not leaving.” He said after a moment. “And even if I did, I would always come back to you and Himei.”

“Really?” She asked.

Tallis hummed in confirmation.

“I think that no matter where we are — or what lifetime it is — the three of us will always find our way back to each other.” He said. “We’re cosmically linked.”

“I thought you didn’t like the stars.”

Tallis huffed a little laugh, “You and Himei changed my mind about them.”

“Now go to bed. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Tov asked.

Tallis didn’t hesitate.

“I promise.”

———

Tov woke up on the floor.

Her hands were locked together with magnetic cuffs and a collar fit snug around her neck.

Tallis was gone.

So was his warmth.

Pain bloomed in every muscle and every bone in her body.

Memories of what led her here came back in fragments.

Blood.

Broken glass.

Sharp teeth and sharp objects.

She was paralyzed under the weight of the sedative, but she could still move her eyes.

The room was small, white, and sterile.

This must be an isolation cell…

It was completely empty, save for her and… something…

Out of the corner of her eye, a figure sat cross-legged; silent and waiting.

All white clothes, short dark hair, dark eyes—

Tov’s breath caught in her throat.

No.

Not dark eyes.

Blue eyes.

Azure looked down at Tov with a flat, dispassionate gaze and a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“Hello.”

————————————————————

TOV CRASHOUT!!!!! WE DID IT YALL!!!!

And obviously I support her all of her wrongs without hesitation 🙂↕️

Also! Azure is here!! Well, a hallucination of him, at least.

I’m sure it’ll be fine…

Thank you to @nottoonedin for beta reading some of this log 💜

Himei and Tallis belong to @lookatmysillies.

Azure belongs to @4listr (HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY AZURE!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳)